by Mandy Baggot
‘No, not really.’
‘Did you live together?’ Robyn probed.
‘No. Look… I’m not really comfortable talking about it,’ Cole said.
He looked flustered and the easy manner and smile had almost evaporated. The girlfriend had hurt him bad.
‘Listen, who would you rather? Me or Oprah?’
A hint of a smile played on his lips.
‘Anyways, I’ve been good enough to tell you half my life story, why can’t you tell me about your girlfriend? I mean, you carried my bag about a mile. In my town, that makes us almost related.’
‘It just wasn’t the best break-up,’ Cole admitted as the plane came into land.
‘Who dumped who?’ Robyn continued, turning to him almost enthusiastically.
‘It wasn’t that clear-cut.’
‘Well, what was it like?’
‘She was seeing someone else,’ Cole admitted. A sad expression and a heaviness to his words told her everything.
‘That’s low. Was it someone you knew? Work colleague? I bet it was a work colleague, wasn’t it? Their eyes met over the boardroom table and they just couldn’t help themselves.’
‘My brother,’ Cole answered, his eyes meeting hers and locking there.
Not even Robyn could find the words to respond to that straight away. She concentrated on looking out the window and watched as the ground came closer and the wheels of the jet touched down.
She talked too much, that she knew, particularly when she was scared to death. It was easy to focus on something else, in this case someone else. Taking the lead in conversation meant she could boss the flow, leaving little space for anyone to direct the questioning at her. She’d give a little but never everything. If she was honest, she wouldn’t know where to start with everything.
‘You know, I don’t know your brother, but I can’t imagine he’s got more going for him than you. I mean, you’re cute and you’re funny and you carried a damsel’s bag. It doesn’t get any better than that in my opinion,’ Robyn finally spoke up as the plane taxied to a gate.
‘Thanks,’ Cole replied, his smile returning.
‘Did you fight?’ Robyn inquired suddenly.
‘What?’
‘You and your brother. Did you have a scrap? You know, fisticuffs, slugging it out? Bit of roughing?’ Robyn asked, punching her arms forward to demonstrate. She made the noises of someone sparring in a boxing ring and got a few concerned looks from other passengers.
‘Not really.’
‘Oh my God. You so did. Who won? You did, didn’t you! He begged for mercy and he cried! Oh God, he so cried, didn’t he?’ Robyn rambled on with a little too much excitement.
‘They’re going to open the doors,’ Cole said as a clear distraction while people stood up to remove their bags from the overhead bins.
‘Don’t feel guilty about it. Sometimes people need a bit of rough justice, even family. What am I talking about? Especially family! They’re the worst. Think they can treat you like crap whenever they feel like it, walk all over you, and then ask for help when they need it. I’m not a fan of that way of thinking myself. Tell it like it is and say what you think, I say. There’s no time to fanny about around people,’ Robyn said with a nod.
‘Fanny about?’
‘Shit, I do need to find the American in me, don’t I? I need to remember I want fries with my steak, not chips. Chips over here are crisps in the UK and a swede, well a swede is a rutabaga!’ Robyn spoke as she almost buckled under the weight of her bag.
‘Are you sure you don’t need a ride?’ Cole offered, steadying her backpack for her.
‘No, I’m good. Pam should be waiting for me,’ she said.
‘Well, I guess I’ll see you around, Robyn Matthers,’ Cole said as they prepared to leave the plane.
‘Sure. Hey, Eddie’s Roadhouse, it’s on Shaver Road if you fancy beer… or if you want to ditch your job and work a bar,’ Robyn told him.
‘I might just drop by,’ Cole replied.
‘Good. Then you can tell me the full story about you and your brother,’ Robyn answered.
‘See you,’ Cole said and he headed up the tunnel toward the exit.
*
She was nice, really nice—but kind of crazy. She’d hardly stopped to take a breath between sentences on the plane, but he’d enjoyed it. It had made him forget about his own issues—until she’d made him talk about them. He couldn’t believe he had told her about it. And he’d sounded so hung up on it still. He wasn’t. He was over it. It had been a couple of months now; he was moving on. Not just because he was leaving Chicago—he was moving on inside. The proof of that was a wrecked car, bleach stains on one of his T-shirts and a small scar on the knuckles of his right hand.
