Andy's Song

by Beth Burnett

  “It’s taken me over twenty years.”

  “Good things are worth the wait.”

  “Maggie, you’ll always be in my heart. That will never change.”

  “I know, Andy. I love you.”

  “I love you, too.”

  “Go be with your woman,” she says.

  “Thanks, Maggie.”

  Tossing the phone back into the holder, I drive back to my side of town and into North Olmsted. Heather’s car isn’t in her apartment parking lot, so I swing by Smith’s. I don’t see her car there, either. Should I send her a text or call? A call would be more appropriate. I click on her name, but it goes right to voicemail.

  “Hey, Heather. It’s Andy. Please call me. Please. I just want to talk and probably clear something up.”

  The lake looks pretty today as I motor down Lake Road. Driving over the Huntington Hills, I’m thinking about Heather barreling up them at a full run, making me work hard for that win. She didn’t take any shit from me, that’s for sure. I’m picturing her laughing at Steve’s jokes, or shaking her hips around to that techno gay boy music at Dick’s, her long hair swinging around her shoulders. I still can’t help but feel that I should have been able to protect her from those assholes outside of the club, but it wasn’t my fault. It wasn’t her fault, either.

  The parking lot at Huntington Beach is almost full, but I manage to find a spot way down at the end, facing the water. The stairs are covered with people walking down to the beach. A group of bikini clad women are playing volleyball, and I sit down to watch them. Two guys run by passing a Frisbee back and forth between them, while a hyper dog tries to jump up and catch it. I want to take Heather to the beach. I want to swim with her. Pulling out my phone, I dial her number again. This time she answers.

  “Heather, I just want to talk. Let’s get together today.”

  “I can’t. I have an energy workshop and then I have to study.”

  I sigh. “Well, can we get together before the energy workshop?”

  “I don’t have time. It starts in half an hour.”

  “What about after? I’ll buy you a cup of coffee so you can stay awake for your studying.”

  “Andy, let’s just not get together at all. I’m not mad. I just think we’re looking for different things in a relationship right now.”

  “No, I don’t think that’s true at all.”

  “Andy, do you even know for sure what you’re looking for?”

  “Does anyone?” I reply.

  She chuckles. “Let’s just take a break. Maybe give me a call in a couple of weeks and we’ll see where we are.”

  “Heather, I’m truly sorry that I let Maggie make fun of your book. I should have told her that she was being a bitch. She was just being bitter. I didn’t really think it was funny. I’m sorry.”

  “It’s fine. I’m sorry I read your text messages. I never should have done that.”

  “It’s all right. Are you sure you don’t want to get together?”

  She pauses for a few seconds. “Andy, I’m sure.”

  “I’ll call you in a couple of weeks, then.”

  “Bye.”

  The guys with the Frisbee toss it a little close to me, and I jump up to catch it. The dog runs over and sits in front of me, begging for me to throw it. He has a pretty face, might be some kind of lab mix. I nod at the guys and toss the disc back to one of them. The dog takes off after it. Maybe I should get a dog. Maybe I should sell my house and take off with my dog and my Trailblazer and just travel across the country for a couple of years. I could try all sorts of different meditation retreats and yoga camps and life coaching and sweat lodges and living in a commune and eating all organic and trying to save my own soul. It’s worked for Leah all of these years. She’s not perfect by any stretch, but she’s certainly happy. Two little kids are playing in the water, falling down when the waves come in then standing back up with the waves roll out. I watch them for a while, thinking about escape.

  Back to my vehicle and on the road again. I don’t know if I’m meant to have the life of a wanderer. I enjoy traveling, but I like to come home to my little house and my little town and the neighborhood grocery store where they always make sure to stock my favorite foods. I like having friends around who care for me and who will hold me up whenever I need it.

  Signaling a turn, I get off of Lake and drive toward my house. Halfway down my block, I pull over and get out my phone again. Thank God or whoever for smart phones. I google the energy workshop and find the address at the Unitarian church in Lakewood. Of course. Ten minutes later, I’m in their parking lot. Heather’s car is already there.

