Walk Through Fire

by Kristen Ashley

  Zadie’s hiccoughing sob tore at my heart but still, I had it in me to move swiftly to Zadie, pull her into my side, wrapping both arms around her, while snapping irately, “Logan! Calm down!”

  Finally, he looked to me. “It’s not okay what she’s done.”

  “You’re right and the lesson is obviously a hard one but I think she’s learning it,” I returned.

  “I agree but I gotta make sure she learns it in a way she won’t forget,” he shot back.

  “I’m thinking that’s working,” I retorted.

  He looked to his girl. “It working?”

  She nodded her head desperately.

  Poor thing.

  I lifted a hand and swept her beautiful, thick, soft dark hair from her face, then bent to her and used my thumb to wipe her cheeks.

  “Okay, darling, it’s over now,” I said gently. “All done. All good. Okay?”

  She turned wet eyes to me and didn’t get a chance to answer because Logan ordered, “Get your shit. I’m takin’ you back to your mother’s.”

  That was not a good idea. We needed to calm this here and now and move on.

  I straightened and glared at him.

  Zadie pulled away from me.

  I didn’t get a shot to try to get Logan to step into another room with me so we could chat about what was going on. He turned and strode to his cut that was hanging on the hook by the back door. He shrugged it on and handed his girls’ jackets to each in turn as they hesitantly moved to him. He then swiped his car keys off the counter and came to me.

  Hooking me at the neck, he gave me a quick, hard kiss and muttered, “I’ll be back.”

  After that, he let me go, walked through his girls and right out the door.

  “Uh… see you later, Millie,” Cleo said shakily.

  All I was able to do was nod before she followed her father.

  Zadie began to move after her sister but I quickly moved, too, grabbing her hand so she was forced to walk with me.

  Logan was behind the wheel, Cleo closing her door at the front passenger side so I moved Zadie to the passenger side back.

  I stopped her before she could reach high to open the door, and with a tug at her hand, turned her to me.

  “He loves you, sweetie,” I told her a truth I hope she knew in her heart. “He’ll cool down and it’ll be okay.”

  I spoke these words and then watched her face twist in a way so ugly, I dropped her hand.

  “He hates me,” she spat. “Because of you. Which means I hate you.”

  Right.

  So maybe she didn’t learn her lesson.

  I had a split second to make a choice.

  I made it when she turned away from me and reached to the door.

  I reached beyond it, crowding her and pressing my hand into the door so she couldn’t open it and was forced to turn back.

  The instant she did, I bent to her and declared, “I love him. Bottom of my heart, straight through my soul, I love your dad. And when you love someone like that, your only reason for breathing is to make him happy. I want that more than anything, to make him happy. And I can make him happy in a lot of ways, Zadie, but the only thing that would make him truly happy through and through is if all his girls got along. I know this is hard on you. I’m very sorry it’s hard. You might not believe that but my heart breaks for you, what you want you can’t have and learning that so young. It’s tough, the toughest lesson you can learn in life. So tough, people a lot older than you don’t learn it until it’s too late. But sometimes we gotta let go of what we want when it isn’t to be had, find a new dream and work for that. I want that dream for your dad. And I hope you’ll find some way to want that with me so we can work together and give it to him.”

  I delivered that speech, straightened away from her and the door, and took a step back.

  She glared up at me a moment before she turned away, reached high, tugged open the door, and hauled her little girl body inside.

  She slammed it.

  I sighed and backed away from the truck.

  Logan gave me a chin lift and Cleo gave me a wave that was back to hesitant before he instigated his multipoint turn to drive away.

  As he did this, I moved to the door and stood in it until I couldn’t see them anymore.

  Only then did I go inside.

  * * *

  I heard the truck on his return.

  Therefore, I was sitting on the arm of the couch, facing the back door, when Logan got back.

  He came in, eyes to me before he turned away, closed the door, unarmed and rearmed the alarm, and locked the door.

  He then walked to me.

  I spread my jeans-clad legs so he could get close but kept my seat.

  He got close, walking to stand between my legs.

  He then lifted a hand to cup my cheek. “You okay?”

  I put my hands to his flat stomach. “You were hard on her.”

  “Didn’t ask your opinion ’bout how I dealt with my kid,” he replied—not mean, he just had other things on his mind that took precedence. “You okay?”

  “Chief’s all right and was never in any danger so, yes. I’m fine about that.” I shook my head but did it while he held his touch. “Not sure I’m fine with how you dealt with it.”

  “Nasty’s escalating. No tellin’ where she’ll take it if I don’t nip it in the bud.”

  “She told me outside your truck she hated me because now you hate her.”

