A Caress of Twilight

by Laurell K. Hamilton

  “It is good to be protected at last.”

  I think he frowned. It was difficult to tell through all the glory in his face. “I sorrow that you had such a dangerous time of it in the dark court. I assure you that at the Seelie Court you would not find life so difficult.”

  I blinked, and fought to keep my face pleasant. I remembered what life at the Seelie Court had been for me, and difficult didn’t begin to sum it up. I had been quiet too long, because the king said, “If you would come to our feast in your honor, I can guarantee that you will find it pleasant and most fair.”

  I took a deep breath, let it out, smiled. “I am most honored at the invitation, King Taranis. A feast in my honor at the Seelie Court is a most unexpected surprise.”

  “A pleasant one, I hope,” and he laughed, and the laugh was again that ringing joyous sound. I had to smile when I heard it. The sound even pulled a laugh from my own lips.

  “Oh, most pleasant, Your Highness.” I meant it when I said it. Of course it was pleasant to be invited by this glowing man with the extraordinary eyes to a feast in my honor among the beautiful, shining court. Nothing could be better than that.

  I closed my eyes and took in a deep breath, then held it for a few heartbeats, while Taranis kept talking in a progressively more beautiful voice. I concentrated on my breathing, not his voice. I felt my breath, the ebb and flow of my body. I concentrated on just drawing air in and letting it out, on controlling it, feeling my body pull it inside me, then holding it until it was almost painful not to exhale, finally letting the air trickle slowly out.

  I heard Doyle’s voice moving smoothly into the silence I’d left. I caught pieces of it as I performed the breathing exercise and began to be aware of what was outside my own body again.

  “The princess is overawed by your presence, King Taranis. She is, after all, a relative child. It is difficult to face such power unaffected.”

  Doyle had been the one who warned me that Taranis was so good at personal glamour that he used it routinely against other sidhe. And no one told him it was illegal, because he was the king and most feared him. Feared him too much to point out that he was cheating. It had been Doyle’s warning that had prepared me to do the breathing exercise rather than try to be brave and tough it out. I’d spent most of my life around beings that had better persuading glamour than I did, so I’d learned how to break free of it. Sometimes it required me to do things that were noticeable, like the breathing. Most sidhe would rather have been bespelled than show just how hard they found it to withstand another sidhe’s power. I had never been able to afford that kind of pride.

  I opened my eyes slowly, blinking until I felt myself slide more firmly into the here and now. I smiled. “My apologies, King Taranis, but Doyle is correct. I am a touch overwhelmed by your glowing presence.”

  He smiled. “My most sincere apologies, Meredith. I do not mean to cause you discomfort.”

  He probably didn’t, but he wanted me to come to his little party. He wanted that badly enough to try to “persuade” me magically.

  I wanted so badly to simply ask why it was so important that I come to his little soiree. But Taranis knew exactly who had raised me, and no one ever accused my father of being less than polite. Direct sometimes, but always polite. I couldn’t pretend to be an ignorant human, as I had with Maeve Reed. He’d know better. The problem was, without direct questions, I wasn’t sure how to learn what I needed to know.

  But it didn’t matter. The King was far too busy trying to bewitch me to worry about anything else.

  I didn’t try to match glamour with one of the greatest illusionists the courts have ever birthed. I tried truth first. “I remember your hair like a sunset woven into waves. So many sidhe have golden-yellow hair, but only you have the colors of the setting sun.” I did a pretty little frown, an expression that women have been using for centuries to good effect. “Or do I misremember? Most of my memories of you when you were not clothed in glamour are from a child’s memory. Perhaps I only dreamed of such color, such beauty.”

  I wouldn’t have fallen for it; none of my guards would have believed it; Andais would have slapped me for such obvious manipulation. But none of us had known the social coddling that Taranis had grown accustomed to. He’d had centuries of people speaking to him just like that, or even sweeter. If all you ever hear is how wondrous you are, how lovely, how perfect, is it really anyone’s fault that you begin to believe it? If you believe it, then it no longer seems silly or manipulative. It seems like the truth. The true secret was that I did think that his honest form was more attractive than the light show. I was being honest, and flattering. It could be a powerful combination.

