by HC Warner
‘Bella!’ Ben looked genuinely enraged and I wondered if I might have gone too far. ‘They are not arseholes. Matt has been my friend since I was seven and Freya is lovely.’
I pulled a face. ‘Ugh. You’re not twelve, Ben!’
Ben shook his head. ‘You did this the last time they came round. They’ll know you’re not really sick.’
My mind raced. Oh yes, that was the time he invited them round for a takeaway without consulting me. ‘I think you’ll find I spent the evening in hospital because I thought I was losing our baby!’ I yelled, raging with genuine indignation. It didn’t matter that I had actually spent the evening having sex with Marcus. The point was that Ben believed that I had spent the evening in hospital, yet he had the cheek to accuse me of faking it.
Ben’s eyes widened with panic. ‘Shhhh, Bella! Stop yelling.’ His eyes kept darting towards the front door and I suspected he had heard them coming through the gate. ‘OK, OK, I’ll tell them it’s not convenient.’
I smiled to myself as the doorbell rang, pleased with my little victory. I walked to the bedroom window and looked out from behind the curtain. Matt and Freya were having a furtive conversation and Matt seemed nervous as he shuffled from foot to foot, a large bag of supplies in his hand. Freya had a look on her face that I didn’t like one bit. She looked determined. Well, I was determined too. So we’d soon wipe that look off her face.
I moved into the hallway, out of sight of Matt and Freya but just a couple of feet away from Ben. I shot him a warning look as he opened the door.
‘Hey, mate!’ I heard Matt say in an overly jolly voice. ‘Good to see you. I’ve brought the usual supplies!’
‘Uh, yeah. Look I’m sorry, guys, it’s not a great time …’
Jesus, Ben was such a hopeless actor. He needed to be a lot more convincing than that.
‘Oh! Sorry, mate, I must have got the date wrong,’ Matt replied. ‘I thought we’d arranged today.’
‘We did,’ Freya cut in. ‘What’s the problem, Ben?’
I didn’t like her tone at all. Ben glanced over his shoulder at me nervously, before closing the door a fraction more. ‘Bella’s not feeling too good.’
‘What’s the matter with her?’
God, she was rude! For all she knew, I could be really unwell. ‘Um,’ Ben stuttered. ‘She’s … er, she’s just …’
‘She’s refusing to see us, isn’t she?’ Although I was annoyed, a small part of me was glad that she’d got the message that I didn’t like them.
‘Freya!’ Matt admonished her but she was having none of it.
‘I’m right, aren’t I, Ben?’ she demanded.
Ben sighed and ran his hand through his hair the way he always did when he was flustered. ‘No, Freya, you’re not right … She’s just not very well.’
‘How very convenient! Ever since you met her, Ben, she’s been trying to cut you off from us. And your family …’
‘She’s fine with my family, actually,’ Ben interrupted, making me smile with satisfaction. Finally, he was standing up for me.
‘Is she?’ Freya stormed. ‘Because that’s not what you told me when we had lunch …’
I gasped. He didn’t tell me he had lunch with her! As the red mist descended, I stepped into view behind him. ‘Ben! Can you close the door, please, you’re letting in a draught.’
‘Hi, Bella, you look well?’ Freya snapped, her voice dripping with sarcasm.
I felt like hitting her. She was such a bitch, acting like she owned Ben and treating me like some kind of interloper into their cosy little threesome.
I stared her out for a few seconds, just to unnerve her, before I answered, ‘Actually, I’m not well. Ben, close the door, please.’
Ben hesitated. ‘I’m really sorry, guys,’ he said in a pathetic, pleading tone. ‘Let’s rearrange for another time, eh?’
Matt nodded unhappily and began to turn away but Freya stood her ground. ‘There won’t be another time, Ben! Don’t you see what she’s doing? For Christ’s sake, why don’t you grow a pair? Matt is your oldest friend and you’re treating him like dirt! Shame on you!’ With that, she reached for Matt’s hand and together they walked away. Ben and I watched them go and as they reached the end of the path, I leaned over Ben’s shoulder and slammed the door as hard as I could.
