“Not at all.” Waving a hand around the shop, he added, “Like I said, since my boss is on vacation and he put me in charge, that test isn’t necessary anymore.”
“Because you’ve achieved your goal.” Kayla knew her voice was flat, but she didn’t think it could be helped. Though his reasoning made sense, there’d been a part of her that had really thought he had also been hoping to pass the test for himself. She’d thought they were kindred spirits in that regard.
Obviously, she’d been wrong.
Aaron was still smiling and talking quickly. “To be honest, I’ve had some challenges—maybe more than a few—but I’m working through them. So I decided to stop trying to do something I’m never going to be able to accomplish. That’s why I wanted to meet today.”
It took her a second, but she finally realized what he was telling her in such a roundabout fashion. “You wanted to meet today in order to tell me that we’re done.”
His hazel eyes widened. “You’re making it sound so permanent! Nee, we’re not done, Kayla. All we’re done with is this tutoring.” While she gaped at him, he stood up, obviously signaling that the meeting was done. “There’s a silver lining to be found now, too.”
“Which is?”
“Well, now you don’t have to spend the next hour hammering me about grammar and punctuation or whatever else we were going to work on. Now we don’t have to only talk about this test every time we see each other.” His expression warmed. “We can concentrate on other things.”
Those were the sweetest words, words she would usually be so grateful to hear. Just not today. Until he started calling on her, she wasn’t going to have a reason to see him anymore.
And today, she wasn’t going to get the extra money she’d been counting on. Things were going to be stretched even tighter now.
He was still acting like he’d just told her the best news in the world. “Sorry to rush you out of here, but I still need to finish a couple of things.”
“Of course. That’s no problem at all.” She stood up and slipped on her cloak, but didn’t move. For some reason, her feet seemed glued to the same spot.
Aaron cleared his throat. “Kayla, that’s all right, yes? I mean, I thought you would be happy to go right home and relax. You’ve been working so hard. You can take the night off. Ah, put your feet up.”
Feeling a bit like she’d been kicked in the stomach, she reached for her bonnet and rested it over her kapp. “Jah. Indeed I can do that.” She smiled tightly. “I’ll get out of your way now.” Anxious to get to the door now, she quickened her pace.
He followed her. “Hey, I thought you’d be happier about this.”
“I am happy for you.” It was almost as good. She tried to smile. “Gut naught.”
He reached for her arm. “No, wait. Kayla, you seem upset. I know we’ve been working hard, but it’s not your fault I decided not to take the test. Surely you understand why I made this choice. I mean, you can see my point of view… right?”
“I do. I do see your point of view.” She sounded ridiculous, but she couldn’t help it.
“Then cheer up! Everything is going to be great.”
She wanted to be happy for him, she really did. However, she wasn’t a perfect person. Right this moment, she was disappointed and so stressed about everything that she wasn’t able to hide it. And she really, really wanted him to stop telling her to be happy, to relax, and to cheer up!
“It doesn’t really matter what I feel, Aaron. After all, this was your dream, not mine.” She carefully tied the ribbons on her bonnet so the wind wouldn’t blow it off.
“I don’t understand why you’re being like this.”
“Like what? I’m fine.”
He shook his head. “You are not fine.”
“Okay, how about this? There’s nothing for you to worry about.” She shrugged as she fastened her cloak around her shoulders. “I was simply your tutor, ain’t so? And you were just one of my students. Life goes on.”
“Wait. There’s more to us than you being my tutor. You know that. I know that.” He reached for her arm. “We have a relationship. That isn’t going to stop. I mean, I don’t want it to stop.”
She didn’t, either.
After pulling on her gloves and picking up her tote bag, she met his gaze. It was moments like this when he seemed so young. It was as if it hadn’t occurred to him that she also had dreams and goals and pressures.
“Aaron, if it’s all the same to you, I think it might be a good idea to keep our relationship as merely friends.”
“All because I changed my mind about that test?”
“No. There are other reasons.”
“Is it the kiss?”
“Nee. Of course not.”
“Is it our age difference?”
“Partly.” She walked to the door.
“No, wait. I’m grasping at straws here. What else is the problem? And don’t say I don’t have a right to know, because I think I do.”
His statement, though she was sure he meant well, hit her wrong. Turning to face him again, she said, “It may come as a surprise to you, but I have a life as well. I have things I’m working on and problems I’m trying to solve.”
“I never thought you didn’t.” He held out a hand. “Why don’t you sit down? We can talk.”
“It’s not that easy.”
“Sure it is. We have a lot in common, Kayla. I know we do.”
“We also have some differences we might not be able to overcome.”
“I disagree.”
“Aaron, you are living with a loving family yet still struggling to share something as basic as your desire to take a test. I’m trying to figure out how to keep my home. I have grown-up problems, Aaron. And you? Well, right now it feels like you’re still trying to grow up.”
His expression was filled with shock and hurt. “That’s not fair. I have a good reason for not talking to my parents about that test. My older brother, Tim, left the order after getting baptized. He’s been essentially shunned. Just because I hadn’t shared all of that with you doesn’t mean it didn’t hurt.”
