“How does tomorrow night sound?”
She shook her head in dismay. “Pat, it’s like you don’t want to hear me.”
“If it seems that way, it’s because I don’t want to listen to any of those lies that you’re spouting.”
“I’m not lying.”
“You might not be technically lying, Kayla, but you’re not telling me the truth. I do know that.”
They were running in circles. “Aunt Pat, please just listen to me.”
Maybe it was the plaintive tone in her voice, but Pat’s expression softened. “I’ll always listen to you, Kay. Always. However, I also want you to tell me the truth. The real, unvarnished truth—not just the things you think I want to hear.”
This was why she loved her aunt so much. Pat forced her to open up and talk about her feelings, even when those feelings weren’t all that great. “All right. Pat, the truth is that I’m tired. Too tired to even go to your house for a nice meal. I want to just go home and relax when I get home. It’s dark out anyway. You know how nerve-wracking it is to walk or ride a bike on the dark roads.”
“You came over last year when your father went down to Florida.”
She had. Last year, she’d still been trying to be everything to everyone. She’d kept up the same schedule, and a month later, her father had come home relaxed and happy and she’d gotten sick.
Maybe that was the difference. She wanted to put herself first sometimes. At least for one month out of the twelve. But how did she share any of that with Pat? She acted as if Kayla’s father had every right to still be encased in his grief and sometimes even chided Kayla if she complained about his faults too much.
“Kayla, you know I’m only pushing you on this because I love you.”
She knew that. She also knew Pat’s love was as sweet and unselfish as she could ever hope for a parent’s love to be.
“I love you, too. And I appreciate how much you do for me. I really do.” When her aunt’s eyes softened, Kayla joked, “Can we please drop this subject now?”
“In one minute.” She took a deep breath. “Just answer me this. Do your worries have less to do with your father and more to do with Levi’s betrayal?”
Kayla felt like she’d just been given a hard push off a very tall horse. “Why are you bringing Levi up? Our breakup doesn’t have anything to do with my life now.”
“Are you sure? Because I’m starting to wonder if Levi breaking up with you has made you skittish about falling in love again.”
Kayla knew she was skittish about relationships. She had trust issues, too. Her mother had died too young, her father seemed to have forgotten that she was only twenty-six and Levi callously breaking up with her because “she had too much going on” had been a terrible betrayal. “Aunt Pat, he has made me skittish about getting in another relationship, but that’s beside the point.”
“Is it? If you can’t forgive and let the past go, I fear you’ll never be able to move forward.” She lowered her voice. “And that would be a real shame, Kayla. You are a wonderful, giving person. You deserve to be happy.”
“I’m sure I’ll fall in love again one day. Levi hurt me, but I haven’t given up on love.”
And just like that, her aunt’s entire demeanor brightened. “Does that mean you have been thinking of Aaron, then? Have you decided there really is something special between the two of you?”
Boy, she’d walked right into that trap! Kayla didn’t know if there was something there or not. Maybe she was afraid to find out? What if she allowed herself to believe Aaron was special but then discovered he wasn’t any better than Levi? What if he left her, even knowing that she gave him her heart? What would she do then?
She wasn’t sure she would survive that.
“Whatever I’ve been thinking about Aaron Coblentz is my concern and not yours, Pat.” Primly, she added, “I’m sorry, but my life isn’t an open book.”
Pat propped a hand on her hip. “Is that right? Well, in that case, I hope you know what you’re doing. Trouble—and happiness—can come most anywhere and anytime. It’s been my experience that both can catch a person by surprise.”
Kayla wasn’t exactly sure what Pat meant, but she was too tired to try to figure it out. “I’ll keep that in mind. But I promise I know what I’m doing.”
“Alrighty, then. But until I’m sure of it, I’m going to make sure you’re eating well. I’m going to bring you something to take home tomorrow.”
“I’ll be mighty glad to have that. Danke. It’s so kind of you.”
With a harrumph, Pat turned away, leaving Kayla with her thoughts, but desperate to get out of her head, Kayla practically sprung on the next customers who walked in. “Hiya. May I help you?”
With a blistering sigh, the woman handed her a pattern packet. “I can’t make heads or tails of this. Can you help me?”
“That’s what I’m here for. I’ll be glad to help you as much as I can.” Walking to a long workstation table, she said, “Let’s see what you’ve got here.”
“It’s a mess, that’s what it is.” She dug in the canvas bag Kayla had only just noticed. “And look at this fabric. I think it’s the wrong width.”
Smoothing out the light cotton, Kayla had to agree. “This isn’t going to work,” she said bluntly.
“Are you sure?”
“I’m positive.”
“What should I do?”
“You’re either going to have to find new fabric to work with the pattern or find a new pattern to go with the fabric.”
“Surely not.”
Kayla wasn’t about to argue with her, but she was tempted to point out that the woman had already realized the same thing before she walked in the door. So, she stood there and waited.
But instead of working with her, the lady turned nasty. “You are completely unhelpful. I cannot believe that more than one person told me to come here. They practically raved about the service here.”
“I’m sorry, but I’m only telling you the facts.”
