by Beth Burnett
“Whatever.” We reach the porch and I hold the front door open. “I don’t know if I could date someone whose job involved being sexually intimate with other people.”
“Well, Sheila and I aren’t really involved. We’re more like friends with benefits.”
“Still.”
“Still, I’m probably not really cut out to be a lesbian.”
“You are definitely not a lesbian. Bisexual, maybe.”
She collapses on the couch. “I just enjoy men too much to give them up for good.”
“Like Wolf Featherstone?”
She shakes her head, smiling. “Not at all. He is a lovable man, though, isn’t he?”
“There is definitely something about him,” I agree.
“He’s celibate. Has been for many years. Says that sex clouds his mind.”
“Celibate. Wow. I can’t imagine.”
“I know you can’t.” She smiles. “I’ve actually gone long periods of time without sex, and I have found that combined with meditation and other spiritual pursuits, it can help lead me to clarity and peace.”
“You seem to have a lot of that anyway.”
“Maybe. At any rate, I always reach a point where I start missing that physical contact.”
“Yeah, me too.”
She throws a pillow at me. “How would you know? I don’t think you’ve ever gone more than a couple of weeks without sex.”
“Couple of months, sometimes.”
“Maybe you should take a hiatus.”
I smile, thinking about Heather and her soft hair. “I don’t think that’s feasible right now.”
Leah picks up the remote and starts flipping through the channels. “I’ll find something on cable.”
“Leah, I have a million DVDs.”
She’s full out on the couch, with one leg hanging over the side. “I don’t want to get up to look at them.”
I shake my head and chuckle. “Well, I’m going to shower and grab my phone. I need to see if Maggie tried to call.”
Leah calls after me as I leave the room. “Heather’s a nice woman, Andy. Treat her well.”
Why does everyone talk to me as if I’m the world’s most evil heart-breaker? I’ve always been honest with everyone I’ve ever dated. I haven’t lied to Heather, either.
“Maggie is just a friend, Leah,” I call over my shoulder.
“Aren’t they all,” she yells back.
There’s no answer to that, so I ignore her and close the bedroom door.
Chapter Sixteen
Yawning and stretching, I roll over in bed and come face to face with Davey. Startled, I react angrily. “What the fuck?”
She smiles. “I remember waking up to find you in my bed not too long ago.”
“To be fair, you woke up because I was dragging you out of bed by your feet.”
“You’re too heavy for me to do that,” she says, laughing.
“Davey, what are you doing here? You’re supposed to be at work.”
“I traded with Steve. I’m taking off today and working on Sunday.”
I roll over again and look at the clock. “I have a racquetball game in twenty minutes.”
“We can go together. I’ll buy you lunch after.”
“I’m not interested in lunch. I’ll eat a power bar on my way to the gym.”
“Come on, Andy. Renee called Leah and told her that you’ve called in sick to work every day this week.”
“That sounds worse than it is. I was only scheduled to work two days.”
“Irrelevant. You’ve been avoiding Leah, too. She says every time she calls or stops by you are on your way to do some work out.”
Flexing my bicep, I admire the bulging muscle. “Well, you have to admit it’s looking pretty awesome.”
“Irrelevant again. You’re drowning your sorrow in sweat. You need to surface and be with people.”
“I have been with people. I saw Heather the other night. We had dinner, even. There was sex. It was a regular date.”
“Did you talk about the attack?”
“That’s none of your business.”
Davey pulls back, affronted. “It is most certainly my business.”
“Davey, I’m fine. There’s nothing wrong with working out.”
“There is if you’re doing it obsessively to the exclusion of all else.”
Rolling out of bed, I grab some sweats and throw on a tank top. Davey sits up in my bed. “Cancel the racquetball game and we’ll have some coffee and talk. It’ll be like old times.”
“The old times are gone, Davey. Go home and have coffee with Danny.”
She’s pissed. Standing up, she puts her hands on her hips and glares at me. “Fuck you, Andy. I am still your best friend!”
“Davey, you may be my best friend, but that doesn’t mean you always know what’s good for me. I’m fine. I don’t need help. I don’t need to talk. And I don’t need any fucking coffee.”
She stares at me, hurt. Tears are starting to form in her eyes, but I bend down to put on my shoes and pretend I don’t see her.
“Andy.”
I ignore her and walk out of the bedroom.
Davey follows me into the kitchen where I grab a bottle of water and an energy bar.
“You know, those things are full of chemicals,” she says.
“Thank you for the health lesson,” I retort.
“Why are you being so mean to me?”
I turn to face her. “I am not being mean to you, Davey. This is not about you. This is about me wanting some space and you refusing to give it to me.”
“Fine,” she snaps. “Here’s your fucking space!”
She turns on her heel and storms out. The front door slams hard enough to rattle the walls. I can’t take responsibility for her feelings right now. I need to get myself into supreme physical shape so no one can ever fuck with me again.
Nate is waiting for me by the time I get to the gym.
“Sorry, I’m late. Davey stopped over.”
“How is she?”
“Fine.”
“And how are you?”
“Don’t start, Nate. Let’s just play this game.”
“Righto.”
