What the Heart Desires (Contemporary Erotic Romance)

by Adderly, Allora

  For a moment, she was uninhibited. After all, she was simply following orders.

  Apparently the sight of Kimberly’s climax was more than Garrett could take, for a moment later he let out a deep, guttural groan. Then a jet of hot, ropey semen spurted from his member, coating Kimberly’s gorgeous breasts.

  Because she was caught up in the moment and the delicious sensations surging through her body, Kimberly barely paid attention. Once her post-orgasmic afterglow began to subside, however, she looked down at the sticky mess oozing down her pink nipples in confusion.

  She couldn’t decide whether she was annoyed that Garrett had cum on her. Shouldn’t he have at least asked permission before…defiling her in that way? Felix certainly would have. No, actually, scratch that. Felix never would have dreamed of doing such a disrespectful thing to her in the first place.

  Kimberly couldn’t help but feel like she was a tree and Garrett was a dog that had urinated on her to claim her. It was an uncomfortable realization.

  After his climax, Garrett had thrown himself down on the bed beside Kimberly. Then, without so much as a single word to her, he’d rolled over, turning his back on her. She looked over at him. His face was buried in the pillows and he was snoring lightly, dead to the world.

  She missed the post-coital cuddling she’d come to take for granted with Felix.

  But that was different, she reminded herself sternly. What she’d had with Felix was a relationship. This…arrangement with Garrett wasn’t. Garrett had made that much clear. Kimberly wasn’t sure what to call it. Was Garrett a friend with benefits? Was he a fling? Whatever he was, she guessed it wasn’t a title that included cuddling in the job description.

  With a sigh, she grabbed a handful of tissues from the box on the nightstand and cleaned herself up. Then she curled up next to Garrett and drifted off to an uneasy, dream-filled sleep.

  Chapter Sixteen

  Hindsight was a funny thing.

  When Kimberly had been with Felix, she’d been generally content, but a part of her had subconsciously been craving something more. She’d wanted passion and electricity. She’d wanted excitement and unpredictability. She’d wanted to be with someone who kept her guessing, who wasn’t afraid to fight with her and who was a bit less nice.

  In retrospect, Kimberly didn’t know why she’d faulted Felix for being too nice. Maybe she secretly associated it with him being a pushover or a doormat. Maybe she just wanted someone to stand up to her so that there’d be fire in the relationship. Was it wrong to long for conflict?

  At least with Felix, Kimberly had always known where she stood. He made sure to let her know how important she was to him. He never took her for granted. He always respected, cherished and cared for her.

  It was as though Garrett was Felix’s polar opposite. Garrett was fun and exciting and dangerous. He lived life on the edge and had just a hint of a bad boy streak that gave Kimberly a thrill. He was dark and mysterious, cynical and aloof.

  She felt like Garrett was an onion with multiple layers to peel back; there was definitely more to him than met the eye. But he wouldn’t let her in. She’d tried to ask questions and steer the conversation in ways that would allow her to know him better, but he always deflected.

  It left her frustrated…and curious. In some ways, Garrett was intriguing. He was like a puzzle Kimberly couldn’t quite solve. But it also made her wonder what he was hiding. Sometimes at night she tossed and turned, dreaming up wild possibilities. She figured he was probably an ex-con or maybe a fugitive. Of course, that was her wild imagination talking…but was her theory really so wild?

  There was never a dull moment with Garrett, but there was also rarely any true intimacy.

  Their BDSM play had been intimate in a strange, twisted, kinky sort of way. But as soon as the sexual encounter had been over, Garrett had rolled over and gone to sleep. There had been no talking, touching or affirmation of any kind whatsoever. It had left Kimberly feeling empty inside.

  Even so, she couldn’t stop fantasizing about their next sexual encounter. Since that night at the hotel, Kimberly had masturbated countless times to the memories of what they’d done. She couldn’t believe she’d allowed Garrett to spank her, tie her up and stare at her naked, exposed body. It had been so uncharacteristic of her – but it had also been so incredibly hot. She could hardly wait to do it again.

  The fact that she hadn’t been able to experience Garrett inside her made her want him even more.

