Sweet Tea and Sass

by Tegan Maher

  "Well what am I supposed to do?" Kris asked, scowling. "Just leave it?"

  "Of course not," Carol said, softening her tone, "but you don't have to drink every single drop of every single beer, either. Leave part of it."

  The three men around us gasped in unison, and honestly, I was a little disturbed by her suggestion to leave mostly full beers across the entire country, too.

  "Absolutely not, Carol," he said, indignant. "Do you have any idea how many good beers would go to waste if I did that?"

  She pulled in a deep breath and released it, and rolled her eyes. "Then put them in the sack unopened, for mercy's sake. You know it's a direct route right back to the workshop. We could use them in the post-Christmas blowout party. That way the beer wouldn't go to waste, and we wouldn't have to work the guys at the brewery so hard all at once."

  I couldn't believe I was hearing Mrs. Claus tell Mr. Claus to stop getting wasted on the job. That was hilarious. Until his eyes shifted to me.

  "I heard that, missy. I don't get wasted. I may have a few snoots, but it's just so the kids' feelings won't be hurt."

  Well alrighty then. I wasn't about to argue with Santa, though I was a little freaked out by the fact he could read my thoughts. Unlike mean Susie Rowe, I'd managed to stay on the nice list, and I wanted to keep it that way.

  CHAPTER THIRTEEN

  "So am I the only one wondering where Meredith Rowe was earlier today?" I asked. "Sounds to me like she has it out for you."

  "Yeah," Colin said, "but would she really have stolen the hat and confronted him?"

  "Maybe she wasn't planning to confront him," Bob said. "She came right after you guys left and had three Mai Tais. Said she'd had a horrible day and was just glad to be away from it all. She was rude from the get-go and stared daggers at Kris and Carol for ten minutes before she went over there. I didn't realize she'd recognized them; I just thought she was bitter because they were having a good time when she was miserable."

  "So we know she recognized them, and we know she has a beef with him," Destiny said. "I didn't see her yesterday on my shift. How long has she been here?"

  "I can find out," Blake said, then muttered a few words. A leather-bound ledger appeared in his hand, and he flipped through a few pages, perusing them as he went. He ran a finger down a page. "Here she is," he said, then sighed. "She just got here a couple hours ago. It couldn't have been her."

  "Could she have gotten here earlier than that? Maybe hung around for a while before she checked in?"

  He shook his head. "That's not how it works. Every guest is automatically checked in as soon as they come through a portal. And there's no way to get here without coming through one of them."

  "Did she come alone?" Alex asked. "Was there somebody waiting here for her already? Susie's dad, maybe?"

  Blake ran his fingers down the list until he found her name, then flipped to the back half of the book. "Nope. Room 335. Just her and her kid, and the rooms to either side of them are empty, so they didn't get adjoining suites with anybody."

  My shoulders slumped. That would have been too easy, so I should have known it wasn't the answer.

  "We're sorry you were disturbed. We're having some Christmas activities in the main lobby in an hour if you'd like to join us," Blake said to Kris and Carol.

  Kris smiled. "Thank you, Blake, but we're sort of here to get away from all that. You all have a good time, though."

  I shook my head in disbelief. "We're not just going to go to a Christmas party when your hat's missing."

  "Actually," Chaos said from her spot on the chair beside Carol, "maybe that's exactly what we should do. After all, this elf may be out to kill Christmas, but he's still a North Pole elf. Maybe he'll be attracted to the activities."

  "Yeah," Tempest said from beside her. "Or maybe he'll show just to see if his plan is working."

  That wasn't a bad idea. "Okay then," I said. "Let's get ready for some Christmas fun."

  We gathered our bag and the rest of our belongings, then headed back to the resort while Destiny and Colin went to her place to change. By the time we met them back in the lobby, it was time for the festivities to begin. What I saw when we got there shocked me. Rather than a bunch of people excited to do fun, silly things like make snowflakes and sing carols, everybody seemed to be there just for the heck of it, and it didn't get better as time went on.

