Surrendered

by Monica James

“No, I will not just ‘drop it.’ This is crazy, Jasper. Something isn’t right, and I’m afraid it’s just going to get worse,” I confess, proud that I have expressed my fears aloud.

  Jasper is now the one with the defensive stance, crossing his arms over his broad chest. “Ava, look, I’m going home. You can either come with me, or you can stay here. I don’t want to talk about this anymore.”

  I can’t believe this!

  I’m not happy, but with no other choice, because we’re obviously done talking, I snap, “Fine, give me your keys. You’re not driving in the state you’re in.”

  “Fine,” Jasper retorts, tossing his keys at me.

  I catch them, but before I can say a word, he’s turned his back on me and stormed off.

  “Jasper, answer the phone. Please,” I plead.

  I’m sprawled out, lying on his bedroom floor, surrounded by mounds of books, trying to study for final exams. But the constant ringing is doing my head in, and I’m getting absolutely no studying done.

  Jasper lifts his head, which is buried in yet another newspaper.

  “No.”

  He picks up his iPhone, ending the call, and goes back to scouring the paper, like his phone ringing off the hook for the past week isn’t an issue.

  “What are you looking for?” I ask, pointing at the paper.

  He’s been awfully secretive about what he’s doing, even though I know damn well he’s looking for work. Whenever I try to address the issues, he either avoids the question, or dances around it.

  However, this time I won’t let it lie. “Are you going to quit the shelter?”

  Jasper rests the paper on his knee and spins in his chair to face me. “I dunno. Maybe. I can’t work there forever,” he replies honestly.

  Even though I don’t like his answer, I’m so happy he’s finally opening up.

  “Yeah, but you love it there.”

  Jasper shrugs. “It’s time for a change,” he replies, his eyes flicking down to the paper.

  I know this has got to do with some macho pride thing of supporting me. And ever since that night at Little Sisters, when that jerkoff ran his mouth off, Jasper has been more adamant than ever.

  “You don’t have to support me. I can work before and after the baby. Once I graduate, I can get a job, earning good money. With all the experience I’ve had on my scholarship, I have an advantage over all the other people applying for the same jobs as me.”

  Jasper shakes his head, his eyes narrowing. “No offense, but I’m not living off my girlfriend.”

  “This isn’t the 15th century where I need looking after. You don’t have to support me. See it as me supporting us. Us three,” I reply, because this isn’t about him and his pride anymore, it’s about what’s best for our baby.

  Jasper pinches the bridge of his nose. “Drop it, Ava.”

  “But…”

  He gives me a stern look, raising his eyebrow, so I don’t push.

  “Okay, okay,” I whisper. “Letting it go.” But of course I can’t. “What are you going to do?” I ask softly, trying not to come across as being rude.

  “Anything,” he sighs. “I don’t care. Anything that will bring in a decent income. I’ll work three jobs if I have to,” he confesses.

  “Three jobs?” I ask, sitting up. “But when will I see you?”

  Jasper shrugs. “You said we have to make sacrifices… well, I’m making mine.”

  What the hell is he thinking? Sacrifices I get, but this isn’t a sacrifice, this is suicide.

  “But…”

  “Ava, please. I’m doing this, okay? I may not have some fancy title under my belt, but I’m not afraid to get my hands dirty,” he says, slightly annoyed. “I am supporting you and my child, no matter what the cost is.”

  I lower my eyes because although he means well, the cost is slowly chipping away at my sanity.

  “I know, Jasper, I just don’t want—”

  “You don’t want what?” he asks defiantly, folding up the paper and tossing it onto the desk.

  Is he trying to pick a fight with me?

  “I don’t want to fight. I just want you to be happy,” I admit, hoping to knock some sense into him.

  His phone starts ringing for the ten thousandth time, and by the hard resolve of his jaw, I know who it is.

  “I’ll be happy when my mom gets the hint,” he says, rubbing his eyes with the heels of his hands.

