My name is Durex

by Umair Sheikh

  While Durex’s mind was thinking of countless wretched ideas of the President’s XX gland problem, he have returned with a ice cream cone within his hands.

  Durex stared at the ice cream while at the same time she finally realised that the itinery of this trip seems to be exactly the same as the film!

  “The next station wouldn’t be the Colosseum, right?” Durex asked.

  Light Muller nodded: “That’s right.”

  “Then the next station would be a wishing pool?”

  “Guessed correctly.”

  Guessed correctly your head ah! This is obviously the exact route of the film! President you did this intentionlly, there’s no doubt you planned this very ealy on. His purpose must be to move her this ulimate fan of is to make her the ultimate《Roman Holiday》, the thing that killed her the most was tha she was actually really touched!

  Hu Hu Hu……. President you indeed not a romantic person, however once you take charge of your romance tatics it’s simply inhumane!

  So this like, under the President’s heavy romantic tactics, Durex finally let down her strong fortress, she resolutely ran towards the President and embraced him.

  F*ck the damn forced marriage, who cares if she’s been conned, she would love to be conned.

  The President’s arrangements were really invincible from the Colosseum to fountain, from the fountain to the wishing pool, then from the wishing pool to the Tiber River, their day route completely went accordingly to the film to completely satisfying Durex’s Chinese version of Audrey Hepburn’s wish.

  When their day trip finally came to the end, together they walked in the darkness of the Tiber River, Durex’S heart was filled with a sense of satisfaction, she did not feel this whilst tin Venice and Florence.

  She calmly walked to the river side, although the boat party was long gone, re wasn’t has long been no the boat party, although the river wasn’t clear as she expected it to be, although the city of Rome is much more older than she imagined. However, when one truly stroll among the scenry, one’s heart truly learn to appreciate the taste, she was enlighten by the true Rome. This was a great attraction.

  And all of this, he gave it to her.

  Thinking to this point, she could not help but lean against his bosom.

  “Are you cold?” Light Muller asked.

  Durex shook her head and her heart emitted a taste of happiness.

  “If you are tired, we will go back earlier.”

  “I want to stay a little longer.”

  “Okay.”

  In fact, travelling for entire day she indeed was a little tired, but she just wanted to sit beside him, even if it were a second or more.

  Durex stretched her waist, wanting to lift up her spirits, stretching out her hands she felt her fingers were suddenly severely pulled by someone, when she quickly withdrew them, she was dumbfounded.

  Where’s her diamond ring?

  No! That diamond ring was valued two millions!

  Durex suddenly thought of the joke she heard before: A plane flew over the European sky, when you glance out the window, if you see a pointy tower, then you have arrived in Paris. If you see mist, then you have arrived in London; if you stretch out your hands and your watch goes missing, then congratulations you arrived in Rome!

  If you stretch out your hands in the streets of Rome, and find that your diamond ring has gone missing, then congratulations, you were robbed!

  Sure enough, not far from the riverbank, a black silhouette is seen running.

  Chapter 52: As long as I am here, I will always be in front of you.

  She’s been robbed!

  Using the fastest speed to react, Durex recovered and suddenly rushed to catch p with the thief. This must be a joke, that is worth a whole two million! Even if she were to be robbed, she couldn’t benefit a foreigner! But if this was her country, their citizens would have been wasted!

  Under the huge stimulus, Durex ran very fast, suddenly she caught the robber, regardless of death she clutched onto the robber’s clothing without letting go.

  Therefore, this year it wasn’t easy to make a living, even as a robber, without consuming a meal for the entire day he still haven’t reached his set goal for the day. Finally succeeding, but unfortunately he has found himself tired out since the woman was stubbornly chasing after him, in the end he was caught.

  What kind of robbery situation is this? Isn’t this too much for a robber to handle? Suddenly he raised his fits trying to hit across Durex’s face.

  However, he didn’t have a chance to touch her face when his hands was captured and pulled back, then his nose was beautifully hit, immediately causing a nosebleed.

