Bangkok Warlock: A Mark Vedis Supernatural Thriller Book 1 (Southeast Asia Paranormal Police Department)

by John P. Logsdon

  Piper pushed me in front of her until we reached the booking desk.

  “Here we are,” she said. “Home, temporary home.” She banged her fist on the counter. “Come get the perps so I can get paid. ”

  An officer appeared and summoned a uniformed officer to guard me and Bert.

  Piper turned to me and said, “FYI, I was told to be ready to drop you if you even looked at me funny. Considering the demon, I get it, but—and let me caveat what I’m about to say with a note that I usually shoot first and ask questions later—I’m glad I didn’t have to. Hell, this might be the first time I’ve got the full commission for bringing in a perp alive in months.”

  She walked away, leaving me to be booked and taken into captivity.

  Bert nudged me with his elbow. “Dude, she was coming on to you. You gonna hit that?”

  “What?” I said, frowning at him. “She just had a gun on me.” I looked up at her again, just before she turned the corner and walked out of my life. “I may not get many dates, but I think I should probably hold out for someone who isn’t ready to splatter my brains against the wall at any given moment.”

  He shrugged. “Your loss. Do you mind if I ask her out then?”

  I was spared having to answer that by the appearance of some serious-looking people in various types of uniforms.

  Chapter 9

  The next thing I knew, I found myself in the entrainment chair. That wasn’t a problem. I had to go through this procedure once a year anyway. The problem was that Bert was standing next to me, watching everything with a fascinated stare.

  The containment crew had been the first to talk with us, sending people to find Kelly, the little werecow.

  Usually supernaturals were cleared to know about other supernaturals, but they said there was something about this case that was different.

  That was an understatement.

  They’d tried to talk to us separately, only to find they couldn’t. At least not easily. As soon as they’d taken Bert about ten yards away, I felt myself pulled along with him. The same happened when they tried to take me away from him. That prompted calls to several layers of management.

  From what I understood, we were waiting to see what was happening, but they decided to have me reintegrate while we waited.

  I won’t go into the details of reintegration here, because it’s kind of confusing, but also because I didn’t get very far. I’d made it to the entrainment portion. That was a nice name for mostly-beneficial brainwashing. I’d gotten naked, which was awkward to do in front of Bert. I made him look away, which seemed to amuse him and then sat on the plastic covered chair.

  The helmet had lowered over my face and straps had locked me in place before some relaxing music started playing. I took a deep breath and let it out to help me relax.

  I shouldn’t have bothered.

  “That music really sucks,” Bert declared. “Don’t they have any rock and roll? I’ve got some bands you should listen to when we get done with this.”

  “It’s not supposed to be good music,” I explained. “It’s supposed to put you in a suggestive state of mind.”

  “Well, I suggestive that it sucks,” he grunted. “Let me talk to the music guy, I’ll hook you up. My cousin is working on a rock-opera collab with a void named Estelle. You haven’t lived until you’ve heard Die Fucker Die played by a full symphony orchestra.”

  “Bert,” I said tightly, “just chill, okay? We just need to get through this and then we can explain what happened and figure out what to do next.”

  “Fine, just trying to help.” He sounded pissed, but I couldn’t tell with the entrainment helmet on. “What are you doing this for anyway?” he asked, not five seconds later. “You told that guy outside you were a mage, but you aren’t. You’re a warlock. You shouldn’t lie like that.”

  As soon as the word warlock came out of Bert’s mouth, the entrainment unit reacted.

  “Warlock Program selected,” it stated, in a very businesslike voice. “Emergency protocol GW-WR1 is engaged.”

  As the floor opened up, dropping Bert and me into darkness I heard him ask, “Dude, what did you do?”

  Apparently ‘warlock’ was a no-no word, because Bert and I spent the next few hours in a small cell that looked like it was built to withstand some serious punishment.

  Luckily, some food and clothes were dropped in after we landed, so I was able to get dressed.

