by Mandy Baggot
‘He was dating Michelle Diamond for a long time…’
‘Yeah, I know. Aren’t they still together?’ Robyn asked.
‘No, didn’t I tell you? She went off with Randy Dennis,’ Pam said.
‘No way!’
She remembered Randy Dennis. He had been the ugliest kid in school. He’d had ears the size of plates, glasses with lenses two inches thick, and a body odor issue.
‘He had plastic surgery on his ears and laser eye surgery,’ Pam informed as if reading her mind.
‘When did that happen?’ Robyn asked.
‘The ears?’
‘No, when did Michelle leave Brad?’
‘About six months ago now. He took it really badly, almost got kicked off the force. He drank a lot, tried to start fights, and the whole town got pretty pissed at him,’ Pam explained.
‘Why didn’t you tell me any of this?’
‘Well, you always spend longer talking to Bob about the hockey than you do to me. And you haven’t called for three months, Robyn. I left messages, but you never called back… until the one I left about your dad,’ Pam said.
‘It hasn’t been that long,’ Robyn insisted. She hid her eyes from her aunt.
Three months was nothing. She hadn’t spoken to her friend Sarah for almost a year. She was ashamed about that, but she would call her now that she was home. There were a lot of reasons she hadn’t returned her friend’s calls, but the main one was she didn’t want to hear what was going on in Portage because it made her ache not to be there. Sarah would describe the weather and the lake and places they used to go and, despite the mixed feelings she had for the town, the feeling that overrode all the others was longing. Her dad getting ill had somehow given her the courage to return. It was a reason she had long been looking for.
‘Well, anyway, you’re here now, aren’t you?’ Pam said hastily.
‘So what happened? With Brad?’ Robyn asked, desperate to take the spotlight off her lack of communication.
‘Your dad happened. He gave him a focus, made him captain of the Panthers, and it turned him around,’ Pam said, turning down another corridor.
‘Well, Dad always did want a son,’ Robyn answered.
‘Brad visits too, at least once a week, and he’s been holding the Panthers together. Results haven’t been great, but they’re hanging in there,’ Pam said, coming to a halt outside one of the doors.
Robyn suddenly felt the urge to vomit. It was either the sudden smell of antibacterial gel and urine or the realization that she was about to see the father she hadn’t set eyes on in nine years. She gagged and put her hand to her mouth, trying to stifle the feeling.
‘Are you okay, honey? If this is too much, we can just turn around and go back to the car. We don’t have to do this now,’ Pam reassured her.
‘I’m okay. This it?’ Robyn said, indicating the door in front of them.
‘Yes. Should I go in first? Let him know you’re here? It will be a shock and…’
‘No.’ Robyn shook her head. ‘Listen, why don’t you go and wait with Bob and the girls? I think I’d like to do this on my own,’ Robyn said.
‘Are you sure, honey?’
‘Yes, I’m sure,’ Robyn said a bit more forcefully than she had meant to.
Her aunt looked like a wounded puppy. Robyn opened her mouth to apologize, but before she could, the door of Eddie’s room opened, and a nurse came bustling out with a tray. On it were the remains of a McDonald’s meal.
‘Excuse me, are you here to visit?’ the nurse inquired.
‘Yes, Eddie Matthers,’ Robyn replied.
‘Good luck. He has a bad attitude right now because I confiscated this,’ the nurse said, indicating the leftover takeaway.
‘Can I have it?’ Robyn asked, putting her hands on the tray.
‘You hungry? Because I’m pretty sure he’s bitten into everything,’ the nurse responded.
‘I’m starving,’ Robyn insisted, taking a firm grip and pulling the tray away from the nurse.
She gave Robyn a funny look and raised her eyes at Pam. Finally, she relinquished the tray and carried on down the corridor.
‘He’s in the bed by the window. A guy named Max is in there with him. He has bad lungs and coughs all the time,’ Pam informed her.
Robyn didn’t listen to anything else. She pushed open the door and entered.
In the first bed, a man was sitting up in bed reading. He had wild tufts of gray hair on his head and thick glasses that sat halfway down his nose. He put his newspaper down and looked at Robyn with suspicion.
