by Beth Burnett
“Well, Wolf, it was nice of you to stop by, but I think we can take it from here.”
“Andy, don’t be an ass,” Davey says, coming out of the kitchen with a plate of food. She hands it to me and sits down on a chair. I slip into my favorite chair, pulling my feet under me and balancing my plate on my knees.
“I’m not being an ass,” I reply with as much dignity as I can muster. “I’m simply expressing gratitude to Mr. Featherstone for visiting this morning.”
Leah carries a load of my laundry out of the bedroom and into the laundry room.
“Leah,” I call after her. “Please don’t do my laundry.”
She is obviously ignoring me, as I can hear the water starting to fill the washing machine. I shake my head, making eye contact with Davey.
“Your mother.”
She grins. “Stubborn,” she concurs. “Just like you.”
“Hmmph.” I concentrate on eating my burrito. I have to hand it to Danny. He makes vegan cooking almost fun. Of course, this burrito would be a hell of a lot better with some scrambled eggs and little chunks of bacon, but it’s still pretty good. There’s a fruit salad on the side. I pick up a grape and pop it into my mouth.
“Andy,” Heather says. “Wolf has helped me quite a lot this morning. He led me through a healing meditation. I think you should consider doing the same thing.”
“Somehow I can’t see having a successful mediation session with all of you sitting around watching me.”
Wolf chuckles softly. “We could go into the spare bedroom. That’s what Heather and I did.”
“Thanks, but no thanks.” I shovel some more food into my mouth, looking down at my plate. Now I need to figure out how to get all of these people out of my house.
“Davey, aren’t you supposed to be at work?”
She shakes her head. “I called in sick.”
I peer at her. “Did you tell them why?” That’s all we need is for her coworkers at the care center to know what happened. If this gets on the gay grapevine, the entire city will know within hours.
“Give me some credit, Andy.” She looks affronted.
“Sorry. I just don’t think it’s a good idea to tell people about it. I didn’t think we should tell anyone at all,” I say, looking pointedly at Wolf.
Leah comes back into the living room with a basket of folded laundry. Obviously she found the last load that I washed and never took out of the dryer. “Wolf is completely trustworthy,” she avows. “Nothing will go further than this room.”
Danny comes out of the kitchen and perches on the arm of my chair, putting his hand on my shoulder. “How are you feeling?”
“I’m fine. I’m perfectly fine. Thank you for breakfast.”
“My pleasure.”
He looks over at Leah. “The kitchen is clean and there is soup in the crock pot that should be ready in a few hours.”
Leah smiles at him. “You are a sweet man.”
“It’s just my nature,” he says, grinning.
Davey looks at him fondly. It’s hard to believe that just a couple of weeks ago I was fantasizing about ways to get rid of him so I could be with Davey. Things change so quickly. Heather shifts on the couch and my gaze is drawn to her. I’m aware that people who go through traumatic events together can easily fall away from each other as they work through the pain on their own. But it can also make them stronger.
I’m impressed by the way Heather fought, and I’m impressed with the way she has held it together today. I would really like it if we could be alone right now so we can talk it out privately. On the other hand, maybe it’s best just to leave it alone. I don’t know what I need right now. Part of me wants to go back to bed and not get up for another couple of days. The other part wants to go out right now and sign up for a kick-boxing class. Still a very small part of me, way deep down inside, wants to curl up into Leah’s lap and cry like a little girl.
Sometimes I miss my mother. Not the mother that I knew for most of my life, but the mother that I sometimes think I remember from when I was a tiny little girl, before I disappointed her by becoming me. I have vague memories of being put into a little dress and paraded before my mother’s friends. I think I remember her smiling at me. Sometimes, I think I remember her brushing my hair. Then again, it might have been the nanny who brushed my hair. For some reason, I’m half-tempted to call my mother. I shake my head and pick up my coffee. I must be losing it if I want to call my mother.
Danny still has his hand on my shoulder. I lean my head against him and he puts his arm around me. He’s a good man. Davey needs a man like him. He’s gentle and soft and unerringly sweet. I look up at him and he smiles down on me. Something suddenly occurs to me.
“Danny, I love you.”
“I love you, too.” He leans down and kisses the top of my head. Davey turns away, blinking back a tear.
Heather is smiling at me. “I need to think about leaving pretty soon,” she says, standing up.
This is a surprise. “Leaving? Where are you going?”
“I have to go to work today. I need to go home and get ready. Make sure my uniform is clean, yadda, yadda.”
“I’m just surprised you’re going to work. Don’t you think you should call off today?”
She shakes her head. “No. I have a short shift this evening. I’m not injured. My friend Denise is going to pick me up after my shift and come to my house just to keep me company.”
“Your friend Denise?”
“I do have friends, Andy. Good friends. Just because you haven’t met them yet doesn’t mean they don’t exist.”
I can be pretty self-centered sometimes. “You’re absolutely right. I’m sorry. Of course you have friends. You’re too amazing to not have friends.”
She smiles. “You will meet them soon. I don’t have a huge crowd, but I do have a small circle of incredible women who love me unconditionally.”
Leah gives Heather a big hug. “Now you have even more.”