*
She watched him go. The easy, yet confident way he moved, how his jeans hung on his hips and the way his T-shirt enhanced the shape of his back. She bit her lip, but her mouth had other ideas.
‘Hey! Cole! Wait!’ she called.
Cole stopped walking and turned around to face her.
She jogged awkwardly toward him and, as she reached him, she dropped her broken backpack to the ground.
She didn’t think, she just acted. She pulled him by the arms, closed her eyes tight, and kissed him full on the lips. She drew his dark head to hers with her hand and urged his mouth to part.
She felt his momentary hesitation and surprise, but then he relaxed and kissed her back, tentatively at first and then with more purpose. It felt as good as she knew it would.
Then, she ended it and stepped back, quickly heaving her bag off the floor.
‘I just wanted to thank you… you know… for carrying my bag,’ she said, smiling.
‘Well, I’m liking the Michigan thank you,’ Cole answered with a laugh.
She smiled, adjusting the band in her hair and standing on the outside edge of her tennis shoes.
‘So, I guess I’ll see you around?’ Cole asked, studying her expression.
‘Sure, see you around,’ Robyn replied, nodding.
He picked up his duffle bag and, with one last smile at her, he walked away.
She watched him all the way up the tunnel before the smile fell from her face. The distraction was gone, and it was time to come to terms with being home.
Two
The wind almost knocked her sideways as she came out of the airport. It was September and today the sky was clear, but the Michigan wind was biting. The very tail-end of summer in the county of Kalamazoo could mean weather for all seasons. Tomorrow could be a bikini day, the next you might need your snow clothes. It was predictable in its unpredictability.
‘Robyn? Robyn, is that you? Oh, honey, you’re all grown up! Look at her, Bob! She’s all grown up! Look at your hair, it’s so different!’
‘It’s not different, it’s exactly the same. I’m the same, completely the same, nothing changed at all,’ Robyn said, pulling a section of hair and observing it closely.
‘Come here, honey, let Bob take your bags. Take her bags, Bob. Is this all the luggage you have?’ Pam questioned as she enveloped Robyn in a hug and began peeling her backpack and case from her.
Robyn was pleased to see her aunt. She was just as she remembered her. She was rounded and buxom, with the same kind eyes and wide smile. They spoke on the phone about once a month, but time had passed, and it was good to know that Auntie Pam still looked every inch the mother figure she always had been. It was familiar and comforting, and Robyn hadn’t realized until now how much she had missed that familiarity and comfort.
‘I traveled light. Thought we could always go shopping for new stuff. Aren’t you always telling me how many sales they have on?’ Robyn said, smiling at her.
‘Hi Robyn,’ Bob greeted.
Uncle Bob looked the same too. Perhaps slightly more gray and a little more weathered, but there were the same doe eyes and the hunched shoulders from years of huddling over a fishing pole. Pam wore the pants in their relationshi
p, but Bob wouldn’t have it any other way. He was a man who lived for ice hockey and fishing, and as long as he had those simple pleasures, he was more than content with his lot.
‘Shopping, as you know, is one of my favorite words! Oh, honey, it’s so good to see you. Bob, put Robyn’s luggage in the trunk. Robyn, let me introduce you! This is Sierra and Sienna. Girls, this is your cousin, Robyn,’ Pam said proudly.
Robyn looked through the open window of the car at two identical girls, both with dark brown hair, tied in braids. Both had sullen looks on their faces and glared at her with attitude. They looked a million miles away from the angelic cousins Pam had described in their phone conversations. Robyn had imagined them with ringlets, white gloves, and fans. These two looked like they’d been styled by the Twilight team.
‘Say hello, girls,’ Pam ordered.
‘Hello girls,’ they replied together. Then they cackled to themselves, looking at Robyn out of the corners of their beady eyes.
‘Hello. How old are they now?’ Robyn questioned as the twins stuck their tongues out at her.