  It appears he has met with a martial artist!

  The robber was furious and spat on the ground, Light Muller rushed up, the two of them were suddenly tangled together.

  All of this was witnessed by Durex, she was scared shitless. At that time she instinctively only had thoughts of catching the thief, she totally did not consider the other party to also attack, luckily the President arrived in time, otherwise she would have been likely been beaten.

  Durex’s heart was anxious, she wanted to rush over to help, however the two of them were tangled together, there was no way to intervene, she had no choice but stand on the side anxiously watching the battle.

  “Be careful!” She shouted.

  This sound, distracted Light Muller’s attention, once he lost his focus the robber hit him with a punch causing him to stagger back a few steps.

  It wasn’t easy for the robbers to gain some advantage, but he was very pleased with himself, See! This old robber is not a weakly! Don’t look down on others!

  Actions are quicker than words, a shadow suddenly rushed up, in a blink of an eye firmly kicked where one would dead of pain and lowered the robber’s body. What followed after the calamity was immerse pain, he (the robber) was lying on the ground shaped like a shrimp.

  When the robber stared at our heroine Durex again, she was holding her handbag and pounding it at his head: “Who told you to hit my husband? Who told you to steal my ring? I’m going to beat you to death! Beat you to death……A tiger does not expression its anger, you think I’m Hello Kitty ah? Hello Kitty wouldn’t let you bully her like this either……”

  The calm Light Muller was beyond shocked watching on the side, indeed he didn’t marry a wife, she’s Ultraman, at a critical moment she will transform to fight the monsters!

  Here, Durex was not angry, she continued using the handbag to beat the robber. She couldn’t help but praise the quality of the handbag the President gifted her, the handbag was unexpectedly so strong that the robber cried out in pain.

  “Don’t think we Chinese people are easy to bully, having merely only a few technique of Kung Fu you also dare to attempt robbery?! Dare to hit my husband, I’ll dismantle you, I’ll dismantle you to death.”

  “D.” Light Muller called out to her.

  “Hush, I haven’t beaten enough yet!”

  “D!” His voice increased a few notch.

  It was only then did Durex stop what she was doing an looked up, she was shocked.

  This, this how did things end up like this ah?

  Seeing four or five figures suddenly appeared in the originally empty surrounding, the figures gradually formed a similar hunting ring of encirclement, each of their hands held a bat. Even a youth wearing a grey sweater was holding a 30 centimeter long knife, the blade under the street light flashed and shone brightly, the coldness make those present scared witless.

  Durex finally knew the meaning of being frightened, she swallowed her saliva and couldn’t help but move closer to Light Muller’s side.

  “Don’t be afraid.” Light Muller whispered, his voice sound somewhat hoarse.

  “En.” Durex hummed an replied and her trembling hands seize Light Muller’s hand.

  His squeezed her hands and motioned for her to calm down.

&
nbsp; The other five people, all held weapons within their hands, their eyes reflected in the dim light, upon a closer look, it was like a pack of hungry wolves. Such a confrontation was terrifying and danger seemed imminent. She didn’t know when but every seconds of waiting felt like torture.

  Durex glanced at Light Muller, his eagle like eyes reveals a frosty chill, with the exception of a tinge of warmth that came from his hands that was tightly gripped to hers, unexpectedly out of thin air she developed slightly more courage.

  Suddenly, the blonde hair youth who was previously beaten by Durex regain his conscious and walked over, blah la blah la barking continuously. His sharp voice echoed through the tranquil night, breaking the silence. The “wolves” that surrounded them finally took action.

  Led by the gray sweater waving the knife in his hands, the youths who held the bat quickly came over, raising their bats they began to beat down.

  “Be careful!” Light Muller quickly pushed Durex behind him, then turned around, mercilessly gave the man a blow.

  This punch was really strong, causing whoever received his (Light Muller’s) to suffer in pain and tumbling to the ground, the bat in his hands also fell to one side.

