Twice in a Lifetime

by Clare Lydon

  This was huge news: Sally wanted her, too.

  “Are you reading my journal?” Sally’s voice shattered Harriet’s picture-perfect moment of triumph as her words brought her crashing back to reality and she looked up.

  Busted.

  And there was Sally wrapped in a white towel, shoulders naked and glistening, clutching the white wooden door frame of the balcony, confusion on her face.

  Was that confusion or was it anger? Harriet wasn’t sure. She winced, then got sidetracked with Sally’s wet hair that was stuck to the side of her face, forgetting she’d just betrayed her.

  Only, it didn’t feel like betrayal to Harriet.

  This felt like a moment for them both to share, to rejoice.

  “How dare you!” Sally said, reaching for the journal, just as it fell from Harriet’s hands, landing on the floor with a slap.

  Harriet shuddered with fear as it dawned on her that Sally was not seeing this moment as she was; there was no triumph in her eyes. And that was because she didn’t know the other side, what Harriet was feeling.

  But that was easily rectified, right?

  Harriet just had to explain to Sally.

  She stood up to do just that, shaking her head. “It’s not what you think,” she began, bending down. “I read a tiny bit of your last entry, and it was incredible!”

  Sally’s hand hit hers as they both reached for her journal at the same time, both getting a hand to it, and both standing together.

  Only, as she did, Sally’s towel came loose and dropped on one side, revealing Sally’s right breast and a whole chunk of body.

  Seeing that, Harriet let go of the journal and just stood, transfixed. She was even more beautiful than she’d ever allowed herself to imagine.

  Sally grabbed her towel, hoisted it up, and ran into the bedroom. “Just stay where you are!” she said as Harriet went to follow.

  Harriet did as she was told.

  She stood behind the curtain of the balcony door, giving Sally the privacy she needed, but determined to talk to her, too. “Sally, listen to me. I read a tiny bit, but it was enough—”

  “—enough to embarrass me, for you to have a good laugh? I can’t believe you’d do that, I trusted you. You’re supposed to be my best friend.”

  Was she crying? She sounded like she was crying.

  “Well fuck you, Harriet. Those are my private thoughts.” Sally appeared at the doorway, dressed in white shorts and a green T-shirt, drying her hair. “I put an elastic band round it for a reason, or did that escape you?”

  “I just—” Harriet began.

  “—You just nothing. Everything has to be on your terms, doesn’t it? You’ve always gotten everything you ever wanted, life is easy for you.” Sally paused. “It’s not easy for me, I don’t know if you noticed. I can’t control much. But the one thing I can control is my thoughts.” She paused. “Well fuck you, and have a nice life.”

  Sally turned, grabbed her bag and started throwing things in it.

  Alarmed, Harriet ran into the room, putting her hand on Sally’s arm.

  Big mistake.

  “Get your hands off me!” Sally screamed, such venom in her words it made Harriet stop in her tracks.

  She put both her hands up and stepped backwards. “Okay, whatever you say,” she said. “I’m really sorry about reading your journal, I don’t know what came over me. But I hardly read anything, and what I did, I wasn’t scared by, if that makes things any better. And you can totally leave and run out, only you won’t get far, the nearest bus stop is three miles away and it’s the summer. Buses run when they want to.”

  Sally was still packing her bag, not looking her way, the occasional sob escaping her mouth, wiping her nose with the back of her hand.

  “I get it, I shouldn’t have done it, and if you want to go, I’ll drive you home right now, I promise.” She paused. “But please stay — we don’t have long together till I go to college, please stay till Monday, just like we planned.”

  Sally paused, her chest going up and down.

  Had her words got through, made a difference? Harriet had no idea. But after what seemed like an eternity, Sally put her bag down and gave a deep sigh. She didn’t turn around, but at least she’d stopped packing.

  “Do you know what you’ve done by reading my journal?”

  “I do, believe me,” Harriet said. “But I wanted to know if you feel the way I do. And I got my answer.”

  Sally shook her head. “You could have just asked me instead of invading my privacy.”

