by HC Warner
It had always been such a warm, vibrant and inviting place, full of laughter, celebration and fun. But even by the time of the funeral, it already felt like a shell of its former self. With Peter gone, it was as if the heart and soul had been ripped from its beautiful walls and it was just a building where a pall of sadness hung in the air. At least back then, the summer sun provided some warmth, but with autumn’s smoky dampness now in the air, it looked as cold as it felt.
Shivering, Charlotte took her bag from the boot and crunched her way over the gravel towards the heavy, grey-painted front door. Just as she was about to ring the bell, it swung open and Jo stood in front of her. ‘Charlie!’ she cried, reaching out to embrace Charlotte in a tight hug. ‘I am so happy to see you.’
Charlotte hugged her in return, aware of how diminished Jo seemed since she had last seen her. She pulled back and looked at her closely. ‘Hello, Jo. It’s good to see you too, although you’ve lost too much weight.’
Jo smiled, but the smile didn’t reach her blue eyes, which had dulled and lost their sparkle. ‘You sound like Emma. She’s always telling me that, too – talk about ironic.’
Charlotte grinned ruefully. Emma’s anorexia had stabilized in recent years and she seemed to have got it under control but none of them would ever forget the horror of when she was in its fiercest grip.
‘Anyway, come on in!’ Jo motioned with her arm and ushered Charlotte into the cool flag-stoned entrance.
Charlotte followed her down the long hallway towards the kitchen, thinking how tiny she looked in such a vast space. The house had never seemed too big when there were lots of them to fill it but with just Jo there, it felt enormous and echoey.
Charlotte perched at the island while Jo made her a cup of tea. ‘Matt and Freya aren’t far behind me. They’ll be here in about an hour.’
Jo nodded as she put a mug in front of Charlotte. ‘I can’t wait to see them. And meet Bertie – it’ll be so lovely to have children here again …’ Her voice dropped away and Charlotte could tell that she was thinking about Elodie.
‘Do you not see much of Elodie?’ Charlotte took a sip of her tea, savouring its comforting warmth. Jo always did make the best cup of tea.
Jo perched on a stool and shook her head sadly. ‘Only on FaceTime. When Bella’s out, presumably.’
Charlotte’s insides constricted with guilt. ‘I’m so sorry, Jo. I don’t know what to say.’
Jo shrugged. ‘There’s nothing anyone can say. But,’ she adopted a stoic expression, ‘you being here is such a wonderful tonic. Makes me feel like I’m not completely alone.’
‘I wish you’d called me sooner.’
Jo nodded. ‘So do I, but I couldn’t face the embarrassment of admitting that I haven’t seen my own son for months.’
‘You must have seen them at Christmas, though?’
Jo shook her head. ‘No. Ben got so panicked when I suggested that they might come here that I didn’t push it. He seems in such a bad way, Charlie …’ Tears that Charlotte could see were never far from the surface spilled down Jo’s cheeks and she swept them away, looking defeated.
‘In a bad way … how? Do you mean he seems depressed?’ Charlotte pictured Ben on the day of the funeral. Even back then he had looked different but she couldn’t put her finger on exactly what had changed. He seemed anxious, which was understandable on the day of his father’s funeral. But it was more than that.
Jo sighed and blew her nose. ‘Yes, he does seem depressed. But he also looks haunted, somehow. Even a bit scared.’
‘Scared of what? Bella?’ Charlotte couldn’t comprehend how a big man like Ben could possibly be scared of someone as slim and delicate-looking as Bella.
Jo nodded. ‘Yes, Bella. I know it sounds crazy but I’ve been on the receiving end of her tongue and she is pretty terrifying when she wants to be.’
‘She was certainly very cold and unfriendly at the funeral,’ Charlotte agreed. ‘I thought it might just be because she didn’t want to engage with an ex, which is fair enough, I suppose.’
Jo gave a mirthless laugh. ‘It’s not just you, believe me. She doesn’t want to engage with anyone from Ben’s side of the family. Or his friends.’
Charlotte nodded. ‘Yes, that’s true. Matt and Freya are so upset at the way he allowed her to cut them out of his life. Well, Matt’s upset. Freya’s just absolutely bloody furious.’