  It was a tiny place, the kind you see in prison shows when the criminals get sent to solitary, which meant having two of us there made things pretty cramped.

  We spent the time going over theories about what was happening to us.

  The best we could figure, Bert’s mom had used him as a way to keep an ancient agreement. Since I hadn’t summoned him, it seemed likely she’d sent Bert at part of a demonic Bonding. It was a surprise to find out she was the queen of the demons, the Badlands sector anyway, but I’d never been one to care about titles.

  Bert seemed curious that I hadn’t kissed his ass, but quickly got over it. If anything, having someone around who didn’t care about his title appeared to make him happy.

  We talked about the compact his mom said I’d invoked. First I asked what a compact was. I agreed his mom could use a makeover, but apparently it was a kind of contract and not a portable makeup kit. He didn’t know much about it. His mom told him he was going on his first mission and that was it. He did confirm the little I remembered about demons, which was that they always keep to the letter of contracts, but delighted in finding loopholes to exploit. Apparently the Warlock Cabal, of which I was now the only member, hadn’t been as particular setting that one up as they should have.

  “Warlock Cabal, huh?” I said. “Sounds pretty cool.”

  “I guess,” Bert agreed, holding his hand behind his back.

  I heard they used to be the Cabal of Warlocks, but switched it after all the other magic users kept mooing at them.

  “Come on,” he said impatiently. “It’s your turn.”

  I sighed. “Three?”

  He pulled his hand out from behind his back with four fingers extended.

  “Nope. Man you suck at this game.” He clapped his hands together in joy. “Five more push-ups.”

  “I know you’re cheating,” I said, dropping and doing the pushups.

  “Yeah, but you can’t prove it, so suck it.”

  “Ah hah!” I said, stopping the push-ups. “You just admitted you’re cheating.”

  “You can’t prove that.”

  “You literally just said you cheated.”

  “Besides,” he stated, ignoring my accusation, “just think about how you’re going to thank me when you’re all ripped and nobody can make you their bitch.”

  I groaned and then sat back up against the wall.

  “First off, Bert, this isn’t that kind of prison. Second, what are you going to do if someone decides they wants to break off a piece of your blue sugar? You haven’t done a single pushup this whole time.”

  “That’s why I’ve got you, Mark. I’m the brains of the operation, obviously. Well, and the looks too, but that goes without saying. That leaves you as the muscle.”

  “Me? I’m the muscle?” I laughed aloud at that. “You were the one who ripped that freak of a monster to shreds, remember?”

  “True, true, though you helped, I mean a little bit.” Bert agreed. “Okay, so I’ve got the looks, brains, and muscle. Does that make you feel better?”

  “Not really.”

  “Good.” He pointed at me. “Your turn.”

  With a dark glare at Bert, I put my hand behind my back and picked my number.

  “Hey,” he said with wide eyes. “That’s not cool.”

  I pulled my hand out with my middle finger extended.

  “I knew you were cheating, you little demonic dickhead.” I wagged my finger at him. “You could have told me you’ve got x-ray vision or something.”

  “Why would I do that?” he shot back. “I
wanted to win.”

  There had to be another game we could play. We’d settled on number guessing after charades had been a bust. It wasn’t like we had much in common, and my attempt to pantomime a gorilla made him think I was making fun of his mom again.

  Thankfully, I was spared having to suggest truth-or-dare by the arrival of some scary looking jailers.

  “Get up, boys,” A huge werebear said, in a deep and mildly arousing voice. “The chief wants to see you.”

  Chapter 10

  The guards were a mix of weres and mages, and they looked ready for trouble. As usual, I was careful not to give them any. Bert, though, caught the business end of a stun-gun to the crotch when he pinched the ass of one of the werebears.

  He behaved after that.

  The look on his face while he spasmed on the ground made me extremely glad to discover our bond didn’t extend to physical feelings.

  They escorted us through a nearby portal, which opened in the waiting room for an office.

  A gruff receptionist motioned for us to be seated, then waved the jailers away. They didn’t even question it. They just turned around and left through the same portal they’d brought us through.