  There was glitter and tinsel and plenty of cool things to do, but even the resort choir only seemed to be going through the motions as they sang. Kids started to get fussy and people began to pack it up and leave, projects half finished. There was no heart in it, and I started to panic. Christmas spirit was practically non-existent. Even I wasn't feeling it, and I loved that sort of thing. Destiny, too.

  "Are you picking up on what's happening?" I asked her as I halfheartedly shook some glitter out onto an ornament I was making.

  "I am," she said, "but I just can't muster enough spirit up to even really see the point in all this anymore."

  I tried to shake it off. Usually looking at the twinkling lights and shiny ornaments on a tree brought me back to some of my best memories, so I glanced at the giant spruces flanking the doors. I felt a little flicker, but it died almost as soon as it started. That's when movement behind the tree caught my eye, and I jumped up so fast I knocked my chair over.

  "There he is," I hissed to Destiny, pointing. "The elf. He's right over there behind the tree."

  Chaos and Tempe had been snoozing on the floor at our feet, but jumped up, startled when I knocked the chair over. I pointed a finger and summoned a spell to bind the elf before he could get away, but nothing happened.

  "That won't work," Destiny said. "No magic within the building other than small stuff like turning on the coffee pot or changing the channels on the TV. Benign stuff. If we're gonna catch him, we have to do it the old-fashioned way—run him to ground.” I bound after him. "Stop that elf," I yelled to anybody who may have been listening. The guy made a dash for the front door, but Destiny muttered a few words and the doors clicked shut.

  "I thought you couldn't do magic," I said, panting as we sprinted across the huge foyer.

  "I activated the security spell on the doors. That's different," she huffed.

  The elf's eyes darted back and forth as he searched for an escape route that didn't exist. We had him dead to rights, and there was nowhere he could go. He held up his hands right as Chaos and Tempest launched themselves at him.

  "I give up," he said, cowering. "Don't hurt me!"

  "Don't hurt you?" I barked as I grabbed his arm and twisted it behind him. I reached for my cuffs, but they weren't there. I'd forgotten I wasn't wearing them, so I settled on just making sure I had a good hold on him. "What about all the hurtin' you've done? Look around you—are you happy?"

  "No," he said, a look of horror on his face. "I'm not happy at all. I'm miserable. That’s why I came down for the festivies. What's wrong with everybody? Why aren't they smiling and having fun? Why does it feel so sad in here? The carolers are serious buzz-kills, too. Do you people have no Christmas spirit at all?"

  "No," Destiny snapped. "We don't, and you should be ashamed of yourself for that. Tempest, go get Blake, please. We need a quiet place to question Mr. Snow."

  The elf, who looked to be in his mid-thirties, looked miserable. "Please tell me what's going on. Why is everybody so sad, and why do you think it's my fault?"

  "Just tell us where the hat's at," Destiny said, "and we'll go easier on you. The most important thing right now—"

  "Wait, did you say the hat?" he said, panic streaking across his face. "Don't tell me you meant the hat." He muttered to himself for a minute. "Oh great marshmallows, don't tell me Santa's hat is missing."

  "Great act," I said, but you need to fess up now so we can get it back to Kris before things go completely sideways all across the planet."

  "Oh, no, no, no," he said. "This is terrible. Awful. It can't be. It simply can't be. You have to get that hat b
ack to him."

  Kris and Carol tried to push through the doors with Blake right behind them, but they couldn't because of the security. Blake waved a hand, and a snicking noise reached us right before the doors swung open. A crowd was starting to gather, and Kris put his head down and shielded his face.

  "My office, Destiny," Blake hissed. "Before this gets out of control."

  Colin and Alex raced from the casino just in time to see us leading the elf toward the elevators and joined us. "Is this him?" Colin asked.

  My foot caught on a piece of loose tinsel and I had to let go of the elf in order to keep from falling. He made a last-ditch run for it, but didn't even make it past Destiny before Alex caught him and jerked his arm up behind his back. "You'll be going with us," he said, pushing a disgruntled Mike Snow in front of him and into the elevator.

