What the Heart Desires (Contemporary Erotic Romance)

by Adderly, Allora

  Felix will. Kimberly immediately thought the words but kept them bottled inside. She was already feeling guilty at the mere thought of telling Felix she wanted to take a break. He was such a good guy. She didn’t want to hurt him.

  Jane, it seemed, was reading her mind. “What’s going to hurt Felix more?” she asked logically. “Taking a break now or being divorced two years from now when you realize you made a mistake?”

  “You know,” Kimberly teased, “for a woman whose own personal life is such a disaster, you really do give good advice.”

  Jane gave a playful bow. “I know,” she replied, modest as ever. “Sometimes having made every mistake in the book comes in handy.”

  ~~~

  The phone call was the toughest one of Kimberly’s life. She hadn’t slept the night before. Instead she’d tossed and turned, agonizing over what she would say and how Felix would take it. There was no easy way to break the news to him.

  “I’ve been thinking a lot about us getting engaged,” Kimberly said, her heart pounding.

  “Oh?” Felix sounded pleasantly surprised. “I got the impression maybe you weren’t that into it,” he said, perceptive as ever. “Maybe I brought it up a little too soon.”

  “Maybe,” Kimberly agreed. She could imagine Felix’s face falling and the mental image broke her heart. “You’re so special to me,” she told him. “It’s just that our relationship came about at a pretty chaotic, uncertain time, you know?”

  There was silence on the other end of the phone, so Kimberly kept talking in a desperate bid to fill it.

  “Moving to a new city, changing careers and taking classes on the side is a lot, Felix. I’m feeling overwhelmed right now. I just feel like I can’t add wedding planning to the pile of things I need to do.” She took a deep, shaky breath and then forced herself to continue. “I – I feel like I can’t even handle being in a relationship right now.”

  There was a pregnant pause. Then, finally, Felix spoke. His voice sounded strained, as though he was fighting back emotion. What kind of emotion it was remained to be seen. “Are you breaking up with me?”

  “No!” Kimberly protested, perhaps too quickly. “But…but what if we took a break?”

  “What does that even mean?”

  Kimberly thought for a moment. “Well,” she said, “right now we’re both at turning points in our lives. You’re a year or two away from reaching your goals at the university. I’m at the beginning of a new, exciting career. Right now neither of us can relocate. But that could change.” She quickly corrected herself. “That will change. And when it does…well, I’m thinking we can reevaluate our plans then.”

  “You’re suggesting we take a break for a year or two?” It was clear from Felix’s incredulous tone that he wasn’t buying it. “What’s really going on, Kimberly?”

  She sighed, “For as long as I can remember, I wanted to be in a relationship. And then I met you. You’re kind and smart and caring and any girl would be lucky to have you. It’s just…maybe I’m not as ready for a relationship as I thought. I didn’t know it until we started talking about getting engaged. I’ve been thinking a lot and…I think I need to be single for a while.”

  Felix sounded confused and she couldn’t blame him. “For how long?” he asked.

  “I don’t know. But I want to take a break,” she said apologetically, her voice trembling.

  Felix sighed. “Well I guess this means I don’t need to rearrange my summer courses after all. That’s good, at least.” He thought for a moment. “Look,” he said, “I want to talk to you about this face-to-face because from my perspective, this kind of came out of left field, you know?”

  “I’m sorry.”

  “Don’t be. Let’s spend the summer apart. That way I can teach a full course load and finish my research. You can ‘be single’ or whatever it is that you want. I’ll come visit you at the end of the summer and we can talk then, okay?”

  “Okay.”

  “Kimberly?”

  “Yes?”

  “Are you planning to date other guys while we’re on this so-called break?” The betrayal in Felix’s voice was evident. Clearly he hadn’t seen any of this coming – how could he, when it had even caught Kimberly off guard? Her heart went out to him. She hated being the bad guy.

  Even though she knew it would hurt him, Kimberly knew she owed it to Felix to give him an honest answer. “I don’t know,” she admitted.

