by Lisa Ireland
‘Hi, stranger.’
His startled look at her greeting proved that theory wrong. He seemed stunned by her presence. Maggie had obviously not mentioned she was coming, which seemed odd, but perhaps the new mother was too preoccupied with her bub to be gossiping about visitors.
‘Jenna, sorry, I didn’t see you there.’ He leaned forward slightly as if to kiss her and then stopped awkwardly, holding out his hand to Dave, the photographer accompanying her for the shoot. ‘Luke Tanner,’ he said as he gripped Dave’s hand.
‘David Briggs,’ David replied.
‘Dave’s here to take photos of Maggie and the baby for the magazine,’ Jenna said.
Luke nodded, seemingly unable to think of anything to say.
‘I might go in and get set up, Jen, if that’s okay with you?’ Dave said.
‘Of course,’ she said. ‘I’ll be there in a minute.’
An uncomfortable silence ensued as they watched the photographer disappear along the corridor in the direction of the patient lounge. Luke shoved his hands in his pockets and avoided her gaze.
‘How are things at — ’
‘You must be excited about — ’
They both spoke at once and then stopped.
Jenna laughed uneasily. ‘Sorry, you go.’
Luke shrugged. ‘I was just wondering how you are enjoying being back at work. I thought you might find it hard to settle down after all you went through in Barlow.’
‘Not at all. You know, back to the old grindstone as they say. I’ve been so busy, hardly had time to think about anything. Barlow seems like it was years ago.’
His pained look gave her a surprising jolt of pleasure. Did he really think she would give him the satisfaction of showing just how much his rejection had hurt her?
‘In fact,’ she continued, ‘I’ve got some exciting news to share.’
‘Really? What’s that?’
‘I’ve just been offered a position at a magazine in London.’
‘Wow. London, hey? I can’t even imagine what that would be like. Not my cup of tea, I suppose.’
He was just stating a fact, but for some reason his words rankled. ‘Lucky the job’s not being offered to you then.’
He had the decency to look sheepish. ‘Are you going to take it?’
‘Are you kidding? It’s the opportunity of a lifetime. Of course I’m going to take it.’
Really, Jenna? This is how you make life-changing decisions now? Once the words were out she knew her mind was made up. She needed a change. Why not London?
‘You be careful over there. It’s a big city. It could be dangerous for a woman on her own.’
Jenna laughed. ‘London is no worse than Melbourne or Sydney in the danger stakes. Besides, I thought you would have worked out by now that I can take care of myself.’
Luke nodded. ‘I guess you’re right. I worry about you, that’s all.’
He was telling the truth, she knew that. Underneath his cool exterior Luke was one of the good guys, and she didn’t doubt he genuinely cared about her. But it wasn’t enough. She needed to be The One, the centre of Luke’s universe. Ironic really, that the first man she had allowed herself to fall crazy in love with wasn’t in love with her.
‘Please don’t,’ she said quietly.
‘I can’t help caring about you, Jenna. I wish you weren’t going. I wish — ’
‘It’s okay. You don’t have to beat yourself up. You were honest with me from the start. You said you couldn’t commit. I was the one who let my feelings get out of hand. I knew all along you couldn’t give me what I wanted and you still can’t.’
‘Things have changed since I met you, Jenna.’
She motioned with her hand for him to stop. ‘You can’t put me at the centre of your world and I understand that. In fact your loyalty to others is one of your most attractive qualities. But I need to be with someone who can love me as much as I love them, who can put our relationship first. I don’t think you’re ready for that, Luke.’
In the movies this was the bit where he would swear she was wrong, and go down on one knee right there on the grimy hospital linoleum. But of course it wasn’t a movie, just her crappy one-mistake-after-another life.
‘Maybe, if you could give me some time I could…’
‘Love isn’t about saying maybe. It’s about saying yes without hesitation.’ She laughed. ‘The really stupid thing is that I didn’t even believe in love until I met you.’