  It was as if the golden waves were twisted, carved into individual locks of hair, so that his true hair didn’t simply appear all at once but was brought slowly into view, like a striptease. His true color was that crimson that sunsets can have, as if the entire sky is filled with neon blood. But woven through were locks of that red-orange that sometimes happens when the sun is just sinking below the horizon, as if the sun itself had been crushed across the sky. A few strands of hair played throughout, like the yellow of the sun drawn down to threads that winked and shimmered through the more solid waves of his hair.

  I let out a breath I hadn’t realized I’d been holding. I had not lied when I’d said his natural color was more spectacular than the illusion had been.

  “Does this suit you better, Meredith?” His voice was rich enough to touch, as if I could have grabbed handfuls of it and clutched it to my body. I couldn’t quite figure out what it would feel like in my arms, but something thick, sweet, maybe. Like covering yourself in cotton candy, all air and spun sugar, something to melt and grow sticky.

  I jerked back to myself when Doyle touched my shoulder. Taranis had been using more than simple glamour. Glamour changes the appearance of something, but you still have the choice of accepting it or not. Glamour might make a dry leaf appear to be a sweet bit of cake, and you are more likely to eat the cake illusion than the dry leaf of fact; but you must still choose to eat it. The glamour changes only the experience. It doesn’t make your choice to accept it.

  What Taranis had just done would try to make my choice for me. “Did you just ask me something, Your Highness?”

  “He did,” Doyle said, and his voice reminded me of dark, thick, sweet things, like honeyed mead done nearly black. I realized that a touch of glamour made me think that. But Doyle wasn’t trying to control me; he was trying to help me fight against the King’s power.

  “I asked if you would do me the honor of attending a feast in your honor.”

  “I am honored that you would go to such trouble, Your Highness. I would be more than happy to attend such a function in a month or so. Things are so busy right now, Yule preparations and all, you know. I do not have a cadre of servants to make my plans go as smoothly as yours.” I smiled, but inside I was screaming at him. How dare he try to manipulate me like I was some befuddled human or lesser fey. This was not the way you treated an equal. I shouldn’t have been surprised. All along his treatment of me had been shabby, at best. He didn’t see me as an equal. Why should he treat me as one?

  I could turn my hair a different color, tan my skin, make small changes to my appearance. I was a master of that kind of glamour. But I had nothing that would keep me safe from the immense power Taranis was so casually throwing at me.

  What did I do better than Taranis? I had the hand of flesh, and he didn’t, but that was something that could only kill, and only by touch. I didn’t want to kill him, just keep him at bay.

  His sweet voice continued. “I would very much enjoy your company before Yule.”

  Doyle’s hand tightened on my shoulder. I reached up to touch his hand, and the feel of his skin helped steady me. What did I do better than Taranis?

  I moved my hand so that Doyle wrapped his fingers around mine. His hand was very real, very solid. It was as if the touch of his hand helped push back that
heavy voice and shining beauty.

  “I would hate to say no to Your Highness, but surely the visit could wait until after Yule.”

  His power pushed at me in a nearly raw wave. If it had been fire, I would have burst into flames; if it had been water, I would have drowned; but it was persuasion, almost a type of seduction, and I could no longer remember why I didn’t want to go to the Seelie Court. Of course I would go.

  A sudden movement stopped me from saying yes. Doyle had sat down behind me, putting his legs on either side of my body so that I was cradled against him. His hand stayed pressed against mine. It stopped me from saying yes, but it wasn’t enough. The press of his skin against my hand was still more precious to me than his entire clothed body against me.

  I reached out blindly, and Frost found my hand. He squeezed it, and that helped, too.