‘You a nurse?’ he barked in a thick Brooklyn accent.
‘No,’ Robyn answered.
‘What you want?’
‘World peace. You?’ Robyn retorted.
‘Very funny. Hey Eddie, we got ourselves a comedian here,’ the patient called out before succumbing to a fit of coughing.
Robyn moved forward to the bed nearest the window. It was then she saw him.
Eddie only vaguely looked like the dad she remembered saying goodbye to. With less hair on his head and more hair on his face, he looked older. His beard was shabby and flecked with gray, and his pallor didn’t look right at all. Eyes that were ringed and heavy bulged from his face and he was fatter than ever. He looked like someone who could advertise the long-term damage of a high-cholesterol diet. Propped up in bed, Red Wings ice hockey shirt on over his hospital gown, remote control for the TV in one hand, the other vigorously picking from a bag of peanuts… there he was, her dad.
Robyn just stared at him from the end of his bed, trying to take it all in. This was what nine years had done to him. It looked like nine years of neglect, and she was suddenly pricked with a feeling of guilt. Perhaps she shouldn’t have left. Maybe if she had stayed he wouldn’t be in this situation. Had leaving him been selfish? She could have stayed, she could have confronted things—she might have found the strength from somewhere.
Eddie looked away from the television and noticed Robyn for the first time.
‘What the hell?’ he exclaimed, clutching at his chest and knocking the bag of peanuts onto the floor.
‘Hello, Dad,’ Robyn greeted, putting the tray of food down.
‘Hello Dad?! Hello Dad?! You can’t just come waltzing in here and say “hello Dad” after ten years,’ Eddie exclaimed, sitting up and wiping his peanut-sullied hands on his sheets.
‘Nine years, actually. What do you want me to say?’ Robyn asked him.
‘I don’t want you to say anything. What are you doing here? What d’you want? You need money? If you need money, ask your mother,’ Eddie continued, adjusting the tube under his nose.
‘I don’t need money,’ Robyn answered, staring at him.
‘Then what d’you want?’
‘I brought this back for you. That Hitler of a nurse said she took it from you. Well, I know what the food’s like around here. Here, it’s all yours,’ Robyn said, pushing the McDonald’s food nearer to him.
Eddie eyed her suspiciously, then his gaze fell to the paper bags on the table in front of him.
‘Go on, it’s your favorite, isn’t it? Big Mac with extra cheese?’ Robyn guessed.
‘Why don’t you talk right any more? I thought it was just the telephone, but here you are, talking like that right in front of me. You didn’t speak like that when you left. You don’t sound right,’ Eddie said as he grabbed the bag and his hand ferreted inside for the burger.
‘England’s ruined me. I’m actually halfway to becoming the Queen,’ Robyn replied, watching him.
‘Where’s your mother? She ain’t here, is she?’ Eddie asked, sinking his teeth into the food.
‘Dunno. Wales? Blackpool? Vegas? Got married to a magician called Des. I’ve told you all this before. He can saw her in half,’ Robyn answered.
‘I wouldn’t mind a go at that myself,’ Eddie replied.
‘So, how are things with you? The house in such a state you needed to move in here?’ Robyn questioned.
‘Very funny,’ Eddie said, concentrating on eating.
‘Auntie Pam says you need a bypass,’ Robyn continued.
‘So they say. You know the clever guys with the funny white coats and the glasses. They all wear glasses round here. I don’t know if they need them, I think they just wear them to look smart,’ Eddie answered, spitting pieces of meat into his beard.
‘They say you can’t have the operation unless you lose some weight and start eating properly,’ Robyn carried on.
‘Yeah, they say that too. Don’t know what their problem is. McDonald’s has been the staple diet of Americans for years and we’re all—’
‘Dying of heart disease caused by obesity. Enjoying the food?’ Robyn interjected.
‘Yeah, beats the green pasta stuff they tried to force-feed me at lunchtime. It had bits in it. I don’t like bits,’ Eddie said, shaking his head and breathing in through his nose as he devoured the burger.
‘That’s a shame because I spat all over that Big Mac, pretty sure there’ll be bits,’ Robyn informed him matter-of-factly.