I kick his ass in the first two games. In the third game, I’m three points up and ready to slam it to a finish when my quad muscle cramps and I fall to the ground. Nate runs over as I’m writhing on the court in agony.
“Just relax it if you can,” he says, massaging my leg.
“Fuck. Fuck.” I roll over a bit and try to extend my leg. Nate keeps working it and the muscle slowly starts to relax.
“You’re pushing yourself too hard, Andy. Your body is rebelling. Take a break.”
“I can’t take a break. I have shoulders and arms today.”
“At least it isn’t legs and back.” He rocks back on his heels and stares at me.
“Look, I know it’s none of my business...”
“If you think it’s none of your business, you’re probably right.”
“Okay.” He stands up and extends his hand. I reach for it and let him help me up. Limping back across the court, I grab my racquet. “Want to finish this game?”
He shakes his head. “I can’t catch up now anyway.”
“Don’t baby me, Nate.”
“I’ll see you next week,” he says, waving over his shoulder.
Fucker. Fine. Whatever. I’ll just start my strength training early. Heading to the other side of the gym, I see that all of the pull-up bars are taken. In fact, almost all of the machines I want to use are taken. I stand near a bank of them and tap my foot. One of the trainers approaches me. “Andy, give the people on the machines some peace.”
“You know what?” I yell, turning to face him. “This fucking gym sucks. You need more fucking machines. What am I supposed to do? Stand here like an asshole waiting for these people to finish fucking around?”
The trainer puts his hands on my shoulders and opens his mouth to speak, but I shake his ha
nds off me and shove his chest with both of my hands.
“Do not ever touch me!” I yell.
Nate appears at my shoulder and takes my arm. “Andy.”
I glare at him, barely seeing him through my rage.
“Andy,” he repeats. “Come on.”
I let him lead me out of the gym. Everyone in the place is staring at me as we walk out. I feel like turning around and raising my middle finger to all of these assholes who can’t mind their own damn business.
When we get outside, Nate walks me over to his car. “Look, do you want to go have lunch or something?”
“No. No, thanks. I’m just going to go home.”
I stalk back to my vehicle and slam the driver’s side door. Before I start the ignition, I reach for my cell phone. There are texts from Maggie. I never did get together with her last week as I meant to. I think she’s leaving tomorrow. I’d better find out. In the meantime, I have a message from Danny and a few from Renee. Heather texted to say she misses me. I miss her, too. Even Leah texted. Maybe she asked Davey to show her how. Davey hasn’t texted at all this morning. I imagine she’s pretty pissed at me after I was such a dick to her this morning.
Maggie has sent me several texts about a long ago party where one of the guys decided to go skinny dipping in the community pool, and while he was in the pool, we stole his clothes and went back to the condo. The guy ended up having to run across the entire complex naked. I laugh, remembering. Maggie has always been fun. Dysfunctional sometimes, yes, but always fun. I write back to her, thanking her for the memory and reminding her of the time we took a blanket and a bottle of wine and slept on a hill all night under the stars. We had made love several times that night and in the morning, we woke up covered in mosquito bites. I had a settlement of bites on my ass and spent the next couple of days trying not to scratch it.
Maggie writes back quickly. “That was a lovely night.”
“Maggie, sorry for blowing you off this week.”
“Understandable.”
“We need to get together before you leave. I have a present for you.”
“I hope it isn’t a copy of your girlfriend’s book!”
“From what she has told me, I think you would like it.”
“Sure. If nothing else, it might help me sleep.”
I’m half-irritated, half-amused. “LOL. You’re naughty. No, it isn’t that.”
“What is it?”
“You’ll have to wait.”
“Fine, come get me right now.”
Well, what the hell. It isn’t as if I have anything else pressing to do today. It will be good to see Maggie. She’s always laughing and she never asks me if I’m all right.
“Ten minutes?”
It takes a couple of minutes for her to text back. “Make it fifteen. I should probably put some clothes on.”
Choosing to ignore that last remark, I simply text back in the affirmative. It will take me about fifteen minutes to get to Steve and Erik’s from here anyway, at least it will if I take side streets instead of the freeway.
Driving slowly through the neighborhoods, I text to Heather telling her that I miss her and asking if I can see her tonight. She writes back a few minutes later. “Working till 8, off tomorrow. Want me to come over after work?”
“Will you be hungry? I’ll make something for dinner.”
“Sounds good. Be there about 8:45.”
Steve and Erik’s street is around the next block, but I’m a few minutes early so I pull over to the curb and dial Renee’s number.
“Andy, are you all right?”
“I’m fine. Thanks for asking.”
“I’m just worried about you. It’s not like you to not come to work.”
“I’ll be there next week.”
“Do you want me to come over tonight?”
“No. Heather is coming over tonight after work. I’m making dinner for her.”
“It always surprises me when you say you’re cooking.”
“Just because I don’t cook doesn’t mean I can’t.”
She laughs. “I love you, Andy.”
“Love you, too.”
Maggie is waiting outside when I pull up in front of Steve and Erik’s house. She’s holding a newspaper. “I thought you’d want to see this,” she says, as I climb the stairs to the porch.