‘Have they not heard from him at all? Even since Bertie was born?’
Charlotte shook her head. ‘Nope. Not a word. Matt is unbelievably hurt.’ She stopped talking, suddenly aware that it must be so much worse for Jo.
There was a moment of silence, as they both contemplated the situation.
‘Do you think he seems happy with her?’ Charlotte wanted to see if she could find some ray of light to give Jo, who looked utterly desperate and forlorn.
Jo shook her head. ‘No. After the first time he brought her home, he never seemed happy again.’
‘God. That’s so sad.’ Charlotte could feel the tears welling up and for the millionth time, cursed herself for letting him go. Jo, noticing her tears, handed her a tissue, which she took gratefully. ‘And what was she like towards you and Peter?’
Jo paused, thinking. ‘Well, Peter didn’t like her.’
Charlotte wiped her eyes. ‘Really?’ She took some satisfaction in that. Peter had loved Charlotte and she had loved him. ‘I never knew Peter have a bad word to say about anyone.’
‘No,’ Jo agreed. ‘Even from that first visit, when she was on her best behaviour, he said he didn’t like her. I didn’t like her either, but I ignored the signs, for Ben’s sake …’ She looked into the distance. ‘I couldn’t bear to see him hurt any more. That was a mistake. I should have told him then and there.’
Charlotte reached out and took Jo’s hand across the island. ‘What difference would it have made? Ben’s a grown man and you can’t tell him who to love and not love.’
‘No, I suppose you’re right. But I really do believe that the stress of it all is what killed Peter. I just know that if you two had stayed together, then he’d still be alive today.’
‘Oh God, don’t say that!’ Charlotte cried. ‘I feel bad enough as it is without having Peter’s death on my conscience too!’
Jo squeezed Charlotte’s hand. ‘I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it like that, Charlie. I don’t blame you. I’ve never blamed you for any of it. I blame her.’
‘Well,’ Charlotte sighed heavily. ‘You might not blame me but I do blame myself for breaking up with Ben in the first place. I never stopped loving him, so I promise you, Jo, I am going to do everything I can to help put things right.’
Jo smiled and for the first time, Charlotte could see a spark of hope in her eyes.
Jo and Charlotte had prepared a huge pan of spaghetti bolognese and were halfway through a bottle of red wine, by the time the doorbell chimed, heralding Matt and Freya’s arrival.
‘I’ll go!’ Jo leaped off her stool and raced towards the front door.
Charlotte smiled to herself. Jo’s loneliness clung to her like a cloak of cobwebs and it was lovely to see her shaking them off, even for a short while.
‘Well, this is a sight for sore eyes!’ Matt came bustling into the kitchen, along with a sleeping Bertie in his car-seat and what seemed like dozens of bags stuffed with baby-themed paraphernalia. Freya followed behind him, beaming proudly.
Charlotte hugged them both tightly, before crouching down to look at Bertie. Even in the two weeks since she had last seen him, he seemed to have grown and his downy dark hair was becoming fairer and thicker. ‘Oh, I could eat him!’ she exclaimed, stroking his velvety cheek.
‘Yeah, I could too, I’m so bloody hungry!’ Matt laughed.
Jo walked over to the Aga, where she stirred the simmering sauce. ‘Good, because I am counting on you guys to eat me out of house and home this weekend. It’s been too long since I’ve had a houseful to feed and I’m going to make the most of it!’
‘So,’ Freya took a sip of her coffee and looked across the vast dining table at Jo. ‘Let’s talk about the elephant in the room. What’s going on with Ben, then?’
Jo’s expression, which had lightened from the moment they arrived, suddenly dropped again. She stirred her coffee in its china cup and pursed her lips in contemplation. ‘I’m not entirely sure …’
‘Tell them what you’ve told me, Jo,’ Charlotte prompted her gently.
Jo nodded. ‘I haven’t seen him since the funeral …’ she began.
‘What!’ Freya gasped and looked aghast at Matt. ‘Not at all?’
