by Alexx Andria
I would never fit in with people I had nothing in common with and that was okay.
I wanted to find my own tribe of weirdos to hang with.
And I wanted Cason standing with me.
My breath caught as I thought of the baby that might be growing inside me right now.
A little piece of me and Cason, melded together in a perfect tiny package.
God, I wanted to be pregnant.
I wanted to hold that sweet bundle of perfection in my arms and give it all the love I’d been denied.
I wanted to see Cason’s expression as the doctor placed our baby in his arms for the first time.
Was any of that possible?
Was it a fairytale I couldn’t possibly turn into reality?
Butcher would have Cason killed if he found out.
My brother had always been oddly protective of my innocence. When I was younger, I thought his actions were admirable, the one way Butcher could show me that he loved me, but now, with the seeds of doubt sprouting in my head, I didn’t know what to think.
I had finals to deal with — time hadn’t stopped while I was off experiencing the love of my life on fast forward.
Sighing, I dragged myself to the shower to clean up — a real clean up rather than a whore’s bath — and when I was done, I had every intention to crack the books but fatigue won out instead.
Falling to my bed, I dropped off almost immediately, dead to the world.
Except my head was filled with dreams of Cason.
His scent, his smile, his stern expression when I was driving him crazy…
All of him.
I would take whatever he could give me.
Chapter 26
Butcher
Johnny entered my office, a look of extreme relief on his scraggy face.
“Boss, she’s back,” he said, causing me to wait for him to elaborate. “Holly is back in her apartment.”
“Where was she?”
“I don’t know. But she’s back. Maybe she spent a few days with friends?”
“She doesn’t have any friends,” I reminded Johnny with a glower. “Find out where she was.”
“Sure thing, boss.”
Johnny left me alone to solve the puzzle of Holly’s little disappearing act. I steepled my fingers as I ran through scenarios and possible action.
She had a boyfriend.
(I would kill him.)
She had a social life.
(I would end it.)
She was trying to skip town.
(I would find her.)
Holly’s life belonged to me. I had nurtured her, provided for her, given her every advantage.
Now it was time to pay her dues.
I’d waited longer than I thought possible but my patience was at an end.
Soon enough, Holly Brannon would become Holly Brannon for real.
I couldn’t wait.
A smile found me.
It’s all about the long game, people. Putting plans into motion for a larger pay off, rather than immediate gratification.
My ability to see several steps ahead was why I was running the largest, most organized gang in New York.
I had money but I lacked respectability.
Holly would help me gain that final missing component.
She was pretty but not too much so. Plump and sweet with a trustworthy demeanor.
A perfect wife for the new me.
Politics were the new arena I wanted to conquer and image was everything.
Ohhh, Holly, my sweet girl. You will make my dreams come true.
I was so pleased with how things were going, I didn’t even need a blow job to release the tension. Besides, that last whore had been pretty ruined, I chuckled at the memory.
It would be a miracle if she could shit on her own again. Ahh, well. Whores were a dime a dozen.
It was time I elevated my extracurricular activities as well.
Maybe I’d try monogamy for a time.
I liked that idea.
One woman, made just for me. I would gift her with my fidelity.
No more whores, strippers, or hot trannies.
In fact, I was willing to go without until I had Holly wrapping her luscious lips around my cock.
I was feeling downright magnanimous.
Ringing for my secretary, she hustled in, looking anxious.
“Yes Mr. Brannon?”
“Take the day off, sweetheart. You’ve earned it.”
She bobbed a grateful nod. “Thank you, sir.”
I grinned and grabbed a cigar.
Life was good when you were the king.
All that was missing was my queen.
Chapter 27
Holly
Finals came and went without any contact with Cason. I tried to focus on my exams but my mind was stubbornly determined to bounce back and forth between the possibility that I was pregnant and the fear that Butcher might harm Cason if he found out.
I’d expected to hear from Cason by now but either he was laying low or he’d abandoned me.
I winced at the possibility.
Please, not that.
Cason’s rejection would kill me.
It was also time for me to pack. Graduation was looming and Butcher had already instructed his men to pick me up the day before. I wasn’t going to be able to walk with my class.
Butcher wanted me home now.
The urgency of his request was odd. He’d always pushed education over building a relationship with him but now, he seemed anxious to have me home.
I wish I’d felt a stronger connection with Butcher. He was my only family but he was a stranger to me.
Sometimes I’d caught him looking at me oddly but it was gone before I could question it further.
Most times I thought I was imagining it because what was I suggesting?
My brother was not lusting after me. The very thought disgusted me.
Was it possible that Cason was right, that Butcher wasn’t my family at all?
An uncomfortable shudder shook my body.
I would have to pick between Cason or Butcher.
Cason was my future but Butcher was my past.
I didn’t want to choose but I would.
If Cason was right about Butcher, he had to answer for what he’d done.