  The phone thankfully stops and I don’t pester him any longer, because he looks like he’s about to snap.

  I continue with my studying quietly, hating the tension in the room. I don’t know what else to do. I’ve tried talking to him about this whole situation, but he won’t open up to me, and that scares the living hell out of me.

  After a few minutes of silence, his phone sounds again.

  “God dammit!” he snaps. “I’ve gotta get out of here.”

  He stands up quickly, reaching for his black sweater lying on the bed.

  I look up at him, and down at my pile of books. “Oh, okay. Give me a minute to finish up this chapter, and I’ll come with.”

  “No, you stay. I know you’re busy studying,” he says, looking down at me.

  I know he’s just being polite and doesn’t want me to come. The reality of the situation breaks my heart, but I try to play it off, as I don’t want to crowd him. I think he’s had enough crowding to last him a lifetime.

  Giving him a quick nod, I highlight something in my book, pretending that I’m not about to scream in frustration.

  He kneels down in front of me and searches my eyes. “I just need time to think. Away from that incessant thing,” he says, pointing to his flashing phone. “I promise I won’t be long. I just need some time to clear my head, okay?”

  “Okay,” I reply softly.

  But it really isn’t.

  After another hour of Jasper’s phone ringing constantly, I turn it off before I throw it out the window.

  I know Jasper is frustrated with his mom and this fucked up situation. He’s just lashing out, but I hate it. I can’t stand to see him hurting this way. And I can’t stand this friction between us.

  Damn his mom. She’s causing problems in and out of his life. How can someone be so toxic without even being a part of one’s life?

  My phone rings, interrupting my depressing thoughts.

  Half hoping its Jasper, because he’s been gone for a while, I answer it eagerly.

  “Hello.”

  “Hello, ah, is that Ava Thompson?”

  My heart sinks. Has something terrible happened?

  “Yes, this is she. Who is this?” I ask breathlessly.

  “Hi Ava, my name is Thomas Carey from the Board of Studies.”

  “Okay,” I reply, waiting for him to continue.

  “I’m just giving you a quick call to let you know your application has been reviewed, and I’m pleased to say you’ve been accepted. We’ve emailed you all the dates. See you at the interview.”

  Whoa, what the hell?

  Before I have time to question what the fuck is going on, the line goes dead.

  What the hell just happened? My over-tired, over-stressed brain can’t process this situation fast enough. So I quickly fire up my laptop and impatiently tap my fingers on the keyboard, waiting for Outlook to load.

  Finally, the program opens up and I scan through a bunch of junk mail. My eyes then fall on the two emails I want. One is from Thomas Carey. The other is from Sally Spencer.

  I decide to open Sally’s, as I have a sneaking suspicion she’s behind this confusion.

  Ava,

  I will keep this short, because I know right about now, you’re calling me every name under the sun. LOL

  I went ahead and handed in your application form because you deserve this, Ava. This is your future. You deserve this more than anyone else I know.

  Please don’t be mad.

  Just go to the interview, and if you hate it, then I promise I won’t pester you again about it
. I don’t know what’s going on in your life at the moment, but I can’t let you pass up this opportunity.

  Just give it a go.

  Btw. Thomas is an old buddy of mine. ;)

  S

  Well, that explains it then.

  I have a read through the email from Thomas Carey and open the attachment with all the interview details.

  I can’t believe this. I made the cut. And I didn’t even know I was in the running!

  I should be overjoyed, exhilarated, all those adjectives, but I’m not.

  All I can think about is Jasper.

  This would solve any financial problems we might have in the future once the baby arrives. And of course, it would also stop Jasper from working a trillion jobs. But I know it would be a slap to Jasper’s ego. I also know, the job being in New York, makes this dream impossible.

  I have to let this go, because there are too many factors working against me.

  If only those factors were working in my favor, then I’d be set.

  I have been pacing Jasper’s living room for the past thirty minutes, peeking out the front window in hopes of seeing him walk up the driveway.

