My name is Durex

by Umair Sheikh

  “What’s wrong with him?” Durex asked Long Xiao Hua.

  (So apparently Xiao Wang is male, I thought he was a “she”)

  “You don’t know? President Light has always been Xiao Wang’s idol, allegedly even his computer background is set with President Light’s photos.”

  Xiao Wang and Light Muller?? Durex could not help but feel a burst of chills.

  “It’s strange that President Light recently seems to be very concerned about our front desk,” Long Xiao Hua mumbled to herself.

  “Is it?” Durex suddenly felt a bit guilty.

  “Yes, President’s Light work is usually very hectic. I’ve heard that he doesn’t even have time to go home.”

  Durex was slightly embarrassed for a moment, clearly everyday he returns home promptly to torture her!

  “It couldn’t be that exaggerated……” She said sheepishly.

  “What exaggerated? I’m telling you, the current business elites, most of them are workaholics, aged thirty or forty years old who have yet to wed a wife, they are also considered as a diamond bachelor. Actually everything is a lie to deceive young girls, for them their work is everything, whoever marries them will have misfortune upon them! Lei Si, what’s wrong with you?”

  “Nothing.” Durex wiped her sweat, “I suddenly feel fated to this misfortune feeling……”

  Her sentence wasn’t finished when Xiao Wang suddenly rushed over.

  “Little D, phone…… phone call” Xiao Wang’s facial expression contain joys doped with a little excitement, within those excitement there was a mixture of some panic, seeing this made Durex shudder with fear.

  “Who is it?” She asked.

  “The President!”

  Durex’s heart slightly trembled in fear.

  When she answered the phone call, she could feel the shooting glazes from all sides, even Su Mali who passed by stop to observing the situation.

  “Hello.” She said softly.

  “Are you accustomed to your work yet?”

  “It’s all right……”

  “Did you eat yet?”

  “I have just eaten……”

  “In the evening, let’s go home together.”

  “Okay……”

  “Okay, I’m hanging up.”

  “En……”

  Then the “beep…… beep……” sounds came from the phone, Durex who still held onto the phone has turned into a statue.

  It was clear that the President intentionally make that phone call to embarrass her. These sort of things, he could have sent her a text message or even asked her at home. However, he chose to call the reception and say these on the company’s phone, causing all those who were unaware of the truth to set their eyes on her. Those naked eyes was what you call…… murdering a person with a borrowed knife!

  Sure enough, not long after all her colleagues rushed over, especially Xiao Wang, with an urgent expression he asked: “Little D, what did the President say to you?”

  “That’s right! What did he say? Quickly tell us!” Those besides her all said in unison.

  Durex was embarrassed, she couldn’t tell them that the President called to asked whether she had dinner, right?

  “President Light called to…… get an understanding of new employees’ working conditions!”

  “No that can’t be right,” the crowd burst as if they were in a pot of hot frying oil, “why didn’t I receive a call from the President when I first entered in the company?”

  “Yes that’s right, this is also very strange! Little D, could it be you and President Light previously known each other beforehand?”

  “That’s impossible!” Durex anxiously said, “you guys should stop making…… disorderly guesses. In fact, President Light…… he’s actually…… actually is randomly selecting employees to conduct some surveys!” She managed to find an excuse and started to add inflammatory details to start adding the trimmings as she explained herself, saying a coincidence became a probability, from a probability to came down to one’s luck, to finally she firmly draw a conclusion that President Light picked her because her name is special, just one glance at her he decided to pick her!

  “I understand!” Xiao Wang said as he patted his head, “if I was called wang bai[1], the President would have called me instead!”

  [1] means turtle the wang in turtle is the same character is the wang in Xiao Wang.

  Xiao Wang, you finally spoke the truth! Durex was so excited that her face was almost filled with streaks of tears.

  This horror of the episode eventually didn’t set off big waves due to Durex’s wits, however that day when Durex returned home, she became very depressed.