  The werebear had crouched down in front of Bert for a few seconds before leaving, though.

  “What was that about?” I asked. “Did she threaten you? You totally deserved it, if she did.”

  “A little bit, yeah,” he said, far too casually. “She also gave me her phone number. Guess she appreciates a man who can take a lot of punishment.”

  He winked at me.

  “Unbelievable.”

  “I can’t help that I’m the hot one.”

  We sat for a few minutes before the receptionist, an attractive blonde Pixie, acknowledged our existence again.

  “Mr. Vedis and Mr. Für,” she said in a tight voice, “it will be a few moments before you are allowed in. Chief Stone is in a meeting.”

  I sat quietly, but Bert kept fidgeting and swinging his feet like a child.

  Eventually, we heard a door open and a familiar voice said. “Just do the right thing, that’s all I’m asking. He’s worthless, yes, but he’s also a good kid.”

  Out walked George Beeler, Chief of the Kansas City PPD.

  He was wearing his mage leathers, as usual, but he’d also put on a tie. That was unusual. He looked at me and his eyes widened momentarily.

  With a nod, he said, “Vedis.”

  “Chief.”

  That was about as much as we ever said to each other, so I was pretty curious about why he was here.

  “What brings you down this way?” I asked.

  “Look,” he whispered, giving me a serious look, “I might not have much use for a powerless mage on my team, but I respect guts. Whatever you did last night saved a little girl and got rid of a threat to my community. I owe you for that.”

  “Kelly’s okay then?” I knew people had gone to look for her, but was glad to have it confirmed.

  “Yeah, I wouldn’t say okay,” he said, “but she’ll live. Roberts caught her when she ran outside the bar. She hasn’t let go of him since, and he growled at anyone that got too close. He was overdue to retire, and it looks like he’s finally going to go through with it and foster her. About as much as we could hope for, all things considered.”

  His usually grim face softened, just for a second and he looked like he wanted to say more, but then glanced back at the office he’d just exited. “I did my best for you, so be smart and take whatever deal you get offered.”

  The receptionist pushed a button on her desk and another portal opened up. This one appeared to be heading to Swope Park. Beeler glanced at me and nodded again. “Good luck, kid.”

  Then he walked through the portal.

  That made it clear that he’d been referring to me during his “useless” comment from before. It wasn’t exactly a boon to my confidence.

  Further, the lingering hopes I’d had of getting out of this easily died the moment he disappeared.

  The receptionist spoke up again. “Chief Stone will see you now. First door on the right.”

  Considering that was the only door, the instruction seemed unnecessary, but whatever.

  The door opened as we approached, exposing an average looking office, with an average looking desk, which had an average looking man sitting behind it.

  I mean, I could describe it more, but picture a white guy in a suit in an office and you’ve pretty much got it.

  “Greetings,” he said, in a slightly musical voice. This surprised me, considering the blandness of his surroundings. “I’m Chief Stone. Please have a seat.”

  We did.

  “First of all, I’d like to congratulate you on defeating that creature. It was a formidable foe.”

  His face contorted a moment later and he let out a massive sneeze. It made a weird sound, almost like he’d said ‘penis butt’.

  Hey, you notice weird things when you’re in stressful situations.

  “I was impressed with how you killed that thing,” he continued. “Especially since nobody else seems to have managed it. Crotch-hammer.”

  That time it was a cough, but I knew he’d said ‘crotch-hammer’. I kept my mouth shut though.

  Too bad Bert didn’t. “Crotch-hammer?”

  Stone adjusted his tie. “Hmmm?”

  “You just said, ‘crotch-hammer’,” Bert pointed out.

  “Did I?” replied Stone. He slumped a little. “Okay, okay. Yes, I did, and I offer my apologies.” The man looked more uncomfortable than I felt. “I have a certain vocal tic. On occasion it will make itself noticeable. I ask that you excuse it. In turn, I will excuse most any deficiency you happen to have.” Then he mumbled, “Rat-faced fart worm.”