My stomach roiled as the urge to puke overcame me. My nerves were shot.
Why hadn’t Cason called yet?
Please God, don’t make me a fool.
I grabbed a box and started packing my things, mentally saying goodbye to four years of my life. I hadn’t entrenched myself into university life but I would miss Paula, the librarian.
She’d been kind to me when no one else noticed I was alive.
The door opened and Johnny walked in. I jumped and glared at his entrance. “How about knocking first?” I suggested with a glower.
Johnny was my brother’s right hand man. He’d always reminded me a weasel. Tall, thin with a wiry build, he slouched and slinked, which I found really distasteful.
And now he was just walking into my apartment like he owned it.
“What do you want? I’m not done packing yet.”
“Where were you last week?” he asked, poking around my things, snooping. “You weren’t home.”
I narrowed my gaze. “And what business is it of yours where I was?”
He turned to cut a short glance my way before returning to his search. “Oh, I could care less but your brother cares a lot. Where were you?”
Was Butcher watching me? How would he know I hadn’t been home? The thought was nearly as distasteful as Johnny was ugly.
“I stayed with friends.”
“You don’t have friends.”
I blinked at the insult. “I have friends.”
“Yeah? Name one.”
“I’m not going to dignify that with an answer.”
“I’d hate for your brother to think that you were out being a slut. I don’t think he’d take to that ve
ry well.”
“Her name is Paula,” I gritted out. “I spent a few days with my friend, Paula. She’s the campus librarian. You wouldn’t understand because I doubt you’ve ever cracked a book in your life.”
“You do spend an awful lot of time in that library,” Johnny agreed, seeming to buy my explanation. “Guess it won’t take much to follow up.”
Fear sharpened my voice. “Get out, Johnny before I call my brother and have you tossed out.”
“Who do you think sent me?” Johnny grinned, giving me a look that chilled my blood. “Timeline’s been moved up. Your brother wants you home tonight. Don’t worry about packing this shit, you don’t need it. College is over.”
I balked. “This is not shit and I’m not leaving it behind. What has gotten into you? I’ll talk to my brother myself. Now get out or I’ll call campus security.”
“Holly…you always were an uppity bitch,” he murmured with a laugh. “Considering where you came from…seems funny to me.”
“What does that mean?”
He continued to chuckle. “Sweet little Holly…the princess. I hope the princess saved herself for her prince. I’d hate to see how that ends if she didn’t.”
I swallowed, feeling nauseous. “You’re insane. Get out.”
Why was he talking to me like this? I had a bitter taste in the back of my throat.
“I’ll be back to pick you up in an hour. Whatever you haven’t managed to pack stays behind.”
I started to protest but Johnny was already gone.
I didn’t have any way to contact Cason. Fear made my palms sweat. I wanted to back out. Something felt terribly off.
Why does Butcher want me home tonight?
Did he know about me and Cason?
Damn it, Cason…I need you. Where the hell are you?
I cast a nervous glance at the clock, feeling the tick of every tock as my hour slipped away.
I had no choice but to pack as Johnny directed.
If I was going to help Cason, I couldn’t let anyone know that anything had changed.
I rose and went to the mirror, pinching my cheeks when I saw how pale I’d become.
My hands were sweating and I looked as twitchy as a narc around a crew who were onto him.
How am I going to pull this off?
I didn’t look very excited to be going home; I looked terrified.
I guess I’d just have to figure it out and wing it.
Or else things were going to end badly for us all.
Chapter 28
Cason
I picked up the phone on the first ring.
“Something is wrong,” Tito said. “I saw Johnny Malco go up to her apartment and she came out carrying boxes.”
“Graduation isn’t until tomorrow,” I said, frowning. “Why would she leave before accepting her degree?”
“They can mail her degree. Butcher is moving up the timeline for some reason. I don’t have to tell you that I got a bad feeling.”
“Me too,” I agreed grimly. “We got to get her out of there.”
“No, we got to let her do her part. We can’t let Butcher know anything is up. Don’t blow it.”
But I wasn’t good with that.
I was on edge. I hated being apart from Holly, especially knowing that she was heading into the lion’s den.
And if she was pregnant?
It was too early to tell but it was all I could think about.
I wanted her pregnant with my baby.
If Butcher found out Holly was pregnant, I was afraid of what he would do.
“Did you meet up with your Fed contact?” Tito asked. “What’s the word?”
“We need evidence that shows Butcher was responsible for the murder of Shay Trunnel and the injury to my sister.”
“And you’re placing your faith in a woman you hardly know,” Tito said, shaking his head. “This is going to end with both of us bleeding out our ass.”
I believed in Holly. I couldn’t explain my dogged faith. Was I blind to what was right in front of me? Was Holly playing me?
I had no way of knowing for sure.
Seeing as my original plan was shot to shit, I had no choice but to believe Holly would come through for us.