Eddie clutched at his throat, turned bright red and began to regurgitate what he had just eaten, doubling over and retching.
Robyn took the paper bags from the table, screwed them into a ball and, in one quick move, threw them in the hazardous waste bin.
‘Jeez! You’re sick! What’s wrong with you? You trying to kill me?! Get me a nurse! Nurse!’ Eddie yelled as he began to splutter and gasp for breath.
‘I don’t need to try and kill you; you’re doing that all by yourself, eating this crap and not getting up and about. If you don’t do as the doctors say, they’re not going to give you the operation because they don’t think you’ll survive it,’ Robyn blasted, looking at her father with fury in her eyes.
‘Who cares? I don’t want an operation! They’re the ones who want me to have an operation. Do you think I want to be in here? Get me some water! I want this taste off my tongue!’ Eddie ordered, wiping his mouth with a napkin.
‘So you’re just going to lie here, eating shit and watching TV? What about the roadhouse? What about the Panthers?’ Robyn questioned.
‘Oh, what about them? Roadhouse has been going downhill for years, the same with the Panthers. No one cares any more, why should I?’
‘Oh, I see, you want sympathy for the sorry ass state you’re in, do you? Well too bad, because you’re getting none of that from me,’ Robyn told him.
‘No one asked you to come.’
‘Actually, they did. Auntie Pam begged me to come.’
‘She always was an interfering…’ Eddie wiped his tongue with the tissue.
‘You think I want to be here? You think I wanted to leave England and travel nine hours across the Atlantic? I have a great job and a place and a life back there. Here I’ve got Auntie Pam and twin cousins who look like they belong in a remake of The Omen. And then there’s you. A fat, ungrateful, angry old man who wants to fester in a hospital bed when he has what could be a profitable business and what could be a successful ice hockey team sitting in his lap. Stop behaving like an idiot. You have no idea what it’s like for me to come back here!’ Robyn yelled at him.
‘How dare you speak to your father like that? You always were stubborn, you get that from your—’.
‘From you, Dad. I get it from you. Now listen to me, if I hear that any more fat-loaded meals have passed your lips, I will come in here and see to it that the doctor with the best glasses wires your jaw shut,’ Robyn threatened.
Eddie glared at her.
‘I’m going to get the roadhouse back on track, I’m going to manage the Panthers, and I’m going to get the house ready for you for when you come home,’ Robyn told him.
‘You can’t…’
‘I can, Dad. Don’t underestimate me,’ Robyn said. Her eyes flashed.
Eddie just continued to glare at her, still wiping at his mouth.
‘So, did you want that water?’ Robyn asked, putting a smile on her face and picking up the pitcher.
Four
It was good to arrive at Pam and Bob’s ranch-style home. It hadn’t changed a bit. The American flag still hung from a pole by the porch, Bob’s fishing boots stood on the step, and the tubs of flowers bordering the front of the house were still in bloom, just like they had been when she’d left.
Once inside, there was the familiar scent of home-cooking and the chintz decor practically enveloped you in old-fashioned charm.
‘I made brownies. Girls, can you get changed for bed, it’s late,’ Pam ordered as everyone entered the house.
‘Oh Mom, you have to be kidding! It’s like not even ten,’ Sierra complained.
‘It’s like only nine-thirty! Taylor’s mom lets her stay up ‘til eleven,’ Sienna joined in, stamping her foot and glaring at Pam.
‘Not on a school night. Shoo!’ Pam said.
‘This is not fair! This is because she’s here!’ Sierra shouted, fixing Robyn with a stare.
‘Hey, leave me out of this,’ Robyn begged.
‘She doesn’t have to go to bed,’ Sierra continued.
‘I’m twenty-five,’ Robyn answered.
‘So?’ Sierra replied, looking at her cousin with defiance in her eyes.
‘Remember what I said at the restaurant about life expectancy? If I were you, I’d take those braids out before you close your eyes tonight,’ Robyn said, slight threat to her tone.
‘Girls, I can hear everything you’re saying. Now you apologize for being rude to Robyn and do as your mom tells you,’ Bob spoke sternly as he came out of the garage with Robyn’s case.
