by HC Warner
The damage was already done, he decided. Missing another few calls wouldn’t make any difference. She could wait. He climbed back up the stairs, his mood dampened by Bella’s messages. He walked back into the darkened nursery and forced a smile back on his face. ‘Sorry, I couldn’t find my phone. Right, let’s take some lovely pictures, shall we?’
Elodie was already dropping off to sleep in Jo’s arms and the sight of the two of them looking so sweet together made his heart clench with love. He clicked away, as Jo gently lifted her and placed her carefully into the cot-bed, as if she was handling the most delicate package in the world. When she had tucked her in, Jo leaned over and kissed her on the cheek, then ran her hand down the side of her tiny face, gazing at her in awe.
‘She’s perfect,’ she told Ben, as they crept out of the room and pulled the door behind them.
‘I think so,’ Ben agreed, smiling proudly, despite the gnawing worry about the messages that were waiting on his phone like an unexploded bomb.
As they reached the bottom of the stairs, his phone began to vibrate and he looked at Jo apologetically.
‘You answer it. I’ll make us some tea,’ she said, already heading for the kitchen.
Ben pressed the ‘accept’ button and raised the phone to his ear. ‘Hi, Bella,’ he began, in what he hoped was a steady voice.
‘Where are you? Why didn’t you answer your phone? I’ve been trying to call you!’ Bella sounded tearful and slightly panicked. But she also sounded muffled, as if she was in a bathroom or toilet.
‘What do you mean: “Where am I?” You know where I am. I’m at my mum’s.’ He glanced towards the kitchen where Jo was busy clattering cups and plates about, before heading into the dining room and closing the door behind him, preparing for the onslaught.
‘Why didn’t you answer your phone? I was trying to get hold of you.’ Ben could picture her narrowing her eyes with suspicion as she spoke.
‘Because I was upstairs with Mum, putting Elodie to bed and my phone was on silent downstairs. I didn’t hear it, that’s all.’ He tried to make his tone as non-confrontational as possible, to try to diffuse the situation. He couldn’t cope with a full-on row while his mum was in the next room.
There was a moment of hesitation. ‘Sorry, I was just worried. Ben, listen, I desperately need you to come home now.’
‘What?’
‘I need you to come home. I’m feeling so ill, Ben.’
There was a vulnerable, pleading tone to her voice. She sounded like a completely different person to the woman he had come to know – and fear – over the past year, and it threw him. ‘Well, what sort of ill?’
‘I’ve got terrible pains in my stomach and …’ There was a slight pause. ‘I’ve started bleeding.’ She paused again to let out a groan of agony. ‘I wonder if … if I might be having a miscarriage. Please, Ben, please could you come home? I wouldn’t ask if I didn’t really, really need you.’
Ben reeled backwards, suddenly light-headed. ‘A … miscarriage?’ His mind whirred, trying to make sense of her words. How could she possibly be pregnant? But he already knew the answer, remembering now how every time she lost it with him, she would follow it up by seducing him, messing with his mind a tiny bit more every time.
‘I know,’ she whispered. ‘Oh, Ben, I just need you here with me as soon as possible. I’m so worried!’
Ben leaned heavily against the wall, blindsided by her sudden show of vulnerability. ‘But … I can’t come home,’ he managed. ‘We’ve just put Elodie to bed.’
Bella started to cry pitifully. ‘I’m sorry, Ben. I know it’s bad of me to ask but please would you just get her up and put her in her car-seat? She won’t even wake up … you know what she’s like. Please, Ben?’
Her tone had changed completely, from the aggressive and mean one he was so used to, to pleading, tearful and vulnerable. He couldn’t remember the last time she had sounded so helpless.
His mind raced. He didn’t want to leave Jo but he didn’t feel that he had any other choice, especially if Bella could be having a miscarriage. He needed to be with her. ‘Maybe you should call an ambulance?’ he suggested, stalling for time.
Bella groaned in pain again on the other end of the line. ‘Yes, maybe, but I want you to be with me. I don’t want to go on my own. Please, Ben,’ she prompted, ‘I really need you here to help me. I can’t manage without you.’ Again, she dissolved into tears.
