“Neither.” I blew out a breath and rubbed the back of my neck. “She was here at a wedding yesterday.”
“No shit?”
“Yeah. I had to go over to the Big House to help Lindsey with something. When I left she was standing outside.”
“How’d you know it was her? Pics?”
“No, I’d never seen her before. I heard her voice.”
“Holy shit, Leo. You knew her by her voice? That’s romantic as fuck.”
I laughed, shaking my head. “I guess.”
“I’m serious, dude, that’s amazing.”
It was amazing. Not that I’d recognized her voice. I’d been listening to her for years. But I still couldn’t believe she’d been here.
“Yeah, so… it gets weird, though,” I said.
“Okay.”
“I saw her, but I left before she saw me. I went home and I thought maybe I was going crazy. Not like that would surprise anyone; I’m probably halfway there already. But I wondered if I’d imagined the whole thing. So I went back.”
“Jesus, if I was sitting down, I’d be on the edge of my seat right now. Please tell me you talked to her.”
“No,” I said, looking at him like he’d just suggested I shoot someone. “Hell no, of course I didn’t talk to her.”
He let out a frustrated growl. “Okay, what did happen?”
“She caught me staring at her. I freaked and bolted.”
“Where does it get weird? Because that’s not exactly weird. It’s more like… I kind of want to punch some sense into you. Not slap some sense, by the way, I mean punch. You didn’t talk to her? Come on, man.”
“No, I didn’t talk to her.”
“Why not?”
“Look at me,” I snapped.
A rare expression of anger crossed Cooper’s face. “I am looking at you. So?”
I turned away. “That’s not the point. It got weird later. We were online last night and she told me about… seeing me.”
“Holy balls, this just got good again.”
How was I supposed to say this out loud? It was too ridiculous to be true. He wasn’t going to believe me anyway. “She told me this story about seeing a guy across the room at the wedding reception, and how she was… attracted to him.”
“And the guy was you.”
“Yeah, the guy was me. I guess.”
“You guess?” he asked. “Was it you or not? What did she say?”
“Just… you know.” Why was this so hard to get out? “She said he had long hair and a beard.”
“Fuck yes, bro,” he said. “Did you tell her it was you?”
“No.”
“Well, shit. Leo…” He trailed off. “You should tell her, man. It’s dishonest if you don’t.”
“I know—that’s the problem. She caught me off guard, and I didn’t know what to say. And then she changed the subject. Now what am I supposed to do? Tell her hey, I know your name is Hannah, and by the way, I’m the long-haired bearded guy you saw at Salishan Cellars?”
“Basically, yes.”
“I can’t do that.”
“Why not?” he asked. “You’ve been friends with her for a long time, right?”
“Yeah.”
“And you obviously like her. And by like her, I mean you want to bang the shit out of her.”
“Jesus, Cooper.”
“I’m right though,” he said, pointing at me. “Don’t try to tell me I’m not.”
“It doesn’t matter. She was at the wedding with her boyfriend.”
He snorted. “Soon-to-be-ex-boyfriend.”
“How would you know?”
“It’s common sense. If she was with the right guy, you wouldn’t be making her panties wet just by looking at her from across the room. Well, that’s not true. You’re a Miles, and we have that effect on women. But still. She’s already halfway to breaking up with that douchebag. Trust me.”
Never in my life had I wanted Cooper to be right more than in that moment.
“Why’d she have to be fucking beautiful?” I asked, changing the subject. “She’s fun, and smart, and a total badass. She has to be gorgeous, too? She couldn’t be a four, she had to be a ten. And then there’s me—”
“Don’t do that, dude.”
“Leave it, Coop. I know.” I didn’t need him telling me my scars weren’t that bad. I’d heard it before. I knew it was a lie. “So, you think I should tell her it was me?”
“Yeah, you have to,” he said. “But this is awesome.”
“How is this awesome?”