‘Almost nine. I was pregnant when you left, remember? Size of a large family home! Doesn’t time fly by? Bob, are you okay, honey? Do you need some help?’ Pam offered, turning her attention to her husband who was putting Robyn’s backpack in the trunk.
‘I’m just fine,’ Bob answered.
‘So, shall we go and see your dad?’ Pam suggested, clapping her hands together.
‘Oh, well, it’s probably too late for visiting right now, right?’ Robyn began.
The question had fazed her. Sure, she knew seeing her dad was the whole purpose of her trip, but presented with the immediate possibility of being face-to-face with him in minutes, frankly, it freaked her out.
It was too soon. She knew she’d had the plane journey to prepare herself, but she still wasn’t ready. She didn’t know what he looked like now. He was ill; he was going to look different—maybe thin or old or frail. She couldn’t imagine her dad looking frail. It just wasn’t in his nature. But then, maybe that had changed too. Maybe he was less John Goodman and more Tony Shalhoub in Monk now. No, that didn’t bear thinking about.
‘The nurses said we could go any time.’
‘Oh, well, I guess…’ Robyn began.
She knew when Pam had an idea about something it was pretty hard to oppose it. Though usually it involved shopping malls and large lunches, not hospitals.
‘Pam, Robyn’s flown nine hours to get here, don’t you think she might want to wash up and have something to eat?’ Bob interjected.
‘Oh, honey, I’m sorry, of course you must be starving. Let’s go eat,’ Pam said, opening the car door and leaping in.
‘Thanks, Uncle Bob,’ Robyn said quietly as he prepared to get back into the driver’s seat.
‘Eddie is sick, Robyn, but he isn’t going anywhere today,’ Bob assured her.
‘Bob, come on! Old Country Buffet, I think. Robyn can have a bit of everything there,’ Pam called, rolling down the window.
‘Is it still seven dollars all you can eat?’ Robyn asked her uncle.
‘Yepper,’ he answered with a smile.
*
‘Have you tried the mashed potatoes? They still do great mashed potatoes here don’t they, Bob? And you must try the fried chicken, the fried chicken’s still good, isn’t it, Bob?’ Pam gabbled as they ate.
‘She still gets indigestion because she talks too much while she’s eating,’ Bob informed Robyn quietly.
Robyn laughed into her napkin, and Sierra and Sienna looked up at her with their eerie dark eyes, like the raisins on the Gingerbread Boy’s face. They had streaks of spaghetti sauce around their mouths that could have doubled for blood.
‘The girls must keep you on your toes,’ Robyn whispered back to her uncle.
‘You know what? We wanted children for so long, now I’d actually pay someone to take them away,’ Bob answered, pasting a smile on his face when his daughters looked in his direction.
‘You don’t mean that,’ Robyn replied.
‘You’ve spent twenty minutes in a car with them, give it a few days and you’ll be begging for ear plugs,’ Bob told her.
‘What are you two talking about? I can’t hear you. Girls, use your knives and forks properly,’ Pam ordered her children.
‘Is she here because Uncle Eddie’s gonna die?’ Sienna questioned, looking straight at Robyn with an emotionless face.
‘Sienna! Why would you say something like that? That’s very rude and disrespectful,’ Pam exclaimed in horror.
‘Well? Is he?’ Sierra asked defiantly.
‘We’re all going to die one day. Some of us get longer than others. At nearly nine you have quite a good chance of surviving longer than me but, you know, you never can account for those freak accidents. Car pile-up, snake bite, someone sneaking into your room at night and strangling you with your braids,’ Robyn told them with a serious expression on her face.
‘Mommy! She’s being rude!’ Sienna shouted in a whimpering voice.
‘Girls, you need to mind your manners. Now if you’ve finished making a mess with that food, I suggest you go visit the bathroom,’ Bob said.
‘But we haven’t had dessert yet,’ Sienna moaned, rolling her eyes.
‘Bathroom. Now,’ Bob ordered.
Both girls let out a disgruntled sigh, but got off their seats and headed toward the restrooms.
‘Is it really serious? I mean, you can tell me the truth. I’m twenty-five now, not the sixteen-year-old who left all those years ago. I can handle it,’ Robyn told Pam and Bob, looking at them both.