That decided him. ‘OK,’ he said. ‘I’ll come.’
‘Oh, thank you Ben!’ Bella gushed. ‘Thank you so much!’
‘I’ll see you in a couple of hours,’ he told her, feeling as if he had grown in stature by at least a couple of inches over the past few minutes. He could hear the genuine gratitude in her voice and it felt good to be needed for once. He had a feeling this would mark a turning point in their relationship. ‘I’ll be as quick as I can.’
He hung up the phone and steeled himself to tell Jo, knowing how upset she would be. But, he reasoned, if doing this one thing meant that the balance of his relationship with Bella was redressed, it would mean that he would be able to come and see Jo as often as he liked from now on. He was already determined to insist on it and judging by Bella’s grateful tone, he didn’t think she would be arguing in future.
Jo was in the kitchen, sitting at the island with two mugs of tea in front of her. The smile died on her lips as soon as she looked up and saw Ben’s face. ‘What’s happened?’ she asked, in voice that was heavy with dread.
Ben ran his hands through his hair. ‘That was Bella on the phone …’
‘I gathered,’ Jo cut in, her face rigid.
Ben swallowed. ‘Well, she’s got terrible pains in her stomach and she’s feeling really unwell. She thinks she may be having a miscarriage.’
A wave of different emotions passed over Jo’s face. Shock, followed by fear, followed by horror. ‘She’s pregnant?’ she whispered, her eyes wide.
Ben swallowed hard, still hardly able to comprehend it himself, let alone digest how he felt about it. ‘Well, we don’t know for sure … We didn’t know,’ he corrected himself. ‘But she thinks she could be having a miscarriage and she’s begged me to come home …’ he tailed off apologetically.
Jo looked aghast. ‘What, now?’
Ben nodded. ‘I’m afraid so. I’m so sorry, Mum, but she did sound like she’s in a bad way and I can’t not be with her if … if she’s losing our baby.’ He didn’t want Jo to argue with him. Now that he had agreed to go home, he just wanted to get in his car and get there as quickly as possible.
‘But Elodie’s in bed asleep. You can’t wake her up and cart her off, it’s not fair!’ Jo’s expression was a mixture of anger and confusion, as if she had been disturbed in the middle of the night and was trying to comprehend what was happening through the deep fog of sleep.
‘She won’t wake up. I’ll transfer her to her car-seat and she won’t know any different. She always sleeps like a log in the car.’
Jo’s face crumpled. ‘Oh, Ben!’ she cried piteously. ‘Please don’t go. It took so long to get you here and I feel like if you leave, you’ll never come back!’ She put her hands over her face as the tears began to flow.
Ben’s resolve immediately wavered, torn between hurting his mum and racing to the aid of his sick wife. He walked over to Jo and put his arms around her heaving shoulders. ‘Mum, look at me.’ He put one hand under her chin and forced her to look up at him, as the tears poured down her cheeks. ‘I promise you that I will be back for another visit within the month. I am never letting this situation happen again. Seeing how amazing you are with Elodie has shown me how ridiculous it was to leave it so long. I am going to make sure we visit regularly from now on.’
‘But Bella …’ Jo shook her head helplessly. ‘She won’t let you. She hates me and she doesn’t want you to have anything to do with me.’ She broke down sobbing again.
Ben’s insides twisted in anguish. ‘Please don’t get upset, Mum. I
’m going to sort things out with Bella and tell her in no uncertain terms that even if she doesn’t come with us, Elodie and I are going to be seeing you once a month from now on. It’s non-negotiable.’ He gave her shoulders a reassuring squeeze. ‘OK?’
Jo stopped crying and attempted a watery smile. ‘Really?’
Ben nodded, feeling stronger and more confident than he had done in years. ‘Really.’
‘But, how? I know what Bella’s like …’ Jo was shaking her head again. ‘She won’t let you.’
Ben tried to pull himself up to his full height. ‘I honestly think that me going home tonight to be with her will help to get us back on an even keel, Mum. I admit, things haven’t been great before now, but I’m going to put that right. From now on, things will be different. Better. OK?’ Ben tilted his head, waiting for Jo’s confirmation.
