by Mandy Baggot
‘No, you’re not. It’s horrific what he did. Seeing him again, I can’t imagine…’
‘Everyone around here knew, you know, and they all looked at me with pity in their eyes. They treated me like someone who had had their insides scooped out and should now be left alone and put in a secure room lined with cotton wool. Well, most of them thought that, some thought I should be ducked in the lake because I was obviously a descendant from the last witch brought to justice in the town in 1898. I could never be Robyn again, and that’s all I ever wanted to be, just Robyn. Now, I was Robyn who’d been violated, not the same person at all. That’s why I left. That, and the fact my own mother couldn’t even look at me. I think she thought moving to England would kind of cleanse me, or maybe cleanse her. She was a great one for making herself the victim. Anyway, she wanted someone cleansed, it didn’t really matter who. She said the word a lot. She said it so much, I almost felt like I was clean from hearing it—almost,’ Robyn carried on, tears running down her cheeks.
‘What this Jason did to you is the worst thing anyone can do to another human being. You know that, right?’ Cole told her, taking hold of her shaking hand.
‘No, that’s murder.’
‘You’ll never forget it. You’re going to carry it around for the rest of your life.’
‘Thanks, like I didn’t know.’
‘I didn’t mean it that way. I just meant stuff like that does change you, it’s no use making out otherwise.’
‘But I should be moving on, it should have dulled by now. That’s what everyone thinks and that’s definitely what Sarah thinks,’ Robyn said, holding his hand.
‘To hell with what everyone thinks. It’s how you feel that’s important,’ Cole assured her.
‘Sarah didn’t get it.’
‘I do. I get it,’ Cole told her.
Robyn looked up at him and let herself have a moment in his ebony eyes. He was so genuine, so comforting, so different from anything she’d had in the past.
‘Well, so, there we go,’ Robyn said, breaking the tension. ‘Which camp are you in? Want to wrap me in cotton wool or duck me in the lake?’
She wiped her eyes with her fingers and side-stepped away from him.
‘Both sound kind of fun,’ Cole admitted with a smile.
‘Listen, all you’ve done since we met is listen to me prattle on about my baggage. Tell me about your issues, I don’t know nearly enough about you, and you still haven’t let me talk to your mother. I’m concerned by that,’ Robyn said.
‘Veronica’s having my brother’s baby,’ Cole informed her, his lips tight as he formed the words.
‘Whoa!’
‘And you wanted to know about the fight we had. Well, I put him in hospital, broke his nose, his collarbone and four ribs,’ Cole continued.
‘I knew it.’
‘Then I smashed up his Porsche and poured bleach all over his apartment.’
‘Way to go.’
‘My mother, the one I will let you talk to the next time she calls, cried for days when I said I was leaving. Half of her wants to cut Bryn off because of what he did to me, but she doesn’t want to miss out on a grandchild. I can understand that, but it still hurts, you know.’
‘Could the baby be yours?’
‘No.’
‘Are you sure?’
‘I’m a scientist, Robyn. I deal with diseases every day. I know better. You get what I’m saying?’
‘Loud and clear. So where the hell does Veronica get off texting you after all that?’ Robyn wanted to know.
‘She wants me to make up with Bryn, for the baby’s sake.’
‘The audacity!’
‘Yeah, I know.’
‘So what did you say?’
‘Nothing. I’ve nothing to say to either of them any more,’ Cole informed her.
‘Did you love her?’
‘You know, I don’t know. I don’t know whether I was mad because she’d broken our trust or just mad because it was Bryn she broke it with.’
‘Well, I’d move on, it’s the only way. Besides, you have an ice hockey team to focus on, and I’m gonna need your help with the roadhouse and—shit! The interviews! I’ve got to get back to the roadhouse, I’m interviewing staff,’ Robyn exclaimed, looking at her watch and rushing toward the door.
‘Hey, Robyn, wait! Here, I got you these,’ Cole called to her, waving something in the air.
‘Keys?’
‘To the house. Next time you storm out of a store, at least you can come home,’
‘Thanks. And thanks for listening and… well, you know,’ Robyn replied, smiling at him.
‘Anytime.’