Heather kisses Leah on the cheek. “I love you, Leah.”
“I love you too, sweetheart.”
“Okay, then, let me drive you home.” I go to push myself out of my chair, but Danny’s hand tightens on my shoulder.
“Davey and I will drive her home. I need to go to my house for a while anyway.”
Davey nods. “That sounds good. I want to pack a bag if we’re going to stay over here again tonight.”
“No one is staying over here again tonight. I’m fine and I really don’t want you all moving in with me.”
Leah walks over and pats my hand. “We’ll give it a few hours and see how your head is feeling. If I deem you well enough, Davey and Danny can stay home and I’ll stay here with you.”
It isn’t worth an argument. All I can do is show her that I am well enough to be left alone. “Can I at least walk Heather out to the car so I can say goodbye?”
Davey nods. “We’ll gather up our stuff and meet you out there.”
Heather’s overnight bag is in my room. I go back to get it and the two of us walk out to the parking lot.
“Are you sure you don’t want to come back over here tonight after work?”
She puts her arms around me. “No. I kind of feel the need to be with my friend.”
“We can talk.”
“I know we can. We went through it together. But tonight, I need my best friend.”
I kiss her on the top of the head and step back. “I understand...I guess.”
“You need your best friend, too,” she says, smiling.
“I don’t need anyone. People are in my life because I want them there.”
“Whatever.” She kisses me softly on the mouth. “I’ll call you tomorrow, okay?”
“Okay.”
Danny comes out carrying his and Davey’s bags. He unlocks his car and puts the bags in the trunk. Heather gets into the car as Davey approaches.
“Andy, take care of yourself today,” she says.
“I will. Hell, I won�
�t have a choice. Leah will nurture me to death.”
She laughs. “And be nice to Wolf.”
“Be nice to Wolf? That’s a far cry from your first impression of him.”
“He came right over to help when Leah called him. He rushed right in and counseled Heather. She was visibly calmer after they talked or did their meditation or whatever.”
It still sounds like new age crap to me. “Did they say their ‘oms’ together?”
“Don’t scoff. It worked. It doesn’t matter if you believe it or not as long as it worked for Heather. You might try it yourself.”
“I doubt it.”
“It would help.”
“Go home, Davey.”
She laughs and reaches up to kiss me on the cheek. “I love you, Andy.”
“Love you too, baby girl.”
Standing in my driveway, I watch them drive away. The sun is shining and there is a light breeze. A few clouds in the sky look dark. There may be rain later. I turn my face up to the sun and let the sunshine warm my skin. Sun warmth is the best kind of warmth in the world. I need to run, if only a couple of miles. Wiggling my bare toes, I look longingly down the street. I wonder if Leah will let me go for a run. It doesn’t matter. I have to go back in to put on my running shoes.
Wolf walks out onto the porch while I’m standing there. He moves with grace. His face is serene and beautiful. It isn’t that I think he’s a bad person. It’s just that I really don’t need a stranger coming in and trying to save my soul.
He reaches me and we stand shoulder to shoulder looking out over my lawn. His car is parked in front of my house. It’s a beat up Mazda. Looks as if it might be older than me. He sees me looking and smiles.
“Bought it for a thousand bucks six years ago. It hasn’t given me a bit of trouble.”
“Thought you would have trouble folding yourself into a car that small.”
He laughs. “It’s a tight fit sometimes, but it gets great gas mileage. I have more important ways to spend my money than on fancy cars.”
I carefully keep myself from looking at the garage where my three year old Trailblazer is parked. He reads my mind.
“I’m not making a judgment on you, Andy. I’m just talking about my own personal needs.”
“Are your needs purer than the rest of ours?” My voice sounds petulant and it pisses me off.
“Not at all. I can only judge myself, Andy. You are the only person who knows you well enough to judge you.”
I want to hate this guy for some reason. “So you’re saying I can’t judge the guys who did this to us last night?”
“It’s human nature to do so. Don’t beat yourself up about it. In time, you will forgive them and move on.”
“I’m already moving on, but I will never forgive them.”
He looks down at me and speaks so quietly that I have to lean forward to hear him. “If you hate them in your heart, you’re not hurting them, only yourself.”
Tears are suddenly pricking at the back of my eyes. Wolf doesn’t move or look away. He’s neither smiling nor frowning. Turning to face him, I make eye contact and for some reason, I can’t hold back anymore. Tears start pouring down my face. He doesn’t try to touch me. He doesn’t say anything. He just lets me cry it out for a few minutes. Finally, the tears subside and I take a deep breath. He reaches into his pocket and hands me a crumpled tissue. I wipe my eyes and blow my nose.
We stand in silence for a few minutes and watch as one of my neighbors comes out and starts to water his lawn. After a while, Wolf pats me gently on the arm. “I’ll go now. I wrote my number on a piece of paper and left it on the kitchen counter. Call me if you need anything.”
“Why should you want to help me?” I ask.
“Why shouldn’t I?” he responds, smiling.
He folds himself into his little car and drives away.
Leah is curled into my recliner reading a book and smoking a joint when I get back inside.
“I got a text from Danny. Heather is home safe.” She smiles at me.