‘It’s serious,’ Bob informed her bluntly.
‘But the surgeon says once he’s had the operation, he’ll feel like a new man. Well, if he loses a bit of weight and lowers his blood pressure,’ Pam chipped in, an optimistic expression on her face.
‘When’s the bypass scheduled?’ Robyn asked.
‘We don’t know yet,’ Bob told her.
‘Why not? You said it was serious. If it’s serious, he needs the operation as soon as possible, doesn’t he? Is this a money thing? Because if it’s a money thing, I can get money.’
‘It isn’t the money, he has insurance. He’s just not in a very good state, Robyn. His blood pressure’s through the roof, he’s got other patients and their visitors bringing him junk food, and he doesn’t do as he’s told. They’re worried he might not survive the operation,’ Bob said. The doe eyes showed real concern and Robyn knew then things were serious.
‘Take me there,’ Robyn said, standing up and rocking on the outside edge of her tennis shoes.
‘Let’s not panic. I mean, I saw him yesterday and he’d eaten his greens and his blood pressure was okay,’ Pam started.
‘I want to go there, now. He won’t have eaten the greens. Did you check under his sheets?’
‘Well no, but… ‘
‘I haven’t flown all this way to fanny about around him… I mean tiptoe… whatever. He needs the truth and I’m going to give it to him. Take me there. I’m ready,’ Robyn ordered again.
‘He knows what he should be doing, he just doesn’t do it,’ Pam admitted with a sigh.
‘Yes, well, he will. Or I’m going to ask the surgeon to wire his jaw shut before he starts with his heart,’ Robyn said with determination in her tone.
‘We’ve tried shock tactics, Robyn. Nothing seems to sink in,’ Bob said.
‘Are you going to take me there or am I getting a cab?’
Three
‘Now, honey, don’t be put off by the monitors and things in his room. It’s just to assess his condition and keep a track of everything,’ Pam explained, trying to keep up with Robyn as she strode through the front doors of the hospital.
Robyn was trying not to breathe. She hated the smell of hospitals almost as much as she hated the smell of the inside of airplanes. Both seemed to have a combination of cleaning solution and body odors. It wasn’t a good mix.
‘D
oes he know I’m coming?’ Robyn asked, striding on purposefully.
‘Well, I didn’t know whether to say anything or not. I mean, it could have gone either way. You haven’t spoken for a while and…’ Pam was getting out of breath as she chased Robyn.
‘Does he know I’m coming or not?’ Robyn asked.
‘No,’ Pam admitted, flushing.
‘Which way is it? What floor is he on?’ Robyn questioned as she looked for any signs indicating cardiology.
‘I’ll show you, just slow down a little, honey. Your aunt’s not as young as she used to be,’ Pam said, taking a deep breath, her cheeks reddening more every second.
‘Does she come and see him much?’ Robyn asked as she finally relented and let Pam take the lead.
‘Nancy?’
‘Yeah, Nancy.’ She couldn’t help but grit her teeth.
‘Most days, I think. Eddie talks about her a lot. I think she spends most of her time at the roadhouse, though,’ Pam told her.
‘That’s my next port of call, then the ice hockey team,’ Robyn stated, ticking things off a mental list.
She wouldn’t feel in control unless she had been everywhere she needed to go, scared or otherwise.
‘Oh, I don’t think you should do any of that tonight, honey. I mean, you must be exhausted,’ Pam said quickly.
‘It needs to be done. Someone needs to oversee things. Brad still plays for the team, right?’ Robyn asked, looking at Pam.
‘Yes.’
Robyn nodded.
Brad Willis was her ex-boyfriend. The last time she had seen him, he had already been six feet tall with blond shoulder-length hair. He was good-looking, he’d liked sports back then, and he had been her first boyfriend. Their first kiss had been at the drive-in in front of Planet of the Apes, and they had dated in an innocent high school way for almost a year. After that, Robyn had left. Her mother had given up on Eddie and was glad Fate had given her a reason to leave. At the time, Robyn had been more than happy to go with her.
‘Brad’s an officer in the police department now,’ Pam said.
‘I know. In fact, you remind me every time I call,’ Robyn answered.