‘You might regret saying that, I’m a woman with many projects.’
‘And a woman with a whole freezer drawer dedicated to ice cream,’ Cole reminded her.
*
He sat down at the kitchen table and put his knuckles to his mouth. Someone had raped her. Someone had had sex with her against her will. Someone had forced themselves on her, when she would have been scared and screaming for help. They had violated her and left her with an indelible memory that would always try to shape her future. No wonder she had run from the store if her attacker had been right in front of her. Hell, he wished he had seen him. He thumped his fist on the table and tried to quell the bubble of anger burning in his gut. People like that took things that weren’t theirs to have, and they didn’t care. They knew what they were doing was wrong, but they did it anyway, regardless of the consequences. They took advantage—just like Bryn had.
Sixteen
‘So, Grimalda, let me just check that I’ve got all your details correct. You haven’t worked a bar before, but you used to make coffee in the office and you went to the store for doughnuts, so you’re used to dealing with money,’ Robyn said, looking at the young girl with dreadlocks who sat opposite her.
She was wearing a T-shirt stating the slogan ‘You Suck’, and her tattered jeans were being held together with safety pins.
‘Uh, huh,’ Grimalda replied, chewing gum and smiling at Milo.
‘Okay, well, I think that’s all I need for now. I’ve got your number, so I’ll be in touch,’ Robyn said, standing up and offering her hand to the girl.
‘So have I got the job? I could start right now, but I’d have to leave about eight—band practice,’ she informed them, shaking Robyn’s hand and then taking her gum out and putting it behind her ear.
‘We’ve got a few more people to see. I’ll call you,’ Robyn said, leading the way to the exit.
‘Awesome. Catch you later,’ Grimalda responded, directing another smile at Milo.
Robyn waited for her to leave and then let out a shriek of despair.
‘Shit, Milo! What’s happened to this town? Why are there no decent bar workers within a fifty-mile radius? She was grimy! Larry was so old he would’ve needed to sit behind the bar to serve, Julie wanted to bring her kids to work, Sapphire had ideas above her station and thought this was a cocktail lounge, and as for Teresa… well, if she’s twenty-one, the Panthers are gonna beat Reading six-zero on Saturday,’ Robyn exclaimed.
‘Sapphire wasn’t so bad,’ Milo replied, looking at his notes.
‘And what did you make notes on? Nice hair? Slim and pretty? You would?’ Robyn glared at him.
‘She had worked a bar before,’ Milo reminded her.
‘I think you’ll find she said she was a “drinks coordinator”. She couldn’t even bring herself to say bartender. No, she wouldn’t last in a roadhouse. It’s going to be busy, Milo, full of families pre-nine and then full of people wanting a beer and some good music after that. And she wanted to make cocktails. We are not doing cocktails. My dad would have another heart attack if he came back here and found me serving margaritas,’ Robyn informed.
The front door swung open and Nancy strutted in, dressed in a short, gold, sequined skirt and a barely-there strappy vest in the same shade.
‘Afternoon,’ she greeted with a sm
ile, approaching Robyn and Milo.
‘What are you doing here?’ Robyn questioned.
‘I hear you’re holding interviews,’ Nancy replied, sitting down in the interviewee’s chair.
‘Yes. And?’
‘Fire away. Interview me. There’s nothing about this place I don’t know,’ Nancy replied confidently.
‘You want to work here—for me,’ Robyn said, staring at the woman.
‘I saw your dad today, he thinks you need help,’ Nancy answered.
‘Well, I don’t.’
‘Robyn, you’ve hated everyone we’ve seen,’ Milo reminded her.
‘Not everyone. Larry was okay; we could get him a stool,’ Robyn suggested.
‘Listen, kiddo, whether you like it or not, me and Eddie are for keeps. I’m gonna be your stepmom and, I figured we should be getting to know each other better,’ Nancy told her.
‘Really. That’s what you think, is it?’
‘That’s what Eddie thinks and it’s what he wants. Okay, so I didn’t do such a great job of running this place, perhaps I took on more than I was capable of, and maybe Eddie deciding not to do food any more was a mistake. None of that means I don’t know my way around a bar,’ Nancy continued.