  Chapter Twelve

  Kimberly waited impatiently for Garrett to show up outside her classroom door again. One week passed followed by another. Soon it had been nearly two months – half of the summer. She hadn’t heard from Garrett even once.

  She tried looking him up, but his number was unlisted. She tried calling his company’s office in New York, but the snooty secretary tersely informed her that she was not at liberty to disclose confidential information about Mr. Strong.

  Then, as she was lying awake in bed one night unable to sleep, a memory came back to Kimberly. That night when they’d met up at the bar, Garrett had given her his business card. She’d contemplated throwing it out because she was with Felix and her attraction to Garrett was so strong she didn’t know whether she could resist him.

  But she hadn’t thrown it out.

  What had she done with it?

  She racked her brain, replaying that night over and over in her head. Then it came to her. She’d tucked the card into the back pocket of her jeans!

  Sleep forgotten, she leapt out of bed and turned on the lights. Then she rummaged around her closet for the jeans, feeling a strange sense of urgency.

  She found them neatly folded at the very back. She didn’t wear them often because they were tight-fitting and she felt they showed off her curves a little too much. Usually, Kimberly was a modest dresser. She’d only worn the jeans to the bar that night because – well, because she knew she’d be seeing Garrettt and she’d wanted him to like what he saw.

  Kimberly searched the back pockets of the jeans and located the business card. After enduring a cycle in the washing machine, the writing on the front was almost unreadable. After some squinting and careful examination, she was disheartened to realize the phone number was the same one she’d already tried calling.

  A lot of good that did – the snooty secretary who’d taken her call certainly wasn’t helpful. Dejected, Kimberly wondered how to get in touch with Garrettt. The jet setting talent scout and record producer wasn’t listed in the phone book. She was under the impression he had no fixed address, instead preferring to “live” in posh hotels. She hadn’t even been able to find him on social media web sites.

  Just as Kimberly was beginning to lose hope that she’d ever see Garrettt again, she turned the business card over. There, written in his blocky, messy scrawl, were two simple words: “Call me.” Underneath was a phone number.

  Ecstatic, Kimberly grabbed her phone and punched the number in.

  The phone rang once, twice and then three times. No one picked up. Kimberly let it keep ringing. She let it ring far longer than she normally would. Still, there was no answer.

  Right as she was about to hang up, a gruff masculine voice sharply barked, “What?”

  Kimberly’s breath caught in her throat. “Garrett?” she said, her voice unsteady and hopeful. She didn’t sound like herself. She wasn’t sure why, but her voice sounded like that of a little girl, vulnerable and young. She realized her heart was practically beating out of her chest.

  There was a pause on the other end of the phone. Then Garrett said, “Kimmy, is that you?” His voice was gentler now – and surprised-sounding.

  “It’s me.”

  “Kimmy…it’s 4:00 a.m.” Garrett said, stifling a yawn. She detected a faint slur in his words, suggesting he was just coming off a long night of working, also known as partying and drinking. “Are you okay?”

  “Oh.” In her haste to talk to Garrett, Kimberly hadn’t even considered that it was the middle of the night. Suddenly she
felt very foolish. “I’m okay,” she said, cringing. She wished she hadn’t called. It made her seem desperate and stupid and…

  “Why are you calling?” Garrett asked.

  It was a fair question. Unfortunately, Kimberly didn’t have a good answer. She really hadn’t thought this through. Wincing, she awkwardly said, “I haven’t heard from you in a long time…” She trailed off, unsure of what else to say.

  “Well yeah,” Garrett retorted, sounding slightly defensive. “The ball was in your court, Kimmy. I gave you my number and you didn’t call.”

  Kimberly swallowed hard. There was a lump in her throat. Hearing Garrett’s voice brought something out in her that she couldn’t quite name. “I’m sorry,” she told him. “I didn’t see that you’d written your number on the back of the card until tonight.”

  “So I take it you aren’t shacked up with Not-Husband yet,” Garrett observed. “Or does he just not care that you call people in the middle of the night?”

  “Not-Hu – I mean Felix and I are taking a break,” Kimberly informed him. She felt embarrassed admitting it to him but at the same time, she wanted him to know.