‘Not in person, no,’ Jo said quietly. ‘The only time I see him – and Elodie – is when he calls on FaceTime. And even then it’s always very rushed. Bella is never there, which makes me think he waits until she’s gone out before calling me. If I ever call him, he only answers when he’s alone. I think she screens his calls to stop him speaking to me.’
Matt and Freya exchanged a knowing look. ‘That sounds familiar,’ Freya muttered under her breath.
‘And how does he seem, in himself?’ Matt cut in.
Jo sighed. ‘Unhappy. Anxious. Scared.’
Matt shook his head in disgust. ‘Jesus.’
‘Why doesn’t he just leave her?’ Freya threw her arms up in the air in exasperation.
‘Because of Elodie. He adores her.’ Jo looked from Freya to Matt. ‘As you both know, having a child changes everything.’
‘It didn’t change everything for me and Freya, though, did it, Charlie?’ Matt looked at Charlotte for affirmation. ‘We’re still the same as we were before we had Bertie, aren’t we?’
Charlotte nodded. ‘You are, but then again, you’re not married to Bella.’
‘Thank God!’ Matt snapped, before looking sheepishly at Jo. ‘Sorry, Jo.’
Jo waved away his apology. ‘No, don’t apologize, Matt. It’s the truth. She is a terrifying person and I think he’s genuinely scared of her, which just breaks my heart …’ She stopped speaking abruptly and put a hand over her mouth.
Matt shook his head, a grim expression on his face. ‘It’s a bad, bad situation. So what are we going to do about it?’
They all looked at each other across the table. Eventually Charlotte spoke. ‘Well, I think maybe we need to stage some sort of intervention, don’t we? We need to see him in person to find out what’s really going on.’
‘Pah, how do we do that if he’s never on his own without her?’ Freya replied.
‘He’s not with her when she’s at work all day, is he? We just need to get to him alone, so that we can suss out if he truly is unhappy, or scared, or whatever.’ Charlotte stopped to look at the others. ‘I know none of us wants to hear this, but there’s a possibility that he’s quite happy with how things are.’
‘No.’ Jo shook her head firmly. ‘I know Ben so well and I can see it in his eyes. He’s definitely not happy.’
‘OK, so let’s figure out how we’re going to get to him, then.’ Matt glanced at Freya. ‘One of us is going to have to go and see him while she’s at work. It can’t be Freya because she’s got Bertie in tow at the moment. I would love to do it but to be honest, I’m not sure he’ll want to see me. I think he might be too embarrassed.’
‘I agree,’ Jo cut in. ‘Which leaves Charlie and me.’ She paused and looked at Charlotte. ‘I think you might be the best option, Charlie, as he seems terrified of her finding out that he’s had any contact with me.’
‘I’m not sure she’ll be wild about him seeing me, either! So it will definitely have to be a covert operation.’ Charlotte tried to analyse how she felt about the prospect of seeing Ben again. She felt desperately sorry for him, if he was in a situation that he couldn’t get out of that was making him unhappy. But a small part of her felt angry with him, too, for cutting his mother out of his life when she needed him most. She couldn’t understand why he didn’t stand up to Bella more.
‘You live so much closer to them, too,’ Jo continued, clearly desperate for Charlotte to agree. ‘So you could just pop down and if Bella’s there, you can try again the next day. It’s not such a mammoth exercise.’
‘I suppose not,’ Charlotte conceded, already feeling a frisson of excitement. She felt certain that only she would be able to tell if he was happy or not. She had always been able to read him so well. ‘OK, I’ll do it,’ she said, her heart already beginning to race.
Chapter Thirty-One
Ben was even quieter than usual, as we ate breakfast the morning after his ‘accident’ with the plate. He gently tended to Elodie and made me coffee exactly as I like it, but he barely spoke and seemed deep in thought.
I watched him out of the corner of my eye, looking for any physical signs of injury and was relieved to see that there were none, although he kept touching the back of his head and wincing slightly. ‘What have you got planned today?’ I asked him, as I prepared to leave the house.
He lifted his dark eyes to meet mine and shrugged. ‘Not much. I think we’ll go to the park after breakfast if it’s not too cold.’