‘She’s good, Robyn, fast too, and the guys like her,’ Milo chipped in.
‘What about the kids? Can you serve them chicken and fries without scaring them half to death or suffocating them with your perfume?’ Robyn wanted to know.
‘Give me a trial. I don’t come up to scratch, you can let me go,’ Nancy replied, unfazed.
‘Why are you doing this?’ Robyn asked, looking at her suspiciously.
‘I love Eddie and you’re his blood. What can I say? I’m a sucker for a heartwarming reunion story. That and the fact I watched him eat a whole plate of salad at lunchtime. I’ve no doubt that was your doing,’ Nancy told her.
‘He’s never eaten salad on its own! You must have missed the fries. He hid them. Did you blink, like, at all? Did you check under Max’s sheets?’ Robyn asked.
‘So do I get the job?’ Nancy wanted to know.
Robyn looked at Milo, who was vigorously moving his head up and down like a rocking horse.
‘We have a uniform now. Let me know your chest and waist measurements. I want no biker gangs, no drugs, no funny business at all. And you answer to me and, when I’m not around, you answer to Milo. Can you handle that?’ Robyn asked her firmly.
‘Yes, ma’am,’ Nancy replied.
‘And no sarcasm, at all—none,’ Robyn retorted.
‘Who was being sarcastic? So, shall I call you Boss Lady?’
*
That afternoon he’d received a report from Chicago, results he’d been waiting on for weeks. He’d been so sure of this trial, so convinced this was a breakthrough. When he read the findings, he’d wanted to weep. Maggie and Aaron had both watched him read the email, although she had made a good effort at pretending to clean her workstation. He’d wanted to cry and smash everything on the counter. But he’d chewed the inside of his mouth, shut the email down and retreated to the bathroom with his dignity intact. Once alone, he’d lost it. He’d punched the mirror, leaving a fist sized crack in it, and then taken the rest of his anger out on the hand dryer. He needed this to work. He needed to know that he was worth something. But it wasn’t just that. It was what Robyn had told him, too. The mirror and the hand dryer weren’t just the unoptimistic results, they were Jason, this man who had hurt Robyn. The man he would gladly pulverize.
Now he was home and he could hear Robyn in the kitchen. She was singing something country. She had a godawful voice but he liked it. He couldn’t face her yet. His hand was still bleeding and he needed to take a breath and recollect himself. He sat down on the stairs.
*
‘Listen! I’m opening beer. This is because I have something very awkward to tell you. Well, a couple of things, really, but one is definitely worse than the other, but I’ll let you decide which is which… to be honest, I’m not quite sure myself. And I’m making dinner, although it’s been a while since I had pasta, so I’m probably burning it. Can you burn pasta?’ Robyn called from the kitchen.
There was no reply.
‘Cole Ryan! Don’t you dare leave because you know I’m cooking! If it goes really wrong, I’ll send for takeout or I’ll barbecue!’ Robyn shouted.
There was still no response.
‘Cole! Is that you? Or did you give someone else a set of keys?’ Robyn called as she went toward the hallway to investigate.
When she got there, Cole was sat on the stairs, his head in his hands.
‘Look, I know I’m not Michelin-standard, but there’s no need to have a breakdown over it. I’ll get Chinese,’ Robyn said, looking at him with concern.
He stood up, took hold of her hands tightly in his and kissed her. She returned the kiss with as much passion as he gave and backed him up against the stairs. She sat astride him, dropping the wooden spoon she was holding to the carpet.
‘The random kissing is supposed to be my thing,’ she said, laying another kiss on his lips and slipping her hands underneath his T-shirt.
‘Have you patented the idea? Am I infringing on copyright?’ he asked, taking her face in his hands and drawing it to his.
‘Do you care?’
‘Not right now.’
He kissed her again, this time for a long time, until she had to pull away to breathe.
‘This isn’t a date,’ she clarified, trying to get her breath back and ignore her racing heart.
‘I know,’ Cole answered with a smile.
‘So, what’s up?’ Robyn asked, getting off him and standing up.
