Because of Ellison

by M. S. Willis

  The note was secured to the cutout with a large staple so Ellison had to pull hard to free it. But, there was also a string attached to that note and when she gave it a good tug, the string was pulled and it opened the top of the box that was hidden in the brush behind the cutout. As soon as that box was opened, a hundred butterflies escaped that box and flew all around Ellison. It was a magical moment. The different colors of their wings surrounded her almost instantly and she spun slowly within the cloud of butterflies, her lips finally breaking out into the smile I’d missed seeing on her face over the past two weeks. The butterflies landed in her hair and on her hands and she stood still until the cloud finally dispersed and took off in separate directions.

  She turned to look back at me with a questioning expression on her face. I shrugged my shoulders and explained, “The guy at the garden shop assured me they are an indigenous species to Florida to they won’t be messing up the environment or anything. I just thought the little guys needed to be freed.”

  “Uh huh.” She shoved the note in her pocket, but I didn’t miss the smirk on her lips when she turned back to continue along the trail.

  By the time we reached mile seven, the sun was higher in the sky and luckily; it was beating down on our backs something brutal. I could see the sweat sliding along Ellison’s skin and I knew she was just as miserable as I was in the heat. At the opening of the path that led to the spring, there was another Hunter cutout. This one held a sign in his hands that read, “Hot? Tired? Need a dip perhaps? You should check the grass and pay your buddies a visit.” Underneath those words was an arrow pointing towards the water.

  Ellison stopped again. She glanced over her shoulder at me, but then turned to walk the path to the spring. When she approached the grass patch where’d we almost had sex the first time she found a blanket, and on top of that blanket was a large box.

  Opening the box, she discovered two masks and two snorkels. Inside the masks were notes that read, “The fish miss you and so do I.” She smiled but turned her head in an attempt from letting me see it. I noticed anyway despite her attempt.

  She picked up the smaller of the masks and moved to walk out to the edge of the spring. After placing her pack on the rocks to the side, she stripped off her shirt and shorts and jumped into the water before placing the mask on her face and swimming out into deeper water. Hunter junior stood at attention to see her strip down to her bra and underwear, so I took a moment for him to calm down before following behind her.

  In the distance I could see the small piece of Styrofoam that floated on the surface of the water. I placed the mask on my face and looked under the water to watch as Ellison approached it and found the smaller, waterproof case that hung from it and was weighted down to keep it from floating to the surface. Ellison grabbed the case and pulled it free of the float. After she’d accomplished that, I swam out to her side and we spent a good half hour just watching the fish move in multi-colored waves beneath us. Every once in a while, Ellison would swim down and move within the center of the school and it was a beautiful sight to watch. She looked peaceful — happy — and even if was only for a brief moment, I was ecstatic for having given her that small bit of peace.

  When it was time to return to shore, I grabbed the Styrofoam float and pulled it to shore behind me. I took the masks and snorkels and stowed them away in the box, along with the float. By the time I returned to the trail, I noticed that Ellison had been watching me. She had a strange look on her face, but she smiled when I caught her before turning to complete the trail, shoving the case in her pocket as we walked. That was the last of my surprises, but I was happy to know that I’d gotten my messages out to her.

  ~ ~ ~

  The hike back was quiet as usual. Except, this time, it was a comfortable quiet. Not the kind of quiet where I could tell that Ellison was mad that I was following her and she was calling me a stalker in her head. No. That had been the old kind of quiet — the new kind felt like acceptance.

  We reached the houses and we both were beat down and tired. Even though I was drenched in sweat and my feet were killing me, I smiled brightly. The first part of my plan had worked.

  Lily, Bill and Henry were standing by Ellison’s porch when we rounded the corner from the trail and their six eyes locked on us almost immediately. Lily looked worried, Bill looked distraught, and Henry looked like he was going to follow through with his previous threats against me. He might have been sick, but he still looked like he’d find a way to kill me and feed my body to the gators.

  “Hey, everyone. Daddy? Why are you home so early?”

  Henry reluctantly peeled his eyes off of me to look over at Ellison. “I had an incident at work. It wasn’t anything you need to worry about, I’m just going to go inside and go to bed.”

  Ellison nodded her head and Henry shot me one more eye dagger before turning to walk inside. Once he was out of earshot, Ellison looked to Lily. “What happened?”

  Bill cleared his throat and answered. “He passed out at work today. Said he’s just tired and that he hasn’t been sleeping well. Besides the receptionist at his job who had a little bit of medical training, he wouldn’t let anyone else take a look at him. They called me to go pick him up and he demanded I bring him home and not ask questions. Is everything alright with him, Ellie?”

  Ellison’s face fell and I groaned to realize that this news would destroy all the good feelings I’d just worked hard to build up inside of her.

  “No. He’s just been tired like he said. I’ll go inside and see what I can do for him.”

  I didn’t know why Ellison and her father continued to lie about his health, but it wasn’t my place to say anything, so I kept my mouth shut. Ellison waved at us and made her way back to the house before opening the door and disappearing inside.