  All eight of us, plus the foxes, piled into the little box, and Blake pushed the button for the top floor, then pressed his thumb against a security sensor.

  "Please, Mike," Kris said, "Just tell us where the hat is. I promise, I'll drop all charges. I know you've had a rough time."

  "Drop charges, my great aunt Martha's angel topper," Carol said. "We're not dropping charges. He's gonna tell us where the hat is, right now, or I'm gonna turn him over to the Valkyrie we were just talkin' to. She'll get it out of him quick."

  "I swear," he said as the doors slid open to reveal a hallway that looked more professional and less beachy than the rest of the resort did, "I don't have any idea what you're talking about."

  Alex shoved him out and he stuttered. "I mean, I know exactly what you're talking about. It explains everything. The rudeness, the lack of enthusiasm for the activities. But I don't have any idea what happened to the hat. I promise."

  Blake muttered a few words as we approached the first door, and it snicked open. He swung it wide and motioned us in. Alex pushed Mike into a chair that sat in front of a huge desk. Blake went around to take the chair behind the desk, but the rest of us stayed standing, glaring down at the hat thief.

  He glanced from one of us to the next, then burst into tears. "Please, you have to believe me. I love Christmas, no matter how badly I behaved." He hung his head. "I deserved to be fired. I was horrible. I didn't know how to get through it, and Santa offered to help but I wouldn’t listen. What I did was inexcusable.” He caught my eye, oozing desperation. "I'm not important, though. You have to find that hat. While you're wasting time here with me, whoever has it may be getting away!"

  I shed my Christmas-vacationer skin and slipped on my cop one, then assessed him from that detached point of view. I was almost positive the guy was telling the truth. Which meant we still had no hat, and no clue, and Christmas Spirit was at a critical level. Mike was right about one thing—we were running out of time.

  CHAPTER FOURTEEN

  Just to be sure my intuition was right, I took a deep breath and concentrated, listening for a lie in his words as he continued to deny his guilt and implore us to stop wasting time. It was one of my gifts. It killed me when I didn't hear so much as a whisper of untruth in his words, because that meant we were back to square one.

  "Let him go," I said, then repeated myself, raising my voice a little.

  "What do you mean, let him go?" Carol demanded, her voice getting higher in pitch with each word.

  I sighed. "He's telling the truth. He didn't do it and he's truly freaked out that the hat is gone. He wants it found every bit as much as we do. You have to let him go."

  I'd no sooner said the words when alarms blared. I about jumped out of my skin.

  "What in the name of gingerbread men is that?" Kris yelled, covering his ears.

  "That's our alarm system," Blake hollered back. "Somebody tried to tamper with one of the lock-down spells. Gimme a second." He closed his eyes and began muttering.

  "Where?" Alex said a few seconds later when the alarm shut off. My ears were ringing so loudly I could barely hear him.

  "Lobby portal," he barked at Destiny, then snapped his fingers and disappeared.

  "Follow me," she said, pushing her way toward the door.

  "What's going on?" Kris asked once we were all sardined back into the elevator.

  "Hopefully we just caught the person who stole your hat," she said. "Somebody tried to disable the security charm so they could leave."

  "Are you sure?" Carol asked.

  "I'm sure somebody tampered with the charm," she said. "Beyond that, I'm just hoping it was the thief."

  When we reached the ground floor, she led us to the same portal we'd entered through. Blake was standing there with two of his security guards, who were holding an middle-aged fairy. Blake was holding the fluffiest, most pristine Santa hat I'd ever seen in my life. Kris reached out and snatched it to him as soon as he was within arm's length.

  "Millie?" Carol said to the fairy, her forehead furrowed.

  "Yes, Millie," the fairy spat. "You two think you're so special, spreading your disgusting happiness. You work a few months out of the year, yet get all the credit for everything good that happens. Kids worship you while you give them a barrel full of sweets that rot their teeth out. And who has to go behind you and clean it up, day in and day out, with no gratitude or recognition whatsoever? Me, that's who! You make me sick!"

  Carol was crying. "No, Millie. Children love you, too."