‘Just a bad day at work, when it was so close to being the best day ever,’ Cole replied with a heavy sigh, sitting up on the bottom step.
‘How does that happen? Man! Look at your hand! Did you hit someone?’
‘No.’
‘So what happened?’
‘We created a new vaccine. We thought this was it, the closest thing we could get to a cure for something we’ve been working on for over a year. But it hasn’t worked as well as it should have. It’s only shown regression in fifty-two per cent of the cases,’ Cole explained.
‘Fifty-two percent is impressive, though, yeah?’
‘Not impressive enough for anyone to do anything about it,’ Cole replied.
‘So what do you do next?’
‘Go back and look again. Try and work out why it didn’t perform better. And, if we can’t find the answer, we start all over again,’ Cole said, shaking his head in frustration.
‘How did you get so smart? I mean, I barely know the difference between penicillin and Prozac,’ Robyn told him.
‘I’m not that smart, just determined,’ Cole answered.
Robyn looked at him, sensing there was more to come.
‘I lost my dad to cancer. Before that, I had no idea what I wanted to be. If he hadn’t died, I might have tried my luck as a pro ice hockey player. But losing him to something like that, it blew my mind. I had to try and make it better somehow. Does that sound really lame?’ Cole asked her.
‘No, it sounds very noble and grown up and sensible.’
‘You mean boring.’
‘I didn’t say that.’
‘You thought it, though.’
‘I would not be living with you if you were boring, believe me.’
‘You didn’t have anywhere else to go apart from the basic room at Psycho Mike-o’s,’ Cole reminded her.
‘And there was that, too. So what did you hit? Nothing containing anything viral, I hope,’ Robyn said, smiling.
‘Bathroom mirror,’ Cole admitted.
‘The janitor’s going to be pissed at you.’
‘I’ll pay for it.’
‘So, Cole Ryan beats up on things and then settles up for the damage. I like that,’ Robyn told him.
She leaned forward and softly kissed his lips, taking hold of his injured hand an
d gently running her fingers over the wound.
‘I’ll get some ice,’ she whispered.
*
‘So, about those things I wanted to tell you. Well, all the bartenders who came for interviews were useless, except Nancy, and she gave a rousing speech about togetherness and blood and family, so I gave her a job. Then Aunt Pam came in and she wants to meet you, so I kind of had to accept an offer of dinner tomorrow night at six before we all hang out at Taboo,’ Robyn spoke quickly.
‘Okay,’ Cole answered, unfazed.
She watched him drain the pasta. His T-shirt rode up a little, giving her the slightest glimpse of his flesh. She swallowed. She had to stop this fantasizing or things were going to get complicated.
She cleared her throat.
‘Okay? Did you hear everything I said? I gave my trampy future stepmom a job at the roadhouse I kicked her out of, and we have to go to dinner at Aunt Pam and Uncle Bob’s and sit opposite the satanic twins,’ Robyn repeated.
‘I heard, it’s all good,’ Cole answered, putting the pasta onto plates.
‘Really?’
‘Sure. Free dinner, what’s not to like?’
‘Trampy stepmom?’
‘I’m sure you’ll keep her in line.’
‘Hopefully.’
‘So who else did you hire?’
‘Hmm, yeah, well, she was it. I’m going to have to contact agencies next, and that’ll cost more.’
‘How about me?’ Cole asked.
‘How about you, what?’
‘I could work the bar,’ Cole offered, stirring a pan of gray-looking sauce.
‘You already have a job.’
‘Not in the evenings.’
‘Yeah, but you have hockey.’
‘Not every night. We agreed practicing every night was over the top, remember?’
‘You haven’t ever worked a bar.’
‘Sure, I have. I worked a bar in Chicago to help pay tuition fees. Do you need references?’
‘Is there no end to your talents?’
‘I’m pretty hot, right?’ Cole replied with a laugh.
Robyn’s cheeks flushed as she looked back at him. She wanted to see more than what was under his T-shirt. She was dangerously close to thinking about what lay beneath his jeans. He looked at her again and she felt her whole body flush. He had the darkest eyes, like pools of rich, dark coffee. It would be all too easy to give in. But if she gave in, what happened next? She had no idea.