More Than a Memory

by Amber Nation

  Charlie began sliding his hands on his bass which sounded completely amazing, then Mike came in on the drums as they continued. When Toby started singing, in a lower pitch, I was astounded by the sound of his voice.

  “For a cover band, they seem really awesome,” Dean chimed in as he lifted the brown bottle of beer to his lips and took a swig.

  I cradled my chin in the palm of my hand while my elbow was resting on the table, “You know, I was just thinking the same thing. I wonder why they choose to perform covers instead of something original.” Taking a glance around, many people were subtly dancing in their seats, bopping their heads and swaying to the beat. After a minute or so some people actually got up and stood in front of the stage and began dancing around.

  Baylor looked to me with his palm facing up, ready for me to take it, but his invitation was cut short by the appearance of a shadow behind us. Dean looked up past me and judging by the look of annoyance on his face I knew it wasn’t going to be good. I turned around along with Baylor to a very burly man who had a distinct receding hairline and a handlebar mustache. The way his apologetic gaze was set on me it was almost as if he expected me to know who he was.

  I looked to the two men that were both immediately to my right and neither of them seemed to know who he was either. Too bad we didn’t wear ‘Hi my name is’ stickers that indicated who we were; I wondered why Marcie had decided to forgo that option, because it would’ve made for a much less awkward situation right then.

  “Hi, how are you?” I didn’t want to promptly start off by asking who the hell he was and what he wanted, even though that was surely what I was thinking at the moment.

  “I’m fine,” he answered quietly, acting a mixture of shy and a bit unsure of himself. I had never seen a grown man so fidgety in all my life.

  It was Baylor who finally recognized the man standing before us, “Jeff Kissinger?”

  “Yeah, I was hoping to talk to Eden for a moment.” Color me freaking stupid! I wouldn’t have ever known who he was if I ran into him out in the street. More than likely he would’ve come face to face with my pepper spray or even my favorite defense mechanism, a knee to the groin. In fact, now that I knew who he was, he was still pretty likely to receive my knee. Stupid ass.

  “Uh,” I said trying to delay the inevitable. “Actually you can just say whatever you need to in front of Baylor and Dean as well.”

  He seemed a bit perturbed by my answer but proceeded anyway. “Well,” he began wringing his hands together and in many ways reminded me of a small child when you were trying to pry information out of them when they wouldn’t be so forthcoming. “My wife,” he looked over his shoulder to a petite round woman who was sitting at another table across the gym staring at Jeff, “made me enroll in Alcoholics Anonymous in order to try to save our marriage. Well, step number eight is to make a list of those we have wronged, and number nine is actually confronting those people to try and make amends. I just wanted to apologize for what happened during our one and only date and then lying about it to everyone else. You were a sweet girl, Eden, and I was the horny teenager and I ultimately tried to take advantage of you. So for everything, I truly am sorry.” I could see the deep sincerity in his eyes and the beads of sweat forming along his brow. What type of person would I be if I didn’t forgive him?

  I graced him with a small smile and replied, “It’s quite all right, Jeff. It’s all water under the bridge now, promise.” He took my acceptance with great relief by immediately relaxing his shoulders and releasing his breath.

  “Thank you, Eden. After that face off that occurred earlier with Kristina I wasn’t exactly sure what was going to happen. I told my wife that I was scared for my life, but of course she commended you. Why do woman always take each other’s sides?” He was truly curious.

  Shrugging my shoulders, I said, “It’s just what we do, I suppose. You enjoy the rest of your evening.”

  Once Jeff was far enough in the distance and out of ear shot, Dean chuckled with a smirk, “You sure let him off easy. I distinctly remember on graduation night you threatening certain anatomy with piping hot movie theater butter.” His chuckle ended up a full blown laugh, which was contagious and soon all three of us were laughing with tears springing in our eyes.

  “Stop it,” I furiously fanned my hands in front of my face, “I don’t have tear-free mascara on, I’ll look like a freaking raccoon if I don’t quit.” That made us laugh even harder and by that time my side was hurting. “Ok, seriously cut it out! I’m leaving, I’m going to go dance.”

  I hadn’t even been paying attention to The Nation’s Capital but as soon as I started making my way towards the stage, weaving around the tables, they began playing a more upbeat song. All it took was the first few notes to be played and even before Toby began singing, “Hey, hey!” I knew it was, “Don’t You Forget About Me” by Simple Minds. I swear I could’ve handpicked the soundtrack to that evening just based on my experiences. But the tables had certainly turned. Baylor hadn’t forgotten about me when I saw him in the airport, he just didn’t know that I was coming and was in a state of utter shock. That day seemed like so long ago when really it had only been a week. I began swaying my hips slowly to the beat of the music and Toby chose that time to look up at me and wink in my direction.

  After having such amazing week with Baylor I really didn’t want to leave. I would be willing to talk to my boss about breaking my contract and try to get a job here at the local radio station; it wouldn’t be like the two stations were competing when they were in totally different area codes. The ultimate question was would he want me to stay? I was completely confused and my mind was running in so many different directions that I was just ready to shut it off. It seemed Baylor knew exactly what I needed before I even did because his arms suddenly wrapped around my waist from behind and his lips moved in towards my ear, “You look all sexy up here dancing by yourself. I had to hurry up here and claim my dance before someone else tried to.”