  “I see. Is that what you kids are calling breakups these days?” Garrett quipped snidely.

  Kimberly felt her temper flare. She hated the way he managed to be so condescending and arrogant with only a few select words. “This was a bad idea. I’m sorry for bothering you,” she said. “Goodbye, Garrett.”

  “Hey, wait. Sorry I’m being an ass,” Garrett said quickly. “I’m a little drunk. But it really is good to hear from you, Kimmy. Want to meet up?”

  “Now?” she asked, somewhat indignantly. What did he think it was – a booty call? An obnoxious little voice in the back of Kimberly’s head self-righteously pointed out that maybe that assumption wasn’t so far from the truth. She quickly silenced it, not wanting to entertain the possibility.

  “No, you’re right,” Garrett conceded. “We’ll go to dinner tomorrow night instead. I know a great Italian place down by the river. I’ll text you the address.”

  Chapter Thirteen

  Was it a date? Or was it an innocent meeting of two old friends? Kimberly had no idea.

  If it was a date, surely the chivalrous thing would be to pick her up rather than making her find her own way to the restaurant, right? Surely Garrett intended the dinner to be strictly platonic. She probably wasn’t his type anyway.

  He probably went for sluttier, sexier women…bottle blondes with fake tits and no panties. Kimberly tried to think of such women with scorn but really, the thought just made her feel inadequate in comparison. She wasn’t a model. She didn’t look like a porn star. She wasn’t worldly or daring or seductive or flirtatious. She was just…Kimberly. No, she concluded, she definitely wasn’t Garrett’s type.

  Even so, a part of Kimberly secretly hoped he’d be waiting there with flowers for her.

  Garrett was waiting for her, but there were no flowers. He didn’t stand up when she arrived, let alone pull out her chair or kiss her hello. Instead, he gave her a casual wave and turned away, engrossed in a phone call.

  Finally, he set his cell down. “Hi,” he said, his eyes traveling over her before settling on her face.

  Kimberly blushed. She’d put more effort into her appearance than usual, pinning her hair back with a delicate barrette and choosing a simple but flattering dress that brought out the green in her eyes.

  She wasn’t sure why. Clearly she was setting herself up for disappointment. Even so, deep down she was pleased by Garrett’s appreciative look.

  Kimberly didn’t know why she’d been so nervous to see Garrett. He was slightly standoffish at first, but his mood soon improved. Before long, he was telling his usual raunchy jokes and scandalous stories, making her blush furiously while simultaneously collapsing in giggles.

  She’d missed him.

  She wanted to tell him so, but felt too shy. Kimberly had always felt like she could tell Felix anything without fear of being judged or scoffed at. With Garrett, it was different. He made her nervous.

  Around the time they were finishing their second bottle of wine, the conversation became more sexually charged. Garrett had just finished telling Kimberly a disgusting, hilarious tale of a kinky hookup gone horribly wrong.

  “So the hotel maid really walked in on your girlfriend handcuffed naked to the bed?” Kimberly asked, feeling a twinge of excitement between her thighs. The thought of bondage play intrigued her.

  “She wasn’t my girlfriend,” Garrett corrected her. “I don’t have girlfriends. But yes, the maid got an eyeful. She barely even reacted…I take it she’s seen far worse working at that hotel,” he chuckled.

  “Why are you so against having girlfriends?” Kimberly wanted to know.

  Garrett shrugged. “It’s more trouble than it’s worth,” he said dismissively. “Why deal with all that ‘romance’ and ‘commitment’ bullshit when you can just hang out, have fun and get laid? It’s so much easier.” Then he motioned to the waiter to bring them another bottle of wine.

  Kimberly leaned forward on her elbows, resting her chin against her hand.

  “What?” Garrett demanded as she stared at him.

  “What happened?” she asked softly, her tone empathetic.

  “What do you mean?” he said gruffly, looking around impatiently for the waiter to return with more wine.

  “I mean,” Kimberly said as the waiter brought them the wine and cleared their empty bottle away, “you must have had a pretty painful breakup to be so against relationships now. So who was she?”