  I looked back at the mirror. Taranis was still a shining thing, beautiful like a work of art, but he was not the kind of beauty that made my pulse race. It was almost as if he was trying too hard for me to take him seriously. He looked a little ridiculous in his shining mask and his clothes made of sunlight.

  His power surged again, like a warm slap in my face. “Come to me, Meredith. Come to me in three days, and I will show you a feast the likes of which you have never seen.”

  The opening door saved me that time. It was Galen. He stared at Doyle on the bed and Frost holding my hand. “You called, Doyle?”

  I hadn’t heard Doyle say anything. I think I couldn’t hear anything but the king’s voice for a moment or two.

  I found my voice; it was thin and breathy. “Send in Kitto. Just as he is, please.”

  Galen raised his eyebrows at that but gave a quick bow, unseen from the mirror, and fetched the goblin. I’d worded my request purposefully. Kitto wore very few clothes when he curled in his hidey-hole. I wanted skin touching mine, and I didn’t want to ask the guards to strip.

  Kitto came into the room wearing nothing but his short-shorts; from Taranis’s view he would probably look nude. Let him think what he wished.

  Kitto shot a questioning look at Doyle and me. He was careful not to look in the mirror. I placed Doyle’s hand against the side of my neck and held out my free hand to Kitto. He came to me without question. His small hand wrapped around mine, and I pulled him to the floor so that he sat at my feet. I pulled him in against my bare legs. I had worn no hose, only purple open-toed sandals to match my dress.

  Kitto curled his body around my legs, and the warm brush of his skin on mine, the feel of his hands, his arms around my bare legs underneath the skirt steadied me.

  I began to realize a method behind the madness when Andais spoke to the Seelie Court covered in naked bodies. I’d always assumed she did it as a sly insult to Taranis, but now I wasn’t so sure. Maybe the insult began with the king, and not the queen.

  “I thank you for the honor you do me, Taranis, but I cannot in good conscience agree to a feast before Yule. I would be most honored to attend once the busy season of Yule is past.” My voice came out very clear, very steady, almost clipped.

  Doyle finally figured out that I was after skin, because he kept his hands busy on my neck, caressing the parts of my shoulders and arms that showed. Normally, the feel of his hands running over my skin would have been seductive; now it was just something to keep me anchored.

  The king lashed at me with his power, fashioning it into a whip that hurt even as it felt good. It tore a gasp from my throat, and I would have flung myself at the mirror, even cried yes, if I could have spoken, if I could have moved. In that one desperate moment, three things happened: Doyle laid a gentle kiss on my neck, Kitto licked the back of my knee, and Frost sat down on the bed to raise my hand to his mouth.

  The touch of their mouths were three anchors that kept me from slipping away. Frost slipped to the floor on the other side from Kitto and slid my finger into his mouth, perhaps to hide his actions from Taranis. I wasn’t sure, and I did not care. The feel of his mouth was like a velvet glove around my flesh.

  I let out a shaking breath and I could think again, a little. Doyle ran his fingers from the base of my skull to the top of my head, kneading along my scalp under my hair. What should have been terribly distracting cleared my mind.

  “I have tried to be polite, Taranis, but you have been as blunt with your magic as I am about to be with my words. Why is it so important that you see me at all, let alone before Yule?”

  “You are my kinswoman. I wish to renew our acquaintance. Yule is a time of coming together.”

  “You have barely acknowledged my existence most of my life. Why do you care to renew our relationship now?”

  His power seemed to fill the room, as if I were trying to breathe something more solid than air. I couldn’t breathe. I couldn’t see. The world was narrowing down to light; light was everywhere.

  A sharp pain brought me back so abruptly that I screamed. Kitto had bitten my leg like a dog trying to get my attention, but it had worked. I reached down and stroked his face. “This interview is over, Taranis. You are being unaccountably rude. No sidhe does this to another sidhe, only to the lesser fey.”

  Frost rose to his feet to blank the mirror, but Taranis said, “I have heard many rumors about you, Meredith. I wish to see for myself what you have become.”

