Make It Funny 101 Jokes Make You Laugh

by Hussein Abbas



  Make it funny

  101 Jokes make you laugh.

  Hussein Abbas

  To the reader

  To make everyone happy and laugh, I write this book. This is the first one and I will write the second soon. So enjoy reading it.

  The author

  Can you swim in the sea?

  No, I can swim in the dee.

  Can the can can you?

  Of course not, I can can the can"

  Are you free tonight?

  No , I'm free of sugar"

  After having an expensive meal at the restaurant, the wife said " my heart is throbbing". The husband said " and my pocket is shrinking".

  The boy to his father " be happy dad, I saved 100$ for you". The father got surprised " How did you do that?"

  You promised to give 100$ if I would pass the exam , don’t you?"

  Yes I did.

  So I failed"

  A foreign student who has bad English asked by teacher " Did you come yesterday?

  No . I com too.. die (means today).

  To dye the wall ?" ( the teacher was in mess in his mind)

  No , no tooo die .

  Ok then, go and kill yourself.

  The teacher to his student who was looking at the map of Turkey" Do you like Turkey?

  Sure, it has got a great taste especially in Thanksgiving"

  Why is the cat chasing the mouse?

  Because she wants to use it for her laptop"

  A continent looks like a bull?

  South America?

  No. it is Europe.

  Where the Black sea got his name from?

  He is sad about his little neighbor"

  Who is that?"

  The Dead sea."

  What the difference between teacher and heater?

  I don’t know"

  Neither work in summer."

  I'm thirsty. I think all my salts have gone from my body".

  Then, put some spicy.

  A country look like a leg playing football?

  "Hmm .. Somalia?"

  "No man . Somalia seemed to be a foot. It is Italy"

  Where is the ball then ?"

  It is Sicily island"

  A sea seems to be like a big nose?

  "Caspian?"

  "No, It is Caribbean."

  All doors open to courtesy.

  "I see the opposite"

  "How?

  "All doors open to charity and donations"

  Two workers has sent to do some work in a very high building. They got there to find the lift was broken. So they forced to climb. When they about to arrive the top, one of them said " I've got both good news and bad news for you"

  " Tell me the good first.

  We are about to arrive the top.

  And the bad?"

  "We are in the wrong building."

  Why are you wearing one shoe? Did you lose one?"

  "No. I found one."

  An old woman entered an expensive store. She said to the male shop assistant" I need something unique for my daughter". The young man thought for a while and said " Here is my e-mail madam "

  Mr. and Mrs. John are arguing in the kitchen. After ten minutes Mrs. John said (one more word out of you and I'm going to leave to my father' house. Mr. John said "eggs!"

  Mr. Jack was a magician and had a show every time he saw a crowded of people. He used to take out a different objects from people and reappeared them in other places. One time he want to steal a wallet from some a rich man. So he took it out and put it in his big hat. After a while the rich man asked him " where is my wallet?" Jack said " you will find it in the next shop. Good bye"

  A foolish taxi driver was driving. Some people called him( taxi … taxi ). He said " don’t remind me. I know".

  A good horse never lacks a saddle"

  "So how the knight can ride on it? "

  Women married a stupid guy. Every day she telephoned the zoo authorities and said" are you sure you do not need a jackass".

  A miser's house was burning. He called a fire brigade just one time.

  A boy asked his father going to the zoo. The father said " don’t be in hurry. They would come to get us there soon"

  A stupid sold his T.V to buy a receiver.

  An idiot cleaned his teeth with car keys. His brain worked and hit the wall ahead.

  The boy asked his father" Dad".

  "Yes my son".

  "I dreamed a nail got into my foot"

  "You deserve that as you sleep without wearing your shoes."

  Have you heard about that man who fell from the top of town building down to ground within three days?

  "No , I haven't. Did he die?

  "Absolutely.

  "How?

  "He 's never eaten for three days."

  A young man called his girlfriend, but her father who didn’t like him answered. The father said "who is it?" the young man said "tooot. Tooot. Tooot.

  A man was laughing for no reason. A snake saw him and decided to bite. As she bit him, he still laughing at her. When she asked him why. He said " I got Aids.

  He asked his girlfriend " Why does your hair black and your brother's yellow?