Ben paused for a split second, before he turned around to face me. He was so weak. I glared at him in fury. I couldn’t believe that he had gone behind my back to have lunch with Freya. And more to the point, I couldn’t believe that he had managed to keep it from me.
‘So you had lunch with Freya, did you?’ I folded my arms to quell the massive urge I had to punch his idiotic face. ‘You obviously forgot to mention it.’
‘I didn’t forget to mention it, Bella. It was just that I knew how you’d react, so I deliberately didn’t tell you. Anyway, it wasn’t arranged. I just bumped into her and we had a sandwich, that’s all. No big deal.’
I didn’t believe that for one second. The only way they’d have bumped into each other is if they had arranged it. ‘No bloody big deal? You having lunch with another woman behind my back and moaning about me?’
Ben closed his eyes, aggravating me even further. ‘For a start, Freya is not “another woman”. I have known her for so long that she’s more like a sister. And I wasn’t moaning about you.’
He obviously thought that I was born yesterday. ‘Then what did she mean about your family and me not being fine with them?’
Ben’s eyes slid away and he paused, as if considering whether to say what he was about to say. ‘It was just that she was a bit shocked that Mum and Dad hadn’t seen the baby at that point.’
My stomach dropped slightly. ‘Why did you tell her?’
Ben sighed. ‘Because she asked. Honestly, Bella, you’re making a mountain out of a molehill here.’
‘Well, I just don’t like the thought of you talking about me behind my back. Anyway,’ I continued, keen to get him back on the subject of how awful Matt and Freya were, ‘I was obviously right about Freya and Matt not liking me. You heard the way she spoke to me.’
Ben sighed, as if he had the weight of the world on his shoulders. ‘Well, they’ve gone now, so you can go back to bed and sleep off whatever lurgy you’ve picked up.’
Ha! I’d won. I was fairly certain that was the last we’d be seeing of Matt and Freya. ‘No, it’s fine,’ I said, flashing him a brilliant smile. ‘I feel much better now.’
I was sitting at the kitchen table, with Elodie lying in her baby gym, gurgling happily and kicking her legs wildly, when the landline rang. I picked up the handset and glanced idly at the caller display. Ugh, it was Jo. There was no way I was going to answer it, so I put the handset back down and carried on reading the article on my phone.
‘Why are you ignoring the phone, darling?’ said Ben, as he raced into the kitchen and snatched up the handset, just before it went to the Ansaphone.
I gave a tiny smile but didn’t answer him.
‘Hi, Mum, how are you?’ he said cheerfully, before pausing to listen. ‘Don’t be daft.’ He frowned. ‘Is everything all right?’
I looked up at him, my senses suddenly on high alert, as his legs seemed to buckle and he slumped down on a chair. ‘A heart attack? Shit. How serious?’
It felt as though my own heart had stopped in sympathy. Had Peter had a heart attack? He couldn’t have. It just wasn’t possible.
I watched Ben intently, searching for clues as to what might have happened. He was swallowing hard and trying to keep calm. ‘Right, don’t worry, I will be there as soon as I can. Which hospital? OK. Get yourself a coffee and I’ll be there in a couple of hours. Does Emma know?’
It was obviously Peter. And it sounded serious if Ben had to dash off immediately. He spoke for a few more minutes before telling Jo he loved her and hanging up. All the colour had drained from his face and he looked as if his legs had turned to jelly.
‘What’s happened? Is it your dad?’
I asked, slightly unnecessarily.
Ben nodded his affirmation, clearly fighting back tears. I wanted to cry myself through shock and, inexplicably, anger at Peter. How dare he do this? I walked over and wrapped my arms around Ben, as much for my own benefit as his.
Ben took a deep breath and gave me a slightly apologetic look. ‘I need to call Emma and go.’
I nodded, still too stunned to take it in. ‘Of course you do. Let me know the second you have any news.’
Ben nodded. ‘Of course. Just keep an eye on our baby girl while I’m gone.’ He knelt on the floor and kissed Elodie, who beamed up at him with a gummy smile.
‘I will,’ I assured him, wanting him to get out of the flat and get to the hospital as soon as possible. ‘And we’ll be waiting for you when you get back.’