Sierra let out an agitated sigh and folded her arms across her chest.
‘Sierra, I’m warning you.’
‘Oh whatever! Sor-ry!’ Sierra yelled in Robyn’s face.
Then the girl turned and ran up the hallway toward the bedrooms.
‘Sienna, go and change and maybe you can have a brownie before bed,’ Pam suggested, smiling at her other daughter.
‘More sugar just before bed?’ Bob raised an eyebrow.
‘Oh, it won’t hurt this once. Now Robyn, is there anything I can get you? Some coffee? A brownie?’ Pam asked.
‘No, honestly, I’m fine. I mean, I’m good. I think I’ll just go to bed if that’s okay,’ Robyn said.
‘Of course, honey. You’re in the guest room. You remember where it is, don’t you?’ Pam asked.
‘Yeah, thanks. Well, goodnight and thanks for the meal and for picking me up and everything. I guess I’ll see you in the morning,’ Robyn said, gathering up her luggage and heading down the hallway.
‘Goodnight, honey. Let me know if you need anything. There’s a clean towel on your bed and there’s a new toothbrush and toothpaste in the en-suite,’ Pam called after her.
Robyn entered the room, dumped her bags in the corner, and leapt onto the big double bed. It was covered in a thick quilt with huge floral cushions. She kicked off her tennis shoes and lay back. There was something to be said for Pam’s whimsical taste in decoration; it was both comforting and comfortable. She had always felt more at home at Pam and Bob’s house than she had in her own. Pam and Bob had spats, usually when Pam objected to the amount of ice hockey on the television or to Bob spending the entire weekend fishing, but their ‘discussions’ had nothing on the arguments her parents used to have. They had always started small then escalated into full-scale war. Glasses were smashed, her mother would cry, Eddie would holler until he almost turned blue, and Robyn would hide in the basement until it was over.
She closed her eyes and turned onto her side. Childhood wasn’t something she looked back on or wished she could repeat. Childhood was something belonging to other people that she had missed out on and envied.
Her stomach was so full she felt as if she might burst. She had eaten her own body weight at the Old Country Buffet, and seeing her dad had been testing to say the least. She should feel tired, but the truth was, she didn’t feel settled enough for slee
p. There were far too many thoughts running through her head.
She pulled her cell phone from her pocket and looked through the list of contacts. She picked one and set it to dial.
‘Hello,’ the female voice answered.
‘Sarah Gorski, what are you doing in a nightclub? Haven’t you got work tomorrow?’ Robyn greeted.
‘What? I’m not at a nightclub. Who is this?’
‘Oh, I like that. It hasn’t been that long since I called you. Have you forgotten me already? I thought we were friends.’
‘Robyn? Is that you? Where are you?’ Sarah questioned.
‘Aunt Pam’s.’
‘No way! I don’t believe it! How long have you been here?’
‘Flew in today. Listen, are you busy? Wanna meet up?’
‘When?’
‘Now.’
‘Crap, Robyn. I’m at the garage picking Mickey up from work.’
‘Well, bring him with you.’
‘But I promised him pizza tonight. We’ve got coupons that need to be used up and everything,’ Sarah responded.
‘Bring the pizzas.’
‘Well, where were you thinking of meeting?’
‘Eddie’s.’
‘You are kidding?’
‘No, why? Don’t tell me even you and Mickey don’t go there any more.’
‘Robyn, it’s turned into a dive! The only people that go in there now are the motorbike gang,’ Sarah explained.
‘Have you seen this Nancy lately?’ Robyn asked.
‘Not lately, not since Eddie got ill.’
‘What’s she like?’
‘Well, she’s very blonde and she smiles a lot, mainly at men.’
‘Not ideal stepmom material then. Not going to be teaching me needlework any time soon.’
‘The whole place smells, and it doesn’t even do food any more.’
‘What?! Why hasn’t anyone told me about any of this? I may be on the other side of the world, but it’s just a telephone call away.’
‘You don’t return my calls,’ Sarah replied.
‘Have you called? There must be a problem with my voicemail,’ Robyn said quickly.
‘It’s really changed, Robyn.’
‘Right, well, I need to see it for myself. You and Mickey meet me there.’