  She deeply felt that if she continues to do things sneakily, eventually she will have schizophrenia.

  “You don’t have to wait for me tomorrow, I can go home by bus,” She said.

  “Why?” Light Muller calmly asked.

  “It’s because of your phone call today!” Once Durex thought of it again, she became very annoyed, her tone also became a few degrees heavier, “if you have need anything you should just call my cell phone, why must you call the front desk line? Did you know you almost had exposed my identity today!”

  What if others discover her travelling in the President’s car after work? Even if she has ten mouths she still wouldn’t be able to explain the situation.

  “You don’t want to let other’s know of our relationship?” Light Muller’s voice suddenly became serious.

  Durex who was in the middle of complaining suddenly froze, she realize her attitude before may have come across as excesses, she quickly tried to explain in a sweet and girly voice: “What I meant to say is, in fact our relationship as long as we know it, it’s fine. We don’t necessarily have to let the employee’s at company know as well…… don’t you think so?” She said, secretly took a glance at Light Muller’s reaction from the corners of her eyes.

  He started driving the car and did not answer her.

  Sure enough, the President still got angry!

  That day, when they returned home, for the entire night Light Muller ignored Durex, even when she was sleeping, he is still in the study looking through files, which made Durex feel extremely suffocated.

  Actually this time she really didn’t do anything wrong, she just didn’t want to become the topic of gossip among the entire company, is this demand too much to ask for? Besides, even if her attitude was slightly poor, she also quickly apologized to him, why must the President fuss over such a small issue with her?

  The more Durex thought, the more she felt the President was being too excessive, ever since they wedded, regardless of whether the issue is big or small he’ll make the decision, she never once only disobeyed his commands. In retrospect, this is simply the model of a male chauvinism! New China was founded 60 years ago, women have been liberated for already more than half a century, she as an independent contemporary Chinese women, how could she be lenient towards villains and let them grow, letting the President indulge on such bad habits of the old society?

  She absolutely can not compromise!

  Durex clenched her hands into a fist, raising it in a forty-five degrees angle looking up at the sky, she vowed to fight the forces of evil, vowed to fight to the end!

  The next day, Durex woke up early at the break of dawn, she got on the bus to head to work without eating breakfast.

  Since it was too early, it wasn’t even morning peak when she reached the company, the entire office building was even closed.

  After staring at the closed-door in a daze, Durex felt hungry.

  Ah! If she knew earlier she would have eaten something before heading out today, and only when she has eaten enough will she have the strength to head into battle with the President!

  Durex regretfully rubbed her belly and started thinking whether were any breakfast shop nearby, while her eyes scouring her surroundings, suddenly a containing bag breakfast
was presented before her.

  Durex thought if it was the President, she would forgive him.

  However, as she looked down at the hand that was holding the paper bag, she was filled with disappointment.

  “It’s you?” She dryly crooked the corners of her mouth.

  Xiao Yin stared blankly at her: “D, you are in a bad mood?”

  “No la.” She shook her head, “I’m just a little sleepy…… that’s right, how come you’re here?” Durex quizzically looked at Xiao Yin, it’s only six o’clock in the morning, for him to suddenly appeared here holding the breakfast, it’s simply too strange!

  “Stop looking,” Xiao Yin smiled, “That’s right, I followed you here.”

  “What?” Durex looked at him with astonishment, “did you followed me?”

  “Don’t make it sound so bad! I was on my morning run and passed the entrance of your home, early in the morning I saw you running out, I was afraid something might happen to you, so I just follow you.”

  “Morning run?” Durex eyed Xiao Yin from head to toe, and indeed he was wearing a pair of sportswear, “I did not expect such a playboy like you would have such healthy living habits.”

  Xiao Yin laughed: “D, you wouldn’t think I was the kind to indulge in wine all day, be in the world of wine and women, a man who couldn’t differentiate morning from night, right?”

  Durex nodded.