Chapter Twenty-Five
After Ben left, I sat at the kitchen table, staring into space until Elodie started to whinge and my coffee had gone cold. My thoughts were in turmoil, wondering what was happening with Peter. My heart pounded violently every time I remembered Ben’s conversation with his mum. It sounded serious.
Eventually, I felt that I couldn’t stay in the flat a moment longer. I changed and fed Elodie, then put her into her pram and strode out into the sunshine, not sure where I was going or what I was doing. I kept walking and before I knew it, I was standing outside Peter’s old apartment block, where we had spent so many happy times together. It was where we had conceived Elodie.
I sat on a bench and stared up at the rather clinical façade of the building, trying to remember which window was his. I had genuinely imagined moving in here with him, us making a life together. God, I was so stupid. It felt as if there was a slab of concrete weighing heavily on my chest and I knew it was guilt. I tried to swallow it down, reassuring myself that he had behaved much worse than me. He had used me and then cast me aside when I had outlived my appeal. He had thought I was as disposable as a piece of trash that he could bin and then forget about.
I knew without a doubt that his heart attack had been caused by the stress of his situation and I did feel bad about it. But I only did what I did because I was so hurt. He was the first man I had ever loved and, like an idiot, I thought he felt the same way, but the truth was I was just one in a long line of silly, available women who fell for his charms. The only difference was that I refused to let him get away with it, as the others had clearly done, for years.
I refused to allow a scintilla of acknowledgement that he might die seep into my thoughts. He was too fit and healthy. He would pull through, of course he would. But what would happen then? Would a brush with death force him to come clean about what he’d done? Suddenly, a horrible thought occurred to me, that he might feel the urge to confess everything with his family gathered around his bedside. Where the hell would that leave me then? Where would it leave Elodie?
And then, right at the very back of my mind, lurked a tiny hope that maybe it would cause Peter to realize that life is too short and that he should be with me and Elodie after all. He obviously wasn’t happy or satisfied with Jo or he wouldn’t have had so many flings behind her back. This scare might make him reassess and grab the opportunity.
Inexplicably, I felt furious with Ben. He was the biggest obstacle to that ever happening, as Peter wouldn’t be able to bear to hurt him. I was beginning to hate him. He was such a drip compared to Peter and everything he did annoyed me.
Clouds were beginning to smear the pale blue sky and a strong breeze was starting to make it feel chilly. I was about to stand up to leave, when I felt the weight of someone sitting down on the bench beside me. ‘Hello,’ said a male voice that I didn’t recognize, in a way that suggested he recognized me.
I looked over at him curiously, trying to place him. He had blond curly hair and a pleasant, vaguely familiar face. ‘Hello? Do I know you?’
He smiled easily. ‘No. Not really. I moved into to your boyfriend’s flat.’
It took a moment for me to register that he was referring to Peter as my boyfriend. ‘Ah, yes, of course. Sorry about that evening by the way. It was just a bit of a shock to find he’d gone.’
‘I can imagine. And don’t apologize. I’m just glad you were OK. You worried me for a moment there.’ He nodded towards Elodie’s pram. ‘Presumably that was part of the reason you felt a bit faint, too?’
I bit the inside of my cheek, not entirely sure I wanted him to know that Peter was the father of my child. ‘Uh, maybe …’ I gave a vague wave of my hand, before changing the subject. ‘I’m amazed you recognized me, after all this time.’
He grinned mischievously. ‘I never forget a pretty face. And yours is prettier than most, to be honest.’
I smiled broadly. Clearly, I still had it. ‘Thank you.’ I dropped my eyes demurely.
‘So what brings you here today, sitting on a bench, staring up at my windows?’
I wondered whether to tell him the truth but something stopped me. It made me sound a bit weird. Like a stalker. ‘I was just out for a walk and needed to sit down. It was only when I looked up that I remembered that this was where Pe— um, my ex, used to live.’
He nodded. ‘And did you ever see him again, after he moved out?’
I laughed and nodded. ‘Well, yes, actually. Yes, I did.’ Our eyes met and we both grinned. He had a nice face, if a little bit haughty-looking. ‘It’s complicated.’
He squinted at me curiously, as if deciding whether to probe further. ‘But you referred to him as your “ex”, so presumably you’re not together now?’