  Bill and Lily walked over to their house and I walked over to the porch to finish up the scraping despite how tired I was from the trail. Ellison needed time, I would give her that time, and I’d done what I could to get my messages out to her.

  The only thing I could do at that point was to wait patiently and see if the messages were enough to get her to approach me.

  Chapter Eighteen

  Ellison

  By the time I got inside, daddy had already gone to his room to lie down. I sighed a heavy breath and showered before going into my room to take a nap. When I threw my shorts on top of my hamper, the case in the pocket of the shorts fell out and rolled across the carpet to land at my feet. I ignored it, not really in the mood to worry myself with my problems with Hunter. My father’s illness was draining me emotionally and I didn’t have any room left in me for more problems. By my calculations, he was leaving in three weeks and he’d return to the life he’d known before. There was no point in muddying up both our lives with a relationship that could never happen.

  I wasn’t able to fall asleep no matter how hard I tried. I was physically exhausted from the hike, but I couldn’t get the notes out of my head. It also didn’t help that I couldn’t get the night I’d had sex with Hunter out of my head either. I don’t know what I’d been thinking that night, but he was exactly what I’d needed at that moment. I needed the release, the feeling of something besides pain and heartache. And I hated to admit it, but he delivered. In fact, I couldn’t get it out of my head for the next week about how he’d delivered. I could still feel his lips traveling over my skin and the perfect strength to his hands as they’d explored every part of me. My hands remembered the feel of his body, the way his muscles moved beneath his skin, and my mouth watered to remember the salt taste to his skin and lips. And I won’t even get started on what he felt like inside me. Let’s just say a volcano erupted within me and I was pushed over an edge so high, my fall back to the ground almost felt as good as the trip it took to get to that edge. He was amazing in bed … that was for certain.

  My eyes peeked open when I finally gave up on sleep and they slowly traveled over to look at the case that sat on my floor and the hiki
ng shorts on the top of the hamper. Huffing out a breath, I pushed my weary body up from the bed and walked the short distance to retrieve the notes. Carrying them back to my bed, I laughed to think about what he’d done to get them to me and I had to give him points for originality. The butterflies were a good touch … I could admit that. I wondered if he’d known I wouldn’t read the notes when I found them because I noticed that he’d numbered them to help me remember the order. He was a sneaky bastard, but I smiled thinking about how much time he must have spent putting the whole thing together. The least I could do was read what he wanted to tell me.

  Opening note number one, I carefully unfolded the page and saw that it wasn’t very long.

  Hey, Ellie. I know you don’t want to talk to me much and I know that I’ve been annoying you lately by following you on the trails, but I want to explain. I was hoping my presence would get you to talk to me, but it wasn’t only about that. I want you to know that you’re not alone in what you’re going through. Just like the days on the trail, I’m always behind you, I’m always available to listen and I’m willing to walk through whatever you need me to walk through to prove that to you. I don’t want you alone and I don’t want you carrying the weight of everything that’s happening right now by yourself.

  That was it, I turned it over in my hand to see if there was anything else, and when I found nothing, I moved on to note number two.

  I know you well enough to know you haven’t read the first note by the time you’re grabbing this one. And I’m okay with that. I actually prefer you read these when you have time to really think about what I’m saying. So consider this note my thank you. For everything, El. When I came down here I was nothing more than a punk kid looking for his next fix. I still don’t agree with the ‘addict’ word, but I will say I was inching close. I needed an escape from life and a way to numb the feeling that I was wasting my time and throwing my life away. You opened my eyes. You made me realize that there was more to this world than the little bit of it I’d allowed myself to explore. Most importantly, you made me realize that there was more to me. I’ve been taking your advice and I’ve been working in silence. I’ve been thinking and I’ve been desperately trying to find something special in my life to work towards. While writing this, I have to be honest and say I haven’t found it yet, but at least I’m trying. I know you didn’t do much more than wake me up, but you were the only person who found the way to do that, or who took the time to care. And for that, I’ll never forget you. When I return home in three weeks, I won’t be returning to the drugs and parties. I’ll go to school and I’ll make something of myself like you said. I don’t ever want to lose touch with you and I hope that we can fix things before I leave and remain friends. That’s important to me. You’re important to me.

  I smiled at the end of the note. Not because of what Hunter claimed he felt about me, but because of what Hunter claimed he felt about himself. He was a better person than the one he’d been when I met him, and I was happy to know that he would act in a way that would better his life, instead of destroying himself with one drugged fueled party after another. However, I remembered these were just words on paper, I couldn’t really believe him until his actions showed me he was serious in what he’d written, and that would take time. I couldn’t let myself get too excited because the words were probably nothing more than a load of shit he was trying to feed me. Moving on to the next note, I removed it from the plastic bag and unfolded the page.

  By now, you’re probably thinking I’m full of shit …

  I couldn’t help it. I laughed out loud when I read it.