  This blow apparently angered the rest of them, very quickly the rest of the guys rushed over toward Light Muller, although Light Muller’s fighting skills was good, however each of those men were strong and armed with weapons. After several rounds, gradually some of his fighting abilities decreased.

  Facts have proved that men in romance novels of one fighting against ten is all bullshit! Unless you’re Bruce Lee, otherwise how can one person deal with so many people?

  After a while, the group of mens finally find a gap, while Light Muller was unprepared, they severely hit the bat on his back, then another person also rushed over and hit his knee alignment, that sound is very strong almost as if it could break one’s bones.

  A bomb exploded in Durex’s head, when looked at the scene before her again, Light Muller had fallen to the ground.

  “Hubby!”

  Immediately blood rushed to her heart, without thinking she picked up the bat that have fallen on the ground and ran towards Light Muller’s side hitting the “long-haired” guy’s back head causing him to jerk. This “long-haired” guy did not expect once a woman goes berserk, it was more malicious than a man, once one isn’t careful, you’ll collapsed in the ground, which happened to him.

  This blow also succeeded in shifting the rest of the men’s attention.

  “F*CK!”

  Not knowing who scold, several people have rushed towards Durex and surrounded her, including the man in the grey sweater armed with the knife.

  Clearly he was leader of the group, she saw the guy blinked at the men and said something to them before they all stop what they were doing. Then holding the knife he made his way towards Durex, the blade suffused a faint white light.

  Durex was dazzled by the reflection of the sword’s light, her mind actually calm down instead, slowly she retreated a few steps towards Light Muller, looking down she saw Light Muller’s injury. He fell on the ground, completely unconscious.

  Her heart suddenly began to beat faster, unprecedented fear hung over her, she was not afraid of death, but she was afraid he would be met with misfortunes. If something really unfortunate happens to the President…… she wouldn’t be able to bear it!

  At this time, the group of men have slowly enclosed her, the grey sweater with the knife approached her step by step, she already retreated without any further steps to retreat, as long as she retreated to Light Muller’s side that’s enough for her.

  The knife’s light finally flash to her eyes, their eyes were filled with contempt, slowly the blade was lifted towards her.

  Durex closed her eyes.

  Suddenly, her body felt tight, she have fell into a warm embrace. Durex quickly opened her eyes, meeting with Light Muller’s dark eyes. She didn’t know when he has regain conscious and stood up, he tightly hugged, the corner of his mouth were stained with blood, his eyes were calm.

  “Fool, as long as I am here, I will always be in front of you.”

  Behind the knife were raised up and down, her tears were long dripping down.

  You are a fool! I don’t want you to stand in front of me, I want to hold your hand for a lifetime!

  “Bang——”

  A loud gunshot was heard, breaking the quiet night, and then the sound of metal landing on the floor. Followed by messy footsteps, police sirens and screams of the robbers were heard, then the group of mens were surrounded.

  During the moment of life and death, finally the police arrived in a timely manner.

  Therefore, police appearing before things are over in the films are misleading to the audience. In fact, in dealing with the problem of armed robbers, police are still more reliable.

  What happened next were more forma, the bad guys were arrested, the good Samaritan were brought to the police station to be interviewed, a bald police officer with a thick accent asked a lot of questions, Light Muller answered them all one by one. As for Durex…… of course, she didn’t understand a single sentence!

  But she was not idle, while taking the opportunity to identify the suspects, she mercilessly trampled and kicked the grey sweater guy.

  Remember, we Chinese are not so easily to be bully!

  From the police station to finish filing the report, it was already the second day of the morning.

  “How are you? Do you want to go to the hospital to get a check up?” Durex worriedly clutched Light Muller’s shoulder, turning him side to side to check on him. His mouth suffered some bruises, however it made him appear more masculine, his hair is slightly disheveled, but this is also made him quite handsome, as for his shirts…… only a few buttons were missing, giving off a real sex appeal ah!