The paper is folded open to a news story about two men who were beat up and left on the doorstep of a nearby police station. The men were taken to the hospital for multiple injuries and while the police were investigating their identities, it turned out that one was wanted for skipping out on bail for his aggravated assault charge and the other was wanted in connection with a string of rapes and sexual assaults. Maggie watches me as I quickly skim the article.
“All’s well that ends well,” I say, glancing at her sideways.
She shrugs. “The point is that they’re going back to jail anyway. Maybe they’ll get all of the time they deserve. Or maybe you and Heather could help them to get more.”
“I’ll take it under consideration.”
She leans back on the porch swing and smiles at me. “I know you will.”
I perch next to her on the swing and let myself lean back into the cushions. “So where are we going?”
“Steve and Erik are at work. Why don’t we eat here?”
This is such a great porch. The guys have a row of potted ferns hanging from the porch eaves. The furniture is all oversized and filled with brightly colored pillows. I wish I had more of a flair for decorating. Maggie is looking at me, waiting patiently for an answer.
“Here is good. I have your present.” I pull the package out of my pocket and hand it to her. “Sorry I didn’t wrap it.”
She shakes her head and opens the box. “Oh, Andy, I love it! Put it on me right now.”
Taking the necklace in my hand, I turn it to make sure the Libra symbol is in front and then drape it around her neck. She leans forward as I click the clasp closed and kisses me on the mouth.
“Thank you, Andy. That was very thoughtful.”
I back up a little and smile. “You’re welcome.”
She smiles back. “One more time, for old time’s sake.”
She leans in and kisses me softly. Her hands slide around my neck and pull me in closer. My mouth softens as her tongue slips into my mouth and starts gliding over my lips. She breathes softly against my mouth and moves her body closer to mine. My heart is pounding. A flood of memories comes rushing into my head and it seems as if I can remember every time Maggie and I kissed, every time we made love. I vividly remember every inch of her naked body, and I want to see it now, as an adult. I want to see if she still tastes the same. My arms go around her, and I’m pulling her against me hard, and it seems as if everything I’m looking for can be found if only I can go to bed with Maggie. She reaches up to stroke my head, and then Heather is in my face. Heather. Heather with whom I have a date in a few hours. Heather, who is intelligent and beautiful and kind. Pulling back from Maggie with a sigh, I reach up and unhook her arms from around me.
She leans back. “Andy, you can’t be serious.”
“I’m sorry. It’s just I have this thing with Heather and...”
“Have you two made a commitment to each other already? Are you in a monogamous relationship after less than a month?”
“We haven’t made a commitment to each other, but I feel that at this point in our relationship sleeping with another woman would be a mistake.”
She glares at me. “Well, I’m not just another woman.”
“Maggie, come on.” This is ridiculous and I can’t help but laugh.
“Don’t laugh at me.”
“Maggie, seriously. I’m asking you to please understand.”
“I’m telling you that you’re being stupid. You don’t owe that child anything.”
“She isn’t a child. She’s a good person and I like her a lot.”
“Don’t you like me?”
“Maggie, I care
about you. I always will. That won’t ever go away. But I can’t love you like that, not anymore.”
I reach out to hug her, but she pushes me away and stands up. “I don’t want to be your girlfriend, Andy. I just want to make love with you. You want it, too.”
I look at her angry face and the stubborn set of her jaw. This is not the Maggie I knew twenty years ago. Or maybe it is. Do we ever really know anyone? “No, Maggie. I don’t.”
She turns and stalks inside. Staring at the roof of the porch, I marvel for a moment at the fact that I have managed to seriously piss off two women that I care about in less than twelve hours. I’m on a roll.
Sighing, I return to my car and head back to Bay. How is it that I have managed to piss off just about everyone I have come into contact with today? I just want to go home and lock myself in the house. Apparently, I just can’t deal with people. I don’t need all of this pressure from everyone. It would be best to cancel on Heather for tonight. On the other hand, it will be nice to see her. As far as I know, she still likes me.
****
Heather shows up at eight-forty five. I hear a car door open, and then the car leaves. Heather walks in smiling.
“My coworker dropped me off,” she says. She comes into the room and throws her cell phone and purse on the coffee table.
She’s wearing jeans and a t-shirt. She’s not wearing any makeup and her hair is pulled into a braid down her back. She looks about twenty and suddenly I wonder if I’m too old for her. We fall into a hard hug. My arms tighten around her. She breathes against my neck. Swaying slightly, just holding onto her, I start to feel like a regular human being. I can feel the day’s anger starting to slip away.
“What’s wrong?”
I tighten my grip even further without answering.
“Andy?”
“I’ve been angry all day.” I press my head against the top of her head. She shifts her arms and pulls my head down onto her shoulder, wrapping her arms around me.
“You’re allowed to be angry. You were violated. You were attacked. You’re allowed to be angry.”
“I swore at the personal trainer at the gym.”
She chuckles softly. “They’ve probably heard worse.”
“I pissed off Maggie.”
She leads me over to the couch and we curl up around each other. “How did you piss off Maggie?” she asks carefully.