  “I know and I’m so sorry. I promise I’ll never do it again.” Harriet paused. “Will you stay?”

  Sally still wasn’t looking at her. She walked over to the bed and sat on the edge, putting her head in her hands. That’s when Harriet saw her hands were shaking. She wanted to go over and take her in her arms, just like last night, but she couldn’t.

  “I don’t know,” Sally replied. “I need some time to clear my head.” She stood up, standing tall, giving Harriet her purposeful stance. “I’m going for a walk.”

  “You want some breakfast first?” Harriet said, just for something to say. She knew it was a stupid question even as it came out of her mouth.

  “I’m not hungry,” Sally said, walking past Harriet, giving her a murderous look.

  But even as she did, Harriet breathed her in, shower-fresh: she looked and smelt good enough to eat. “I’ll be here, waiting.”

  Sally didn’t look back as she slammed the door; then Harriet listened, the only sound the thump of Sally’s footsteps on the staircase and the thud of Harriet’s heart in her chest.

  If Sally didn’t come back, she might throw herself in the lake.

  She’d really fucked it up this time, hadn’t she?

  Chapter Fifteen

  Sally walked across the lawn, which seemed so different than it had last night. Last night had been more innocent, no bases loaded. Now, as she contemplated what might happen, everything seemed up in the air. She’d spent the day walking round the local village, had lunch in a café, and hadn’t known what to think.

  She’d thought about calling her mom to get her, but that seemed lame, the sort of thing a little kid would do. But today, she kinda felt like that. Like calling her mom to come figure out her life would be preferable to going back and facing Harriet.

  Only, she knew she had to, because she and Harriet had to talk about what had happened, about what Harriet had read, and how they were going to deal with it. Sally really wasn’t looking forward to that at all, to Harriet’s sympathetic looks as Sally’s feelings were laid bare.

  She’d tried the bedroom first, but Harriet wasn’t there. She’d said a brief hello to Mrs Locke, who’d stared at her as if trying to place her, before remembering she was her daughter’s guest. She’d told her Harriet was sunbathing on the boat if she was looking for her, and had followed that up with a long, hard stare at Sally, as if she knew what she wanted to do with her daughter, knew everything about her and wasn’t impressed.

  Sally walked down the wooden jetty, the boards solid under her feet, her palms clammy as she bunched her fingers together. It was just past 5pm and the lake was still, hardly any breeze unlike yesterday. The sun was still high in the sky and Sally was a hot mess of emotions, her nerves frazzled. If she stopped moving forward she might never start again, so she kept going.

  She wrapped her fingers around the ladder that led to the speedboat, the metal hot to touch. Luckily, the boat was tethered tightly, so she had no trouble boarding. And when she did, she gulped at the sight that greeted her: Harriet, in a red bikini, laid out on the boat’s deck, book in hand. She looked like she was in some kind of ad for swimwear, her chestnut hair splayed both sides, her other hand up, shielding her eyes despite her yellow sunglasses.

  Sally snagged her leg on a piece of metal jutting out and swore under her breath, which alerted Harriet.

  When she saw it was Sally, she hastily stood up, putting a hand on her hip, her sh
ades on top of her head. She looked unsure, which was unusual for Harriet.

  “Hey,” she said. “You’re back.”

  “Looks like it.” Sally sounded cool, like she was in one of those ’80s teen movies her mom loved. She was channeling her inner Molly Ringwald, even though she felt anything but inside.

  “Are you staying?”

  Sally nodded. “I’m staying.”

  Harriet gave her an uncertain smile. “Cool,” she said, bringing down her sunglasses once more and chewing her lip. “Where have you been all day?”

  “I walked to the village, and then back along the lake.”

  “I drove around, but I couldn’t see you.” Harriet paused. “I was worried. I’m sorry about this morning.”

  Sally shrugged like it meant nothing. And while that wasn’t the case, Harriet reading her journal was a secondary issue now: the primary one was staring her in the face, almost naked, her red bikini covering barely anything. It was all Sally could do not to gape, but she knew she couldn’t do that. Instead, she turned her head and stared out to the lake, avoiding Harriet’s intense stare.