  For a moment, Xiao Yin was choked and said: “Well, I admit there was a period of time where I was relatively wild, but……” He winked at her, “I’ve been abstinence for a long time.”

  Poof! Durex spray out her saliva.

  “Xiao Da Gong Zi[2], you wouldn’t be having intentions to become a monk, right?” Durex didn’t know why, but her eyes suddenly appeared Jordan Chan‘s version of Wei Xiao Bao[3], wearing a cassock[4]. Facing such a doublet scenes, not giving him any face she couldn’t help but laugh out loud.

  [2] son of nobility

  [3] Wéi Xiáo Bǎo is the protagonist of the novel, The Deer and the Cauldron. During one of the series task Kangxi Emperor gave him, he was order to become a monk to protect the late Emperor Shunzhi.

  [4] What a cassock looks like

  “D, you want to laugh at me, you also don’t have to make it so obvious, right?” Xiao Yin frowned.

  Durex was choked with laughter, holding onto her stomach: “So…… sorry! I just feel that it’s very…… very funny! Hahaha……”

  Xiao Yin was speechless.

  After a while, when she finally finished laughing, she had felt as if she was going to faint, so very bluntly she took the hamburg from Xiao Yin’s hands and maliciously bit a mouthful of it.

  “En…… it’s…… very…… deilicious……” She spat out those few words as she continued chewing on the hamburger.

  “D, you behaving like this isn’t very lady like.” Xiao Yin said.

  Durex merely swallowed the last bit of the hamburger down, and stared at Xiao Yin as if she was looking at an alien, “You are too OUT[5]! I’m tell you in this time and age there’s no need for one to present themselves like a wise and virtuous woman, a woman who lacks virtuous is talented[6], understand?”

  [5] What Durex meant as Xiao Yin is too old fashion.

  [6] D changed the words ‘talent' and ‘virtuous' around in the idiom: which translates as ‘a woman who lacks talent is virtuous.’

  Xiao Yin was choked speechless.

  “D, you are really special, worthy of being the woman I like.”

  This time it was Durex who was choked speechless, covering her mouth as she coughed.

  Brother, I’m still eating my breakfast! Can you not frighten me like this? She didn’t openly say this, however she used sad eyes to silently condemned Xiao Yin.

  “D, I’m being serious.” Xiao Yin’s expression suddenly became solemn, “I like you,”

  “You! *Cough cough*…… *cough cough cough*……”

  Once again Durex choked until tears stream down her face, she continued to cough as she wiped away the tears, “You don’t tell me those bouquet of roses were sent by you ah?”

  Xiao Yin nodded.

  This time Durex was completely speechless.

  He wouldn’t be serious, right? He likes her? Oh my god! It’s unimaginable!

  In the past, she has always thought Xiao Yin’s frivolous behaviour was due to his Playboy habits, she never thought that he would unexpectedly earnestly like her, this is really hard to accept!

  Besides, she was a married woman, although her family contain a male chauvinism President who slightly liked to bully her, who’s slightly selfish, but also slightly parsimonious. Even though she’s been crazily abused, however she likes him to death!

  Thinking to this point, Durex could not help but feel array grief.

  “D?” Xiao Yin’s voice interrupted her thoughts, “are you listening to me?”

  Uh

  Durex paused for a moment and thought of the President, she actually didn’t pay any attention to what Xiao Yin said after, if he (Xiao Yin) knew she was absent-minded while he was confessing, he must feel very sad. Durex pondered for a moment before she decided to lie to him: “Oh, I’ve heard it! How can I not have heard it? Hahaha……” She laughed rather guilty.

  Xiao Yin’s complexion darken: “What are your thoughts?”

  “Me……” Durex creased her eyebrows together, what did Xiao Yin just say to her? She estimated it must have been a deep love confession vindicating his feelings, ah forget it! Doesn’t matter what he said she’s going to decline regardless!

