Surrendered

by Monica James

  I nearly gag on my tongue, and he laughs at my reaction before begrudgingly letting me go.

  “You’re bossy when you’re in the kitchen.” He smiles, popping a strawberry into his mouth as he leans against the kitchen counter.

  “Well, you’re bossy in the bedroom,” I retort; it’s out before I can stop myself.

  I really have sex on the brain. And that’s because I have been denied something I usually have more than once a day, and sometimes, even without asking.

  “I didn’t hear you complaining last week,” he says, giving me a heated look, the strawberry painting his lips a deep red.

  Blushing at the memory, I wish I hadn’t said anything, because now, all I can think of is sex!

  “I wasn’t complaining. I was just making an observation,” I reply, feeling a heat creep up over my neck.

  “Well, if you’re not complaining,” he says, taking a step towards me.

  I have to stop this before I succumb to those eyes and that insinuating voice.

  Placing my palm on his chest to prevent him from proceeding further, I say with a grin, “What part of sit don’t you get?”

  Jasper taps his chin. “All of it.”

  Letting out a chuckle, I step out of his embrace and turn on the stove, trying very hard to dismiss his advances.

  He sighs over dramatically. “Okay, but these pancakes better be amazing,” he teases as he walks over to the table and thankfully sits.

  Turning my back, I begin stirring the batter, counting down the hours till my best friend sets foot on home soil.

  I need her here to help me.

  She’ll know what to do.

  She always does.

  I can’t help but feel bittersweet whenever I enter LAX. The feelings I experienced when last here are ones I never want to feel again. Airports and I have not had a happy relationship, so as my palms begin sweating, and my heart threatens to burst out of my chest, I clam up.

  Jasper senses my emotional shift. “What’s up, baby?” he asks, squeezing my hand in his.

  The word baby coming out of his mouth sends me into a tailspin, and a term I usually adore has now taken on a whole different meaning.

  “Nothing, I’m okay,” I reply with a smile that barely reaches my lips.

  Jasper being Jasper, who is totally in sync with my feelings, of course doesn’t buy into my speech.

  “Don’t do that. Don’t pretend everything is okay when I know it’s not.”

  I know he’s right, and I’ve learned the hard way that relationships are built on trust. And if you don’t have trust, then you’ve got nothing.

  I stop dead in my tracks because we’re in this together and he has every right to know.

  He too stops and turns to look at me. All I can see in his big, blue eyes is apprehension. I hate myself for making him feel this way.

  This was certainly not how I envisioned telling him I may quite possibly be pregnant, but I can’t stand to have him looking at me this way.

  Reaching for both his hands, I squeeze them lightly.

  This is it.

  I look into the face of the man I love with all my heart and notice he gulps.

  “Jasper, I think I’m—”

  “Ava!”

  Stopping mid-sentence, I snap my head to the left, because I swear I just heard my name being called.

  The ghosts of this airport will not let up!

  “Ava!”

  Before I have time to process another thought, my best friend has her arms around my neck and won’t let go.

  “I’ve missed you!” she exclaims, squeezing me tighter.

  I don’t know if my best friend has the worst, or best timing. Either way, I’m so happy she’s here.

  Peering over her shoulder, I notice Jasper looking slightly disappointed for the interruption. I unwrap her hands from around my neck so I can greet her, and breathe.

  “Wow! Look at you, you bronzed Goddess,” I say, commenting on the sun-kissed skin peeking out of her short denim shorts and red halter.

  She spins in a showy circle with her arms out to the side. “I know, right? It was so beautiful I couldn’t help but want to be outdoors all the time.”

  Lucas approaches us and lets out a small chuckle. “Yeah, you also couldn’t help but want to take your clothes off, while outdoors—all the time.”

  I look at her, eyes wide.

  My friend, the exhibitionist—why doesn’t that surprise me?

  She scoffs at Lucas. “Only when no one was around,” she says, waving off his comment with her hand.

  He shakes his head playfully. “You gave the pool boy his first erection.”