“Hmph.” She picked up the fabric and started stuffing it into her tote. “I won’t be back.”
“I’m sorry.” But she wasn’t. Who would be sorry? The woman was particularly unpleasant. She smiled tightly as the woman roughly folded the pattern all wrong and attempted to stuff it into the bag as well.
Pat rushed over. “Oh my. What is going on?”
“This girl here was just very rude to me. I came here for help, and she would hardly give me the time of day. She acted as if unbending even an inch was going to be too much work.”
After giving Kayla a confused look, Aunt Pat adopted a soothing tone. “I’m here now. Please, how may I help you?”
Kayla walked over to the counter as the woman went through her spiel again. She checked out two customers with small purchases as the woman spread out the fabric and patterns again.
“Oh my.” Pat gasped. “I’m afraid you are right. It’s not going to fit. But let’s problem solve, shall we? What do you think about adding a second piece of fabric? One in the same blue but perhaps a sturdier cloth?” She began outlining her ideas, and before her eyes, Kayla could see the woman drop her frustration and begin to work with Pat.
Almost an hour later, the woman bought another fifty dollars of fabric and notions. She even promised Pat she would return with the finished item. As she headed out the door, she paused long enough to glare at Kayla.
Kayla kept her expression blank, but inside she was cringing. For sure and for certain, she had deserved the woman’s dark look. People expected kind and personal service when they walked in the door. It was why they came to Pat’s instead of driving farther to one of the big box stores. She hadn’t been very kind or very helpful.
When the door closed, Aunt Pat turned to her. “Want to tell me what happened?” she asked quietly.
“I think you have a pretty good idea. She needed help, and I didn’t give her any.”
“And why not?”
The customer had
been rude, and that rudeness had grated on her. She never could abide the way some people treated her and Pat like they were beneath them. Kayla was tempted to share that what she told the woman hadn’t been wrong. Her project hadn’t been fixable.
“I’m sorry,” she said at last.
Aunt Pat blinked. “Is Aaron coming for a tutoring session tonight?”
“Nee.”
“Then you may go.”
Kayla looked at the clock. “But it’s only three o’clock.” They had two more hours before they closed at five.
“I think we can both agree that you aren’t at your best right now. Why don’t you go take a little break and relax?”
“All right. I’m sorry, again.”
Pat turned to her abruptly. “Kayla, don’t you see? I’m not the person you should be apologizing to.”
It seemed she couldn’t even apologize without messing up. She got her things, put on her cloak, and pulled her purse out of the locked cabinet from the back of the checkout area.
Just as she was about to assure Pat that she would see her tomorrow, the phone rang, taking her aunt’s attention.
Kayla settled for walking out the door with a heavy heart. She was in the middle of some fierce growing pains. She was exhausted, tired of trying so hard to help her father, tired of pretending that Levi’s betrayal hadn’t damaged the way she looked at relationships. Sometimes she even felt like she’d been covering up how much she still grieved for her mother.
And now, just when the timing couldn’t even get worse, she was just about at rock bottom. She wasn’t finding comfort in anything. Not work, not her aunt’s company, not even her beloved romance stories that allowed her to escape for a couple of hours. She needed a change, and she needed the Lord’s help, too. It was obvious that she wasn’t going to be able to get better all on her own. What should I do, Lord? She silently prayed. I want to be different. I want to feel hope again. I want to be myself again… but I don’t even know where to start.
“Kayla?”
Blinking, she looked up. And saw Aaron walking toward her.
When he smiled at her, Kayla realized her day had suddenly brightened.
It seemed God still answered prayers—and sometimes at lightning speed.
nineteen
• RULE #19 •
Be open to new ideas, even if they aren’t your new ideas.
Kayla Kauffman had on a gray dress and a black cloak. A black bonnet covered her white kapp, and her black stockings and boots looked exactly like those he’d seen on practically every other Amish woman in the area. But the bright red gloves she had on stood out like a cardinal in the middle of winter. They led him to her like she was the only bright thing in a dreary day. And maybe she was?
He was pleased when she smiled at him, though that smile soon faded into doubt. “Had we scheduled a tutoring session and I forgot?”
“Not at all.” He shrugged. “Work was slow, so my boss let me leave. What about you? Are you just coming from work?”
“Jah. It was time I left for the day as well.”
He was surprised, since he thought she usually worked until five. “I guess our meeting on the street like this was meant to be.”
Her smiled widened. “I was just thinking the same thing.”
Her happiness was contagious. “Would you care to walk home together? I believe I pass your house on the way to mine.”
“I live almost two miles away. I’m surprised you’re walking farther than me.”
“It’s bitter cold, and I’m fond of my horse. I’d rather keep her in the barn and wear a good coat.”
“Her comfort is my gain, then. I’d love to walk with you.”
A warm feeling ran through him as her words registered. Had they finally turned the corner from mere student and tutor? He hoped so. More and more, he found himself thinking about her, but he’d feared the infatuation was one sided. “Let’s get on our way, then. The sun is out, but it’s still freezing.”