  The church has its front doors propped open, and there are a couple of people standing outside smoking. I wander into the sanctuary, but no one is there. Back out in the hall, there’s a small hand-written sign that says “Energy is Everything. Change your life today! Meeting room 6.” Following laughter down the hall, I come across the start of the meeting rooms. Meeting room six is closed. I glance at my watch. I’m only a couple of minutes late. I open the door and walk inside. There are ten people in the room and they all turn to stare at me when I walk in.

  A woman stands and approaches me, holding out her hand. “I’m Sue Warner,” she says, smiling. “Welcome.”

  “Thank you.”

  Heather is seated on one side of the room in a blue overstuffed chair. I plop into the chair next to her. She stares straight ahead and doesn’t speak. The woman on the other side of Heather leans forward to check me out.

  “Are you Andy?” she asks.

  “I am.”

  “I’m Denise.”

  I reach my hand across Heather, and Denise and I shake hands. She has a pretty smile and a kind face. Heather finally glances at me. “What are you doing here?” she hisses.

  “You mentioned this before, and I failed to realize that it’s important to you.”

  She nods. “So?”

  “I wanted to give it a fair shot.”

  “Andy, you don’t believe in this new agey stuff.”

  “No, I don’t,” I say, firmly. “But I do believe in you.”

  She blinks and looks back to the front of the room. The woman who welcomed me, Sue, is passing around some pamphlets. I take one and start studying it. The headline is printed in bold type. “Our thoughts have direct control over our lives!” Well, that’s what Leah is always touting. Sue is talking to the group about a study in which plants were placed in three groups. A group that had positive thoughts directed at them, a group that had nothing directed at them, and a group that had negative thoughts directed at them. Every day, a researcher would sit and think lovely thoughts of butterflies and sunshine at one group of plants, while another group of plants was subjected to thoughts of violence and fire and war. How the plants were able to read the researchers mind, Ms. Warner hasn’t said, but according to her, the plants that were the recipients of the positive thoughts thrived and bloomed and became gorgeous, luscious embodiments of health, while the plants that didn’t receive any thoughts just grew normally. As for the plants who were barraged with negative thoughts? They all died.

  Heather and Denise are enraptured by the talk. I’m finding it all a little hard to swallow. Okay, some of it makes sense. Yes, we are made of energy. Yes, energy never ceases. But the idea that we can change our physical being by simply learning to control our thoughts is difficult to take. If that were the case, we’d all be healthy and happy. People with broken legs could simply knit their bones by believing hard enough.

  Still, some of what she’s saying is making sense. I have heard of people who have completely healed from cancer and claim that they did nothing but pray. I know that certain medical studies have shown that people with a positive attitude about their chances of recovery are more likely to recover. But not always. That’s why you can’t rely on this sort of thing. I hope this isn’t a cult. This woman is probably going to ask for money when she’s finished.

  Heather pokes me
in the rib cage at one point and gestures to a man across the room. It’s Wolf Featherstone. He sees me and smiles. I should have known he would be at something like this. In fact, I’m surprised Leah isn’t here. I wave back at him, smiling.

  “He helped me, too,” I whisper to Heather.

  She looks at me. “Seriously?”

  “Yeah. He didn’t say much, but what he said kind of got to me.”

  She nods. “He’s a good soul.”

  He is a good soul. I don’t even know what that means, but I know it’s true.

  “Heather,” I whisper again. “I really do need to tell you something. You can tell me to fuck off afterward, but please let me say it first.”

  She nods. “After. We’ll go over to Polly’s for some coffee.”

  Sue has us do some light meditation to try to get us in sync with our natural energy. It isn’t really working for me. When we close our eyes, I keep feeling as if I’m going to fall asleep. Plus, I keep peeking out from my eyelids to see if everyone still has their eyes closed. They do. I guess I’m the only non-believer in the room. Sue Warner is talking in a soft voice, telling people to reach into their inner selves and find the power within. I tune her out and think about what I’m going to eat when I get out of here. I’m starving all of a sudden. Maybe I’ll get Bradley to make me a big cheeseburger when we get to Polly’s.