He looked at the floor and said, ‘I’m sorry. I never meant for things to turn out this way. You deserve better.’
Great, now she was getting the “it’s not you, it’s me” speech. Rejection she could handle, but having Luke pity her was unbearable. She smiled. ‘I’d better go. Dave will be waiting for me to help with the shoot, and I’m keen to see Maggie and Joey.’
He nodded. ‘When do you leave?’
‘As soon as possible.’
‘So it’s really goodbye this time?’
‘I guess so.’
‘You’ve got my number, right? Just in case?’
She nodded.
‘You’ll keep in touch then?’
Jenna shook her head. ‘Let’s not pretend that we can be friends. We both know that doesn’t work.’ She leaned over and kissed his cheek. ‘Goodbye Luke. Be happy.’
* * *
Her scent followed him out of the hospital and lingered as he drove towards Maggie’s family home. Luke dared not open the car’s windows for fear of losing that sweet fragrance.
It was stupid. He had to let her go. No matter how right it felt when they were together, it simply couldn’t work. Barlow was no place for a woman like Jenna, even if he could convince her to come.
He’d learnt his lesson. Nic had never wanted to move to Tandarra. She hated the idea of it, but he’d been so obsessed with his own dream of setting up the clinic, he hadn’t taken her seriously. Forcing the issue was a big mistake. Nic hated Barlow and when her unhappiness turned to bitterness it seeped into every aspect of their lives and fractured their relationship beyond repair.
He should have known better. If they’d gone their own separate ways at the end of uni, if he’d left her in Melbourne, none of this would have happened. He’d be a country GP, just as he’d dreamed of, and Joe would still be…
Luke shook his head. No point going into all the “what ifs” now. What was done was done. The point was Jenna was never going to live at Tandarra so there was no way they could be together. He was going to have to move on.
Just a few more nights here in the city and he’d be home. He conjured up an image of Tandarra and waited for the usual wave of anticipation to wash over him, but strangely it didn’t come. Normally the thought of the farm was enough to cheer him no matter what, but since Maggie had decided to stay in Melbourne indefinitely, somehow Tandarra had lost its pull.
He couldn’t remember a time when he’d been there alone. As a child the house had been full of family; overrun at times with aunties and uncles, cousins and grandparents. It seemed never a week went by without some family celebration. Once Mum died, the extended family was at pains to make sure the Tanner boys didn’t miss out on a thing and the farm became the centre of all family affairs. When he moved back with Nic, Joe and Maggie were living there too and it seemed as if the cycle would just continue into the next generation.
Now he was on his own.
Chapter 19
Jenna winced at the sour taste in her mouth before emptying her almost full wine glass into the sink. Not even a cheeky red was going down well tonight. She’d been flat all afternoon, ever since her encounter with Luke at the hospital.
She should be on top of the world. After spending time with Maggie today she’d made a definite decision about the London job. The elation of having made her choice, of finally setting her life on the right path, should have had her popping champagne corks. Instead she was considering a bath and an early night. The pounding headache and vague feeling of n
ausea she’d been fighting for the last hour hadn’t responded favourably to food or caffeine, so bed seemed like a sensible choice.
Perhaps it was the knowledge that this time her goodbye to Luke was final that was causing her symptoms.
‘Good grief, Cocoa.’ The chocolate Siamese looked up from the sofa at the mention of her name. ‘I think I might be lovesick.’
Cocoa mewed in sympathy as Jenna began to laugh. ‘Don’t worry, the irony is not lost on me. I finally work out that love is worth having only to find the man I love hasn’t got room in his life for me. And to top it all off, now I’m a crazy lady talking to a cat.’
Cocoa stretched, yawned and curled herself up on the sofa once more.
‘I think you might have the right idea, puss. Sleep is what I need.’
With her tummy feeling decidedly upset, Jenna rejected the bath in favour of the sanctuary of her bed. She managed to get a few hours respite before sharp stomach pain roused her from her sleep.