  Snorting, I cover my mouth while trying to contain my laughter.

  “Oh whatever. I didn’t see you complaining.”

  Lucas smirks. “What’s there to complain about? My beautiful wife, naked, is a sight I will never get sick of.” He pulls her in for a passionate kiss.

  Oh God—vomit!

  Jasper looks at me with a smirk on his handsome face as I shuffle uncomfortably.

  “C’mon, lovebirds, the honeymoon is over. Enough of that,” I say, prying them apart.

  Yanking on V’s arm, I force her to walk a few steps away from the boys, who are sharing a manly hug.

  “What’s up with you, grumpy pants?” she asks. “I thought you’d be all sexed out after having the house to yourselves. Judging by your mood, you’re the one who should have been walking around nude.”

  I turn my eyes upward and smirk. Good to see my friend is in fine form.

  V leans in to whisper softly, not to be overheard. “I’m serious though, what’s up?”

  How the hell does she know? Am I that obvious?

  “I’ve known you my whole life, Ava. I can read you like a book. A highly dramatized, frustrating book,” she says, huffing.

  I let out a small laugh. “I need to talk to you, but not here,” I reply quickly, motioning with my head to where Lucas and Jasper are.

  Her eyes widen in understanding. “Okay. But I swear to fuck if you dare tell me you’re engaged, leaving for another country, or single, I will lock you in my attic and throw away the key. I will make the grandma from Flowers in the Attic look like Mary fucking Poppins,” she whispers from the corner of her mouth, as the boys have caught up to us.

  I just give her a pained look as Jasper comes up behind me, putting his arm around my middle.

  If only it was that simple.

  The car ride is nothing short of awkward.

  With Jasper and V both aware of something being up, I’m surprised I have yet to run us off the road. Catching a glimpse of V looking at me curiously in the rear view mirror, I decide I will use my side mirrors from now on.

  If the uncomfortable atmosphere isn’t enough, the radio is taunting me, playing “Hey Baby” by No Doubt. I quickly reach down to change the station to something less baby-orientated.

  When Jasper places his palm on my leg, I jump, slightly startled because I’m beyond edgy. Biting my lip, I know he’s trying to decipher why I’m acting like a nut job. And I feel like an ass because I owe him an explanation, but I just can’t do it now. Especially in a car filled with our best friends, and I don’t want to do it until I’m sure.

  His hand tightens on my thigh and he begins stroking it lightly with his thumb. I sneak a peek at him from the corner of my eye, and can see he’s deep in thought. I know he’s racking his brain why I’m behaving like a crazy person.

  I need to do this pregnancy test like now.

  Finally, I pull into V’s driveway and all but leap out the door to go inside.

  I’m climbing the porch stairs when I realize Jasper isn’t behind me. Turning around, I notice him slapping Lucas on the back, shaking his hand.

  Wait, what? He’s leaving?

  Racing down the stairs, I approach him and ask softly, “Are you leaving?”

  Jasper nods, giving me a small smile.

  “Oh,” I reply, disappointed.
r />   He steps forward, brushing a lose piece of hair that has slipped from my ponytail behind my ear.

  “Yeah. I gotta work at the shelter later on, anyway.”

  It’s now only two o’clock, and I know he doesn’t have to start till ten.

  “Okay,” I say, trying my hardest not to pout.

  He raises my chin with the pad of this thumb. “You’re still going to stay the night, right?”

  His comment calms me somewhat and I give him a big smile.

  “Try and keep me away,” I reply.

  I’m rewarded with a big, dimpled smile which takes my breath away.

  Lucas is pulling out the luggage from my tiny trunk, watching our exchange. “Catch ya later, J,” he says as V gives me a worried look over her shoulder, before following Lucas inside.

  When I hear the front door close, I place my hand on Jasper’s taunt chest.

  “I promise to finish what we started talking about today.”

  “Okay,” he says, looking at me expectantly.

