Pulse

by Amity Cross

  The scent of roasted coffee hit me square in the face as I stepped inside, the little bell over the door jingling. Seth glanced up and instantly pocketed his phone when he saw it was me.

  “Ren Miller?” he asked, feigning confusion.

  “The one and only.”

  “What’s got you up so early?” He glanced over my shoulder. “And so alone?”

  I shrugged. “I needed a walk.”

  “Where is everyone?”

  “Josie’s in Sydney.”

  “I know. I’ve seen her photos on Facebook. You should really get one of those you know.”

  I raised my eyebrows and screwed up my nose. “I’m fine with obscurity, thanks.”

  “Everything okay?” he asked, leaning over the counter.

  I shrugged.

  “I’m taking that as a no.”

  “I’m just… Things are hard right now.”

  “Where’s Ash?”

  I wanted to say that I needed a break, that Ash didn’t understand, but that was only because I hadn’t told him the real reason I’d let Claw KO me. In short, I was humiliated and I didn’t want him knowing. I was meant to be strong in this.

  “At Beat, I think,” I replied.

  Seth straightened up and glanced around the cafe. “Look, it’s pretty dead in here, I’m sure Joseph won’t mind if I sit with you for a while.”

  I stared up at him and wondered why he gave a damn when I hadn’t seen him in so long.

  “It’s cool,” he said with a lopsided grin. “Life gets busy. You’re a super Street Fighter.”

  I couldn’t help laughing at his stupid video game reference.

  “What do you want? Hot chocolate?” He pulled down a mug and began dumping powder into the cup and smearing chocolate sauce on the inside. “On the house with all the trimmings. I’ll even give you an extra marshmallow.”

  “Why are you being so nice to me?”

  “Why are you being so hard on yourself?”

  I sighed. “Point.”

  “I know we never worked out as a couple, but I like to think I’m not that kinda guy. You know, the one who dumps a girl just because she doesn’t feel the same way. You can’t help the way you feel.” He nodded to the empty cafe. “Have a seat and I’ll be out in a sec.”

  There was no way I could or wanted to argue with that. Seth was the good kind, the stuff of fairy tales. If I had of felt the same way about him, then life would’ve been easy. Uncomplicated and predictable, but it wasn’t what my heart wanted.

  While he made us up a couple of drinks, I sat at the table near the window, the one Josie and I always used to sit at. It was familiar and calm and exactly what I needed.

  A moment later, Seth sat a mug of hot chocolate, and some marshmallows on the side, in front of me.

  “I’m sorry I haven’t seen you much lately.” I curled my hands around the hot mug, even though it was pushing on blistering outside.

  He sat across from me setting down his latté. “I get it Ren, I told you. Don’t worry about it.”

  “It’s just… I’ve got caught up in things with Ash and stuff…”

  “Stuff?” He eyed me and I cast my gaze away.

  I ran my hand through my loose hair, shoving it away from my face. “There’s a lot riding on the next few weeks…”

  “Shit,” Seth exclaimed and leaned forward, pushing my hair back from my temple. “Is that a bruise?”

  I shrugged his hand away and let my hair fall back again. “It’s nothing.”

  “Ren, it’s fucking black.” His eyes narrowed and he said, “Was that from fighting or did-”

  I didn’t let him finish that sentence. “No,” I hissed. “He would never hurt me like that.”

  “Then it was from a fight?”

  “Occupational hazard,” I retorted.

  “Ren.”

  If I was going to tell someone about it, it may as well be Seth. He didn’t know all the players so he might actually get it. “I was knocked out.”

  “Fuck. Are you okay? Did you get checked out?” His alarm for my well being kinda brightened me a little.

  “I’m okay. It hurt for a little while, but I’m okay.”

  He grabbed my hand and curled his fingers around mine and I stared at our joined hands, not sure what to do.

  “It’s dangerous Ren,” he said. “People die from just falling over and hitting their head the wrong way. What makes this any different?”

  “I can handle it,” I muttered.