  ╮(╯▽╰)╭

  (hey, are you checking for injuries, or trying to sexually perv?)

  “You’re drooling.” Light Muller timely reminded her.

  “What…… where? You’re seeing things!” Durex hastily wiped the drool from the corner of her mouth, after she finished cleaning, her embarrassed face stole a glance at the President.

  He’s laughing! He still had the energy to laugh at her!

  “Don’t laugh anymore!” Durex shamelessly shouts, “how dare you laugh at me? Just then had it not been for the police arriving in a timely manner. You…… you would have……” When she spoke to this point she couldn’t continue as her eyes redden and her nose turned sour.

  Suddenly, a big hand cupped her face and softly whispered: “D, don’t cry.”

  Hu hu hu…… saying this she want to cry even more!

  “Before it was me who’s wrong okay?”

  Okay your head ah! Her eyes stared at the bruises on the corner of his mouth, just a little bit, just a little bit more and she might never see him again. Just the thought of that, she heart also couldn’t help but filled with anxiety.

  “Sorry……” Durex lowered her head, “It’s all my fault, I shouldn’t have not acted rashly, regardless of the consequences I’ll ran after them I’m…… I’m sorry.”

  “It’s not your fault.” He lifted her face and quietly stared at her red eyes behind the moonlight, “if wasn’t you, I would rushed up instead, because the diamond ring is very important to me, it brought you to my side, without it we couldn’t have met, without it I wouldn’t have met the person I wanted and needed to protect in this world.”

  Saying those words until this point, his eyes suddenly become very firm, beaming light, penetrating into Durex’s heart and spread in the pit of it, warming every nerve of hers.

  “I……” she began to speak, but she didn’t know what to say, merely foolishly staring at him, it was a long time before she manage to say the next sentence, “Don’t treat me so well. I don’t know how to repay you.”

  “Idiot.” Light Muller smiled and rubbed her head.


  Fool, if love needs to repayment, then it is not love.

  “However.” Light Muller suddenly moved closer to her ear and whispered,”If wifey really wants to repay the favors, I don’t mind if you use your body to repay me…… with you on top.”

  T___T

  President, you are too excessive!

  Chapter 53: Surprise or thriller (⊙o⊙)

  On the flight back from Italy, Durex recalled all the ups and downs of their honeymoon, she suddenly felt like she experienced a Hollywood blockbuster thriller, if their plane were to crash, then the box office will be doubled……

  -_-|||

  “When we return, quit that job of yours.” Light Muller suddenly said.

  “Ah?” Durex suddenly remembered that she still had a job, “you don’t need to remind me, I was prepared to quit anyways.”

  Feeling pleased, Light Muller nodded, this thick skin girl finally have a bit of self-knowledge, which President’s wife will sell condoms? If spoken to other’s it’ll be a disgrace.

  She didn’t expect Durex to lower her head and muttered: “Others work five days will get two days of rest, however I work for two days and rest for five days, I’m too embarrassed……”

  -_-|||

  So it turns out it’s due to this reason……

  “Did you buy the gifts?” He asked.

  Durex regained her senses and blinked in doubt: “What gifts?”

  He knew she forgot, Light Muller felt somewhat helpless: “The gifts for your parents and also my mother, grandma, that very hot-tempered friend of yours, certainly you couldn’t have forgotten, right?”

  “Who said!” Durex coolly glared at him, don’t underestimate your wife, don’t mention your mother and my mother, she even included Aunty Wu, Housekeeper Yu and even Lao Fang she’ve prepared!

  Light Muller stared at her in a daze, suddenly he had an ominous feeling: “What did you buy for my mother?”

  “Not telling you!”

  “……I think it’s best if you used the costetics we brought from the mall yesterday as a gift for my mother.”

  President, can’t you be more creative? Durex gave Light Muller a disdainful look. “Oh, you can relax! Anyway, I will give your mother a surprise!”