Guarded

by L. A. Witt

  “You’re in charge,” I whispered.

  “You enjoyed being my slave so much last night, I figured you could use a few more days of it.”

  Sounds like sheer paradise to me.

  He wrapped his arms around me and pulled me down next to him, the sleeves of his long white shirt rasping over my back. “Will you beat me again?” I asked.

  His groan reverberated through me and back through him like some unholy feedback loop. “Not right away. Those welts need a chance to heal.” He kissed me gently on the forehead. “You liked the pain, huh?”

  “You have to ask?”

  “But it didn’t get you off.”

  Was that supposed to be a question? My gaze flicked to his face. “You told me not to come until—”

  “I know, I know. That was my fault. I shouldn’t have made you wait so long—”

  “I’m glad you did. I wanted to please you. I just wish…”

  “Wish what?”

  Deep breath. “That it’d been your cock in my mouth in front of all those people.”

  “Jordan…” he breathed. I’d never seen such a flood of emotions in those clear blue eyes before. Happiness. Pride. Lo—

  No, don’t even go there.

  The floor we were lying on would’ve opened up and swallowed me if not for Jase’s arms around me. Anchoring me to a world where we couldn’t be together, except for a few stolen days like this. Who even knew how many more we’d have?

  The thick nub of the carpet bit into my shoulder as I rolled Jase onto his back, kissed my way down his throat. Unbuttoned his shirt—

  Until his hand came down to cover mine. “I thought I told you to relax.”

  “I am relaxing.” I grinned and kissed his chest. Swirled my tongue around his nipple until his breath hissed between his teeth. His cock bulged under his fly, rubbing against my bare belly. I slid my hand between his warm, lightly-furred skin and rough denim, palming his erection. My fingers came away wet and sticky, and I licked them clean, watching Jase’s eyes dilate.

  I eased down his zipper and let his cock spring free, his breath quickening when I puffed warm air over the crown and sucked it between my lips. Then his hand came to rest on the back of my head, and I opened wide and took everything he had to give.

  He shoved to the back of my throat, euphoria setting in for an oxygen-deprived split-second before spots started dancing in front of my eyes—

  Fuck. If I passed out with his dick in my mouth, I’d suffocate. So I pulled back, forced myself to breathe through my nose, calm and steady—

  But there was nothing calm and steady about this. Jase was fucking my mouth with all he had, pushing my head down until his dick slid into my throat—

  Not like last night, when the guy I’d been blowing—shit, I couldn’t even remember his name—let me do whatever I wanted. Jase was in complete control here, hands cradling my head in a grip I had no hope of ever wriggling out of—

  “Relax, Jordan,” he murmured. “Just relax…”

  And just like that, I pulled in a long breath and gave myself over to it. He hadn’t put his collar back on me, but his hand sliding down to my throat reminded me of what it’d felt like, that long strip of cowhide locked around my airway, rising and falling with my every breath—

  I opened wide and let Jase fuck my mouth, let him move me around any way he wanted, use me like just another warm, wet hole to come in—

  He hadn’t given me permission to touch my cock, but I couldn’t help it, my orgasm was barreling down on me, and all it’d take was—

  Jase’s hand on my throat, squeezing just hard enough to send me over the edge.

  * * *

  I felt the mattress under me before I opened my eyes. Felt Jase’s naked body pressed against me a few hazy seconds later. “Um, how long was I out?”

  “Not long. I was getting stiff lying on the floor. Figured you probably were too.” I could hear the smile in his voice. “No pun intended.”

  I laughed. “I don’t think I could get stiff again for... well, a while.”

  “Me neither. Not that I’m complaining.” His lips moved against my forehead, and for a second I thought... was that a whisper? What was he trying to say? Sounded like...

  Love you.

  No, it couldn’t be. The one thing I couldn’t say back to him. This wasn’t supposed to be like that—emotional, complicated. Messy. Everything I couldn’t fucking handle right now.