  She snorted. "They don't love me. They love the money I leave under their pillows."

  "Okay," I said, not wanting to interrupt, but feeling a little like Alice must have when she fell down the rabbit hole. "What in the name of all that's holy is goin' on here?"

  Destiny sighed. "She's the tooth fairy."

  I did a double take. "You gotta be kiddin' me."

  "Nope. That's her." My cousin looked sadder than I think I'd ever seen her look, at least outside of a funeral.

  "But ... we were best friends. We've been best friends for over a thousand years," Carol said, her face a mask of disbelief as she struggled to make sense of the situation.

  "Ha!" Millie barked. "We used to be best friends. Then I took over this awful gig when Mama got too old to do it and saw just exactly how high and mighty you think you are. You all putter around up there from January until July, sipping cocoa and watching Netflix. Then you put it in gear, crank out some toys, and all the kids in the world idolize you. Well let me tell you what I do. I work my fingers to the bone every single night, pulling disgusting teeth out from under pillows, and half of them are rotten thanks to all the candy you fed them over the holidays. You and that stupid Easter Bunny.” She paused to draw a breath before spewing more vitriol.

  “And does anybody ever even say thank you anymore? No. Nobody leaves me milk and cookies, or even so much as a bottle of water; they just take for granted I'll show up. I guess they think I carry my own lunch." She gave one final snarl. "I'm just sorry I didn't get away. Things were finally starting to get to how they should be—just a normal everyday day, like every other one throughout the year."

  Wow. She made even the most disgruntled postal or DMV worker seem like a whiff of spring. I was still processing that the tooth fairy was a real person while also absorbing that she'd stolen Santa's hat and almost wrecked the holiday. Talk about a kid's biggest nightmare. I could see the headlines now. Tooth fairy Steals Santa’s Hat. Almost Kills Christmas.

  Some things you just couldn't make up.

  CHAPTER FIFTEEN

  Within just a few minutes, the powers that be showed up to take Millie into custody, and I felt sorry for Carol. She truly cared for the woman, and was worrying about her even as the cops toted her off. "I hope she gets something to eat when she gets wherever it is she's going."

  Kris draped his arm around her, pulled her close, and kissed the top of her head. "I'll stop in and check on her Christmas Eve, Mother. Don't worry."

  I shook my head in wonder. Even when somebody so close to them had done something so horrible, they were still kind and compassionate. Sure, Carol had a spine, but
both of them were good to the bone. I considered whether I would check on somebody that did me so wrong, and it didn't take a hot minute for me to answer the question. Absolutely not. Maybe there was a lesson in there somewhere.

  As soon as the hat was back in Kris's hand, the pall of everyday boredom fled, and people flocked to the booths and tables still set up in the lobby to participate in the activities. I was pretty sure even the lights shone brighter and the tinsel got a little shinier.

  As soon as the men left with Millie, my ears popped. I wasn't sure, but I figured that meant the wards were back to normal and people were free to come and go and to use magic again.

  Alex put his arm around me and I leaned into him. "I think I need a vacation from our vacation," I told him, then pulled him toward a table. "Feel like making some snowflakes?"

  "Sure thing," he said, and started folding a piece of blue construction paper. All around us, kids were bustling back and forth between activities, pulling their parents along behind them. The carolers were belting out songs and soft, magical snow drifted from the ceiling of the lobby, only to melt and disappear before it landed.

  We finished the snowflakes and were talking to Destiny and Colin when a larger-than-life voice boomed through the cavernous room.

  "Ho, ho, ho, everybody! Merry Christmas! Who wants to tell Santa what they want?"

  I looked up and caught Kris's twinkling eye. He touched his nose and winked at me before heading toward the throne that I assumed had been built for some fake Santa. Little did everyone know, they were gettin' the real thing.

  A surge of happiness and peace burst through me as I looked around. Chaos and Tempest were chasing the snow, and I was with two of the people I cared about most in the world. Mila was coming later, so I had even more to be grateful for.

  Standing there enveloped in the warmth of the season, I knew I'd never take the Spirit of Christmas for granted again.