  “Can you? Because it looks like it’s eating you up.”

  It was. How could I explain it without telling him the whole story? I couldn’t.

  “It’s a set back,” I said instead. “It happens to everyone at least once.” I echoed Ash’s words and if I said them enough, maybe I’d believe them. Believe him.

  The door swept open behind us and the bell jingled furiously, and when I turned in my chair it was already too late. Ash fisted his hands into Seth’s shirt and pulled him out of his seat, wrenching his hand from mine.

  “What the fuck do you think you’re doing?” I yelled, stumbling to my feet.

  “Keep your hands off her,” Ash snarled at Seth, his expression dark.

  I knew that look, that storm that was gathering underneath the surface and my heart did a nosedive. He’d been watching our exchange through the window. He’d seen Seth touch my face and hold my hand…he’d gotten the wrong idea.

  “You keep your hands off him,” I cried, beating my fists against Ash’s shoulder.

  Seth held his hands up and out like he was trying to calm a wild beast. “We were just talking. Nothing else.”

  “You think I don’t know what you’re up to?” Ash hissed. “You wanted her before and you still do. Ren is mine.”

  “Let him the fuck go!” I screeched.

  There was a commotion out the back and Joseph appeared looking all wild and European with a rolling pin in one hand. “Get outta my cafe!” he roared. “No fighting or I call the cops. You got it?”

  Ash let go of Seth’s shirt and didn’t even glance at Joseph. “You don’t get to touch her.”

  I dug my fingers into his arm and tugged him towards the door. “Get the fuck out Ash.”

  He snarled one more time at Seth before turning on his heel and grabbing my wrist. I was hauled from the cafe and if it wasn’t so empty I would’ve felt even more humiliated. Actually, I wasn’t sure there was a difference.

  Once we were outside, I wrenched my hand from his grasp and strode down the street, disappearing around the corner. With everyone gone, Beat was closed until the beginner MMA class that night, so we had the entire place to ourselves which meant we had free rein to let rip at one another.

  Ash slammed the door shut behind me and flipped the deadbolt closed with a bang that made me flinch. He’d never directed his anger at me before and it kind of scared me when he turned and strode toward me, his expression full of so many swirling emotions. I was doing it tough, but so was he. He’d been so together lately it was easy to assume, easy to think he had a handle on it, but Ash was a master at hiding his true feelings.

  “Ash, I-”

  “We’re a team,” he said, hurt etched in his handsome features. “You know how much it pissed me off to see you with him?”

  “We were just talking-”

  “He wants you,” he said sullenly.

  “We went out once,” I cried. “Once Ash, and that was before we were even a thing.”

  “I saw the way he was looking at you!”

  I stared at him in disbelief. “Are you hearing yourself right now?”

  “What were you telling him?” He stared at me, waiting for an answer, but the words died in my throat. “What were you telling him that you couldn’t tell me?”

  “I-” I choked out.

  Ash threw his hands into the air. “You were the one who told me about secrets Ren. You told me we were a team in everything.”

  He was right. He was so fucking right it
hurt and I felt tears begin to spring into my eyes. If he loved me, then it shouldn’t matter right? It was for better or worse...

  “It was Hammer,” I said.

  Ash stared at me, his expression contorting into confusion.

  “He was on the sideline yelling disgusting things at me.” I shuddered. “I froze…I…” Choked.

  His face began to redden again. “What…”

  “When I was knocked out. I-”

  “Ren.”

  “You don’t understand Ash,” I exclaimed. “That night...I choked. I let fear rule me. With him there…”

  “I told you Ren. I’m not going to let him touch you. He won’t.”

  “I was weak!”

  “He’s playing with your mind. You can’t let him.” He ran his hand over his face and scowled.

  Fuck, he was right. Hammer wanted to rattle me. Throw me off my game.

  “He said… I was here.” I gestured to the spot where Hammer had attacked me. “I was here…again.”

  Ash cursed and swept me into his arms. “What did he say?”