  Jane was quite interested in Kimberly’s dilemma. For years, Kimberly had listened to Jane go on and on about her sex life. Kimberly’s love life had been non-existent until Felix had come into the picture, so the “girl talk” had never been reciprocated. Now, Jane couldn’t get enough of Kimberly’s love triangle.

  “It’s like a soap opera!” she crowed one night as they talked on the phone.

  “I’m glad you’re so amused,” Kimberly sighed, toying with a lock of long, dark hair as she stared out the bedroom window of her apartment. She cradled the phone between her ear and shoulder and bit her lip contemplatively. “I don’t know what to do.”

  “So let me get this straight,” Jane summarized. “One guy is stable and kind and dependable and nerdy and, well…kind of boring. Your sex life is meh – I still can’t believe you have a sex life, oh my God!”

  Kimberly rolled her eyes at the comment. “Yeah,” she said, “that about sums up Felix.”

  “Okay. And the other guy drinks too much and parties all night and has an exciting life and is fantastic in bed and you have amazing chemistry…except he doesn’t want a girlfriend and he won’t open up to you.”

  “Unfortunately,” Kimberly said, “I think you’re pretty dead on with that analysis.”

  Jane sighed. “Have you ever considered that maybe neither one of them is the perfect guy for you? I mean, it sounds like they both have great – and not-so-great – qualities. Why not chalk it up as a learning experience and move on? Maybe you’ll meet someone better than either of them.”

  “Maybe,” Kimberly replied, unconvinced. “Hey Jane, I’ve got to go. Thanks for listening. Goodnight.”

  Truthfully, Kimberly had nowhere to be. She just hadn’t wanted to continue to conversation. Maybe Jane was right. Maybe neither Felix nor Garrett was right for her…but Kimberly didn’t want to accept that. The thought of being alone again was dreadful, but it was more than that.

  As she climbed into bed, Kimberly wondered if it was possible to be in love with two people at once. She never would have believed it was possible in the past, but now…well now she just wasn’t sure.

  Felix was steady and reliable. He was careful with her heart.

  Garrett was reckless and wild and made her heart beat a mile a minute.

