Afire (Siren Publishing Classic)

by Grace Jameson

  Fatima fussed with his sheets, avoiding eye contact. “Of course not. He’s just a patient. He has a little crush, that’s all. He just hasn’t kept it to himself,” she muttered, snapping the sheets sharply and tucking them very tightly under the mattress. Cal figured he’d have to cut his way out of bed now.

  Cal gently held her wrist, stopping her agitated movements. “Stop,” he ordered softly. “Talk to me. Joking aside. Is this guy bothering you? Do you want me to talk to him?”

  “God, no, the man’s been through enough!” she snorted, running her fingers through her corkscrew curls. “He makes me…aware…I guess. He follows me around and tracks me down during my shift, bringing me coffee or an apple. Says I need to keep my strength up.” She rolled her eyes at the sound of her own explanation. “He keeps asking me out, but I don’t know, I don’t trust him. Have you seen how hot he is? He’s probably got a long string of faceless women behind him. He’s stuck here, he’s bored, and I’m a challenge,” she over-explained. “That’s all it is.”

  Cal watched her face while she talked and saw flashes of hope, longing, and resignation race across her features. He hadn’t seen her this uncertain about a man in years. He watched her reign herself in and tamp down any hopes she might have. He held her hand and said, “You deserve to be happy, Fatima. Maybe he’s not playing you. Maybe he really is interested. There are some really decent men out there who’d give their left arm to be with you. You’re beautiful, and remarkable, and capable and strong, and any guy would be lucky to have you.”

  A sharp curse interrupted them and Cal looked over to see Fatima’s fireman clumsily wheel his casted leg into a wall. Cal recognized the man from the emergency room, but he didn’t recognize the openly hostile look on his face. Cal tried to figure out why the man was so upset, then rewound the last few seconds of the conversation in his mind and remembered he was holding her hand. He dropped her hand and gave the man a benign smile.

  Fatima was flustered by the man’s attention, and Cal tried to distract him to give her time to collect herself. He had no doubt now that she was interested in this guy, even if she didn’t want to be.

  “Hi, I’m Cal,” he introduced himself.

  The man answered him but continued to watch Fatima intently. “I’m Gabriel. You seem to know Fatima well.”

  Cal smiled. “I do. Her brothers work on my farm. And lately, she’s been trying to piece my love life back together.”

  Gabriel’s eyes narrowed. “Your love life? How’s she doing that?”

  “By kicking my ass about the woman you saw in the emergency room that day,” he laughed. Clearing his throat he asked, “How do you know Fatima?” This earned him a sharp pinch from the woman.

  “She’s been taking very good care of me. I hoped perhaps I had more than her usual attention. Apparently not,” he said bitterly as he tried to turn his chair around. Dignified exits were hard when you keep running into solids.

  Fatima started toward him. Holding the chair grips, she turned him around and pushed him leisurely out of the room. “Let’s get out of here and let Cal rest,” she said, trying to let him save face. “How about I wheel you out to the courtyard? A bit of sunshine sounds perfect.”

  From his window a few minutes later, Cal saw Gabriel maneuver his chair beside Fatima’s stone bench and reach out his hand for hers. Hesitantly, she slipped her hand in his, and the pair sat in companionable silence. Cal hoped Fatima would give this man a chance, then realized with a start that that’s what his friends had been trying to tell him for weeks about Jenny.

  * * * *

  He watched helplessly as she pulled his caressing hand from her face.

  “I…I don’t know what to say to you, Jenny.” He admitted reluctantly, settling uncomfortably against the truck door.

  “Well that’s not a particular reassuring start.” She replied tartly as she looked in the rearview mirror and changed lanes.

  “That didn’t come out right. What I meant was, I don’t know how to make this right.”

  She gave a small shrug. “I’m not sure either, Cal. I guess maybe you need to decide whether you even want to make it right. If you don’t, there’s really nothing to say.”

  He looked at her aghast. “Of course I want to make this right. You mean a lot to me, Jenny. “I’m so sorry.”