  I shook my head, curling my fingers into his T-shirt. “It doesn’t matter what he said. He got to me.”

  “I know you don’t like hearing it, but you can’t let him get to you. I know it’s hard.” He sucked in a deep breath, burying his nose into my hair. “I know more than anyone how hard it is, but you have to hold on.”

  “I know.”

  “The long game Spitfire. It’s all about the long game.”

  “I didn’t want…” I sighed. “I understand now.”

  “Understand what?” I felt some of the tension leave his body, his muscles softening.

  “When you didn’t want to see me.”

  “Talk to me,” he murmured, letting my comment drop. “Don’t talk to him.”

  “I can talk to other people,” I said sullenly.

  “I don’t want that guy knowing our business. He’s had his fuckin’ hands on you...”

  “Don’t,” I whispered, pulling back so I could see his eyes. “Don’t. He doesn’t know anything. Seth just wants to help. He’s a friend, one that I’ve probably treated terribly, but he’s just a friend.”

  “I don’t want-”

  “Do friends do this?” I asked, sliding my hand down the front of his shorts. I curled my fingers around his cock and started stroking. I didn’t have to do much; he was already sporting a semi.

  “Ren…” He started to complain, but he groaned, moving against my hand.

  I tilted my chin up, brushing my lips against his. “I promise I won’t keep things to myself anymore.”

  “I love you Ren. I can’t-” He gasped as I squeezed, increasing my pace. “Everything. I need everything.”

  I got it. He wanted every part of me, the amazing and the crap. He was trying his best to give his all to me in return. We were trying.

  I flicked the tip of my tongue against his bottom lip. “Take me upstairs.”

  “Low blow Spitfire. You know I can’t resist.”

  “You need to apologize to Seth.”

  He groaned as I slid my hand from his shorts. “Later, right now I want to fuck you stupid.”

  Ash hauled me up the stairs and flung me down on my bed, covering my body with his. We stripped and tossed our clothes in all directions, hands grasping greedily at each other. Emotional fucking.

  He didn’t stop to please me; he just fisted his cock and pushed straight inside. I thrust my hips to meet his, desperate for the connection, desperate for that too-full feeling. I was ready; I was always ready to take whatever he had to give.

  “Don’t keep me out,” he moaned, swirling his hips, grinding against my clit so hard I cried out.

  “I’m pretty sure you’re all in.”

  His only answer was to pull back and thrust, our bodies coming together in a slap that drove a spike of pleasure through me like a shockwave. I didn’t want him to stop, I wanted him to fuck me hard and as if he sensed what I needed, he pounded into me over and over, letting the beast within him come to the surface. He knew I loved the rabid animal fucking. Loved it and needed it and when he drove me over the edge, it was to a place where everything was right.

  The moment he began to come inside me was the moment I knew things were on the up and up. More than a mind blowing orgasm. With each and every hurdle we were becoming more and more solid. We were a team.

  Together to the end.

  Chapter 30

  Ash

  I was the biggest asshole on the planet.

  I’d ripped Ren a new one for keeping things from me and what the fuck was I doing? Being a hypocritical asshole.

  Being honest with one another held our whole relationship together. Ren had said it first. She wanted us to be a team and so did I, so why was I holding back? Lots of reasons I didn’t want to acknowledge.

  One thing that annoyed me more than it should was Hammer and his absence from our lives. He was there, fighting, hanging around, watching…but he never did anything to outright provoke me. He’d kept his distance so far, but that was until he’d whispered foul things to Ren while she was in the cage.

  She’d been KO’d and her confidence shot then I’d found her in that fuckin’ cafe talking to that hipster dude she’d gone out with before me. Seeing her with him, her fuckin’ hand in his… I blew a fuse. I got that I was protective of her, but I didn’t understand just how jealous I could be. I’d never loved someone before and never half as much as I loved Ren.

  Hammer was still a plague on our lives and the stress was getting to me, to Ren, to everyone. I had to keep reminding myself that it was about the long game.