He held out his hand and ticked off the reasons on his fingers. “One, this means she probably lives close enough to come visit you. Two, you said yourself she liked you on sight. Three, you guys are already friends, so it won’t be awkward when you hang out. Four—”
“Okay, okay, enough,” I said. “Four, she’s not coming out here to visit me. And five, she has a boyfriend.”
“We already went over the boyfriend thing,” Cooper said. “I don’t think we need to revisit that. By the way, when the time comes, I have a bunch of duplicate boyfriend t-shirts. I’ll give you a few. I actually don’t need twenty or whatever. Who knew.”
“What?”
“It’s cool. You’ll know when the time is right. For now, tell her the truth.”
I took a deep breath. “Yeah, you’re probably right.”
“Of course I am. Okay, tell me truthfully, bro,” he said, his voice suddenly serious. “Did I help you out with this?”
God, my brother was so ridiculous. He always had been. But no one cared like he did. “Yeah, Coop. This helped a lot.”
He did a fist pump. “Yes. Bring it in, buddy.”
I stepped away from his attempt at a hug. I didn’t do hugs. “That’s okay, we’re good.”
“You sure this time?” He held his arms out.
“Positive.”
“Okay, but you’re missing out. I give the best hugs. Bro hugs, and sexy hugs. But obviously only my Cookie gets the sexy hugs.”
“Good for her.”
“It is good for her. She’s the best. I fucking love that girl. Anyway, good talk, man. I’m glad you came to me. I think we made good progress here.”
I shook my head, smiling a little. “Yeah… thanks.”
Instead of going back to the utility vehicle, I kept walking. I needed to think.
Cooper was right. I needed to tell her it had been me. I should have last night. It was a dick move for me to let her tell me that whole story, like I didn’t know what she was talking about. I’d just been so surprised—so off-balance. I’d have to fess up and hope she wasn’t too mad.
And hope she didn’t want to meet in person. I didn’t care if she’d said she found me attractive. She hadn’t seen me up close. Once she got a good look at me, that would change quick.
Although the thought of being close to her again was almost more than I could bear. I wanted that. I wanted to see her. Be near her. Hear her talk in person, not through a headset.
This was fucking torture.
I couldn’t decide how I felt. I desperately wanted to see her again. But I didn’t want the sight of me to ruin what we had together. Our friendship meant everything, and I couldn’t let my goddamn face screw it up.
Eight
Hannah
I was supposed to be working. But Jace was home—it was his day off—and I couldn’t relax.
The second room in our two-bedroom apartment was ostensibly my office. In reality, it had my desk, plus a bunch of Jace’s crap that wouldn’t fit anywhere else, leaving it cramped and cluttered. I’d pushed a few boxes into a corner not long after we’d moved in—a year ago—and they were still there. Random stuff was piled on the bookshelf. There was an extra lamp, a chair that didn’t fit anywhere else, and some sports equipment Jace didn’t use anymore.
Once in a while he’d rant at me about how messy it was in here, as if it were my fault. I glanced around at the clutter, wondering if I should just g
et rid of some stuff. Those boxes were still taped shut. I bet he had no idea what was even in them.
But I wouldn’t. It wasn’t worth the risk of provoking him.
Although, since his cousin’s wedding, we’d been getting along. Not a single argument all week. Maybe it was because he was back on days. The change in shift—and more predictable sleep schedule—seemed to have improved his mood.
Instead of giving me a reprieve from the stress of living with him, Jace’s good mood left me on edge. Waiting for the crash—for him to blow up at me.
I leaned back in my chair. Maybe I was being too hard on him. His job was intensely stressful, and his changing shifts made it difficult for him to get enough rest. Sleep deprivation was a real thing. He’d been better this week. Calmer. Nicer to me.
That tiny ember of hope I held onto glowed, just a little. Was it possible for things to get better? Maybe this week hadn’t been a fluke.
“Hey,” Jace said, peeking his head through the half-open door. “Are you going to break for lunch? I thought I’d go grab takeout.”
I tucked my hair behind my ear. “Yeah, I can take a break.”