“You’ve gone soft,” Tito declared, his nostrils flaring. “What the hell happened to you? What about Christine?”
Anger flared. “Don’t,” I warned. “No one loves my sister more than me, including you.”
Tito had been in love with Christine for as long as I could remember but Christine had seen him as a brother. I think Tito had always hoped that eventually she’d change her mind.
And now, there was almost little chance of that happening.
“You’re putting all our lives in her hands,” he said, his voice rising. “We should’ve stuck with the goddamn original plan but you pussed out. Why?”
I didn’t want to answer. I didn’t owe anyone any explanations. I glowered and jerked open the fridge to grab a beer. “The plan was flawed to begin with,” I said, slamming the beer. I wiped my mouth, adding, “We finally have a chance to do things that might actually work. We got one shot to make this happen. Holly is the key that makes this work.”
“Only if she’s suddenly switched teams! I don’t get why you think she’s suddenly going to betray her fucking brother for you!”
“Because she fucking loves me!” I roared back, startling Tito.
I hadn’t meant to reveal so much but I needed Tito to relax, to believe with me because I was holding on by a thread.
“Love?” Tito repeated, incredulous. “Are you…are you kidding me? You’ve barely known each other for a week.”
“I know,” I bit out. “Don’t you think I know all this? I can’t explain it. I don’t understand. There’s something between us. I…I know she won’t betray me.”
Tito sighed and grabbed a beer as well before dropping into a chair. “Man, I hope you’re right,” he said, tipping back the bottle. “Because if you’re wrong…we’re all fucked.”
I nodded.
A beat of silence passed between us. We were both processing a lot of shit. So much was riding on Holly.
But I was left with my own conflict. Tito was right; it was a tall order to ask anyone to believe that Holly had true feelings for me, especially after how we’d started off.
What I didn’t say was that I didn’t know how to make heads or tails of what I was feeling either.
Love was a foreign concept for me.
I reserved all my love for my sister.
I didn’t let girls get attached.
Dealing with the drama of a woman clinging on my leg was something I didn’t need.
I’d shaken off more clingers than I could count.
Holly didn’t cling. If anyone was guilty of holding on too tight, it was me in this scenario.
I couldn’t stop thinking about her. I missed her soft body pressed against mine.
A piece of me felt ripped away.
Never in a million years would I have imagined that I’d be so twisted around by a woman.
But I was.
Maybe I ought to admit to Tito that I had feelings for Holly, too.
Would that make the difference?
Tito was my best friend, my crew brother.
However, even though I knew in my heart things had changed for me, I couldn’t quite get the words out.
Like a coward, I remained silent, filling my mouth with beer instead of the words that I should’ve said.
Chapter 29
Holly
I walked into the house my brother owned, a huge sprawling mansion that he’d bought before I was in the picture. My memories of the place were sporadic, certain holidays, such as Christmas but most of the time, Butcher had kept me at arm’s length.
But even if I’d grown up in this place, I don’t think I’d ever consider it home.
The house was too big, impersonal and there were weird sounds at night.
I wouldn’t go
so far as to say it was haunted but I sure didn’t like wandering the halls at night.
I went straight to my room, needing a minute to compose myself. My brother expected to see me at dinner. He’d already chosen a dress for me and it was waiting for me on the bed.
The dress was not to my tastes and made me uncomfortable. Tight and short, it wasn’t anything I would choose for myself.
But I didn’t want to make waves so I prepared to wear the dress.
A quick shower, a little make-up and a blow-out for my hair, I felt more settled. I shimmied into the dress, grunting as I tried pulling it over my curves. Eventually I managed to get the dress on but my breasts were spilling out in an obscene display.
I groaned. How ridiculous.
I wouldn’t be caught dead in this hot mess of Spandex and ruching.
Closing my eyes I tried to imagine that I was meeting Cason for dinner instead of my brother.
Would Cason like to see me in something like this?
Something sexy?
Thus far, I’d been pretty lacking in the sexy department. I didn’t even own a cute bra and panty set. I never saw the point in throwing away good money on such frivolous things when I could spend that money on more books.
I guess it would be fair to say that Cason had seen me at my worst: drugged, dirty, smelly and he’d still found me sexy.
That thought warmed the cold knot growing in my stomach.
I would need something to keep me going while I tried to find what Cason needed to bring justice to his sister and her friend.
I stared into the mirror, seeking courage from the woman staring back.
You can do this, I told her. Be brave.
I was different, no longer content to play the part of the shy girl. Butcher had always managed my life and I’d gone along with whatever he’d dictated. But that was over. I didn’t need him telling me what to do or how to act.
I drew a shaky breath. Time to face the boogey-man.
Slipping into the high heels that accompanied the dress, I ignored the gaudy jewelry. I already felt like an idiot, I wasn’t going to look like a hooker, too.
I exited my room and found a guard posted at my door.