  So far, nothing.

  It’s now 1:20 a.m., and he’s still not home.

  I have tried calling everyone, but no one has seen him. Well, I’ve called everyone, bar one person.

  His mom.

  I’m holding onto his iPhone, slapping it against my palm, and have been debating whether to call her for the past hour.

  There’s nowhere else he could be. So I suck it up, switching on his phone to search through his contacts for her number.

  As soon as the phone fires up, there is a constant beep, after beep, after beep. All are messages indicating he has voice message, after voice message. No guessing who from.

  In the end, I give up and let the phone do its thing while I run to the bathroom. When I return, it indicates Jasper has fifty-six voice messages and thirty-nine text messages.

  Gee whiz.

  I scroll through the texts and most are from his mom and Indie.

  I decide to listen to the voice messages, as I’m sure he won’t mind, seeing as he has a million others to go through.

  As soon as I hear her voice, my skin crawls.

  “Jasper, please talk to me. I can’t stand this. I’ve just gotten you back. Call me.”

  Next message.

  “How could you turn your back on me? You’re breaking my heart. Call me.”

  Next message.

  “She is bad for you, son. Look what she’s made you do. Call me.”

  Next message.

  “Jasper, I love you. Call me.”

  I’ve had enough and hang up quickly before I gag.

  Now I understand why Jasper has been so moody. If I had to listen to obscene messages, such as the ones I just heard, I would be border lining on homicidal.

  I look at the clock, and with no other option, I scroll through his contacts to find his mom’s number.

  I’m trying to gather enough courage to call her, when I hear keys jingling outside, attempting to unlock the front door.

  Jasper.

  His keys drop with a heavy thud onto the porch, and I then hear hushed voices and giggles.

  I’m quite certain one voice belongs to Jasper, while the other belongs to a female.

  My blood begins to boil.

  Racing towards the front door, I stop with my hand braced on the handle, when I hear a musical laugh I know all too well.

  Harmony.

  I yank open the door, and Jasper, who’s being held up by Harmony, stumbles forward.

  She has her slender arm wrapped around Jasper’s neck, and he’s holding onto her, attempting to stay balanced, as he is obviously blind drunk.

  When she meets my eyes, they instantly dart away guiltily. She is looking, as usual, like a catwalk model in her chic, modern bohemian dress, with her lush brown hair cascading down her back.

  What. The. Fuck!

  “Hey baby,” Jasper slurs, straightening up and shrugging out of Harmony’s grip.

  But he ends up wobbling on his feet, and both Harmony and I reach to steady him.

  I can’t help myself as I hurl a death stare her way, and she instantly pulls her hands away.

  Jasper, of course, is oblivious to it all and chuckles.

  “I’m hungry. Who wants pizza?” he asks, finally steadying himself as he brushes past me, walking inside.

  I’m furious at his carefree response at being out all night without a word. And to make matters worse, when he does turn up, he does so drunk, AND on the arm of Harmony!

  “Where have you been?” I snap, catching up to him as he fumbles with the light switch in the kitchen.

  Jasper finally finds the button and then, let there be light, although, I wish it had remained dark.

  The bright lights amplify the disgusting lipstick stains smeared all over his cheeks. And if that isn’t bad enough, he also has bright red lipstick lips on his forehead.

  Storming over, I grasp his chin in a firm grip and turn his face from side to side, examining the proof of his infidelity.

  “What the fuck, Jasper?” I ask, slightly stunned when I see there are about twenty different shades of lipstick kiss marks on his cheeks.

  Before he has a chance to reply, Harmony butts in quickly. “He didn’t do anything wrong, Ava.”

  I turn to her, Jasper’s chin clasped between my fingers. “Oh, so you call this,” I say, showing her his face, “nothing wrong?”

  Harmony bites her lip and my stomach drops, not liking what she’s about to tell me. My free hand twitches, as I’m about to take this bitch out.

