Hanging by a Moment (Keeping Score #2)

by Tawdra Kandle

  I rolled my eyes. “What does she expect? He’s Matt Lampert. He’s been a dick since the fourth grade. And I thought they weren’t serious. She always says it’s casual.” Gia and Matt had hooked up back in the fall, the first time Gia had gone down to Carolina with Quinn. Since then, the two had had what Gia called sex on demand. Matt seemed to run hot and cold; sometimes he was possessive and jealous of Gia . . . and then sometimes he did whatever the hell he wanted.

  “Yeah.” Quinn kept her eyes on Gia. “What she says and what she feels are two different things, in this case. She wants to believe it’s nothing big, but I think she’s in love with him. And he’s breaking her heart on a daily basis.”

  “Fuck.” I sighed.

  “That’s exactly what Leo says about it.” Quinn rolled her shoulders. “God, I’m stiff. I spent all afternoon studying for this chem final which I’m fairly certain I’m going to bomb. I should probably pull an all-nighter, but I didn’t want to dump Gia on you and Zelda.”

  “And for that I’m grateful.” I eyed up her outfit. “So we’re going out, huh? She doesn’t want to just stay here?”

  “Nope. She insists that we’re going to Scorpio.” A new club had just opened right off-campus, serving both the over- and the under-21 crowd. Since most of the area bars were pretty vigilant about not serving minors, there weren’t many options when it came to going out. Scorpio was instantly popular and always crowded.

  “That’ll be fun.” The irony dripped from my voice. I didn’t like crowds on a good day, but when we also had to keep track of our drunk friend? I’d rather have stayed home to study.

  Gia had given up on hanging over Tuck and was digging in her small purse. Zelda stood with her back against my closet door, her face inscrutable as she took in the scene. She was much more subdued when she came here than she was in the comfort of her own room, and I suspected Tuck had something to do with that.

  “Aha!” Gia held up her hand, dropped her bag and began dancing. “I found it!” She displayed the silver tube to Quinn. “See? This is that lipstick I told you about, the one I bought in the city from that organic skin care place, ‘member?”

  “Yep.” Quinn nodded. “Do you need help getting it on straight?”

  “Nooooo . . .” Gia uncapped the lipstick. “Just a mirror.”

  “Open my closet.” Tuck spoke patiently. “I’ve got one on the inside of the door, but it’s low, so you’ll have to bend over.”

  We all watched in silence as Gia traced her lips with the color, her face close to the small mirror and her ass stuck straight out.

  “I can’t wear lipstick.” Quinn touched her own mouth with one finger. I watched in fascination, wishing it were my finger instead of hers. I’d been doing okay in the last year being only Quinn’s friend and not resenting Leo, but every now and then, desire pushed through and I had thoughts I shouldn’t.

  “How come?” I cleared my throat and tried to focus on her words instead of her lips.

  “Oh, I don’t know. It always ends up on my teeth, and I feel like I look stupid.”

  “There’s a trick to it, you know.” Zelda spoke up for the first time since they’d arrived. “To make sure you don’t get lipstick on your teeth.”

  “Oh, really?” Quinn smiled at her. “Do share, oh, makeup guru. You know I live to sit at your feet and listen to your wisdom.”

  Zelda’s lips twitched, but she continued speaking in the same tone I’d use to talk about the weather. “It’s pretty simple, but you do need another person. A guy. You put on the lipstick, and then you go down on the guy.”

  Quinn’s eyes got big. “You, um . . . what?”

  “Blow jobs are the perfect way to make sure you don’t end up embarrassed later on.” Zelda shrugged and smiled. “Like I said, the biggest issue is making sure you have a guy on hand who’ll let you suck his cock. But I’ve never met a guy who’d turn down a bj.” Her eyes flickered to Tuck and rested on him for a minute.

  Tuck frowned, staring at her. An uncomfortable silence surrounded us, only broken when Gia capped her lipstick and smacked her lips.

  “Okay, all prettified.” She made a kissing sound. “Now who’s going to volunteer to let me go down on him to blot my lipstick?”

  I nearly fell off the bed, and on his side of the room, Tuck choked. I was pretty sure my face had gone beet-red.