  He gripped the door when she wrenched the steering wheel sharply and guided the truck to the shoulder. She threw the truck in park and turned to him.

  “I mean a lot to you? And when did you decide this?”

  “I didn’t really decide.” He stammered, desperate to get the conversation on track. “Some people helped me see things clearly.”

  She snorted and rubbed her eyes. “Terrific. You needed people to tell you that you liked me? You couldn’t figure that out on your own?”

  “Jenny, that’s not what I meant,” he tried to explain desperately, clearly in quicksand.

  “Please stop. If you’re really not interested in me, then just tell me. You…You can’t help how you feel. You’ve been pressured a lot by our family and friends, but you have to want it for yourself, not because of them. But if you want to be with me, Cal, you’re going to have to tell me that. Clearly. I’m not interested in being an itch to scratch.”

  Cal’s face reddened, and he had the grace to look ashamed. “There are so many things I wish I could take back. But I can only apologize and hope you believe I’m sincere. I was going to tell you all this the other night when I came to pick you up. I already knew how much you meant to me, but it hit me hard when you were with Brandon.”

  He was surprised to see a mix of hurt and anger on her face. Okay, not what I expected.

  “How could you do that?” she whispered, stricken with hurt. “You handed me off to another man like you couldn’t get rid of me fast enough. And you did it in front of everyone. You didn’t even blink. Just ‘here, Brandon, you can have her,’ like I was some kind of a slut making my way through the football team. You humiliated me.”

  He was mortified. “I never meant it that way. I was trying to give you a way out.”

  “Do you have any idea how much you’ve hurt me? I have been honest with you from the beginning. I never made it a secret that I was interested in you and wanted to be with you. And for all your crap about our age difference, I wasn’t the one who manipulated or played games. I didn’t make scenes to get your attention or try to make you jealous. But you—you lead me on. We had sex, and you let me think you wanted a relationship, then you essentially called me a slut.”

  His jaw clenched and now he started to look annoyed. “We didn’t just have sex, we made love. I never thought you were a slut, and I did want a relationship. I still do.”

  “And how would I know that? Because you’ve been so upfront and honest with me? Will’s giving me crap about how tormented you are, but I can’t care about that anymore. You’ve had losses. Okay. But I gave you a chance at making a family with me, and you threw it away. It’s pretty clear you don’t respect me, and I resent that enormously. I know what I want, and I’ve made it happen. I have a degree, I started my own therapeutic riding business, and I have my own money. I’m partly to blame because I’ve let you get away with this shit, but I’m done deferring to you. God, just tell me what you want!”

  Jenny started to weep softly. Cal undid his seat belt and, cringing in pain, slid over until he was sitting right beside her. He pulled her into his arms, hating himself that he hurt her like this. Here he was trying to convince her he loved her, and all he’d done was embarrass and reject her. He would work hard to make this up to her. He would do almost anything to see her happy again. Cal murmured apologies and brushed his lips against her hair, her temples, and kissed her tears from her cheeks.

  “I love you, Jenny,” He said quietly but firmly. “I am so, so sorry I hurt you. I’m hoping you’ll give me another chance, because you’re it for me. You’re the one.”

  She snarfled inelegantly and flashed her eyes at hi
m. “And that’s another thing. I deserved to hear that first, not a bunch of giggling nurses.”

  “You did.” He nodded. “But I didn’t tell them I loved you. That was just for you. I do love you, Jenny, and I’ll spend a long time trying to make this up to you.” He took a deep breath. “If you’re willing to try this for real, Jenny, I want you to move in.”

  Her head snapped up, and she searched his eyes for the truth of his words. “Really? Be sure. Because I don’t think I can take another round of this.”

  “I’m very serious. I wanted to ask you that the night I came to pick you up, but, well, I got a bit sidetracked,” he said with a wry grin. “What do you think?”

  She hesitated. “I don’t know, is the truth. I don’t know that I can trust you, Cal. I want to believe you, but you’re doing this in a panic.”