“I’ll be back in a few.”
“Okay. Thanks.”
Jace’s keys clinked, then the front door opened and closed. I took a deep breath, trying to calm my frayed nerves. Why was I such a mess? Jace hadn’t bitched at me for not cooking. He wasn’t stomping off to get takeout because he was angry at me. He was just getting us lunch.
This was fine.
After saving my work, I got up and stretched, reaching my arms over my head. I’d hardly been out of my office all morning. My stomach rumbled and I hoped Jace was picking up something good. He hadn’t said where he was going, but my guess was either gyros from the Greek place up the street, or tacos from the food truck around the block. Either one worked for me, especially since I’d skipped breakfast.
A shower was probably a good idea, since I hadn’t taken one yet. That, and real clothes. I was still in pajamas. There were perks to working from home, but I was tired of feeling sloppy.
I took a quick shower and put my wet hair in a bun. Threw on a t-shirt and jeans. Jace was still gone, so I grabbed my laptop and took it to the couch.
The downside to Jace working days was that he was home at night—which meant I couldn’t get online to game with Badger very much. Jace hated video games, so I didn’t play when he was around. I felt bad for ditching Badger all week, but there wasn’t much I could do. It wasn’t worth the argument with Jace.
But Jace wasn’t here now. I didn’t have long, but I could at least log on and see if Badger was online. Let him know I was still alive.
I missed him. I didn’t often go more than a couple of days without talking to him. I missed the sound of his deep voice in my ear—especially the way it got husky late at night when he was tired.
The load screen took a few seconds after I put in my password. A nervous tingle fluttered in my tummy. I’d checked to see if Badger was online several times over the last week—during the day, when Jace was at work—but he hadn’t been. We didn’t have each other’s contact information outside of the games we played. No email addresses or phone numbers. No real names, so no social media profiles.
Maybe I’d finally ask him for another means of contact. Just so we could keep in touch while Jace was on day shift. I didn’t know how long this was going to last. It could be months before he was back on nights.
I held my breath, waiting for his name to pop up as active. Several of our friends were online, their names scrolling past. One sent me a join request, but I ignored it. I wasn’t here to go on a side quest. I just wanted to see—
His name seemed to jump off the screen, like it glowed brighter than the others. I bit my bottom lip, feeling silly for smiling so big. It was just a game, and he was just some guy I didn’t really know.
But I kept right on smiling as I slid on my headset and sent him a message request.
“Where the hell have you been?” he asked as soon as we connected.
I laughed, the tension melting from my shoulders at hearing his voice. “Ugh, I know. I’ve been busy.”
“Shit,” he said under his breath. “It’s been almost a week, Gigz. I was worried about you.”
I sat back against the couch cushion, leaving the laptop on the coffee table. He’d been worried about me? “I’m sorry, Badge. I logged in a few times, but you were never on.”
“So you’re okay?”
“Yeah, fine.” I almost couldn’t choke out the word. Of course you’re fine. Jace has been fine. Everything is fine.
“Good,” he said, but his voice was hesitant.
“What about you? Anything interesting happen this week?”
“Um…” He cleared his throat. “Actually, there’s something I wanted to tell you.”
“Oh yeah?”
A car parked out front and I sat up straight, my eyes darting to the door. It could have been one of our neighbors. The car door shut, and I almost jumped out of my seat. I pulled off one side of my headset so I could listen for the sound of Jace’s shoes on the stairs. Nothing.
“Yeah, so remember when you told me about that guy you saw?” Badger asked.
The blinds on the front window were open, but there wasn’t a view of the parking lot from our apartment. I didn’t want to be online when Jace got home—especially not online with Badger. The last thing I needed was him finding out I talked to people online when he wasn’t around.
Badger had asked me a question, and I hadn’t answered. “What?”
“The, um… the guy you saw. At the wedding.”
Still no footsteps. I opened my mouth to answer when I noticed a pair of black shoes by the door. Jace’s work shoes. The ones that made that telltale click on the stairs.