  Ugh. Why did love have to be so confusing?

  ~~~

  The first time Kimberly and Garrett actually had sex, it felt like fireworks should be going off overhead. Their chemistry was undeniable.

  Maybe the buildup contributed to it. After that night when Garrett hadn’t had a condom, Kimberly had found herself even more desperate than usual to have him inside her. Unfortunately, he’d had to leave the country on business for three weeks. Waiting for him to return was sweet agony.

  But it was well worth the wait.

  Garrett wasn’t pleased that he had to wear a condom, but Kimberly insisted and he didn’t put up much of an argument. She’d secretly gone back on birth control but she didn’t tell him. She figured it was none of his business considering he’d made it perfectly clear that they weren’t in a relationship.

  Sex with Garrett was forceful and passionate. It reminded her of the fantasies she secretly harbored of being ravaged by pirates. In fact, at one point she even closed her eyes and pretended he was one of the pirates and she was a damsel in distress, captured and stripped onboard a ship drifting at sea.

  Garrett wasn’t necessarily rough with her, but he certainly wasn’t gentle the way Felix was. He threw her do
wn on the bed, ripped off her clothes and licked every inch of her wet, pink sex. Then he thrust himself inside of her without warning and took her fast and hard, with long, deep strokes.

  He pinned Kimberly’s hands down with his own as he took her. She wasn’t sure if he intended for it to be an extension of their BDSM play or not. Maybe he did it without even realizing – he certainly seemed to be caught up in the moment, his eyes glazed over with primal desire.

  She loved every second of their encounter. The way he pinned her down and drove himself into her made her feel vulnerable and a little scared. Those weren’t necessarily bad feelings; they actually heightened her arousal. Sex with Garrett was definitely not boring.

  Kimberly normally couldn’t orgasm from penetration alone. Usually she required additional stimulation to achieve climax, which was why Felix would dutifully rub her swollen clitoris until she gasped in pleasure.

  This time was different. Maybe it was something about the angle at which Garrett was driving himself into her, or maybe it was the fact she was with Garrett Strong. Whatever the cause, Kimberly surprised herself by crying out in orgasmic bliss in the midst of penetrative sex.

  Her climax was intense.

  “Fuck!” Garrett groaned, as vulgar as ever. “Your pussy is squeezing my cock so tight!”

  Kimberly blushed at the crude language even as she thrust her hips against Garrett’s in the throes of her climax. He always seemed to know exactly what to say to embarrass and thrill her. He seemed to enjoy making her uncomfortable, grinning as she averted her eyes and her face reddened.

  He gripped her hips and pumped his hips against hers with urgent need. The penetration was so rough that it bordered on hurting, but she didn’t mind. She knew she’d ache down there for hours after he’d finished with her, but it would be a nice reminder of what they’d done.

  Sometimes Kimberly’s own thoughts disturbed her. It seemed she’d gone from being an innocent virgin to a sexual deviant practically overnight. She didn’t know if her dark desires had always been lurking inside her or if Garrett brought something filthy out in her.

  “Oh!” Garrett grunted, his face contorting in pleasure. She could tell he was ejaculating. Part of her wished she could feel him spurting inside her. She knew making him wear a condom was the responsible thing to do, but he brought out an animalistic need in her. She wanted him to claim her completely.

  When it was over, Garrett rolled off of Kimberly and yawned loudly. “You staying or do you want me to call you a cab?” he asked.

  Stupid little comments like that got to Kimberly no matter how much she tried to brush them off. Felix would never just cast her aside after sex like it – and she – meant nothing.

  “Do you want me to go?” she asked stiffly, her tone even and measured.

  Oblivious to her annoyance, Garrett shrugged. “Do whatever you want,” he said as he pulled the luxurious white duvet up around himself.

  “So you’re just…going to sleep?” Kimberly asked, unable to ignore Garrett’s nonchalant behavior any longer.

  “Well, yeah,” Garrett replied. “I’m tired. I was up late last night.”

  “What’s new,” Kimberly muttered, yanking the duvet over to her side of the bed.

  When Garrett felt his covers being pulled off, he rolled over to face Kimberly. “What’s with you?” he demanded. “If I didn’t know better I’d say your panties were in a bunch,” he said, chuckling at his own lewd joke. They both knew full well that her panties were lying in a crumpled heap on the floor.

  “It’s the end of August,” Kimberly said softly, almost not wanting to say the words aloud.

  “And…?” Garrett prompted. The significance was clearly lost on him.

  “Felix and I agreed he’d come here at the end of the summer,” she said. “He’s flying in tomorrow night so we can…talk, I guess.”

  “So what’s the verdict?” Garrett wanted to know, propping his head up on his hand and looking at her. “Should I start referring to Not-Husband as ‘Not-Boyfriend’ after tomorrow?”

  “I don’t know,” she confessed, wishing desperately that she did have an answer. “Part of me misses him, but I’m still not sure I want what he wants. I don’t want to string him along – it’s not right.”

  “So dump him,” Garrett told her.

  She hated how he was so cavalier about the whole thing. “It’s not that easy,” she protested, feeling annoyed.

  “Sure it is,” Garrett insisted. “You act like he’s this precious, vulnerable little snowflake who will be damaged by your rejection – bullshit. He’ll get over you. Hell, he’ll probably be fucking someone else within a week!”

  “You’re such an asshole,” Kimberly finally exploded. She threw back the covers, prepared to climb out of bed and storm out of the hotel.

  “Hey,” Garrett protested, putting a hand on her thigh to stop her. “Get back in bed. I was only trying to help. But you’re right about me being an asshole. I’m sorry for all the times I’ve been an asshole and all the times in the future that I will inevitably be an asshole, okay?”

  Kimberly felt some of her anger subside. Most people would take offense at being called names, but not Garrett. Instead, he embraced the criticism, owned it and apologized for it. Of course, he made no promise to change and would likely make no effort to change, but maybe that was part of his bad boy charm.

  She did settle back under the covers, but her arms were crossed and her jaw was clenched. This wasn’t lost on Garrett. He reached over and tickled her until she finally started giggling despite her best efforts to remain stoic.

  She loved and hated the way Garrett did things like that. He always eased the tension by doing something dumb, like telling a joke or making a face. It was infuriating, sometimes, that he seemed to be incapable of talking through a problem like an emotionally mature human being.

  “How should I break the news to Felix tomorrow?” Kimberly asked once she’d pushed Garrett’s hands away and regained her composure. “I want to make it as easy on him as possible. You do think I should be breaking up with him, right?”

  “What does it matter what I think? You’re gonna do what you’re gonna do regardless,” Garrett observed, appearing to be bored with the conversation. “I’m going to sleep. Unless,” he said, giving her suggestive look, “you’re up for round two.”

  “Ugh,” she retorted, swinging her pillow at him. “Goodnight!”

  Chapter Seventeen

  Seeing Felix again after an entire summer apart was strange. They’d sent the occasional text message, but for the most part, they’d kept communication at a minimum. That, Kimberly supposed, was the whole point of taking a break.

  Prior to laying eyes on him, she’d thought she knew what she needed to do. She’d played the scenario out in her mind over and over, rehearsing and revising what she intended to say to him. There was no easy way to tell him it was over, but she’d made up her mind that she’d try to do it with compassion and kindness. She owed that much to Felix.

  When she saw the taxi pull up outside her apartment building, Kimberly’s plan crumbled. Suddenly her insides were twisted in knots and her mind was racing in a thousand different directions at once.

  It got even worse when Felix stepped out of the taxi, duffel bag in hand, and she met him at the door.

  He looked good. His hair was slightly longer than she was used to; now it nearly brushed against his starched shirt collar. The look suited him. It was as though that one small change made him seem less stiff and uptight. She tried to read his eyes behind his glasses but was unsuccessful.

  “Hi,” he said, looking unsure of himself. Normally this was where he’d kiss her hello. Clearly he wasn’t sure where they stood, either.

  “Hi,” Kimberly said, impulsively reaching out and wrapping her arms around his neck. He dropped his duffel bag and wrapped both arms around her waist. The smell of his aftershave was familiar and comforting. She leaned her head against his shoulder and inhaled deep
ly, savoring the moment.

  “We should talk,” he said.

  “We should.”