  But one thing I could handle, and I was going to cling to it until I couldn’t anymore. “Did you, um... bring that collar I was wearing last night?”

  “It’s in my bag. Why?” His fingers skimmed my throat, right where he’d touched me a few minutes ago. An achy leftover twinge made me gasp. “Shall I put it on?”

  “Y-yes.”

  Couldn’t have been more than a minute or so from the time he rolled out of bed to when he came back, but I barely noticed over the pounding in my chest. Jase looked rattled too, his fingers shaking on the strip of leather.

  I moved into a kneeling position without being asked, my head bowed.

  Jase’s hand floated over my cheek. “Is this what you want? To wear my collar for as long as you’re here?”

  Longer than that, if you’ll let me.

  “Yes, Jase.”

  He fastened it on me, the leather cool against my skin. The second the padlock went click, all the air sailed out of me. I wobbled, slumped into Jase’s arms. He pressed a kiss to my forehead and helped me slide under the covers before rolling to his feet.

  “Where’re you going?” I asked.

  “You’re tired. Get some rest.”

  “Not so tired that I want you to—”

  “Hey.” He smoothed my hair back from my face. “You’re exhausted. Sleep. I’ll be in the next room.”

  We’d come to his place to have some peace and quiet together, and now he was leaving? “But I didn’t come here for—”

  “Want me to make it an order? Because I will.”

  I fingered the collar he’d just put on me.

  “Okay, fine. Jordan, I order you to rest while I watch over you. Am I clear?”

  I smiled. “Yes, Jase.”

  “One more thing.” He looked me right in the eye. “I want you to know how very, very proud I am of the way you behaved last night. All eyes were on you from the moment we arrived, and you did not let me down.”

  “Did you think I would?”

  I hadn’t intended the words to sting, but from his startled expression, I’d obviously miscalculated. “I wasn’t quite sure how you’d react. It was your first party, and—”

  Now I remembered something. Something my foggy brain was having a hard time processing. “Um, did Renee…”

  “She fucked you.” Then, “You okay with that?”

  Nothing like a loaded question. “Um, yeah. I mean, I would’ve safeworded if I—”

  I started to look away, but his hand on my face pulled me back. “It’s fine if you don’t want to play with her again. But if that’s the case, I need to know.”

  “No, she’s fine. I like her. I mean... shit, after all the stuff I’ve done?” Every drug under the sun. Every edgy sexual practice—well, almost. “After all that, a beautiful woman with a dick sounds like a treat.”

  His expression melted. “God, Jordan, I…”

  You what?

  Jase planted a kiss on my forehead, then on my lips. “I’m a very lucky man.”

  Wait—what were you gonna say before that?

  He scooped his clothes off the floor on his way out. “Get some sleep. I’ll be out here.”

  I waited for the door to swing shut before even thinking the words I couldn’t—wouldn’t—let myself say aloud.

  Chapter Eighteen

  Jase

  I couldn’t remember the last time I’d been this restless.

  Last night still tugged at me like a stubborn hangover, my mind and body both too heavy with fatigue to do much of anything, but I couldn’t s
it still either. TV didn’t help. Not when I kept having to rub my eyes just to keep myself awake. And my focus kept drifting. Off into space. Back to last night.

  Into the next room.

  Sighing, I clicked off the TV and pushed myself up out of the recliner, which shouldn’t have taken as much effort as it did. Though I supposed it wasn’t surprising that my arms ached as much as they did. How long had it been since I’d swung a singletail? And how long since a sub had been able to take it for as long as Jordan had?

  I shivered at the memory, but even the prickle of goose bumps was dulled by this heavy blanket of fatigue.

  Fuck. This always happened eventually. Just an evening with a sub didn’t do it, but after some high intensity play at a party, or after several days in Dom mode, it always happened. Sooner or later, I crashed. Top drop, Renee had called it. Happened to her too—a weekend of hardcore playing could leave her simultaneously short-tempered and in desperate need of as much cuddling as Robert could handle.

  I just didn’t expect it this soon. I was still in that mindset, still playing the role.