  “You’re hilarious,” I joked.

  He nodded his head over towards the table, “You did a good thing back there with Jeff. You could’ve ripped him a new asshole like you did with Kristina but instead you didn’t. How come?”

  I had to take a moment to mull over my answer because I didn’t really know the answer to that. “Honestly, I had forgotten all about what Jeff had done, spreading lies and all that. Plus he looked so incredibly sad and nervous about having to confront me, I didn’t see the need to make him feel even worse. Kristina is a totally different can of worms, I never ever forgot for a second anything she ever said to me. She was always hateful and did things just out of spite because she could. I may never understand why she did any of it, but she took a big portion of my life away from me. And I will always hate her for that. Hate is an extremely strong word and I don’t normally throw it around but in this instance it’s completely true. I hate her with every fiber of my being. But now I don’t only hate her for me, it’s also because of what she’s done to you and more importantly to Norah.” I started to get choked up because of what I was saying and needed to move onto much brighter territory. “This is our last night together, let’s not ruin it any longer with talks of Kristina or anything that’ll make me cry,” I tried to chuckle to make it a bit lighthearted.

  He moved a strand of my curled hair back out of my face, “Anything you want, Edie. Since you brought up this being our last night, how about we get out of here? I don’t know how much more I can take of everyone seeing you in this dress.” He smoothed a hand down my back until it rested on my hip. My body always reacted to him and his touch and that time was no different; I was ready to get out of there.

  I looked around to see if there was anyone else that I really wanted to talk to before I left and no faces really stood out to me. My life had always revolved around Baylor and Dean; they were the ones who I came back for, no one else.

  “Let’s go…”

  The red illuminated lights on Baylor’s
bedside clock indicated that it was well past two in the morning. We had laid there for a good hour just talking before his breathing evened out and he drifted off to sleep. I was still wide awake, letting my mind roam and wondering how I was ever going to get past that incredible week. I couldn’t go back home and pretend that everything was all right. I was more confused than I had ever been; when I thought of home I immediately thought of Cottage Grove and not Nashville, even though it had been my home for the eleven years since I graduated college.

  I finally knew why none of my other relationships stuck; I had been constantly comparing them to Baylor. And after finally being intimate with him, any other relationship would be doomed from the start. I guessed I really should start getting used to the idea of cats, because that’s what I’d end up: the crazy old cat lady who’s on the radio.

  Baylor’s arm that was wrapped around my waist pulled me into him further; even in his sleep he knew what I needed. A single tear streamed down my face as I tried my best to fall asleep.

  When the clock read seven in the morning I decided that I could no longer lay in that bed. I’d been watching the minutes tick by on that annoying clock all night, taunting me that my time with Baylor was nearly up. I slowly pulled away from his clutch, trying my hardest not to disturb him in his peaceful state. I took a few minutes to just sit on the end of his queen-sized bed, watching him sleep.

  He had an arm thrown over his face and I wished that he would just move it out of the way so I could study him once more. I wanted to memorize the lines of his face and the traces of stubble trailing down his jawline to his chin. If I stayed in his room any longer I was bound to throw myself on him and beg him to ask me to stay, to be there with him.

  I got up to retrieve my dress off the floor and grabbed my purse and cellphone and headed into the bathroom to clean up a little. I shot my mom a text asking her to pick me up in fifteen minutes so I could run home and shower before we left for my flight at nine. Yeah, I may have lied to Baylor about the time my flight was leaving. Go ahead and call me a coward, it wasn’t anything worse than what I’d already called myself.

  I’d come to the realization that it just wouldn’t work between us because it had always been the wrong time. We tried our hardest to come together and life just kept pulling us apart. Or maybe that was just my mind’s way of thinking before completely shutting itself down. I felt the edge of depression threatening to pull me under, like drowning in a pool of water and not being able to gasp for air.

  Before I quietly went outside to wait for my mom I left Baylor a note saying goodbye. I neatly placed it on his fridge next to a self-portrait that Norah drew of her and her dad and secured it with a magnet of a covered bridge.

  Walking out the front door and shutting it behind me, I turned around with my shoes clutched in my hand and ran directly into Norah.

  She startled me but I quickly tried to cover up my reaction because I didn’t want her to think that I was taking the coward’s way out and just leaving, which was the God’s honest truth. I ran a hand down her arm, “Goodbye sweetie, it was great to meet you. Thank you so much for the email, this week has been one of the best of my life and exactly what I needed.” I felt the tears welling up in the creases of my eyes.

  She adjusted the backpack on her shoulder and raised her eyes up to meet mine, “Then why are you leaving?” she asked, perplexed.

  “It’s time for me to leave; I have a home, a dog, a job.”

  “I love dogs,” I knew what she was trying to say but it just wasn’t possible.