  She saw movement out of the corner of her eye and looked over, to where Harriet was putting on her blue V-neck shirt: thank god for that. Sally released a breath, and Harriet sat down on the deck again, patting the space beside her.

  “Are you going to come and sit next to me?”

  Sally nodded, all the rational thought she’d had today flown from her brain. Now, all that was taking up her thoughts was Harriet and her tanned skin, her dimple, her gorgeous green eyes.

  “Did you eat today?”

  “What are you, my mom?” It came out harsher than Sally had intended, so she followed it up with a smile, before sitting down next to Harriet. Her heart revved as she did. “I had something in the café.”

  “Maybe that’s where you were when I drove in.”

  “Maybe.” Sally stared at her perfect face, her sunkissed hair. This was impossible, wasn’t it? “I’m still fucking mad at you.” She was trying to grasp the burning injustice she’d held all day, but it was fizzling out in the face of a semi-naked Harriet.

  Harriet cast her gaze to the deck. “I don’t blame you,” she said, almost inaudibly, before glancing up and taking Sally’s hand in hers. “But before you run off again, I only read a tiny bit and I know that’s not an excuse, but it’s true.” She paused, staring into Sally’s eyes. “But what I read didn’t scare me.” Harriet ran the pad of her thumb across Sally’s palm and Sally’s heart stalled.

  Was she going to vomit? She was still looking at Harriet’s thumb on her, not daring to break the beauty of this moment, to see and hear the inevitable words that would soon come tumbling from Harriet’s mouth. “But this isn’t what I want…”

  Only, they never came.

  Instead, Harriet said: “In fact, what I read made me relieved. You said you had feelings for me, and I…” she stalled, just as Sally looked up, unable to stop herself. “I have feelings for you, too.”

  Harriet’s body shuddered as the words hit the air, and she gripped Sally’s hand whole now, her eyes drilling into her. “Well, say something,” Harriet said eventually.

  Sally narrowed her eyes. “I’m not sure what to say.” Her gaze caressed Harriet’s face, before slipping to the patch of skin visible on her chest, then down further. And when she cast it back up, Harriet was leaning in, her lips coming closer to Sally.

  Sally froze. Fucking hell, was this really happening? Were her wildest dreams coming true?

  But her hesitating was done: if this was her moment, she was going to seize it. She leaned in, too, putting a hand on the deck to steady herself, and then Harriet’s lips were inches from hers, the smell of sunscreen wafting under her nose. Harriet smelled like a tropical paradise, which was somehow wildly appropriate.

  “Sally, I,” Harriet began.

  But Sally wasn’t going to speak anymore.

  Or think.

  She’d done enough of both.

  Instead, she slowly closed the gap between them and pressed her lips to Harriet’s, the slightest touch making them both jerk backwards an inch like they’d just had an electric shock. Her breathing was ragged as she stared into Harriet’s swirling depths, before leaning forward once more and this time, her kiss was more sure of itself: she was just doing what felt right, what came naturally.

  And this? This felt like the most natural thing in the world.

  She lost herself in the kiss, and when Harriet’s hands came up and tangled themselves in her hair, she wilted a little more. All the things she’d been worried about all day had simply melted away just because of Harriet’s kiss.

  This was perfect — it had been this simple all along.

  And when Harriet edged her tongue into Sally’s mouth, Sally groaned out loud like she’d never done before, ever, in the history of her life.

  And then she was grabbing onto Harriet and they were tumbling onto the deck of the speedboat, its floor hard under her body, but Sally didn’t mind. She wanted to feel like this was something out of the ordinary: the more memorable, the better. When she’d done this with boys, it’d been in cars, on sofas.

  Never on the deck of a speedboat.

  By association, girls were sexier.

  Eventually Sally broke the kiss, and then they were lying side by side, with Sally’s lips parted, her thought processes jumbled. When Harriet looked into her eyes, Sally could have died on the spot. She couldn’t move, she couldn’t speak, every nerve ending in her body waiting to see what happened next.

  She had no idea: she was petrified and deadly excited, all in one go.