  But last night had been intense. One of the most intense scenes I’d been involved in since… since I didn’t know when. And now that I was alone in my familiar surroundings and Jordan was sleeping it off in the next room, the drop set in.

  I went into the kitchen and made myself a cup of coffee just for something to do. As I drank it, my gaze kept shifting in the general direction of my bedroom. And the restlessness wouldn’t quit. I wanted to go out running, tired muscles be damned, but just the thought of tying my shoes made me want to lie down and sleep for a few hours.

  Maybe that was what I needed to do. Except I’d tried dozing on the couch, and the only thing that happened was that semi-conscious not-quite-sleeping state where I’d drift for a minute or two and then suddenly jerk awake.

  I took another sip of coffee, which I didn’t taste, and pushed the cup away. It was times like this I wished I was home enough to justify having a pet. Sharing the couch with a cat or a dog was a surefire way to push me over that restless not-sleeping state into some good solid sleep. When I was like this, I couldn’t sleep alone if I tried.

  Before I realized what I was doing, I glanced toward the bedroom again.

  I don’t have to sleep alone right now.

  I chewed my lip. Jordan needed me to be on point for the next few days. He needed me to be his rock so he could relax, regroup, and just breathe without the world jerking him in seventy different directions. For a control freak like him to let go, he had to know his anchor was good and solid.

  But joining him in bed, that wouldn’t tip my hand, would it? Doms needed to sleep too, and it had been a long night for both of us.

  Well, it was either that or let him see me like this when he woke up, so I abandoned my coffee and went into the bedroom.

  He was on his stomach, the sheet covering him from the waist down. The marks on his back were dark, the angry-looking hash-marks crisscrossing his skin from his shoulders down. Maybe next time I’d beat his ass too. The only thing that could possibly improve that perfect ass was a few red stripes.

  The thought made me grin, but my body was just too damned tired for even a tingle in response.

  As quietly as possible, I stripped down and carefully climbed into bed beside him.

  Jordan stirred, and I held still, trying not to wake him if I hadn’t already. He rolled over, eyelids fluttering. “Hey.”

  “Hey.” I turned onto my side to face him. “Sorry to wake you.”

  “S’okay.” He mirrored me and slid closer, and our bodies wrapped up in each other without any conscious thought on my part. It was like this had become a habit, something we just did, and hell, maybe it had. Holding him against me with his head nestled under my chin and his warm skin touching mine was as comfortable as breathing.

  And in no time, I’d drifted off into the deep, restful sleep that had eluded me on the couch.

  It was still daylight when I woke up again, though I had no idea what time it was. Late afternoon, judging by the long sunbeams coming in beneath the Venetian blinds. Checking the time would’ve required moving, though, and staying here with Jordan in my arms was more important.

  My shoulder ached a little and my arm had fallen asleep, so I shifted a bit, gingerly extended my elbow, and flexed my fingers a few times.

  Jordan murmured something, his breath cool against my skin. Then he lifted his head and blinked. “Did we sleep all day?”

  “Probably.” I kissed his forehead. “I’m not in any hurry to get up, though.”

  “Me neither.”

  I touched his face, and then ran my fingertips down to the snug band of leather around his neck. A sleepy smile played at his lips.

  It was surreal to imagine that this was Jordan Kane. The man who I’d drooled over from a distance and watched as he’d brought a hundred thousand people to their feet. The leather-clad, wild-eyed singer who’d intimidated me from the day we met.

  This was the same man, but… not. He was soft and pliant, vulnerable and desperate to please. So strange that in the light of day, with whip marks on his back and my collar around his throat, this larger than life rock star looked… innocent. Maybe that wasn’t the word. I wasn’t even sure what I saw in his eyes just then, only that whatever it was, it brought out a fierce need to keep him safe. My job was to protect him, but holding him like this, I’d have paid for the privilege.

  “How are you feeling?” I asked, tracing the collar with my middle finger.

  Jordan tipped his head back, exposing more of his throat. “Still tired, but…” He smiled. “Good.”