Bloody hell, she didn’t have time for a tummy bug. There was way too much work to be done before she left Gloss, which was only two weeks away. It seemed her immune system hadn’t got the memo. She threw back the bedcovers and raced to the bathroom.
Half an hour later Jenna was convinced that either this was the worst case of stomach flu ever or that there was something else going on. In the grip of severe pain she clutched her stomach and tried to breathe her way through the waves of agony.
Maybe she should call an ambulance. But what if it turned out to be a simple virus? She’d feel like a total fool. There was no point calling Brooke — with her leg in plaster she couldn’t drive, the best she could do was offer sympathy over the phone, which was no help. There was no one else.
Or maybe there was…
No.
She couldn’t possibly call Luke. She’d said goodbye and she’d meant it. Calling now would look like a ploy to get his attention and that was the last thing on her mind.
She was gripped by another sharp pain. This one so intense it caused her to moan out loud.
Damn it, Luke was a doctor and would know what to do. Maybe he could give her a pain killing injection to tide her over until her doctor’s office opened in the morning. She grabbed her mobile phone from the bedside table and scrolled through her contacts until his name appeared. She pressed “call” and waited, her heart thudding and belly throbbing.
‘Jenna?’ Luke’s voice was hoarse, thick with sleep.
‘Luke, I’m sorry to wake you, but I need your help. I’m not feeling very well. I’ve got really bad stomach pain and I was wondering if you could give me some advice.’
‘Where are you?’
‘I’m at home.’
‘You’re in South Melbourne, right? I can be there in five minutes. Text me your address and I’ll be right over.’
‘Are you sure? Maybe I could just tell you my symptoms over the phone and you could tell me what to do?’
‘Don’t be silly. I’ll be there as soon as I can.’
Jenna ended the call and did as he said. The pain had become so intense that she no longer cared what Luke thought of her, she was just relieved help was on its way.
True to his word, Luke arrived minutes later. As she staggered to answer the intercom buzzer, Jenna briefly wondered how far over the speed limit he had travelled to arrive so quickly. ‘Come on up,’ she said into the intercom box.
As he walked in the door the room began to swim. He caught her by the arm and gently led her to the couch. ‘You look awful,’ he said.
‘Thanks a lot.’ She tried to smile, but even that small movement was an effort.
Jenna closed her eyes in an attempt to stop the room from spinning. Luke’s warm hands were on her, first taking her pulse, and then gently palpitating her abdomen.
‘Owwww!’ Her cry was involuntary.
‘Do you still have your appendix?’
Jenna nodded, barely able to speak through the pain.
‘I think you have appendicitis. If I’m right you’ll need immediate surgery. I’m calling an ambulance to take you to the Alfred Hospital.’ He immediately started tapping the screen on his phone.
She opened her eyes. ‘Luke, I’m scared.’
‘It’s okay. You’ll be fine. I’ll stay with you and I promise I won’t let anything bad happen.’ He held a finger up, gesturing for her to wait while he spoke to the emergency services operator. ‘Ambulance please.’ He paused for a moment and then said, ‘This is Dr Luke Tanner. I have a patient here with suspected appendicitis, possibly peritonitis. I need an ambulance immediately.’
* * *
Luke shifted uncomfortably on the hard plastic chair. He’d had to pull the “I’m a doctor” routine to be allowed to stay in ICU with Jenna overnight. Luckily one of the registrars on duty recognised him from university, otherwise he may not have managed to pull it off.
She’d lost consciousness in the ambulance, which although worrying, was probably a blessing considering the pain she was in. Unfortunately, by the time the surgeon opened her up, her appendix had burst. Thankfully she’d had the sense to call him and had not tried to wait it out until morning. God knows what might have happened.
He wiped his sweaty palms on his jeans and tried to refrain from going any further with that particular train of thought. Jenna was going to be fine. She’d spend a day or two in ICU and then head down to the ward for a few days. By then the antibiotics would have worked their magic and she’d be feeling a whole lot better.