  My hand was still placed on her shoulder, “It’s not that easy, sweetheart. I’m under contract for my radio station.” I noticed my mother pull her car into the driveway. “Bye,” I ended quietly. I felt horrible for just leaving her standing there on her front porch, but I had to go. As I walked down the sidewalk towards my mother’s car in the drive I quickly turned back to Norah to see her just standing there watching me, the onslaught of tears swimming in her eyes. I pointed towards the house, “Your dad is still sleeping, please don’t wake him up.”

  I quickly pivoted on my foot and rushed into the car and I didn’t release the breath that I was holding until I made it to the airport.

  My parents insisted on walking me into the airport before saying their farewells. My mother had already become a blubbering mess on the ride over and my dad was his usual quiet self. I was trying to remain strong but my heart was shredding into pieces by the second and I had no one to blame but myself.

  “Ok Mom, Dad, I gotta go.” My luggage was checked and I was holding my carryon bag with my purse slung over my arm.

  “Honey,” my mom said in between sobs as she came forward to give me a giant hug that literally took my breath away. “I’m going to miss you so much. I hope you don’t wait another fifteen years before returning home again.” I closed my eyes tightly and opened them to look directly at my dad. He knew exactly what was reflecting back at him.

  She finally let me pull away from her clutch and I walked straight into my dad’s arms. “It was great to see you again, Eden, your mom and I miss you when you’re not around.” I could hear the faint hitch in his voice. “You know you can come back home anytime and you wouldn’t even have to see him,” he whispered into my ear. Thank the Lord he didn’t mention his name because I was certain that would’ve been my breaking point. “I know you know that, but I also know that if we want to see our only daughter again we will have to come visit you. I want you to know that it’s completely all right. Your mother may not understand, but I do. I love you, Eden.”

  I released my father’s neck and looked up to him, “I love you too, Daddy.”

  During the plane ride back to Nashville I tried my hardest to fall asleep but the elderly gentleman next to me thought it was a good idea to keep me entertained by recounting his story about the one that got away.

  “It was so many years ago, I met June right before I was drafted for World War II. I remember writing her every day and fighting with guns blazing just so I would be able to get home to her.”

  I had nothing else to do for the remainder of the flight other than to wallow in my own misery, so I decided why the hell not make my heart hurt even worse. “What happened when you returned home?”

  “I found out that shortly after I left she was killed by a random burglar.” He looked down at his frail hands, “She never even received any of my letters. She died not knowing how I truly felt about her because I was a coward. I left with the mindset that I may not return home so I didn’t want to leave her with any false hope. But I loved her with every breath that I took. I always had that feeling of ‘what if.’ What if I didn’t get drafted and was able to be there to protect my June? What if I told her that I loved her, would she have tried to fight off her attacker knowing that she was loved?”

  Now my heart was aching even more for this old man who didn’t get to even enjoy being in love. I covered his hand with mine, “So did you ever get married?”

  “I did. I met Mary about five years after I returned from war and found out about June. I kept comparing every woman to June and it was hard to be happy when I did. As hard as it was I had to push June out of my mind so I could lead a meaningful life. I met Mary and her grace captured my heart. Ended up being married for sixty wonderful years before she passed away four years ago. I loved Mary with everything that I was, but June always seemed to creep into my mind at the strangest of times. I hadn’t thought of her for many years and for some reason you reminded me of her.” His eyes seemed to grow heavy behind his framed glasses.

  “How old are you?”

  “Clifford, but you can call me Cliff. I’m ninety two years young,” he chuckled as he hung his head and proceeded to drift off into a nap until the plane landed.

  While he breathed heavily through his mouth I studied the clouds that were beneath the plane as we flew over them. I never confessed how I felt towards Baylor; he knew that I loved him when we were younger but I never told him th
at I still did. Never actually stopped.

  Thankfully the flight home had minimal turbulence and was actually rather peaceful, not even a baby cried during our time onboard. I gently nudged Cliff on his shoulder until he awoke, somewhat startled and disoriented.

  “I’m sorry, I just wanted to let you know that we landed,” I said apologetically.

  He took his turn to stand and made his way out into the aisle, “Thank you for waking me. And thank you for letting me reminisce, it was nice talking to you, June,” he said with a wink before he used the backs of the seats to steady his pace while he exited the plane.

  I just stood there with a faint smile on my face before someone let me out before them. I got my luggage which was actually where it was supposed to be for once and went to look for Julia.

  Once my eyes landed on hers the first wave of tears broke free. I rushed off towards her and into her open arms; she knew by my tear-stained face that I needed reinforcements.

  She rubbed along my back, “Oh honey, was it hard leaving him? Did he beg you to stay?”

  I began crying harder and between sobs I tried my best to formulate the words, “No, he didn’t ask me to. I left before he woke up.” I buried my face in her shirt knowing that I was going to have to owe her a new one.

  “Let’s get you home, your mutt misses you and I have ice cream waiting in the freezer. We can dig in while you tell me all about it.”

  Chapter 15

  Baylor

  I awoke startled as I sat straight up in my bed. I looked over to the space on my bed that Eden had been occupying for the majority of the week and it was empty and cool to the touch. She had been up for a while. Something wasn’t settling right in my stomach so I threw on a pair of shorts and rushed out into the kitchen.