  A look of annoyance crossed Garrett’s ruggedly handsome face. He quickly washed it away with a big gulp of wine. “Sorry to discredit your theory, Kimmy,” he said in a deliberately light, nonchalant tone, “but no girlfriend has ever broken my heart. In fact, there haven’t really ever been girlfriends.”

  Kimberly was surprised. She’d assumed Garrett had a past filled with passionate, torrid love affairs and messy, painful breakups. He just seemed to be the type, somehow. “How do you know you’re opposed to relationships if you haven’t experienced them before?” she challenged him.

  Garrett chuckled. “Before you lost your virginity, did you want to have sex?” he asked, his eyes twinkling mischievously. He clearly enjoyed teasing her, saying things that made her uncomfortable just to delight in watching her squirm.

  Kimberly blushed. “I’m not sure that’s any of your business!” she retorted drunkenly.

  Garrett’s chuckled became a full-fledged laugh. “It was a rhetorical question, Kimmy,” he explained, amused. “Of course you did. There are some things you just know you want, even if you haven’t experienced them before. Or in my case, some things you just know you don’t want.”

  Although she wasn’t completely satisfied with his explanation, Kimberly did have to admit it was reasonable enough. “Fine, you win,” she grumbled, plucking a breadstick from the basket left over from their meal.

  Garrett regarded her with amazement. “How can you still be hungry?”

  Kimberly reddened. “I’m not,” she said, “but I need something after all that wine.”

  He looked impressed. “You have had a lot of wine,” he agreed. “I like that – a woman who can eat and drink me under the table. Well, almost,” he corrected himself with a wink.

  “I’m not sure anyone could drink you under the table.”

  “No,” Garrett said thoughtfully, “I suppose not.”

  “Are you an alcoholic?” Kimberly blurted out before she had a chance to think about how the question would sound. That was one of the unfortunate side effects of alcohol for her; an inability to filter what she said.

  To her relief, Garrett didn’t seem offended. “I’m not,” he said, “but I do drink too much. Sometimes because it keeps me company when I’m on the road alone,” he explained. “But other times – like tonight – it’s strictly social.”

  “Is it lonely, being on the road all the time?”

&n
bsp; “Sometimes it is. Other times, it’s nice.” Garrett cleared his throat and then lowered his voice conspiratorially. “But enough about that,” he murmured. “I saw the way your eyes lit up when we were talking about bondage earlier. You’re into that, aren’t you, Kimmy?”

  Garrett’s eyes glimmered with amusement as Kimberly reacted with embarrassment. Finally she managed to spit out, “I’ve never done that before.”

  “But you want to.” It was a statement, not a question.

  “No!” she protested a bit too quickly. Then after a pause, she confessed, “Well…maybe. I don’t know,” she mumbled, averting her eyes.

  “Want to find out?”

  Chapter Fourteen

  She should have said no. She probably would have said no had she not been light-headed and tipsy, warm and tingly from all the wine. Well, maybe. Actually, she wasn’t sure. Even if she’d been completely sober, Kimberly suspected she still may have returned to Garrett’s hotel with him. He had a strange effect on her.

  “So you live in hotels?” she demanded as she stumbled into his executive suite.

  “Pretty much…I have room service and a maid cleans up after me; what’s not to love?”

  Kimberly bent down to take off her stilettos. She was already unsteady on her feet thanks to the alcohol and the impractical shoes weren’t exactly helping. “I just think it’d be strange to not have roots anywhere, you know?” she explained as she leaned against the wall and tried to unfasten the ankle strap without falling over.

  Wordlessly, Garrett knelt down in front of her and unfastened the shoe for her. He slid the sexy stiletto off her foot. His hand lingered on her ankle for a moment before he had her shift her weight to her now-bare foot so that he could remove her second shoe.

  “Roots are overrated.”

  “But it’s like you’re a…a…a perpetual wanderer!” Kimberly insisted. “Isn’t it lonely?”

  “Why would I be lonely?” Garrett asked as he stood up and ran a hand through her slightly disheveled dark hair. “You’re here.” He leaned down and kissed Kimberly, preventing her from replying.