As they walked down the street, they passed a few people they knew but didn’t stop to chat. Aaron didn’t miss the speculative looks that were sent their way, either. In fact, he almost welcomed them. He liked being Kayla’s friend. No, he liked the idea of one day being more than just her friend, of one day being the man who got to take her elbow and help her step off a curb or make sure she was warm enough when a cold wind picked up.
Kayla seemed just as at ease. She smiled at him when a buggy stopped beside them and two little boys made faces through the Plexiglas window.
“So, how goes your studying?”
Remembering his attempt to memorize twenty government terms made him grimace. “Not so well, if I’m being honest.”
“Oh? What’s wrong?”
“Everything,” he joked.
“Come now. We both know you aren’t doing that badly.”
“I haven’t been doing that good. I’d like to say it’s because I’m overwhelmed from working so hard, but it’s rather that I haven’t been too motivated of late.”
“Why is that?”
He shrugged. “For so long, taking this test was my secret dream. It seemed unattainable, about as hard to reach as the stars in the sky. Because of that, I kept that dream close to my heart.” He paused before adding, “I think I was half afraid that if I let someone know about it, it could disappear like a figment of my imagination.”
She knew he hadn’t told his family about his studies. “Perhaps you should tell your parents, Aaron. At least if they knew, you could be more honest about the stress you’ve been under.”
“They can’t know. They wouldn’t take the news well. Not at all.”
“Really?”
“They are so afraid of me leaving like my brother did, I think they’d do everything in their power to stop me from taking that test.” He was actually pretty sure they’d throw out a bunch of ultimatums if he ignored their wishes.
Her eyes widened in surprise. “I see.”
“Kayla, I’m not just battling my parents’ wishes. I think I’m battling myself, too.”
“How so?”
As much as he hated to sound so weak, he forced himself to admit his biggest fear. “Now that I’m so close to taking the test, I’m worried about failing.” He was fairly sure he was going to fail, too. He wasn’t a great student, and the test covered a lot of material he’d never even heard of. He looked away from her for a moment, in time to notice that the snow on the curb had turned gray and icy. “Careful now,” he murmured as he took her elbow and helped her up and down the slippery curb.
When they were back on the dry sidewalk, she said, “I think your fear is perfectly normal. Why, I remember chatting with other people in the exam room before the proctor asked us to take our seats. Every one of us was worried about failing.”
“This isn’t just pretest jitters, Kayla. I genuinely don’t know if I’ll pass any of the test.”
“Okay. Let’s say that you do fail. What will you do then? Will you take it again?”
“I don’t know. I might… or I might not. Doing all of this over again would be a lot to take on.” He paused, then decided to be completely honest. “But I keep thinking that if I don’t take the test or don’t ever pass it, I’ll be giving up a big dream. That would be hard, too.”
“I can understand that,” she murmured.
He glanced at her again. Kayla looked wistful, or maybe she’d had more challenges passing the test than he’d realized. “You can? Did you really experience doubts like I’m having?”
“A little bit. But I canna lie to you, Aaron. I did well in school. Studying and test-taking has always come easy for me.”
“You were lucky, then.”
“I was lucky, but I’ve had my other challenges.” She chuckled under her breath. “Sometimes I feel it’s everything else that’s hard.”
Aaron knew she’d lost her mother to cancer… and she’d alluded to her father’s struggles. “What do you mean? I mean, if it’s not too pers
onal to share.”
“It’s not too personal. I… Well, I was just thinking about a relationship I was in that ended badly.”
“Oh, wow. Was it serious?”
“Jah. I mean, I thought it was, but he didn’t. Or, perhaps, Levi thought things were too serious. I don’t know.”
Aaron was confused by her explanation. “I hear it is supposed to snow tonight,” he blurted. “Sometimes I feel that winter will never end.”
“It always does though, true?”
He nodded. “Where is your haus? Are we close?”
“Jah.” She pointed to the street off to the left. “It’s just over the bend. What about you?”
“It’s about a mile farther up.” He knew his voice was flat, but he wasn’t sure what to do about it. He’d taken a chance and opened up to her, and though she had as well, some of that glow that had lit her eyes had faded. Kayla looked just as uncomfortable as he felt. She stuffed her red-mittened hands into her cloak’s pockets, covering up the brightness he’d been drawn to in the first place.
“Aaron, when Levi broke up with me, he said a lot of cruel things. He blamed me for things that I had no control over.”
“I’m sorry, but he sounds like a jerk. Maybe you’re better off without him.”
“I am, but that doesn’t mean his words didn’t hurt.” She paused for a moment, seeming to gather her thoughts. “That whole relationship also made me wonder how I could’ve been so wrong about him. I mean: How was it possible for me to love someone who obviously didn’t love me back?”
“I don’t think you can put that burden on yourself. It’s natural to love other people, right?” When she nodded, he said, “Then you didn’t do anything wrong. Levi did.”
They had turned onto her street. Sometime during her confession he’d decided that he’d needed to make sure she got home safe.
“That’s my house.” She pointed to a one-story home with a lovely porch that wrapped around the front to one of the sides. It was all white, except for the black railings and the black frames around the windows.
“It’s very pretty.”
“Danke. I always thought so, too. My mother had wanted a home with a big front porch.”
A Perfect Amish Romance Page 12