He wasn’t wearing them.
I heard the metallic scrape of Jace’s key fitting in the lock.
“Badger, I’m so sorry, but I have to go. Everything’s fine. I’ll try to get on later.”
Without waiting for his reply, I ripped my headset off and slammed my laptop closed.
“I hope you’re hungry.” Jace held up a takeout bag as he walked in, then closed the door behind him. “Gyros.”
I blew out a breath, my shoulders slumping with relief. “Starving.”
He smiled and took the food into the kitchen.
My heart raced and I shook out my hands, feeling tingly from the adrenaline. That had been close. I couldn’t imagine what Jace would do if he came home to find me not only talking to someone online, but talking to another man.
Maybe it was shitty of me to keep it from him. Sometimes I felt like I had a second life—one he knew nothing about. But gaming was my sanctuary. The only place I felt safe. And I wasn’t doing anything wrong. I didn’t even flirt with Badger—or any of the guys I gamed with—let alone anything that could be construed as cheating. We were truly just friends—friends who’d probably never meet in person. But Jace wouldn’t understand.
He brought our food out and handed me a plate before taking a seat on the couch.
“Thanks.”
“Sure,” he said.
The tension was back, knotting my shoulders. Was he being nice because things were getting better? Was it really just a matter of a change in his schedule? He hadn’t always been angry and unpredictable. When we’d first started dating, he’d been charming and sweet. Maybe the Jace of the last year was the fluke, and the guy I remembered from the beginning of our relationship was the real deal.
Or maybe this was all wishful thinking, and the peace wouldn’t last.
I picked at my food, but hungry as I was, it was difficult to eat. It was exhausting to bounce back and forth between waiting for him to snap at me, and wondering if this calm could possibly be the new normal.
And what if it was? Would I want to stay?
I knew the answer to that question. No. I didn’t want to stay, even if he never yelled at me again. I glanced at
him from the corner of my eye, feeling anxious and guilty.
“What’s wrong?” he asked.
I flinched. “Nothing.”
“Are you sure? You’re not eating.”
I pinched a bit of pita bread between my thumb and forefinger and ripped it off. “I’m eating.”
His gaze was on my mouth and I recognized the heat in his eyes. Oh no.
“You’re done sleeping on the couch.”
I froze with the bread halfway to my mouth. He’d said that so suddenly, and without any preamble, it took me a second to process. “That’s… out of the blue.”
“Yeah, well, it’s been long enough, don’t you think? Maybe you can quit punishing me?”
Straightening my spine, I met his eyes. “Punishing you?”
“I realize being with me isn’t always easy,” he said. “But things are good now.”
My mouth opened, but it took me a few tries to respond. Things were good now? As if a week of him being halfway decent made up for everything?
“This week has been fine, but Jace… it’s a week. You really expect me to climb back in bed with you?”
He abruptly stood and walked into the kitchen. Slammed his plate on the counter so hard, I was surprised it didn’t shatter.
“Yes, I do,” he said through gritted teeth. “What the fuck is this about, Hannah?”
“Well… you’re such a loose cannon, I never know what I’m going to get. One minute you’re fine, and the next you’re calling me a stupid bitch for leaving dirty dishes in the sink.”
“You’re fucking home all day,” he said. “You can do the fucking dishes.”
I held my fists against my forehead. “I don’t want to fight about the dishes, Jace.”
He pointed a finger at me. “You’re done sleeping on the couch. Do you hear me?”
“No.”
His eyes widened and he gaped at me for a long moment. “No?”
I stood, trying to bury my fear. “That’s what I said. No. I’m not sharing a bed with you.”
A few quick strides and he was in my face, lording his height over me. “It wasn’t a request. I’m telling you, you’re not sleeping on the fucking couch anymore.”
I tried to step back, but my legs bumped the couch. “I’ll sleep wherever I want.”
Hidden Miles (The Miles Family Book 4) Page 5