She was stunned by the news. On another day, Kayla knew she would react with more compassion, but at the moment, all she could seem to focus on were her own problems. “I wish you would have trusted me enough to tell me about Tim when we talked on Sunday.”
“Just because I didn’t tell you about Tim doesn’t mean we didn’t share a lot. You’re acting as if that time together wasn’t special.”
It had been special, but maybe that was the problem. Everything the other day had been so wonderful that it now felt like a tease, like she’d gotten a hint of what their life could be like together, but now it seemed like they were going backward again.
“I had better go.” She walked out and tried to ignore her growling stomach.
It turned out that wasn’t too hard to do, because the guilt she felt for saying such things was weighing just as heavy on her mind.
twenty-nine
• RULE #29 •
Don’t forget that librarians are excellent mystery and problem solvers. If you encounter something mysterious in your midst, aim to fix it.
Zeiset’s boasted a really good front door. It was solid, kept out the air, and always closed with a satisfying thunk. Aaron had often thought of it as a metaphor for the business itself. But from now on, Aaron was fairly sure he was always going to think of that door as a symbol of just how much had gotten away from him that he wasn’t able to stop.
Like Kayla.
He stood with his back to the fire, staring at the closed door, and kept reviewing their conversation. It hadn’t gone anything like he’d hoped. Honestly, he’d been so embarrassed about his lack of success in the studying department that he had thought Kayla would be happy he was finally coming to his senses.
Instead, she’d just seemed upset.
Just as disturbing had been her comments about how he was not the only person with problems. He hadn’t liked thinking that
he’d been so self-centered. Had he really only talked about himself during their many conversations?
And, what had she meant when she’d said she was trying to keep a roof over her head? He knew it was just her and her father in their house, but surely her father made good money? Good enough to take care of their bills?
Then it hit him. Of course he had no idea what her father did or if he had a good job… because he’d never asked. No, he’d been far more worried about himself and what she thought of him than to wonder more about her.
So now he was feeling like he’d completely ruined their last conversation and maybe even their relationship. Worse, he had no idea what to do, which felt just as bad.
Two raps on the door jerked him out of his musings. Glancing at the clock, he saw that they’d been closed for almost forty-five minutes. He knew he should just ignore it.
But then he saw it was Sarah Anne Miller and… the widow Jane Shultz.
He hadn’t realized that his bookmobiling librarian and Jane knew each other, though why he had thought he knew who everyone was friends with, he didn’t know. Then, right on the heels of that realization, he noticed that Jane was holding herself up with braces and that Sarah Anne was supporting her. Surprise, mixed with a good dose of shame, coursed through him. Joel had been telling truth. Jane Shultz was struggling and needed help. Of course she needed help. But he’d been so worried about reputations and rumors that he’d never even wondered how he could lend her a hand as well.
Quickly, he opened the door and ushered them in. “Hello, ladies. We’re closed, but it’s awfully cold out there. Would you like to come in and rest for a moment?”
“Oh, thank you, Aaron,” Sarah Anne said in her usual, breezy way. “That wind came up out of nowhere, and it’s a tough one. I felt it all the way to my bones. Some of the roads out here are getting bad, too. I had to cut short my day because the roads were becoming covered with ice.”
“So, therefore you went out shopping?”
“That’s my fault, I’m afraid,” Jane said. “I needed some medicine and Jo—I mean, the person who has been helping me with some of my errands and such couldn’t come in for the next few days.” Looking fondly at Sarah Anne, she said, “Sarah Anne here was so kind to offer to take me to the pharmacy.”
“It was no trouble.” She sighed. “Though, I have to tell you, Aaron, I was hoping you might be open late tonight.”
“Do you need a piece of furniture?”
“Again, I’m afraid that is me,” Jane said. Looking down at her braces, she added, “My uh, MS has gotten worse, I’m afraid. The doctors gave me a good talking to about pretending that it wasn’t.”
“She needs a new chair that she can get in and out of easily,” Sarah Anne added. “I know it’s late, but could Jane look at chairs now? It’s hard for her to get around when the store is crowded.”
And there was yet another reminder of how self-centered he’d been. Instead of judging Joel’s actions, Aaron should have been judging his own. Even if he hadn’t known Jane needed a chair, he could have, at the very least, mentioned she was in need to some women in his church district who reached out to people in their community who could use some help.
Realizing the two ladies were still waiting for him to reply, Aaron brought himself back to the present. “Of course. Let me go turn on some more lights so you two can look around.”
“Danke, Aaron,” said Jane.
He smiled at her before walking to the back of the store to turn on the main set of lights, grateful that the store was owned by a Mennonite family. Sometimes conveniences like electricity became a necessity.
“Oh! This is much better!” exclaimed Sarah Anne.
Jane didn’t say too much, just slowly walked over to the row of comfortable easy chairs.
Aaron was enough of an experienced salesman to know to stay to one side. The ladies would likely want to touch the fabric, try out the chairs, discuss features, and then signal him when they had questions. He was grateful for the reprieve anyway, because he couldn’t help but think of all the mistakes he’d made with Joel of late.