  “What do you see, Taranis?” I asked.

  “I see a woman where once there was a girl. I see a sidhe where once there was a lesser fey. I see many things, but some things will go unanswered until I see you in person. Come to me, Meredith, come and let us know one another.”

  “Truth between us, Taranis, I can barely function in the face of your power. You know it, and I know it. This is from a distance. I would be a fool to let you try this in person.”

  “I give you my word that I will not vex you in this manner if you will but come to my court before Yule.”

  “Why before Yule?”

  “Why after Yule?” he countered.

  “Because you seem to want it so badly, and that makes me suspicious of your motives.”

  “So, because I want a thing too much, you would deny me, just for the wanting of it.”

  “No. It is because you want a thing too much and seem willing to do anything within your power to get it that I fear your wanting of it.”

  Even through the golden mask I saw him frown. He wasn’t following my logic, though it seemed clear enough to me. “You have frightened me, Taranis. It is as simple as that. I will not put myself in your grasp, not until you take some very serious oaths … that you will behave yourself around me and mine.”

  “If you will come before Yule, I will promise whatever you like.”

  “I will not come before Yule, and you will still promise whatever I like. Or I will not come at all.”

  He began to shine, his red hair glinting like hard blood. “You would defy me?”

  “I cannot defy you because you have no power over me.”

  “I am Ard-Ri, the high king.”

  “No, Taranis, you are high king of the Seelie Court, as Andais is high queen of the Unseelie. But you are not my Ard-Ri. I am not of your court. You made that clear to me when I was younger.”

  “You would hold old grudges, Meredith, when I extend my hand in peace.”

  “I will not be swayed by pretty words, Taranis, or pretty sights. You nearly beat me to death once when I was a child. You cannot blame me for fearing you now, not when you went to such trouble to train me to fear you.”

  “That is not what I meant for you to learn,” he said, without denying that he’d beaten me. At least that part was honest.

  “What did you mean for me to learn, then?”

  “Not to question your king.”

  I sank into the feel of Doyle’s hands and mouth on the back of my neck, on Frost’s tongue licking across my palm, on Kitto’s teeth biting gently along my leg. “You are not my king, Taranis. Andais is my queen, and I have no king.”

  “You seek a king, Meredith, or so
rumor says.”

  “I seek a father for my children, and he will be king of the Unseelie Court.”

  “I have told Andais long that what is ill with her is lack of a king, a true king.”

  “And are you such a king, Taranis?”

  “Yes,” he said, and I think he believed it.

  I didn’t know what to say to that. Finally I said, “I seek a different kind of king then, one who understands that a true queen is worth any amount of kings.”

  “You insult me,” he said, and the light that had been friendly before became harsh, and I wished for sunglasses to shield from the unfriendly glare.

  “No, Taranis, you insult me, and my queen, and my court. If you have no better words for me than this, then we have nothing to discuss.” I nodded at Frost, and he blanked the mirror before Taranis could do it himself.

  We remained in silence for a second or so, then Doyle said, “He’s always thought himself quite the ladies’ man.”

  “Do you mean that was some sort of seduction?”

  I felt Doyle shrug, then his arms encircled me, hugging me to him. “For Taranis, anyone who isn’t impressed with him is a thorn in his side. He must scratch at anyone who does not worship him. He must pluck at it, like a small piece of grit in the eye, always there, always hurting.”

  “Is this why Andais talks to him nude and covered in men?”

  “Yes,” Frost answered.

  I looked up at him, still standing by the mirror. “Surely it’s an insult to do such to another ruler?”

  He shrugged. “They have been trying to seduce one another, or kill one another, for centuries.”

  “Killing or seduction—is there a third choice?”

  “They have found their third choice,” Doyle said against my ear. “An uneasy peace. I think Taranis seeks to control you—and through you, eventually the Unseelie Court.”

  “Why is he so pressing about Yule?” I asked.