“Leah.” I’m laughing. “I thought you were quitting smoking.”
“I’m cutting back,” she insists. “And I have. I am not longer smoking every day.”
“Every other day?” I grin.
“Not even that. Besides, pot really isn’t that bad for me.”
“I’m not going to answer that. I promised Davey that I would stand firm.”
“Parental solidarity?”
“Something like that.”
She smiles. “How the tides have turned. “I’m the parent here, remember?”
“You’re a nurturer, Leah. But we like to take care of you sometimes, too.”
I squeeze in next to her in the arm chair. She puts her arm around me and I rest my head against her shoulder. I’m feeling drained. I’m not sad or happy or miserable or angry. I’m just kind of drained. I kind of want to go back to sleep for a while. But then, the idea of a run is calling to me.
Leah strokes my head. “Do you want to talk?”
“No, I want to run.”
Frowning, she shakes her head. “I don’t think that’s a good idea. It might be bad for your injuries.”
“It will probably be good for my mental health.”
“I just really think today would be a good day to do nothing but relax.”
“If I have to spend the day relaxing, I might kill someone.”
“Why don’t you read a book?”
“Reading probably isn’t good after a head injury.”
She sighs. “Why don’t we watch a movie?”
“After. I’ll go run and when I come back, we can watch a movie and I’ll nap on the couch.”
“I’m sure I can’t stop you from going for a run, but I’m going to go with you.”
“Ha!” A huge snort escapes me. “You? Running?”
“I don’t want you out there alone in case you pass out!”
“Leah, you are not going for a run with me.”
She folds her arms tightly and glares at me. “Either I’m going with you or you’re not going.”
This is fucking ridiculous. But I’m not going to argue about it any longer. Grabbing my running shoes, I make a point of frowning down at Leah’s hippie sandals. “Are you going to wear those?”
“I’ll have you know that I once ran five miles in these shoes.” She pauses, looking thoughtful. “Of course, I was on LSD at the time.” She pauses again. “Maybe that didn’t happen.”
Laughing, I run back to my bedroom and dig out Davey’s sneakers. “Here, these fit your daughter, they’ll probably fit you.”
“Yep. Her feet are a tad bigger than mine, but nowhere near as ginormous as yours.”
I hold one foot out to her and wiggle it around. “Few are, my dear, few are.”
She laces up the shoes, and we walk out to the porch. Leah is wearing baggy khaki cargo pants and a loose, flowing floral print shirt.
“Let’s go.” I set a quick walking pace, and Leah steps in beside me. “We’ll walk for a couple of minutes to warm up.”
“This is the warm up?” She’s already panting.
A couple minutes later and I’m breaking into a run. Leah is slapping the pavement beside me. Within a minute, her breathing is labored and sweat is running down her forehead. Her long curls are escaping from the ponytail and the hair around her face is starting to frizz. Keeping my face completely blank, I push the speed up a little bit. Leah struggles to keep up with me, wheezing and panting at my shoulder. I can hear the tennis shoes dragging on the cement with each step.
“At this point you should be completely warmed up,” I say, pretending not to notice her struggle. “We’ve gone a little under half a mile. Since you’re a newbie, I figured we would keep the mileage low today. How does two miles sound?”
She doesn’t answer, or perhaps she can’t answer because she’s breathing too heavily. I’m going to give her about another thirty seconds and then stop. She may be healthy at fifty-six, bu
t she’s not a runner. And she’s stoned. I slow down to a light jog and then a walk. Leah walks about ten paces at my side, and then bends over, gasping. She holds on to her knees, trying to control her breathing.
“Leah, I’m sorry. I’m an asshole.”
She holds her hand up, still struggling to catch her breath. “No. You’re not.”
I wait for a few minutes until she is back to normal. Reaching out to push a few pieces of hair out of her face, I smile down at her. “Leah, I appreciate your care. I shouldn’t have let you come for a run with me.”
“You couldn’t have stopped me.”
“You are more of a mom to me than my own mother ever could have been.”
Leah pats my arm. “You have always been like my own child.” She pauses, looking back the way we came. “We are walking back, aren’t we?”
I laugh. “Yes, we’ll walk.”
“Thank God.”
“Unless you want me run home and get the car.”
“Don’t tempt me.”
We walk slowly, looking at the neighbor’s yards. Leah points out a particularly pretty garden, but other than that, we don’t speak. I wonder how Heather is feeling. I realize that I haven’t checked my phone all day. I bet Leah turned the ringer down so I wouldn’t be bothered. I bet Maggie has texted millions of times. I’ll have to check in with her when I get home.
“Leah, I want another shower and then I’m going to check my text messages and my email.”
“That’s fine. I should call Sheila and cancel our date for tonight.”
“What? I thought you two had kind of cooled it a bit.”
“Oh, because of that spanking situation?”
“It was a little weird.”
She shrugs. “Andy, we’re all a little weird. I’m sure there are things about you that others would find strange.”
“I can assure you I would never spank some creepy 70’s porn guy with a wooden spoon.”
She laughs. “We don’t know all of the nuances of the situation. Perhaps Sheila is trying to help him understand some of his own peculiarities.”