  Looking around the neighborhood, I decide telling him that he may be a father while the neighbors are mowing their lawns, and a group of kids are screaming, pumped up on way too much sugar, is probably not the best timing.

  “But not now, or here. There is something I have to do first. And I promise once I get it done, I will tell you everything.”

  Jasper gives me a troubled look. “I don’t like you keeping secrets from me, Ava.”

  “I know, but it’s not a secret. I just want to make sure before I tell you.”

  I have to be sure before I tell him something so big, something that will ultimately change his life, our life.

  Jasper sighs, running a hand through his long hair. “Is that some kind of chick code? Because I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

  I let out a small giggle at his adorability. “Trust me?” I ask, placing a palm on his cheek.

  I know this is asking a lot, and I wouldn’t blame him if he threw everything that has happened between us in my face.

  But he doesn’t.

  He leans into my embrace. “With my life,” he replies with conviction, staring deeply into my eyes.

  His statement warms my heart because I have finally regained Jasper’s trust.

  “I love you.” I smile, placing my forehead against his.

  “And I you,” he replies, dipping his head to meet my eager lips. He kisses me with such passion and love, it takes my breath away.

  I pout when he pulls away all too quickly.

  “See you later tonight.”

  “Okay,” I whisper, watching as he hops into his truck, leaving me to my impending doom.

  I trudge up the stairs as I am about to face the scariest thing I have ever had to face before.

  Finding out if I’m pregnant.

  As I enter the house, I see V waiting by the front window, totally spying on me and Jasper.

  “Okay, spill it,” she says, grabbing my hand and plonking me onto the sofa.

  Oh dear God, how do I tell her this?

  I begin fiddling with my charm bracelet; the one Jasper gave me for Christmas.

  Taking a deep breath, I push down my nausea.

  “V,” I whisper, unsure where Lucas is. “I think I’m pre—” Before I can get it out, I gag on the word. It is literally catching in my throat and won’t come out.

  V scrunches up her face. “You’re what? Pretty? The president? A pretzel? What?” she asks, trying to decode what the hell is going on.

  Letting out a hysterical nervous giggle, I slap my hand over my mouth to stop myself from bursting into inappropriate fits of laughter. But sadly, it’s out before I can stop myself.

  I begin laughing like a homicidal lunatic, and then suddenly, as the situation I’m faced with dawns on me, my laughter turns to tears. I start sobbing uncontrollably, burying my head into my hands to avoid looking at my friend.

  “Ava? Babe?” V asks, and the sincerity in her voice makes me sob harder.

  She pulls me into her arms and rubs my back, letting me cry my eyes out. After a few minutes of blubbering all over her, I feel slightly better.

  Pulling back, I wipe my eyes with the back of my hand. I’m so embarrassed about my meltdown, and I wonder if this is my hormones going haywire because of the… baby.

  I blanch.

  V searches my face, rubbing my arm supportively when she notices my reaction. “You okay?”

  I shrug because I don’t know how I’m feeling at the moment.

  “Talk to me. Whatever it is, you need to tell me,” V says.

  Looking at her seriously, I nod because she’s right. I take a deep breath before I spill my guts. “V, I think I’m… pregnant.”

  V’s mouth pops open, almost hitting the ground.

  O-kay, probably not the best reaction.

  “V?” I ask, after a minute of her staring at me, stunned.

  I need her to make me feel better, and tell me it’s going to be okay.

  “Are you sure?”

  Hallelujah, she speaks!

  Shaking my head, I lower my eyes.

  “You haven’t done a test?”

  I shake my head again.

  She stands up abruptly, shoving her hand in my face, and I gingerly take it.

  “Where are we going?” I ask as she hauls me to the door, my feet all but dragging on the carpet.

  She stops and turns to look at me. “To find out if I’m going to be an aunt.”

  V and I are patrolling the aisles of the local supermarket, on a mission to get to the bottom of my situation A-sap.

  I have my hood on, attempting to disguise myself because V is placing every available pregnancy test into our shopping cart, while happily humming “Baby Love” by The Supremes.