  But I promise you Ellison: I’m not. I’m begging you to please give me another chance to show you just how serious I am. I know we can’t be more than friends and I know that we only have a few weeks left to spend time together. But I’m begging you to please spend that time with me. I’ve missed you and I need you in my life. I’ll accept whatever you are willing to give me, just as long as I know you’ll talk to me. I’ve been miserable these past couple of weeks. Absolutely. Fucking. Miserable.

  And those words broke my heart. I felt bad for acting the way I had. Part of my reason for staying away from Hunter was my feelings for him. I didn’t want to get too close only to have to let him go at the end of the summer, but it was unfair for me to deny him friendship. He’d done nothing to me on purpose and he couldn’t be blamed for the boneheaded mistake he made about Tiffany. He had tried to break up with her, he’d just gone about it in a really stupid way. After thinking it over, I realized I’d been a bitch to him for something that was an honest mistake — and I felt really bad for having acted that way.

  Moving on to the case, I spun the top over the bottom to open it up. Inside was a small, rolled up note, together with a silver ring. I recognized the symbol on the ring as the Irish Claddagh, and the two hands holding a crowned heart were extremely detailed where they’d been carved into the silver. My brows furrowed in confusion, so I quickly unrolled the note.

  No! Don’t throw the ring out! It isn’t what you think!

  Dammit. I laughed again. It was apparent he knew me well and that he’d been paying more attention than I’d realized.

  The ring is a promise, El. It’s a promise that I won’t go back on what I’ve been telling you. I bought one for myself as well and I’m wearing it to remind myself of the friendship between us. I realize I’m weak and it’s going to be hard for me not to get home and immediately fall back into old habits. So, I hope that by looking at the ring, and knowing who holds its match, it’ll help me make the right decisions. You don’t have to wear yours and I understand if you don’t. Just knowing you have it is enough for me. I love you Ellison. I can say that knowing what it means to love someone this time and you were the one who taught me exactly what that meant. I’m not going to get into the details of ‘love’ and ‘in love’, because you don’t need that right now. But I do love you and I’ll never stop.

  I gasped and tears welled at the back of my eyes. I fell back on the mattress of the bed and held the ring and notes to my chest. I couldn’t believe he’d gone through so much effort to get them to me and I realized how big of a bitch I’d been to him over the past two weeks. I couldn’t deny that Hunter had been there when I needed him. But then I thought about whether I had been there for him. When that girl had visited and when I saw how quickly he’d gone back to the drugs, I’d been angry. Really angry. However a good friend would have helped him get through it, would have stood by his side to push him through the mistake — and all I’d done was desert him. I was ashamed of myself. And I knew that I needed to talk to him. I pushed myself up from the bed and slipped the ring over a finger on my right hand.

  With a smile on my face, I walked out of my room in search for Hunter, but stopped short when I found my dad sitting in the living room. He was relaxed back on the sofa and music played from the radio in the corner of the room. A beer was held in my father’s hand, surprising me to see it.

  “Daddy?” I moved to sit next to him. “Everything alright?”

  “Ellison, baby, I need to talk to you about some things and I want you to listen without arguing. I’ve made some decisions and I’m firm in them and I want to make sure you understand my wishes.

  “Okay.” It was all I could say. When he had that tone of voice, I knew there was no budging him.

  Putting his arm around me, he pulled me into his side. “When your mother died years ago, El, my life stopped. Well, I can’t say that entirely because I had you kids and I loved every minute I had with you. But my heart stopped beating the same way it had before I lost her. I’ve thought about her every day that she’s been gone and I’ve looked forward to finding her again when it’s my time to go. So, when that happens, Ellison, I don’t want you feeling sad for me. You’re going to be upset, honey, and I know that, but I don’t want you worrying about what happened to me. I want you to know that I’m happy to be able to finally find her again. In fact, the thought has mad
e my heart beat for her again.”

  More tears threatened my vision and I was really getting pissed off at the amount of them I’d spilled over the summer. Between Hunter and my father, I had to drink craploads of water just to keep from dehydrating from all of the damn tears.

  “I’m not going to accept treatment, Ellison. They said it wouldn’t cure me, so I don’t see any use in spending every dime I’ve saved up to buy myself a few more months. That money can go to far better things, such as your education.”

  He grew quiet and Fire and Rain by James Taylor started playing. Daddy smiled and softly sang along to the song. I’d always loved to hear daddy sing — it meant that he was happy, that he was relaxed … that was rare for him. I listened to him sing and I laid my head against his chest and enjoyed listening to the beat of his heart against his ribs. I didn’t know it then, but that would be the last song I heard my father sing, and the significance of the song’s words never escaped me.

  “So what’s going on with that boy?”

  The change in topic surprised me, but I answered, “He’s been following me on my hikes.”

  “Do I need to be worried? I noticed how upset you got over finding out he had a girl back home. You didn’t need to say it for me to see it. He hasn’t messed you up, has he? If so, I have to carry out some promises I made to him.”

  I laughed. I knew daddy wasn’t joking about those threats. Henry James was not a man who went back on his word and he never said a thing he didn’t mean.

  “No, he hasn’t messed me up. We’re friends, daddy. He’s just been hiking with me. Said he didn’t want me to be alone right now.”