  The workshop is finally over, and we all have our little handouts. Sue tells everyone to make sure to do the exercises she outlined in the pamphlet. I’m sure I’ll get right on that. Heather looks at me. “If you need help, we can do them together.”

  “I’d love to,” I say. Fine, so I’m a hypocrite. Maybe I’ll learn something. At any rate, I’ll get to see more of Heather, and that can’t be a bad thing.

  Heather goes to talk to Sue and Denise turns to face me. “It’s nice to meet you,” she says. “It truly is.”

  “Has Heather told you that I’m an asshole?”

  She laughs. “No. Well, maybe once. But she was just angry. She doesn’t really think you’re an asshole.”

  “Do you want to come to Polly’s with us?”

  She shakes her head. “No, I’ll take Heather’s car and drive myself home. You can be responsible for getting her back to her place safely.”

  “Thank you.”

  She briefly touches my hand and leaves me, approaching Heather and Sue. They all look at me for a moment. Wolf Featherstone touches my shoulder and I jump.

  “Andy, you look good.”

  “Wolf.” I hold out my hand. “It’s great to see you.”

  He smiles. “I confess that I’m a bit surprised to see you here.”

  “I’m starting to become more open to new ideas,” I say.

  “Really?”

  “No. I’m here because of Heather.”

  “That’s as good as reason as any other.”

  He squeezes my arm and walks out. Heather finishes with Sue, and we walk out to my vehicle.

  Polly’s is pretty crowded, but we manage to squeeze into a small table in the back corner. Heather orders a cup of coffee and a grilled cheese sandwich. I had my heart set on a cheeseburger, but that grilled cheese sandwich sounds excellent. I order the same and ask for avocado on my sandwich. With that out of the way, Heather looks at me.

  “Well?”

  “I’m not sure where to start.”

  “If you’re going to make some grand pronouncement of love, save it.”

  I laugh. “No, Heather. It isn’t that. Listen. I’ve been working hard lately at trying to change my life, and I’ve suddenly realized that I really don’t need to change at all. I looked around and realized that I’ve surrounded myself with all of these dynamic and loving women for as long as I can remember. Obviously, there was some part of me that knew these were the kind of people I needed in my life. Then you came along, and you’re just as dynamic and loving as Davey and Leah and Renee.”

  “And Maggie?”

  “Heather, Maggie is in Arizona. She’s a girlfriend from twenty years ago. Trust me when I say that you don’t have anything to worry about there.”

  She shrugs. “I’m not trying to keep you from having friends. I’m not usually a jealous person. I just don’t like her because of what she said about my book.”

  “That was coming from a place of jealousy within her,” I said. “And it’s not like her.”

  “Whatever.”

  I grin. “We’re not here to talk about Maggie anyway.”

  She leans back in her chair as the waitress puts out food down. I reach over for my coffee and take a big sip. Heather digs into her grilled cheese with gusto. Her enthusiasm is one of the things I love about her. I reach over to wipe a strand of cheese from her face.

  “Well, what are we here to talk about then?” she asks.

  “Us.”

  “We aren’t an us. We’ve only been dating for a month. We barely have anything in common.”

  “Excuse me? We both love running. Hiking. Water. Grocery stores.”

  She laughs. “I don’t love grocery stores. I just love Smith’s.”

  “Me, too.” I grin at her.

  “What else?”

  “Spirituality.”

  “You’re not spiritual.”

  “No, but everyone in my life is. I went to church today.”

  “You did not.”

  “I did. I went to Renee’s church.”

  She smiles. “I like her. She’s a sweetheart.”

  “She’s a good soul, as you would say.”

  “Andy, you were bored out of your mind at the energy workshop today.”

  “I wasn’t bored. Skeptical, yes. Bored, no.”

  “Well.”

  I lean forward, looking into her eyes. “Heather, here’s the thing. We don’t have to have everything in common. We don’t have to agree on every little thing. You can go to your energy workshops, and I can go to a softball game, and then we can get together and tell each other about it.”