  “He was at Lights Out, and I was there with some girlfriends. He was drinking alone, and he looked really sad, so I invited him over to have a few drinks with us. He declined, but I couldn’t stand to watch him drink alone, so we all joined him.”

  I drop my hand from his face, suddenly feeling dirty.

  “That’s a lovely story. But how does having a drink lead to him looking like he’s been attacked by an entourage of hookers?”

  Jasper has the audacity to laugh at my comment. I spin on my heels to glare at him. He stops laughing abruptly, placing his hands behind his back while lowering his head like a naughty little school boy.

  Harmony continues. “Everyone was buying everyone drinks… and we were all having a good time.”

  “Spit it out,” I interrupt.

  I’ve had enough of her dancing around the truth. I want her to get down to the truth before I pull out her long, lush hair.

  She wrings her hands nervously when she feels the tension bouncing off of me.

  “I noticed Jasper was getting really, really drunk—”

  “Yeah, I was,” he pipes up like it’s something to be proud of.

  When I shoot him a death stare, he resumes his schoolboy position.

  “Anyway,” Harmony continues. “My friend Alice thought it would be fun to enter Jasper into a stupid competition the bar was running.”

  I cross my arms over my chest. “What competition?”

  Harmony squirms, nervously brushing her hair behind her ear. “Um, well, the girl patrons voted for the five hottest guys in the bar. The guys were then brought up on stage, and the women who wanted to participate chose who the hottest guy was out of the five.”

  “How did they vote?” I ask, although I know the answer.

  Harmony clears her throat, and hesitates before she answers. “By kissing the guy they liked the best on the cheek.”

  I gulp, feeling sick.

  Judging by the lipstick marks all over his face, Jasper was one popular boy.

  “What did he get for bringing home the title?” I ask, disgusted, not able to look at Jasper without wanting to slap his sleazy face.

  “Free drinks for the rest of the night,” she replies softly.

  My face turns into an ugly scowl. Like he needed any encouragement! He seemed to be doing okay all on his own
without the freebies!

  “I stopped drinking and sobered up so I could drive him home,” she confesses.

  When I don’t reply and rub my temples, trying to massage away my approaching migraine, she says, “He loves you, Ava. He only has eyes for you. Don’t be mad at him.”

  Is she really pleading on his behalf? How wrapped around his little finger is she?

  “Thanks, Harmony, for bringing him home. I appreciate it,” I utter on a sigh.

  I look at Jasper, who seems to be listening to us, but has an unreadable look on his face.

  “I better get going. I’ll see myself out.”

  She smiles at Jasper. “Goodnight, Jasper. I hope you feel okay in the morning.”

  Jasper drunkenly waves goodbye and looks to be falling asleep on his feet.

  Harmony gives me a small, timid smile and walks towards the front door.

  Suddenly, I realize that Harmony, out of all this, is the good guy. No one can help who they fall in love with. And sadly she’s fallen for someone who doesn’t feel the same way. No matter how beautiful she is, she realizes Jasper will never have those kinds of feelings for her. But still, she’s kind enough to take him home. She’s happy to settle for friendship and has respected the fact, unlike most of the other females in Jasper’s life, that he has a girlfriend and is off limits.

  Maybe in a different time and place, Jasper and Harmony would work, but now, now she has to admire him from afar. And for that, I feel sorry for her. Something I never thought was possible.

  “Harmony?”

  She turns around, a few steps away from the front door.

  “Yes?”

  “Thank you,” I say, giving her a curt nod. “For everything.”

  She understands my double meaning and returns the gesture.

  “You’re welcome, Ava.” She closes the door softly behind her.

  Now, time to deal with the kissing magnet.

  I turn to face him, but he won’t meet my eyes. He’s just standing motionless, looking at the floor guiltily.

  “So, do you have anything to say for yourself?” I ask, my arms crossed.

  Jasper shrugs, eyes still downcast.

  He looks a mess. His hair is sticking up in disheveled peaks, and his demeanor is that of a man who feels sorry for himself.