  "My mom got me and dye her hair after that."

  A passenger has plane phobia was sitting in his seat and trembling. The flight attendant went to the captain and called him to calm the passenger down. When the captain came he asked him" What is the matter?

  "I'm nervous. This is the first time I have ever riding a plane"

  "Don’t worry, I feel the same. This is the first for me too.

  John built a factory for producing the heavy solid ice. He named it (John Factory for producing the solid and dried water).

  Three men were in a plane when the flight attendant came and asked them what they would like to eat. The first said" honey O honey."

  "The second " sweet O sweety."

  "The third " milk O cow."

  How can you kill the time?"

  "By gun"

  Mom?

  "Yes .

  " I want to be a taxi driver.

  " Hmm. I will not stand in your way my son."

  Have you been in Elba island before?"

  "No, this is the first time."

  "Do you know that Napoleon was caged here?"

  "No I don’t . Did he do something wrong?"

  If you had woke up in the morning finding yourself dead, what would you do?

  "Oh, my god, I would have shocked.

  A student to his father " We got a new math's teacher yesterday, but he is stupid.

  "Why?"

  "Yesterday, he said 3+2=5. And today he says 1+4=5

  A science teacher to some student " Define a bat"

  "A black rat has wings works at night.

  A boy liked to drink milk went to the fridge. He found it expired, so he changed the date and drank it.

  Someone loved the quiet music. So he bought an empty CD.

  Williams read the names of dead in the news paper and got laughed. Do you know why?"

  "No I don’t."

  "He didn’t find his name."

  Why the grandmother clapped when her granddaughter got electric shock.

  " To call the others?

  "No, she thought the daughter was dancing.

  A hungry stomach has no ears."

  "I agree. It has two tubes. One up and one down."

  An ant saw the strawberry and said " finally I see the Red Sea"

  Why did a car driver make jam in the intersection?

  "To draw attention?"

  "No, he cleaned his ear with car keys."

 
; Jimmy called the airlines " How long does the flight take from Paris to London"

  "One moment !"

  "Thank you very much."

  A computer expert got a baby named him " Dotcom"

  A man heard that carrot is useful for vision. So he got one and looks at it every day.

  An idiot saw a sign (No Standing), so he lie down.

  Why Jenny send an empty letter to her husband?"

  "Because she didn’t like to talk to him"

  Why did a lazy submitted his paper empty when he entered to take a test?

  " He didn’t study well?"

  "No ,His pen fell on the ground and he didn’t like to pick it up.

  A cross eyed asked by his friend " what is your wish in your life"

  " I wish I could see someone alone."

  When Toto heard about anthrax, he locked his e-mail.

  Three countries formed their land like scorpion tail with two pins?"

  "Oh my god what are they?"

  "Norway, Sweden and Finland, just look at the map."

  "Oh, they will sting Denmark."

  A county like a hand in the sea?"

  "It is Greece. I know that.

  A sea like a hand with two fingers?"

  "Adriatic?

  "No, it is the Red Sea."

  A sea like a nose?"

  " Caspian?"

  "No, Caspian is like a hook. It is Caribbean."

  A river moves from south to north?"

  "The Amazon?"

  "No, it is the Nile in Africa."

  What is the length of the intestine in human being?"

  "60cm ?"

  "No , it is 6 meters"

  "Come on, let's play tug of war then"

  why do all pharmacies tacked an image of snake and cup?"

  "It is their symbol isn’t it?"

  "No, they have the snake juice."

  A tailor married a seamstress. They got a baby with clothes.

  Boxer of flyweight defeated another from heavyweight?

  "How?"

  "He was flying like a fly and beat him everywhere."

  After storm comes a calm."

  "I don’t think so. It comes a heavy rain."

  What is the name of the first planet in the solar system?"

  "Mercury.

  "No, it is a name of liquid in chemistry used in thermometers. "

  "Come on man, I read that I'm sure of it."

  "No , you are not."

  "Ok let's go the teacher of physics."

  When they asked the teacher, he said " mercury … meri curi … Marie.. Curie…. Marie.. Curie .. hmm .. you both wrong. It is a name of polish physicist from Poland discovered the polonium and radium.

  Have you ever breathed the sigh?"

  "What sigh. I always