  He shook his head in vigorous disagreement. “No, I’m not. I’ve thought about this since I…well, since that day in the kitchen. Would you at least think about it?” he asked softly.

  After a moment she nodded her head slowly. “But seriously, Cal, this is the last time I can do this. If you don’t want me, you need to let me find someone who does.”

  He nodded, unable to speak. Never. Never going to happen.

  “How would this work?”

  He took a moment to collect himself and cleared his throat. “Your horses are already here. We can promote your business locally. You’re closer to the city here, so you may get even more kids coming out. I guess my real concern is your parents and your schooling.”

  She looked confused. “What does school have to do with anything?”

  “I heard you on the phone. You’re starting vet school in the fall, aren’t you? That’s a long way to drive every day.”

  Jenny wanted to bash her head against the window. “That call was about the same time you started acting like an ass. Is that what you thought? That I was leaving to go to school full-time?” she asked, as light dawned.

  “Well, that, and you said you were bored with me.” She saw how uncertain he looked.

  She closed her eyes in frustration and sadness at the wasted time. Could they possibly communicate less effectively? “Hey, I know you love your horses, and I didn’t want to get in your way,” he said. “I didn’t want to get attached and then have you leave.”

  She sighed in exasperation. “You’re an idiot,” she said curtly as his head jerked back. “I’m not in vet school. I’m auditing some undergraduate vet assistant courses. I go for a few hours one morning a week. And I’m not bored with you. My mom asked if I liked just working the horses, and I said it was a bit boring without the kids.”

  “Ohhh,” he said shamefacedly.

  “And what do my parents have to do with this? Were they upset or something when you talked to them about this?”

  Cal clenched his jaw defiantly. “I didn’t discuss it with them, Jenny. You and I are the ones in this. It’s you I have to convince to stay and give me another chance. I meant, can they run the farm okay without you?”

  Jenny snorted. “Yeah, they’ll manage just fine. Tim is still there, though I think he’ll be leaving soon, too.”

  “Too?” He pounced on the word. “Does that mean you’ll stay?”

  “Yes,” she said slowly, “I will.”

  When he hesitated, her stomach knotted. “What? What? Oh, God, don’t tell me you’re having second thoughts already.”

  He kissed her soundly. “I haven’t changed my mind. Not at all. I was just thinking that you deserve more than this.”

  “Oh, Christ, we’re not back to this…”

  “Shh, shh, shh. You deserve marriage and…”

  She put her fingers to his lips and shook her head. “No. Not yet. The truth is, we’re not ready. We’re still finding our sea legs. Let’s see how living together goes, see if you still want a relationship.”

  “I want it understood, though, that that’s the end goal. I don’t want or need a roommate. I want you for the long haul.”

  She nodded, then pushed him back toward his side of the truck. “Let’s go home.”

  * * * *

  He was so glad to be home. He was happier still that Jenny was sitting beside him. Eddie and Tony came out of the barn when they heard the truck and teased him mercilessly as they helped him into the house. There was so much to do, and he wanted to jump back into work, but his body wouldn’t cooperate. He was so tired. He heard the two men hassle him, but was only really aware that Jenny bustled around the house, never perching anywhere for long.

  It was then that he noticed for the first time how tired and drawn she looked. She had dark circles under her eyes, and her pants were looser, even after only a few days. She seemed nervous, and he thought it was time he publicly claim her role in his life.

  “Jenny.” He interrupted Tony mid joke. “I’m really tired. Can you help me to bed?”

  The room stilled but glances flew between the men.

  “Are you okay with them knowing?” he asked her quietly. When she gave a short nod, he turned to Tim, Tony and Eddie. “Jenny’s moving in. This is her home, too, now, so you’re going to have to start knocking.” He joked, pointing to Tony. “No ‘accidentally’ opening closed doors.”

  No one reacted, and Jenny’s anxiety heightened as the silence dragged on. Suddenly, Tim let out a whoop and danced around in victory. “Told ya. Told ya!” he crowed. He held out his hand, and the brothers grudgingly dug out their wallets and slapped money in his hand.