  “One is more than enough,” I mutter under my breath, my face cast downwards. “And can you quit it with the singing?”

  Thankfully she ceases with the singing. “Pssh, no, it’s not. Better safe than sorry. Hmm, I guess you’re past that stage, though,” she says, laughing at her inapt joke while tossing another test into the cart.

  “Can we leave?” I whisper loudly, darting my eyes up and down the aisle, afraid someone I know will stroll down the walkway at any moment.

  V shrugs, looking at the cart. “Yeah sure, we have enough for now.”

  She pushes the cart towards the registers while I drag behind, sinking further into my hood by pulling the sides over my face, afraid the bright lights will highlight my blushing red cheeks.

  “Ava, c’mon!” V yells over her shoulder while waiting in line, looking directly at me.

  The people in front of her look over their shoulders to see who the loud, tattooed lunatic is yelling at.

  Well, so much for anonymity!

  As I catch up to her, my eyes widen when I witness the cart is filled with pregnancy tests and nothing else. I lunge for the shopping cart, which jars V to a sudden standstill, as she was proceeding forward.

  “What the hell?” she asks, looking at me like I’ve lost my mind.

  “Put a few other items in there,” I whisper, looking at the cart like it might detonate.

  “What for? We’re not here for a shopping expedition.”

  Pinching the bridge of my nose, I reply, “I know, but it’s embarrassing. The checkout clerk will know I might be pregnant.”

  V rolls her eyes. “Seriously?”

  I nod quickly, mortified and beyond embarrassed this is happening right now.

  “Fine.” V sighs, throwing her hands in the air.

  She looks over her left shoulder, and because we’re next in line, our options of covering the evidence is very limited. So she reaches for a pack of gum and throws it alongside the other goods.

  “Happy?” she asks, rolling her eyes.

  Looking at the tiny packet, which looks ridiculous sitting alongside all the pregnancy tests, I feel anything but happy. But it’ll have to do because we’re next to be served.

  I blush pro
fusely while V is totally oblivious, humming along to some tacky song playing over the speakers.

  However, the sixteen year old cocky checkout boy is anything but oblivious. He looks at me with a sleazy stare as he scans my products, and then has the cheek to let out a small chuckle when he scans the pack of gum.

  Finally after he bags my five pregnancy tests and one pack of spearmint gum, he brings up the total. Paying with cash, I tell him to keep the change as I grab my bag and bolt out the door.

  V is trailing behind, chuckling as I throw myself into her car when she unlocks it with the remote. I sink into my seat, waiting edgily for her to get into the car.

  After a minute, she leisurely opens the door and hops in without a care in the world.

  “For someone who was track champion in high school, you sure know how to dawdle,” I say, looking at her smiling face.

  V laughs, pulling down the sun visor to check her reflection. “Ava, please, you’ve waited this long to find out, I’m sure a few more minutes won’t hurt.”

  But that’s where she’s wrong. I have been on edge this whole time, and the only thing getting me through was the fact I was seeing V in a couple of days.

  Now that she’s here, I’m barely hanging on.

  I heave a sigh, thankful when she starts the car and reverses out.

  V notices my apprehension as she peers over at me. “When do you think it happened?” she asks, trying not to sound too nosey.

  Blushing, I confess, “It happened the night of your rehearsal dinner. Up against the boathouse wall.”

  V turns her head quickly, looking at me, her mouth agape.

  “I know, V. Don’t look at me like that. I feel like enough of a tramp without you giving me that look,” I say, covering my face with my hands.

  V lets out a loud laugh. “You whore! Looks like I’m not the only one parading around naked outdoors,” she jokes, laughing hysterically.

  I groan. “I know, right?”

  After V stops laughing at my expense, she asks, “Do you regret it?”

  Thinking back to the feeling of having Jasper inside me after so long, I shake my head. “No way. I could never regret being with Jasper that way.”

  V pulls into her driveway and turns off the car, turning to face me. I’m staring straight ahead, afraid of what I am about to do.