  “Glad to hear it.”

  He held my gaze, and the smile faded a bit.

  “Something on your mind?” I asked.

  “Why are you doing this?”

  “Which part?”

  “All of it. I mean…” He swept his tongue across his lips. “It’s like you’ve put your entire life on hold just so…”

  “Putting things on hold for a few days is—”

  “I don’t mean just now. I mean, ever since we started.”

  “I’m your bodyguard.” It was weird hearing myself say that. Technically I was still his bodyguard, but this had long ago stopped being any kind of professional arrangement.

  “You know what I mean,” he said softly.

  “I do. You like this, though, don’t you? What we’re doing?”

  “Of course,” he whispered. “I like it a lot. I just don’t understand why.”

  The answer almost came out, but I bit down on it. My heart was beating so hard, I wouldn’t have been surprised if he could hear it. Running my fingers through his long hair, I said, “Isn’t it obvious?”

  He shook his head, his stubble hissing against the pillow. “No. I don’t get why you’d do all of this… for me.”

  I swallowed hard and trailed my fingertips along his unshaven jaw. “It’s what you need, isn’t it?”

  “Except where does that leave you?”

  “We’ve had this conversation.”

  He sighed. “I know. But I… look, I take more than I give. I’m… I’m not an easy person to be around.” He closed his eyes for a moment, released a breath, and then held my gaze again. “You’re the exact opposite. Why the hell would someone like you feel that way about someone like me?”

  I smiled and ran the backs of my fingers down his cheek. “Why do you love music?”

  “I don’t know.” His brow furrowed, and his shoulder rose in a subtle shrug. “I just do.”

  “There’s your answer.” I pressed my lips to his and tried to ignore the panic surging through me, the visceral certainty that this was the last time I’d ever kiss him, and that in a few seconds, he’d be on his feet, in his clothes, and out the door. The collar beneath my fingertips would be off so fast my head would spin.

  But the words were out in a roundabout, abstract kind of way, and I couldn’t take them back, so I let myself indulg
e in a long, gentle kiss, and to my surprise, he didn’t push me away. He cupped my cheek and let me part his lips, and when I finally drew back, he met my gaze. His hand was on my arm, his body still pressed up against mine, but his eyes were so… lost.

  He took a breath. “This wasn’t supposed to happen.”

  I swallowed hard. “None of it was. I was just supposed to be your bodyguard.”

  A soft laugh escaped his lips. “I think that ship sailed a while ago.”

  I shrugged. “So did this one. I know this wasn’t supposed to happen, but it did.”

  “Yeah, it did.” Jordan broke eye contact, shifting his gaze down and losing focus. Absently fingering his collar, he said nothing. I was certain now that he was a heartbeat away from bolting. Maybe he was trying to formulate a polite way to bow out. One way or the other, he was this close to gone.

  The only thing that gave me a tiny glimmer of hope was that he was still close to me. He’d drawn away a little, but our bodies were still touching. He wasn’t gone yet.

  “You asked why I’m doing this, and I gave you my answer,” I whispered, tucking a strand of hair behind his ear. “I’m not asking for anything in return.”

  He still didn’t meet my eyes. “You never have.”

  I didn’t know what to say, so I just drew him in and kissed his forehead.

  Before I could release him, he pulled me closer and tucked his head under my chin again. I closed my eyes, stroking his hair and thanking every god imaginable that he was still here. I might’ve said too much and tipped my hand too far, but I hadn’t scared him off entirely.

  Then Jordan took a breath, and with a soft, near-whispered version of that voice that had weakened me long before we’d ever touched like this, he knocked my foundation right out from under me:

  “I love you, Jase.”

  Chapter Nineteen

  Jordan

  “And I know you love me,” I murmured. “I’ve known ever since…” Not that he’d actually spoken the words, but what else was all this for? Taking me to the party. Beating me the way I needed him to. Holding me here in his trembling arms, scared to fucking death that I was about to reject him—