  She’s still smiling, so I decide to go on.

  “I’m not making any promises. As you said, we’ve only been dating for a short time. But I know this. I love you. You’re important to me. I want to have time to get to know you and see if we can make something big out of this.”

  “You and me against the world?” She looks doubtful.

  “No, not at all. Your friends, my friends, our families...all of the people who hold us up and make us stronger. And in the middle of it, you and me, standing together as a couple. Together, but free, too.”

  She looks off into the distance for a second. “Andy, I don’t believe in open relationships.”

  “I’m not asking for that. I don’t want that. You and I are together now. I’m not looking for sex outside of our relationship.”

  She nods. “So we live happily ever after?”

  “No.” I shake my head, staring into her eyes. I want to be with this woman. I want to be her girlfriend. I want to be the person she turns to when she’s sad, and I want to be the one to protect her. I don’t want to be everything to her. I don’t want her to give up her friends. I just want to be there for her. I just want her to know that she can count on me.

  “Heather, I’m not promising a happily ever after. I’m not even sure if I believe in happily ever after. But I promise you this; I am willing to try if you are. That’s all anyone can promise each other anyway. I am willing to try. What do you say?”

  She looks at me for a long moment, and then a slow smile moves across her face. Reaching across the table, she touches the side of my face.

  “Andy. I’m willing to try.”

  Epilogue

  Two Years Later

  Davey and Danny are standing together in the park looking ravishing. I run across the grass and swoop Danny into a hug. He’s been working out lately, so he’s almost as muscled as I am. We squeeze each other tightly for a moment and then break apart. Davey moves in to hug me. She looks amazing in a one-shouldered gray silky dress. I have no
idea what kind of material that is. Heather picked it out.

  “Davey-baby,” I say, smiling. “You look beautiful.

  “Well, I am your best woman after all.”

  Having a sudden attack of love, I lean in and kiss her on the cheek.

  “You still are,” I say.

  Danny links his arm through mine, and I take Davey’s arm with the other. We all walk through the park and into the little temporary chapel. Leah and Steve and Erik have done an amazing job of setting up the flowers and decorating the altar. There is a large white canopy over the whole seating area. Leah shifts in her seat when we come in and wiggles her fingers at me. I grin back at her and wave to Steve and Erik. Glancing around at the rest of the crowd, I’m pleased and gratified by the turn out. Heather’s friends and my friends have melded well over the past couple of years and I’m happy to see that we don’t have a her-side/her-side sort of thing. The only thing missing is Renee. I can’t believe I’m getting married without her, but she went on a mission to India, and she won’t be back for another year. I didn’t want to wait that long. I spent several minutes on video chat with her right before I got here, so at least I feel her presence.

  Heather asked me last night if I was sure that I wanted to do this, and for a moment, I panicked. I foresaw a lifetime for me of coupledom, of having to ask permission before I go out for a drink, or taking into account someone else’s opinion on how I should spend my days. For a moment, I froze, unable to answer her. She had shifted onto her elbow to look into my face.

  “Andy?” She had said, frowning. “If you’re not sure, we shouldn’t do it.”

  I had looked into her eyes, and everything became clear again. This is the woman I love. This is the woman I want to marry. I am already spending the rest of my life with her. This way, we’re just announcing it to the rest of the world. I grabbed her into a bear hug and kissed her hard on the mouth.

  “I’m sure, Heather. I’m really fucking sure.”

  I blink myself back to today and turn to face Wolf, who is officiating our wedding. Leah was surprised, but pleased by the decision. I turn once more to look at Leah over my shoulder. She smiles. She’s not with Dr. Ward. The two of them never did recover their affair after the spanking incident, but Leah says they’re still good friends. I’m pretty sure she had an affair with a twenty-something dive instructor when she was in the Virgin Islands last year. I went down for a week to visit her, and the two of them kept giving each other “the look” while we were on the dive boat. I didn’t ask and she didn’t offer any information. I figure it’s her business, and anyway, she’s back in Ohio now and looking for all the world as if she’s going to stay here for a while.