It was evident now that he was guilty of listening to idle gossip and being judgmental. Obviously Jane needed assistance, and Joel had been helping her. Instead of being caring and understanding, Aaron had tried to twist it into something that it wasn’t.
“Aaron? Aaron?” Sarah Anne called out. “Are you all right?”
He rushed forward. “I’m sorry. I guess my mind had gone walking.”
“I’m the one who should be apologizing. I’m sure you’re tired and more than ready to go home. It was wrong to just show up. At the very least, I could have called the store and asked when we could stop by.”
“A call might have helped on another day, but I was here anyway tonight. Now, how can I help?”
Jane patted two chairs, one of which was top of the line and made by a well-known manufacturer and another which cost far less but was still good quality. “I’m not sure which chair to choose. Can you help me decide?”
“That’s what I’m here for.” Carefully, he outlined the pros and cons of each.
“Which would you choose?” Sarah Anne asked.
“Honestly, I would pick this one.” He patted the less expensive model. “It’s comfortable, well built, and not as hard on the bank account.”
“Someone can deliver it, yes?”
“Of course. I’d have to look at the delivery schedule, but I’m confident we can get it to your house within the next couple of days, Jane.”
Jane smiled. “I guess the decision is made, then. I’d like that chair, please.” She reached for her purse, which was over her shoulder, but she wobbled a bit.
“Please, sit down, won’t ya?”
“Danke.” She gripped the arm of a chair to help her maneuver. “It’s times like this that I wish my body worked like it used to.” She smiled, but even in the dim light, Aaron could tell Jane was embarrassed.
He stepped back. “I’ll be right back with the bill.”
“Take your time.”
As he clicked buttons on the computer, he could hear Sarah Anne speaking to Jane.
“Here, dear,” Sarah Anne said, “give me your check, and I’ll fill it out for you. Then all you’ll have to do it sign it.” After she got Jane’s checkbook, Sarah Anne met him at his desk.
“All of this was very nice of you, Aaron. Truly kind.”
“What did I do that was so special? Stay open to make a sale? Don’t thank me for that.” Especially since he’d certainly done a lot more to be embarrassed about in regard to Jane Shultz.
“You know what I mean,” she murmured. “You didn’t have to be so helpful. You certainly didn’t have to encourage Jane to buy the lesser priced item.”
Aaron was offended that Sarah Anne had even considered that he might have acted any other way. “This is my job, but selling furniture is not who I am.” Standing up straighter, he added, “Besides, I can promise you Mr. Zeiset would have done the same thing.”
“Oh. Of course. I’m sorry I offended you.”
“You didn’t. I mean, you did a bit, but I overreacted. I… Well, there are some other things on my mind, I’m afraid.” He shrugged. “Perhaps I’m not at my best right now.”
She relaxed. “I’ve had days like that.”
“I’m sorry to say I’ve had more than a few recently.” After carefully double-checking his math, he told Sarah Anne the price.
While she filled out the check and walked it to Jane, he checked the schedule.
“It looks like my men could deliver your new chair tomorrow, Jane. Will that be convenient?”
“So soon?”
“You live nearby, and it’s just a chair. We can load it on the truck without a problem.”
“Then, yes! Yes, of course tomorrow is fine,” she said with a little laugh. “I’m so glad we came tonight, Aaron.”
“I am, too.” Both Jane and Sarah Anne had given him a reminder of what was imp
ortant in life. Being decent mattered so much more than a reputation… or listening to idle gossip. “Now, let me help you ladies out to the car.”
Sarah Anne held the door open while Aaron stayed by Jane’s side, keeping a hand out in case she slipped on the slick, wet sidewalk.
Jane stayed quiet, and he wondered if it was her natural reticence or if it had something to do with the community’s treatment of her in general. Or, maybe it was more personal, maybe she’d heard he thought there was something wrong with Joel spending time at her house. But, of course, there was no way for him to ask without making things even more awkward.
After helping her into the car, he smiled at them both. “Well, I’ll be seeing ya.”
“Goodbye, Aaron. Thank you again for your help,” Jane said very properly.
He bowed slightly. “You are very welcome.”
“And I will see you at the library,” Sarah Anne said.
He laughed. “That you will. Good night.”
Grinning, Sarah Anne rolled up her window then drove off. Aaron watched her vehicle disappear into the night and thought about the many difficult conversations he’d had lately. He wondered what God was wanting from him. Did He want him to stop hiding behind his insecurities and become his own man? Or, was this the Lord’s attempt to get him to think of others instead of just himself? If that was the case, then He had succeeded indeed. Now all he had to do was start praying for things to finally settle down.
Walking back inside to turn down the kerosene lamp, Aaron wondered if he even wanted things to settle down. He felt more alive and fresher than he had in months.
He didn’t know if it was due to his new goals, this recent visit with Jane… or Kayla. Or, maybe he was finally growing up and thinking about other people besides himself?
If that was the case, he knew what he needed to do. He needed to stop by Kayla’s house on the way home and check on her. If she needed him, he wanted to be there for her.
thirty
• RULE #30 •
Give thanks for Presidents’ Day, Martin Luther King, Jr., Day, and Labor Day. Everyone needs a day off.
A Perfect Amish Romance Page 18