  ~~~

  The conversation was superficial at first. They danced around the real issues, chatting instead about Felix’s career, Kimberly’s classes and any other “safe” topic they could think of.

  The conversation wasn’t all that stimulating. Felix didn’t keep Kimberly in stitches the way Garrett did. He didn’t tell amusing anecdotes or brag in such an over-the-top way that it was comical. He wasn’t the life of the party or a natural born storyteller.

  But he hung on Kimberly’s every word.

  Felix genuinely wanted to hear about Kimberly’s summer. He wanted to know how she’d been. He listened to everything she said and asked questions that made it obvious he cared. He was attentive and earnest, respectful and engaged. He cared. That much, she could tell.

  Of course, Kimberly left out the part about screwing Garrett. Technically she and Felix had been on a break so she hadn’t cheated, but she nonetheless didn’t know how to explain it. She could barely make sense of the odd arrangement herself. Besides, there was no point telling Felix anything that would only hurt him.

  As they talked, Kimberly found herself longing for the way things had been before she’d moved – before Garrett. She’d forgotten how nice it was to be with someone who built her up, looked at her like she was the most beautiful woman on earth and worshipped the ground she walked on.

  Like a puppy, Felix was completely, utterly devoted to her. His loyalty was undeniable. In fact, he admitted he hadn’t dated anyone all summer long. He said he’d been busy at the university. Kimberly was sure that was part of it, but suspected he’d also been patiently waiting for her.

  She felt a sudden pang of guilt over what she’d done with Garrett.

  Garrett.

  He rarely asked how her day was and when he did, she wasn’t certain he even paid attention to her response. He liked to wine and dine her, but his dismissive attitude after sex stung. So did his offhand comments about not wanting a relationship or commitment of any kind.