Jo held his gaze for a few seconds, before she nodded, apparently convinced. ‘OK.’
Together, they made their way upstairs and into the nursery, where Elodie was sleeping soundly. Ben packed her things into her little pink suitcase and gave it to Jo to carry. Then they both peered into the cot, watching her sleep. ‘It seems so awful to wake her,’ Jo whispered.
Ben smiled. ‘She won’t wake up. Watch this.’ With that, he leaned into the cot and un-tucked her bedding, before scooping her up into the crook of his arm in one fluid movement. She squirmed slightly and emitted a loud sigh but, as Ben had predicted, she barely stirred.
He carried her downstairs and allowed Jo to open the front door and the car door, so that he could gently deposit her into her car-seat and strap her in. Still, she didn’t wake. Ben turned to take her suitcase from Jo. ‘See? It takes a lot to wake her once she’s asleep.’
Jo smiled and peered hungrily into the back seat, while Ben loaded their things into the boot.
When he was ready to go, he bent down and hugged Jo as tightly as he could. ‘I’m so sorry about this but we will be back really, really soon.’
He felt Jo nod into his chest. ‘And you’ll let me know what happens? Whether she’s lost the baby?’
‘Of course I will.’
‘Promise?’ Jo said in a muffled voice.
Ben released his grip and held her at arm’s length. He tilted his head so that he could look her properly in the eye. ‘I promise,’ he said fiercely.
Chapter Thirty-Five
I opened the bathroom door and walked out into the bedroom, smiling to myself. I should never have agreed to Ben taking Elodie to visit Jo. She would no doubt be spending the whole time poisoning him against me and persuading him not to return. It was only when I got to work this morning that it hit me what a mistake it had been and how potentially dangerous it was. I needed to think of something that would get him home as quickly as possible, so that I could re-assert my authority and I knew that the suggestion of a potential miscarriage would bring him running. I could easily fake it when he got here.
‘What are you smiling at?’ Leo drawled from his bed, where he was propped up against his headboard, smoking a cigarette.
I turned to look at him, entirely confident and unembarrassed by his nakedness, the veil of smoke lending a vaguely film-star appearance to his narrowed eyes and tousled blond hair. ‘Oh, nothing much.’
‘Been on the phone to the little husband, have you?’ He threw me a mischievous look. ‘Checking up on him?’
I shrugged noncomittally and unbuttoned the crisp, white shirt I had found in Leo’s wardrobe. I was planning to go straight home, but then I looked at Leo and decided that I had a bit more time before I needed to leave. He looked too irresistible.
I walked over to the bed and straddled him, before taking the cigarette out of his hand and inhaling deeply. Leo smiled as I blew the smoke, slowly and deliberately into his face. I could feel him hardening beneath me. ‘You’re so damned sexy.’
‘I know.’ I eased him into me and moved rhythmically back and forth, watching his eyes glaze over with lust. Then I leaned down and placed the burning tip of the cigarette next to the side of his torso, holding it just long enough to create a sizzling sound, as it made brief contact with his skin.
Leo held his breath, watching me with a half-smile, half-grimace. ‘Do it,’ he whispered in a thick voice. I increased the pressure until I had left a satisfyingly symmetrical blister of red.
Leo exhaled with an agonized groan and gripped me tightly, his fingers digging into my flesh, before flipping me off him and rolling on top of me. He pinned my hands to the bed and thrust hard until he came with an almighty shudder.
We lay in silence for a few minutes, until Leo lifted his head and looked at me with a gleam in his eye. ‘You are a bad, bad girl, Bella.’
I pushed him off me and shuffled to sit up. ‘I know. That’s why you like me so much.’
‘It is,’ Leo agreed, also sitting up. He lit another cigarette, gazing at it for a second, clearly thinking about what had just happened. ‘So what have you told him, about where you are tonight?’
‘He thinks I’m at home. He’s gone to visit his bitch of a mother, so he doesn’t know I’m not there. Or at least he didn’t, until I called a few minutes ago and told him I needed him to come home as soon as possible because I was ill.’
Leo looked at me with a combination of horror and admiration. ‘Jesus. You’re such a bitch.’