  Zelda laughed. “I think you’re out of luck in this crowd, G. Nate’s too honorable to help you out, and Tucker . . .” Tilting her head, she pursed her lips. “Tucker wants you to think he is. Of course, if the rest of us weren’t here, he might take you up on it. Drunk and horny girls are his favorites.”

  Tuck’s forehead wrinkled, and his eyes went dark. “What the hell is that supposed to mean?”

  Zelda lifted one slender shoulder. “Just an observation.” She pushed off the door and twisted to stretch. “Are we ready to go, bitches? Mama’s got hearts to break tonight.”

  Since I’d become aware of the possibility of having a shortened lifespan, I’d begun setting short-term goals. At first, they were simple: I’d wanted to live long enough to be taller than my mom. To survive until I’d learned to speak Spanish and figured out calculus. To finish high school.

  And now, with one year of college behind me, I felt like I could take on anything. My health was stable; it hadn’t gotten any better, but it wasn’t any worse, either. My parents were thrilled that the year had passed so uneventfully, and they’d even begun doing something unprecedented in our little family: they’d taken short weekend trips by themselves. A few times my mom had even made it through the weekend without calling me to check in.

  I’d adjusted to sharing a room, too. Tuck and I had ended up to be pretty compatible, and a few months before the end of our freshman year, he’d glanced up from his laptop one night while we were both studying.

  “Dude, you good to room together another year?”

  I was relieved that he’d brought it up before I had to, but I played it off, shrugging. “Yeah, I guess. Works for me.”

  “Cool. Figure it’s better if we stick together. You and I already know each other’s habits and shit, right?”

  “Yeah. Good point.”

  And that was that. Housing had already informed us that we’d have the same room, since the school had a limited number of accessible dorms. Familiarity and predictability were comforting to me, so I was happy about the prospect of making sophomore year a repeat of our freshman semesters.

  The girls would be moving to a new dorm, one that was actually a little closer to where Tuck and I lived. They were going to have a suite, all three of them together, and I knew Quinn was excited about the prospect of sharing a regular bathroom with just two other girls, instead of dealing with a whole floor of students battling it out for the showers and toilets.

  “So, Zelda, huh? You’re sure you want to room with her again next year?” We were sitting on the deck at the beach house the weekend after our classes had ended, with my chair under the overhang, protected from the morning sun. Quinn sat a little in front of me in a chaise lounge, her face turned up to the light.

  “Yeah, we are. Zelda’s a friend now. She’s got her quirks, sure, but don’t we all? And she doesn’t really have anyone else in her life. She tends to put people off, and I think at least a little of that is on purpose. Plus, she and Gia get along, which will be a nice change for Gia after this last year with Ellie the roommate from hell.” We both shuddered, thinking of the crazy girl who’d made Gia’s freshman year less than ideal.

  “And the random hook-ups don’t bother you?” Quinn hadn’t said much to me about her roommate’s extracurricular activities, but Gia hadn’t been so reserved. I knew that Zelda brought guys back to the room on a regular basis, although Quinn insisted she never did it if she knew anyone else would be there. The guys talked, too; Zelda’s name was unique enough that I didn’t have to wonder who they were referring to when they told stories about the chick who put out like a dude did.

>   I’d overheard one conversation in Psych 101 between the two people sitting behind me. “It’s amazing, bro. She’s gorgeous, like a model or something, fucking hot—and all she wants is fucking without commitment. Matter of fact, she told me before she took me to her room that if I was going to get attached or want to call her again, I could forget it—she doesn’t do complicated when it comes to sex.”

  Still, Zelda was always respectful to me. I wasn’t sure if that was because she didn’t see me as a potential sex partner, thanks to my limitations or if it was because Quinn had warned her off. Oh, she flirted a little, and she teased me, but it was never serious and never made me uncomfortable.

  She didn’t flirt with Tuck, either, but she definitely didn’t treat him the same way that she did me. She was wary around him, as if he were a panther whose tameness she didn’t quite trust. Every now and then, as on the night we’d gone to the Scorpio for the first time, Zelda would poke at Tuck, testing to see his reaction. But it never went any further than that, and Tuck always swore to me that he had no idea why she acted that way around him.