  “You’re such an asshole,” Jenny accused her brother and punched him in the arm.

  He spun her in circles with a genuine smile on his face. “Yeah. But more important, I was right! And I’m really happy for you.”

  The moment ended with the hard scrape of a chair. Though he spoke to Jenny, Eddie glared unwaveringly at Tim. “I’m glad you’re finally telling people. You deserve to be acknowledged, Jenny.” Tim sighed in regret as Eddie slammed out of the kitchen.

  Cal felt the tension ratchet up and felt badly that Tim and Eddie were struggling. He couldn’t help them though when he could barely figure out his own relationship. He broke the mood when he stood up and held his hand out to Jenny. “Come on, beautiful. Help me to bed.”

  * * * *

  Jenny spent the rest of the day exercising and training her horses. She fell gratefully into the familiar routine and allowed herself the brief delusion that she had control over this part of her life. Tony, Eddie, and Tim left as soon as chores were done, and despite her gratitude for their help, she was relieved to have a few moments to herself. Her nerves jangled again, though, as night fell and she and Cal climbed the stairs. As much as she wanted what Cal offered, she felt their relationship was, if anything, even more fragile than before. She didn’t know what he expected of her, and it must have shown on her face.

  “It’s up to you, Jenny. If you want to sleep in the guest room, I can wait. For as long as you need. But I’m hoping you’ll sleep in our room tonight,” he said softly.

  She gave him a tight smile and followed him to his room. Their room. It would take a while for her to think of it that way.

  He sat gingerly on the side of the bed, and she helped him undress. She gently removed the bandage on his stomach and redressed the wound when she saw it was a healing pink. Jenny felt his muscles quiver as her fingers brushed along his stomach to add the adhesive tape. Cal held her wrist still, trapping her fingers against him.

  “That feels good,” he said hoarsely.

  His breath ruffled her hair, but she kept her gaze fixed on the bandage. She chewed her lip nervously and said quietly, “I’m not ready, Cal. I’m not trying to punish you, but until this morning, I really thought we were over. I accept your apology, but I need to put the last week in perspective. I don’t switch gears that fast.”

  Cal’s thumb brushed over her wrist. “I said I’d wait, and I will. I have to lot to make up for, Jenny, and I don’t expect that to happen immediately. I only want the chance to pro
ve myself.”

  He released her wrist and swung his legs onto the bed. She was wearing a t-shirt and knickers when she crawled in beside him, and though he loved the feel of her naked body against him, he hoped the flimsy fabric would be armor against his desire. He opened his arms, and she nestled in beside him. It may not be what he hoped for, but he relished the knowledge that she was here in bed with him. He fell asleep with her even warm breath on his chest and the certainty that the rest would work itself out.

  Panting pulled Cal from sleep a few hours later. That, and the slow tug on his cock. A warm hand slid along his silky, hard erection, the palm slicking drops of pre-cum around the head. Cal involuntarily thrust his hips into her milking hand and heard the panting speed up. It was coming from him. Now awake, Cal shook his head in disgust at himself.

  “Jen, honey, are you sure? You’re still asleep.” He tried to remove her hand, but she held firm. The slow, sure glide along his shaft continued, and he groaned. She nipped his neck then gave a soothing lick.

  “I know what I’m doing. I want you. I want you inside me.” His breath caught at her words, and he felt his resolve vanish. Another moment’s hesitancy, and he heard Jen whisper, “You’re not taking advantage of me. Touch me.”

  Cal pressed closer to her, wanting her heat. He pulled her leg over his, and she pulsed her hips against his. Her honey coated his thigh, and he felt her clit hardening against his leg. She moaned, then worked her hips faster against him. Her arousal spiked his, and he held her leg closer to his body. “Does that feel good, baby? You like rubbing your clit on my leg? Is it getting nice and hard? Your honey is making my leg slick.” Jenny’s breathing was labored, and she thrust frantically against him. “Do you need my finger? You want me to rub your hard clit until you come?” She nodded, unable to speak, but didn’t release his cock from her erotic milking.