‘I know. I surprise myself sometimes.’ I paused. ‘But he shouldn’t have gone to see her in the first place. And he certainly shouldn’t have taken my daughter with him.’
‘Ah, yes. The daughter that isn’t his …’ He tilted his head and looked at me with one eyebrow raised. ‘So that means the mother isn’t related to her at all, then?’
I shifted uncomfortably. I had always felt nervous about Leo knowing the truth and wished for the hundredth time that I hadn’t drunkenly blurted it out that night. But I had been missing Peter and feeling maudlin, so the alcohol had loosened my tongue, along with my inhibitions. ‘No.’
I could see the cogs of Leo’s brain whirring and wished I could shake the sense of unease that I felt, knowing that if I put a foot wrong, or tried to end it with him, he was armed with some dangerous information that could destroy me. I stood up and headed for the bathroom, feeling Leo’s eyes on me. ‘Are you going home, then? I thought you were staying the night.’
I turned to face him. ‘I was, but now that he’s coming home, I need to be there to make it plausible. You’re not upset with me, are you?’ I fixed him with wide-eyed stare.
Leo thought about it for a few seconds before he shrugged. ‘Not really, no. You’ve worn me out anyway,’ he added, with a wolfish grin.
‘Good. Now be a good boy and call me a cab while I remove all traces of my outrageous behaviour tonight.’
I heard Leo laughing as I closed the bathroom door behind me. I looked at the time on my phone. It was just gone eight. Ben would have left his mother’s house at around 7.45, so I had about an hour and a half to shower and get home before he did. It was cutting it fine but I should just about make it.
The limo Leo had booked crawled through the London traffic, making me grit my teeth with anxiety. I had forgotten that getting from East to West London was always a mission, even when the rush hour had supposedly finished, and I wished I had just caught my usual train instead. My car was parked at the station in Surrey, so I would need to go there first anyway. ‘Don’t you know any quicker routes?’ I asked the driver, as we drew to a halt at yet another set of traffic lights.
‘This is the quickest route,’ he replied, his voice clipped with an Eastern European accent and a level stare in the rear-view mirror.
I sighed and leaned back against the plush leather seat, drumming my fingers on my leg. I clicked on Find Friends. Ben was only just approaching the M25, so I was still on track to get home before him, as long as there weren’t any more hold-ups. There was nothing more I could do, so I closed my eyes for a moment and took a long, soothing breath, trying to block out everything around m
e and relax instead …
I woke with a jolt and sat bolt upright. ‘Where are we?’ I demanded, looking around me in a panic, trying to get my bearings. I didn’t recognize the houses and fields, as they sped by outside my window, although in the dark it was hard to tell anyway.
‘There was an accident. We had to take a diversion.’ The driver sounded unapologetic and bored, which immediately caused my hackles to rise.
‘For God’s sake! Why didn’t you know how to avoid it in the first place? Don’t you get traffic updates on that thing?’ I gestured to the electronic map he had on his dashboard.
The driver shrugged and gave a dismissive wave of his hand by way of an answer.
I wanted to scream. With a shaking hand and hardly daring to look, I pressed the home button on my phone. The time flashed up in giant numbers on the screen: 21.25.
‘Shit!’ I muttered, furiously clicking on Find Friends. My mouth dried as I watched the little green circle that signified Ben’s location move jauntily towards our road, before drawing to a stop as it arrived at our house.
Chapter Thirty-Six
Ben pressed the fob that opened the electric gate and frowned as he pulled onto the empty driveway, unease immediately seeping through him. Where was Bella’s car? The house itself was in darkness, except for the usual security lights that were on a timer. His mind raced wildly and his heart began to pound. There was no sign of any activity. Had she taken herself to hospital after all? It seemed unlikely, given the state she was in when she called. Or had her car been stolen? Whatever the explanation, he knew it was something bad. He could just sense it.
Leaving Elodie asleep in the car, he opened the front door and let himself in, keeping it ajar as he tiptoed into the hallway, adrenaline and fear racing through his veins. He glanced at the alarm system control box and frowned as he realized it was still armed. He tapped in the code and stood very still, listening for any signs of life in the house. Apart from the faint click and whirr of the heating system, there was nothing.