  Quinn pointed her toes and stretched her legs on the lounge chair. I had to look away from the enticing length of tan skin that ran from her hips down to her feet, or I knew I’d get hard. My cock apparently hadn’t yet understood the message that Quinn wasn’t for us. Not in that way.

  She was answering my last question, and I tried to bring my attention to what she was saying instead of concentrating on the way her shorts were riding up a little on the side of her ass.

  “I don’t love her hookups, but what am I going to say? She doesn’t go around talking about them to Gia and me. I’ve heard her say shit to shock other people, but she doesn’t do that with us. It’s just part of who she is, and if that’s how she wants to live . . .” Quinn shook her head. “That’s up to her. And next year, with us being suite mates, we’ll each have our own private bedroom. So what she does in there is her business, as long as she’s not putting Gia or me in danger.” Her eyes flashed momentarily. “Or hitting on our boyfriends.”

  The air changed as soon as Quinn brought up Leo, and for once, it wasn’t my doing. My two best friends had survived their first year of a long-distance relationship without hitting too many bumps. There wasn’t any doubt in my mind that Leo was still crazy in love with Quinn, and of course I knew she felt the same way. That didn’t mean she was happy with everything that was going on, though.

  We’d driven down here to the beach together the night before, and I’d noticed that Quinn had been uncharacteristically quiet. She’d talked a little about her grades, which had just been posted, and about Gia, who had gone up to New York to live with one of her older sisters for the summer. But she hadn’t mentioned Leo except briefly in passing.

  I rubbed the back of my neck and tried to think of a way to bring up the subject casually. But subtle had never been my thing.

  “So what’s going on with you and Leo?”

  Quinn dropped her head back and groaned. “Oh, don’t ask. I thought everything was going well, and I thought we had a plan for the summer. Then last night . . .” She massaged her temples, as though a killer headache was lurking in there. “We had a fight. He was pissy about me taking the job down here this summer, and he said he was just going to stay in Carolina. His coach asked for some of the guys to volunteer for this football camp for underprivileged kids. He said since I wasn’t going to be around anyway, he might as well do it.”

  I quirked an eyebrow. “I’ll risk the wrath of Quinn and admit I was a little surprised you decided to work down here this year. I figured you’d want the time with Leo. I know how hard it was for you to be apart.”

  She grimaced. “It was my mom’s idea, that we live here this summer. She met the woman who runs the local paper, told her about my interest in journalism, and one thing led to another . . . when she offered me the internship, it sounded like a good idea.”

  “And you thought Leo would what, just hang out here while you worked? Spend some quality time with your mom?”

  “I don’t know.” Quinn slumped. “I guess I figured he’d get something down here, too. A job, you know. But he said that since he has to be back down at school at the end of July, no place would hire him.”

  “He’s probably right.”

  “Yeah, I know. But thanks for making me feel better about it.” She stuck out her tongue at me. “I think I’m mostly mad at myself and the situation, but Leo acts like I did this on purpose. Without checking with him before I made the decision.”

  “Did you?”

  She glared at me. “Whose side are you on, anyway?”

  I lifted both hands in front of me. “No one’s. I’m just pointing out what seems obvious.”

  “Again, thanks.”

  I tried another tact. “What’re you going to do then? How’re you going to make it work?”

  Quinn couldn’t have looked more miserable if she’d tried. “I have no freaking idea. When we hung up last night, Leo was still really mad. And he hasn’t texted me at all today.”

  I glanced at the sky, where the sun hadn’t reached the noon-time peak. “It’s still early. He’s probably asleep.”

  “He was moving out of the dorms today, so I’m pretty sure he’s up.” She blew out a long breath. “I guess I should text him and apologize. Maybe we can work something out. I could go down to Carolina for a weekend, or he could come up here for a little while.”

  “Yeah, that sounds like a good idea.” I paused a moment, thinking. “I’m not trying to insinuate anything, Quinn, but it’s still really weird to me that you took the position at the newspaper without even talking to Leo. It’s like you set this up to happen.”