‘Um, no. Not exactly. He’s still in my life … but as I said, it’s complicated.’
He nodded, apparently satisfied. ‘I’m not sure you ever told me your name?’ He raised his eyebrows quizzically as he spoke.
‘Bella.’
He nodded. ‘Of course it is. It means “beautiful” in Italian.’
If I’d had a pound for every man who’d used that line on me, I would be a multi-millionaire. But after so long, it felt good to have someone hitting on me again, so I smiled encouragingly. ‘It does indeed. And what’s your name? Bello?’
He laughed, showing straight, white teeth. ‘My name apparently means “brave lion” – I’m Leo.’
He looked like a Leo with his mane of blond curls. ‘Kind of appropriate, I’d say. It suits you.’
He gave me a sidelong glance, as if to gauge whether I was giving him the come-on or not. ‘Thanks. So, listen, Bella, it’s getting a bit chilly. Would you like me to buy you lunch somewhere nice?’
I thought for a moment. The day was suddenly taking a very surreal turn but at least it took my mind off Peter for a while. ‘Sure, as long as you don’t mind having a chaperone in a pram?’
His eyes darted towards Elodie, as if he had completely forgotten she was there and for a second, there was a flicker of doubt. My heart sank. I had begun to feel excited at the prospect of a flirtatious lunch with a handsome stranger. But just as quickly, the doubt faded and he stood up. ‘Of course I don’t mind,’ he said. ‘Who could possibly object to dining with two beautiful women instead of one? Would you like me to push?’ he offered, gesturing towards the pram.
I smiled, amazed at how the day was panning out. ‘I’d like that very much,’ I said, falling into step beside him, all thoughts of Peter now pushed firmly to the back of my mind.
‘I suppose I had better be getting back …’ I propped myself up on one elbow and looked at the bedside clock, shocked to see that it was almost 7 p.m.
Leo traced a finger from my breast down to my hip, gazing appreciatively at my body with hungry eyes. We had enjoyed a long, champagne-fuelled lunch at a beautiful restaurant in the shadow of Tower Bridge, then walked back to his apartment, without either of us questioning that we would be going to bed together. I parked Elodie’s pram in the spare room, where, exhausted from missing her usual lunchtime nap, she promptly fell asleep, leaving Leo and me to indulge in a surprisingly energetic and erotically charged few hours of se
x. It felt so good to have sex with someone new and exciting, after putting up with Ben’s infuriatingly tender advances for all this time, and it had enhanced my mood enormously.
‘Don’t go yet.’ Leo fixed me with a wolfish stare and I could see that he was already erect again. His athleticism was impressive, considering we had already made love four times. He leaned over to kiss me and I just was succumbing to him once more, when Elodie’s cries rang out through the flat.
‘Sorry. I’m afraid that’s my alarm call.’ I rolled away from him and swung my legs over the side of the bed. ‘But thank you for today, it was just what I needed.’
Leo smiled sleepily. ‘Me too. Maybe we could do it again sometime?’
I looked down at him with a non-committal shrug. ‘Maybe.’
He sat up in bed and reached for a pack of cigarettes on the bedside table. He lit one and inhaled deeply. ‘Is there someone waiting for you at home?’ he looked up at me through a veil of smoke as he exhaled.
‘There might be,’ I replied, adopting a casual tone and glancing down at my wedding ring. ‘Depends whether he’s home yet.’
Leo smiled and nodded his understanding. ‘Gotcha.’
As I left the flat, pushing Elodie in her pram along the hallway towards the lift, I pulled my phone out of my bag. I had one missed called from Ben and I felt a spike of relief. If there had been anything seriously wrong with Peter, he would have called more than once.
I stood in the lift, staring at myself in the mirrored walls, thinking about all the other times I had left this flat after an afternoon or evening of illicit sex. Today with Leo had been a fun distraction but still, even now, no one compared to Peter. I wondered if anyone ever would. There was something about him that just clicked for me and I still felt a physical ache for him, even after all this time.
Back home, I bathed Elodie and put her to bed, then had a long, hot shower myself, washing away all traces of Leo, just in case Ben came home without warning. As it seemed as if Peter was OK, there was no reason for him to stay overnight.