I nodded, grateful that I wasn’t the one who had to fill my days trying to keep a toddler entertained. I felt a sudden burst of affection for him and reached up to hug him. Instinctively, he flinched. ‘For God’s sake, Ben, don’t be so jumpy! I was just going to kiss you goodbye.’
A nervous half-smile played around his lips as he stepped forward, allowing me to embrace him.
‘Mummy hug!’ Elodie demanded from her high chair, making both Ben and I laugh.
I walked over and kissed the top of her head. ‘’Bye ’bye, my little missy-moo. Love you!’
‘Love ’oo,’ she parroted back, beaming through her mouthful of cereal.
‘What about you?’ Ben asked, as he walked me to the front door. ‘What are you up to today?’
It sounded like a loaded question. I fixed him with my brightest smile. ‘Oh, same old, same old … I won’t be late, though,’ I added, meaningfully.
He nodded his understanding and, in a move that was extremely rare these days, he bent to kiss me. I wrapped my arms around his neck and kissed him back, glad that he didn’t seem to be holding a grudge. After he closed the door behind me, I hesitated on the step, feeling guilty. I had come perilously close to inflicting a serious injury on him last night and I needed to be careful. I didn’t love Ben but I didn’t quite hate him either. I just despised him. I decided that I needed to do some damage limitation for a while, just to make sure that I kept him where I wanted him.
After driving to the station, I caught the train into London, thinking about Leo. I would have to tell him that we needed to cool it for a little while. I didn’t want to. He was sexy, exciting and dangerous – all of the things that Ben wasn’t. But after last night, I needed to launch a charm offensive to get Ben back onside and if he thought I was still seeing Leo, it wouldn’t work. I needed to show him that I was serious about us as a couple. In the past, I had always been able to work my magic, but I somehow felt that the seriousness of last night’s fight could be harder to put behind us, not to mention the texts from Leo.
I rang Leo as I was walking from the station to the office. ‘I hope you’re calling to tell me that we should meet at lunchtime to make up for last night,’ he purred. ‘Don’t bother wearing knickers.’
Just the sound of his deep, husky voice made my legs go weak. The thought of a lunchtime session at his flat was desperately appealing. ‘Sadly not. I’ve got a little, uh, problem at home … we might need to stop meeting for a while.’
There was a long, ominous pause. ‘I’m sure it’s nothing you can’t charm your way out of.’
‘Not easily. He saw your messages on my phone last night.’
There was another pause. ‘Ah, I see. So what did you do?’
‘I told him the truth. There wasn’t much else I could do, seeing as
I was caught, quite literally, with my pants down.’
Leo gave a mirthless laugh. ‘No, I suppose not. But there’s no need for us to stop seeing each other. We’ll just be more careful to make sure he doesn’t find out next time and even if he does, what’s he going to do? Kick you out? Leaving him with the baby that isn’t even his?’
I stopped walking, aware of tuts from other commuters, as they had to swerve to avoid me. A shudder of alarm passed through me. I had told Leo the truth about Elodie’s paternity one drunken evening when we were in bed together. Alcohol had loosened my tongue and when Leo asked how I’d ended up with Ben, when he clearly bored me rigid, I replied without thinking that I only got together with him to punish Peter for dumping me when I was pregnant with his child. He didn’t seem to register it at the time and hadn’t mentioned it since, so I’d hoped he’d forgotten, but clearly not.
‘I just think I need to be on my best behaviour for a few weeks, until it all blows over.’ I tried to keep the quaver out of my voice and sound more in control than I felt.
‘I don’t think you need to do any such thing. I think we should carry on exactly as we are.’
I didn’t like Leo’s tone. There was a hint of menace about it. ‘Not a good idea, Leo. At the moment, anyway. I’ll give you a call in a couple of weeks when everything has settled down.’
‘What makes you think I’m prepared to sit around waiting for you?’
Now there was more of a note of amusement in his voice and I breathed a sigh of relief. ‘I’ll just have to take my chances.’
I arrived in my office to find Marcus waiting for me, perched on my desk. I really needed to tell him to stop doing that. I wasn’t his bloody PA anymore. ‘Morning.’ I dropped my bag and sat down, eyeing him warily. ‘What’s up?’
Marcus examined his fingernails. ‘I just had a called from Leo Fox.’