  “Oh, is this wisdom from the person who aced his psych final? Are you analyzing me, Nate?” There was an edge in her teasing words that stung.

  “No. I’m just saying maybe there’s more going on than what it seems.”

  She stared at me for a few beats before she rolled her eyes. “Okay. Yes, I think you’re right. Does that make you feel better?”

  “Of course not. I don’t want to be right. I just want you to be happy.”

  For several minutes, the only sound was the crashing of the waves on the beach. Quinn rolled over in her lounge chair and propped her chin on her hands so that she could see me more fully.

  “I know Leo loves me. I don’t have any doubt about that at all. I know he’s not messing around on me. He’s not sleeping with other girls or even partying with them. He’s not Matt.” She made a face. “But I think there’s part of me that knows I don’t come first. He might think I do, and he might be able to convince himself that I’m his number one priority, but in the end, football tops me.”

  I rubbed my knee, which was beginning to ache. “I can understand why you might feel that way. I’m not saying Leo’s doing anything wrong, but it would be easy to think he’s choosing the team or the sport over you. But Quinn, I think he’s just doing it for you.”

  She huffed out another breath. “Oh, I know the line. He says he’s got to work hard now so he can get drafted into the conference and then we’ll be all set. He keeps telling me everything he does is for our future. I think he even believes it. But what kind of future can we have if we can’t get through the present together? I drove down to Carolina four times this year. Leo didn’t come up to see me even once, except when he was coming home for breaks anyway. I mean, Nate, he never even met Zelda. He didn’t come up to homecoming at Birch—but I went to his, at Carolina.”

  “Uh huh. So what’s the answer?”

  Quinn laid her cheek down on the lounge. “I guess I need to talk to Leo and tell him all this, huh? Is that what you’d tell me, Dr. Wellman?”

  I smirked. “Hey, I like the sound of that. You know, I’ve been leaning toward education, but maybe I should consider being a psychologist.”

  Quinn snorted. “Better work on your bedside manner first, bud. Not everyone’s going to know how to take you, l
ike I do.”

  I regarded her, grinning. “That’s okay. Pretty sure there’s a class just for learning how not to piss off your patients.”

  “You better take it twice, then.” She rolled over, swung her legs around and dropped her feet on the deck. “All right. I’m going in to call Leo and eat some crow. Wish me luck.”

  I watched her go, her movements lithe and graceful as always, and wished for about the millionth time in my life that it was me who Quinn loved.

  Sophomore year

  October

  The Carolina sideline was relaxed. It wasn’t often that this was the case, but right now, we were up by three touchdowns with a little less than four minutes left in the game. And Arkansas had just punted after another three and out that had resulted in negative yardage for them.

  In other words, we were kicking some serious ass this afternoon.

  To put the icing on the cake, Coach was sending in Matt as QB on this play. The last year hadn’t been easy for my friend; he and the coaching staff clashed more often than not, and he chafed in the role of back-up quarterback. Thom Wilkens was still going strong, and if things continued as they were now, he’d hold onto his job up through graduation, leaving Matt only one year to lead the team, if he didn’t consider playing another position. For a guy who was hoping to parlay his college career into a top draft pick, this thought was discouraging. And Matt wasn’t shy about letting everyone know how he felt.

  But right now, we were going out there together, the old dream team from Eatonboro High united once again. Tate came up beside me, jamming on his helmet.

  “Ready to rock and roll, bro?”

  I punched his arm. “You know it. Let’s go in there and tie this package up in a sweet fucking bow.”

  As we passed him, Thom slapped our backs, yelling encouragement. We jogged onto the field, Matt glancing left and right. I’d been worried about him, but I could tell he was in the zone now, with the look in his eyes that said we were about to make magic happen.

  On the first down, Matt flipped the ball to Erickson, the running back. He gained us about three yards. But on the second down, thanks to some excellent blocking from my teammates, I managed to break free just as Matt sent a gorgeous spiral pass down the field. The ball fell into my arm like a dream, and I pivoted on the ball of my foot, darted to the left, to the right and spied a gap. I slid through the opening and into the end zone to the cheers of the crowd who’d stayed to the bitter end.