  She was glad to see Harriet’s breathing was ragged, too, and that her focus was completely on Sally.

  Sally felt like the luckiest girl in the world.

  “I can’t believe we just did that,” Harriet said, breaking into a slow grin. “We just fucking kissed.”

  Sally grinned right back. “I know. And it was incredible.”

  “It was more than that,” Harriet replied, her grin stretching to a laugh.

  Before Sally knew it, they were both lying on their backs, holding their sides, hysterical giggles taking over. Sally had no idea why, but it was a release, such a relief. Their laughter echoed in her ears, and it lasted a good few minutes, until Sally was clutching her side, fighting to get her breath back.

  She was shaking her head when she spoke. “Is your heart beating as fast as mine?”

  “More,” Harriet replied, propping her head on one elbow, her gaze languidly raking Sally’s body.

  She reached out and grabbed Sally’s hand, pressing it to her chest.

  Sally’s fingers had never been so close to Harriet’s breasts, and Sally shivered.

  “But I kinda liked it,” Harriet added, edging her whole body closer to Sally again.

  Sally nodded. “Me, too.”

  “Wanna do it again?”

  Harriet’s glistening lips were inches from hers and Sally didn’t answer, just crushed her lips to Harriet’s, this time with so much more confidence than before. And holy shit: kissing girls was so much better than kissing boys. Harriet’s kisses were exactly what she wanted and needed, gentle and rushed in equal measure.

  And then Harriet’s hand was under her top, roaming over her naked skin, before it reached her breast and cupped it. Sally let her head fall back, then her gaze came back to Harriet, who was grinning.

  “Fucking hell,” Sally said, her breath now sliced and diced, her thoughts scattered. All that mattered was Harriet’s hand on her breast, her tongue in her mouth.

  Was this what all the fuss was about?

  Was this what happened to normal girls when they were kissed by boys?

  If so, she understood now like she never had before.

  Now, she just wanted more.

  They kissed some more, slowly, with tongues, feeling breasts through clothing, and then Harriet was stripping off her shirt, quickly followed by Sally’s. And then
she was pushing aside Sally’s bra, her mouth wrapping itself around her nipple and Sally’s head fell back, smacking against the deck with a thud.

  Harriet sat up, concern on her flushed face. “You okay?”

  Sally just grinned up at her. “That’s what happens when you do that,” she gasped.

  “I have the power,” Harriet said, crawling on top of Sally in her red bikini, which only made Sally more wet than she already knew she was.

  “Yes, you do,” Sally said, staring up into her eyes, before looking down at Harriet’s small cleavage in front of her and pressing herself to it, licking her way to the top of Harriet’s chest, to the piece of skin she’d been obsessed with since she arrived. It tasted just as delicious as she’d imagined.

  Moments later, Harriet sat up and unhooked her bikini top — and as it fell away, so did Sally’s inhibitions: she’d never seen anything more beautiful. She didn’t hesitate, sucking Harriet’s breasts into her mouth, her tongue flicking and exploring Harriet’s sweet skin as Harriet groaned on top of her.

  When Sally wriggled out of her shorts and they were both in their final piece of clothing, Harriet pulled back, wiping Sally’s hair from her face, her dark gaze telling Sally so much. And when Harriet put her hand between Sally’s legs minutes later, both their breathing stilled.

  The sun was still hot on Sally’s skin, but it was nothing compared to what was going on inside. She was almost naked and she was about to have sex with Harriet. There was no room left in her brain to process that thought, it was all taken up with heat, desire, and Harriet.

  “Is this okay? I don’t want to—”

  But Sally put a finger to Harriet’s lips to stop her speaking. “Yes,” she said, simply.

  And then Harriet was easing down Sally’s underwear, with Sally’s brain screaming in fear and delight.

  When Sally did the same to Harriet, she heard her breath change gears.

  “We’re both naked,” she said, her voice scratchy, scattered.

  Harriet gulped. “I know.”

  But then Sally’s bravado left her, a horn screaming in her head to put the brakes on, but her body wasn’t joining in. No, her body wanted to carry right on, full steam ahead.