  She made an awkward expression as she said: “As a matter of fact…… I don’t have anything worth for you to like! I…… I’m really stupid, put off my work with all sorts of excuses, I can’t even differentiate North, South, East and West…… balabalabala……” Durex racked her brains out to express her shortcomings, “So, I think you should think things thoroughly……”

  “I just want you.” Xiao Yin interrupted her speech, his tone was very firm.

  Durex’s mouth twitch: Handsome guy, I’ve said so much, how come you still don’t understand my intentions? She harden her heart, closing her eyes, she lowered her head as she said: “I am sorry, I can not accept you.”

  Suddenly the surrounding became very quiet, Xiao Yin’s eyes suddenly darken even more, and after a long time, he suddenly smiled as she said: “Actually, I had expected this……” Once he said this he leaned forward and hugged her tightly.

  Durex became slightly ignorant. Why did he suddenly hug her? Her astonished soul haven’t returned when he suddenly planted a warm kiss on her forehead.

  “Thank you, at least giving me a chance to kiss you.” Xiao Yin let go of her, and took a step back, “however……” He blink, “if you suddenly like me, I will return to your side the very chance I get.”

  He then turned to leave, leaving Durex still in a daze.

  What give him a chance to kiss her? My mother, who can tell her what he just said?!

  T_____T

  Just as she was thinking hard on the issue, a black Land Rover not far from her slowly moving, disappeared in the corner.

  A cool breeze blow over making Durex shivered.

  Chapter 63: The couple finally have an argument ╮(╯▽╰)╭

  “Lei Si, how come your spirit doesn’t look very well?” During lunch time, Long Xiao Hua stared at Durex with concerns.

  Using Google’s search engine to read a novel, Durex heaved a sigh: Alas! It’s affirmative that her spirits wouldn’t appear good! Which person who suffers from insomnia all night, then had to get up early at the break of dawn the next day, then encounter a thrilling love confession early in morning, could maintain their high fighting spirit ah? Even Ultraman would get tired of fighting monsters and needed to rest!

  “Lei Si, do you have something on your mind?”

  “Me?” Durex gave a stiff smile. “No la……”

  It’ll be str
ange if there wasn’t any! Her initial plans were call off their cold war, she intended to wait for the President to surrender, however she didn’t expect the President to suddenly ignore her.

  To say precisely, the President unexpectedly treated her as if she was air, when he passed through reception he pretend she didn’t exist, he was even talking and laughing with his beautiful secretary as they entered the elevator.

  Regarding this matter, it made Durex absent-minded at work the entire morning, and because of this she was almost punished by Su Mali to clean the male toilets, was she that easily bullied?

  T____T

  When lunch time came around, Durex still couldn’t understand where has she offended the President, causing his anger to be so big. The ancients saying is certainly right: To be in the king’s company is tantamount to living with a tiger!

  “Lei Si, you have to keep your chin up ah, in the afternoon there’s still a staff meeting,” Long Xiao Hua said.

  “Staff meeting?”

  “That’s right ah! Every month there would be a staff meeting, when the time comes President Light would make a speech on stage, it’s very exciting.” Long Xiao Hua said.

  Light Muller? Just mentioning him, Durex’s chest felt stuffy.

  “I’m telling you ah, every third Friday afternoon of the month our Light Enterprise will hold a staff meeting, you know what we call it??”

  “What?” Durex seemed to be somewhat absent-minded.

  “We call it the menstruation conference!”

  Poof! Durex sprayed out her saliva.

  Menstruation conference, very good, what an vivid image!

  So this afternoon, it was Durex’s first time participating the legendary “menstruation conference” as a Light Enterprise employee.

  The meeting was arranged in the company’s auditorium, all the staff were present, and even the cleaner aunty was present.

  Durex follow Long Xiao Hua entering the auditorium, originally she wanted to find a corner location, however she did not expect Long Xiao Hua to enthusiastically pull her to the front row seats.