  “Oh, no problem,” I said, waving at him. “Everyone should feel comfortable in their own skin.”

  “Yeah, I agree,” Bert concurred, giving me a snappy look. “Speaking of which, Mark, next time I’m wearing you like a cheap suit do you think you could moisturize or something? I got a rash last time.”

  I ignored him. Mostly because I didn’t want to reinforce his behavior, but also because it was a lie. I moisturized regularly.

  Stone’s head jerked up. “Ah, that brings me to the crux of the matter, doesn’t it? You seem to have bonded with a demon, and quite a distinguished demon, at that.”

  Stone stuck his hand out for Bert to shake.

  “It is my pleasure, Prince Für,” Stone announced, adding a slight nod of the head. “On behalf of the Netherworld PPD I would like to officially welcome the son of the queen of the Badlands demons. We do hope your stay will be comfortable. Smurf-fister.”

  Bert grabbed Stone’s hand and pumped it a few times. “Yeah, uh, great to be here.” Bert then put his elbows on the desk. “Your prison is super shitty, though. Probably going to have my mom kill you because of that.”

  Stone didn’t flinch, signaling his name was a good fit. He merely put on a pair of spectacles and began glancing over some papers on his desk.

  “Yes, well, let’s hope we can avoid that, if possible.” He tapped the papers. “Now, it seems you boys have brought us a little bit of a problem today.” Pushing the papers over to us, he said, “No matter. Just sign these forms and we’ll have you processed and out of here in a few minutes.”

  I heard him mutter something. I couldn’t quite make it out, but it sounded like he said, “Turtle squirt.”

  I practically jumped on the desk to grab a pen, but Bert held me back.

  “Come on, man,” he said with a disappointed frown. “At least pretend to read it first.” He rolled his eyes and jerked his head towards me as he looked at Stone. “This guy. So trusting.”

  Stone smiled, no emotion reaching his eyes.

  “Please do take the time to read the papers, Officer Vedis,” agreed Stone. “We would like you to be fully aware of what you are agreeing to.” He wiped his nose. “Seeing as how you’ve summoned a demon, it does seem you could benefi
t from a bit of impulse control.”

  So that’s how it was going to be?

  Two against one.

  Fine.

  I read it.

  And I was immediately glad I did. Phrases like “waive my legal rights” and “in perpetuity” were used like commas.

  “What is this?” I asked, feeling my blood pressure rise. “It looks like I’m agreeing to have an exorcism, followed by house arrest for the rest of my natural life. That, of course assumes I even live through the process.”

  “Why would you think you wouldn’t live through the process?” asked Stone.

  “There’s a little bit here in the fine print that’s tied to the asterisk next to the exorcism line,” I pointed out. “It says, ‘In the microscopic chance the mage survives’.”

  “Ah, right. I forgot about that part.”

  I gave him a questioning look. “Well?”

  “Well,” he replied, “that is what would happen if you signed those papers.”

  I blinked.

  He furrowed his brow.

  “Is there a problem, Officer Vedis?”

  “Yeah, just a little,” I said as if he were an idiot. “I kind of like being not in jail, and I’m certainly fond of staying alive.”

  Stone pulled the papers back, but didn’t put them away.

  “I see.” He tapped his chin. “Maybe if I give you a little background information, you will change your mind.”

  “Doubtful.”

  He ignored that.

  “You see, Mr. Vedis, the wealthy and powerful people that run the PPD and related departments feel the reappearance of a warlock, especially at this time, would be…” He stopped and looked up. “Oh, how to say this diplomatically? Ah, yes, it would be a complete shit storm.” His triumphant grin was irritating. “The incident in Vegas was bad enough, but that was done by a mage. He was strong, certainly, but I think we can all agree he was nothing compared to a full-powered warlock.”

  “Isn’t power a good thing?” I argued. “I’ve been getting bounced around from precinct to precinct because I didn’t have enough of it.” My eye twitched slightly. “Why not let me kick some ass for a change?”