‘How’s she doing?’ The nurse’s voice startled him.
‘Fine, I think. All her vitals are good.’
‘She hasn’t woken?’
He shook his head. ‘Not really. She stirred about half an hour ago, but she hasn’t been fully lucid yet.’
‘I’ll give her a little longer but if she’s not rousing soon, we might try to wake her.’
Luke nodded as the nurse completed the chart at the end of Jenna’s bed.
‘Let me know if she wakes.’ The nurse headed off to the next cubicle.
‘Luke?’
He turned to see Jenna struggling to sit up.
‘Hey, you. How are you feeling? Don’t try to sit up, I’ll adjust the bed for you.’ He rushed to the head of the bed and fiddled with the mechanism until Jenna was comfortably propped up.
‘Did they take my appendix out?’ Her voice was small and raspy; a side effect from being intubated during surgery.
Luke nodded. ‘Unfortunately it had already burst. That’s why you’re hooked up to those tubes. One’s to keep you hydrated and the other is pumping in industrial strength antibiotics to ward off the infection.’
Her eyes were glassy and a bewildered expression had settled upon her face. He was bombarding her with too much information. ‘You’re going to be fine, Jen. I promise.’ He took her pale hand in his own. ‘In a few days you’ll be as good as new.’
She nodded and sank back against the pillows. ‘I’m so glad you’re here,’ she said, as her eyelids drooped.
‘Shh, you rest now. I’m just going to let the nurse know you’re awake. I’ll be back in a minute.’ He hesitated for a moment before planting a gentle kiss on the top of her head.
* * *
The next time Jenna woke there was a nurse standing beside her bed. No sign of Luke. Perhaps she had only dreamed he was here earlier?
‘Good morning. I’m Sally. I’ll be looking after you this morning. How are you feeling?’
‘Like I’ve been hit by a truck.’
Sally laughed. ‘You’ll feel a bit sore today, but we’ll do our best to manage your pain. I’ll have the doctor come and see you soon and he can write up some extra pain relief for you.’
‘Thank you.’
‘Oh by the way, your boyfriend asked me to let you know he’ll be back this afternoon.’
‘Boyfriend?’
‘Dr Tanner. Oh, sorry, is he your husband? I noticed you have different surnames so I just assumed.’
>
‘That’s okay. He’s neither. We’re just…friends.’
Sally raised her eyebrows. ‘Really? Wow, could have fooled me. He’s been mighty worried about you. Night shift girls said he didn’t leave your side all night. You must be good friends.’
Jenna shrugged. ‘I guess.’
‘Well, in any case he said something about heading over to the Royal Women’s Hospital to collect his nephew. He said to tell you he’d be back as soon as he could.’
Jenna smiled. ‘Thanks. His nephew was born prematurely. He’s being released from hospital today. Luke promised his sister-in-law he’d be on hand for the homecoming. I guess she’s a little nervous.’
‘Sounds like Dr Tanner is a pretty nice guy.’
‘Yes,’ said Jenna, her eyes filling with moisture. ‘He is.’ She used the back of her hand to swipe away the tears sliding down her face. ‘Sorry.’
Sally handed her a box of tissues. ‘It’s normal to feel a bit weepy after an operation. Have a little cry and then try to get some rest. I’m sure Dr Tanner will be back before you know it.’
Once Sally had left her alone Jenna allowed the tears to flow freely. It wasn’t just the shock of waking up in a hospital bed with stiches in her belly and tubes in her arms that was making her weep. Sally’s assumption that she and Luke were together had her crying for what would never be. Obviously he did care about her a little, maybe even more than a little, but not enough to let her into his life.
Anger at her own stupidity bubbled up inside her, causing the tears to flow even harder. She gulped back a couple of sobs and tried to bring herself under control. This. This was the reason for the checklist. She’d known only too well the dangers of giving her heart away.
What she hadn’t bargained on was having her heart stolen while she was looking the other way.