  I was hardly ever without Ren while we were at The Underground and the one time I wasn’t was tonight. She was off talking shop with some of the other women fighters. I mean, it was great that she was making friends because she needed that, but as long as she understood that those ‘friends’ would take her out without a second thought if they got the chance.

  I was busy thinking about her as I wandered out to the back of the warehouse, so when I rounded a corner and nearly walked into Hammer, I almost snapped in half.

  “So if it isn’t the beast himself,” he drawled, crossing his arms over his chest.

  I wasn’t in the mood to play nice. The stupid fucker just kept sinking the boot in.

  “She told me what you said to her,” I hissed.

  Hammer started to laugh. “Yeah? And what was that?”

  He was just trying to get me to say it, but there was no way I’d give him the satisfaction. “You know exactly what I’m talking about.”

  He raised his hands in mock defense. “Not my fault the bitch fazed out.”

  I stepped forward, shoving him hard. He fell against the wall as I fisted my hand into the front of his shirt. “You’re walking a fine line,” I spat.

  “Oh come on, Fuller,” he said with a smirk. “We all know that you’re all talk. You can’t even follow through.”

  I felt my control slipping big time and I heaved in deep breaths.

  “Pathetic. Just like your whore. She moaned like a slut when I stuck my finger in her cunt.”

  I felt a pathway in my brain snap. It took me back to that dark place, the place where the beast lived inside me, the place where there was nothing but anger, pain and all the bad emotions that drove a man to do the worst things… It felt the same when I saw what he’d done to Violet. It was the same feeling that had smashed into me the moment I’d opened the door to Beat and saw him over Ren. It was the same now.

  With a roar, I pulled back my fist and was about to smash Hammer right in the face when a hand grabbed my wrist.

  “The fuck, Fuller?” Hamish shoved me back and I wondered where the fuck he’d come from.

  Hammer blinked hard, the only indication he gave that he’d shat himself, and pushed off the wall, shoving me away.

  Hamish stepped between us like a human shield as I seethed and I just wanted to have this shit over and done
with. How the fuck could he say those things about her? How the fuck could he do those things to a woman? He deserved everything he got.

  “That’s why you’re going to lose, Fuller,” Hammer said with a sneer. Fucking ugly asshole. “You’re a fucking psycho. Animal.”

  “Fuck that’s ironic,” I exclaimed as Hamish placed a hand on my chest to hold me back. “You’re a fucking rapist. Scum. You deserve everything you get. Third time’s a fuckin’ charm, asshole.”

  Hammer started to laugh like I’d told the funniest joke in the entire world. “Yeah? We’ll see about that. You’ve got no follow through, unlike me.” He grasped his cock and anger seared through my veins. “I followed through right into your sister.”

  Rage exploded in my body and I lunged, the only coherent thought in my head was getting my hands on Hammer so I could beat the life out of him.

  Hamish shoved me back and I stumbled into the far wall. “Don’t even think about it,” he murmured so no one else could hear. “You’ll get kicked out if you fight out of the cage.”

  “Faggots,” Hammer hissed.

  Hamish’s eyes blazed and he turned on his heel to face the fucker. “If you even come close to them again, it’ll be an iron bar breaking your legs this time.”

  “Then why don’t you just do it Goblin? You’re all talk.”

  “That’s the difference between scum and decency, Hammer. If you had any of the latter, you’d fuckin’ understand. Too bad you’re dumb as dog shit.”

  Hammer narrowed his eyes and glanced at me. “When we get in that cage Fuller, it will be the last time.”

  I narrowed my eyes right back, understanding his meaning one hundred percent. I wasn’t sure if it worried me, but I was still seeing red, so sense and feeling were a long way off.

  Hammer backed away, his gaze never leaving mine, solidifying his warning…or his promise. It wasn’t until he rounded the corner that I let some of the tension bleed from my limbs.

  “I told ya I’d have your back,” Hamish said, clapping me on the shoulder. “I’m a man of me word.”

  Another person who was a man of their word was Hammer.