  His jaw got hard before he asked, “And what’d you say to that shit?”

  “I told her I loved you and it was my job to make you happy and I hoped she’d help me do that.”

  “Good cop, bad cop.”

  I stared.

  Then I asked, “What?”

  “Babe, I lost it and I get that you think it was over the top but it wasn’t. That shit was not right and no way she should even have a hint of thinkin’ that was okay. Not to get what she wants from me. Not to get what she wants from a teacher. Or kids at school. Not ever. Through that, you didn’t pile shit on her with me. You were calm. You were nice. You were forgiving. She got it rough from me so what you were givin’ her didn’t sink in. My girl’s bein’ a snot but she’s not stupid. She’ll think on it and clue in.”

  “So you were that hard on her because you wanted to make me the good guy?” I asked in disbelief.

  He bent slightly to me to get his face closer to mine. “I was that hard on her because she deserved it.” When I opened my mouth, he stated, “Bottom line. Burns in me my baby girl’s even got it in her to do somethin’ that fucked up. So, Millie, she deserved it.”

  I had to admit, I saw his point there.

  “Deb’s gonna hear about this,” he continued. “And she’s not gonna be happy. She doesn’t put up with crap like that. She offered to wade in. I’m gonna call her and tell her she’s up.”

  That was a surprise.

  “She offered to wade in?”

  He dropped his hand from my face and straightened to look down at me from his full height.

  “Talked to her after last weekend so she’d know I got this battle on my hands with Zadie and I intend to win it. She said she’s on board however I need her to help. She also said she wants to meet you and I’m thinkin’ that’s a good idea.”

  That was also a surprise and a scary one.

  Not the part that he’d talked to his ex.

  One thing I knew for certain about men like Logan was, you trusted them. You didn’t invade their phones. You didn’t search their cars. You didn’t listen in on calls. You didn’t ask them to account for every second of their days. You trusted them to do right, if not all the time, at least by you.

  He and Deb shared kids, so he was going to talk to her and I wasn’t going to be the woman in his life that demanded he detail every conversation they had.

  No.

  The scary surprise wasn’t that.

  It was that she wanted to meet me.

  I barely controlled my voice pi
tching high when I asked, “What?”

  “You meet her. You two connect. Not sayin’ you guys are gonna be best buds. What I’m sayin’ is, you meet her, you connect, we do somethin’, the three of us with the girls. Maybe not dinner but maybe she drops ’em off here, comes in, you make her welcome. She has a drink and a chat, takes off before we take the girls out to do somethin’. They see you and Deb gettin’ on and Deb supportin’ what we got, they’ll move toward doin’ the same thing.”

  This was actually somewhat ingenious.

  “That’s not a bad idea, Low.”

  His brows shot up in manly affront. “I know it’s not.”

  “Are you… is she…?” I shook my head and started again. “Are you sure she’s cool with meeting me?”

  “She wants me happy.”

  I stared at him again.

  Then I muttered, “I seriously don’t get what you had with her.”

  “Two kids. That’s it,” he replied, even though I didn’t expect a response. “It’s totally fucked. Lived the whole time with her knowin’ that. It’s just the way it is with her. She’s not a woman you love. She’s not even a woman you try to make happy ’cause you’ll fail. She’s just a woman. And she’s good with that. She says she’s happy. Cleo says she’s happier without me there. She’s got what she wants, two daughters she can give what she’s got to give without tryin’ to pretend she has somethin’ with her man. But she’s also a decent woman and she says she wants me happy. I believe that because she’s a decent woman. Now we both got what we want so it ain’t fucked anymore. It just is.”

  “I have to admit, you having a non-psycho, pining, or pissed-off ex is definitely a plus to our ongoing situation,” I blurted.

  Logan grinned.

  “Yeah. Deb gave me two beautiful girls and not much else. But she’s givin’ us that. Outside my girls, best thing she can give.”

  As insane as that was, it was also true.

  I stood, and since he didn’t move an inch when I did, this put us deep in each other’s space.

  When I got there, I pushed my hands in his cut so I could curl them in the sides of his shirt.

  Only then did I carefully advise, “You need to have more patience with Zadie.”

  Logan lifted his hands and rested them lightly where my neck met my shoulders. “She’s had ten years of patience from her old man, baby. This is a monster I created. It’s tough work, I didn’t like doin’ that to her, but I gotta do the work to beat back the monster and bring out my little girl. I know she hasn’t givin’ you any of it, babe, but when she’s not bein’ like that, which she’s never been as bad as that, but she still can be a princess, she’s sweet as can be. God’s honest truth. She’s funny and full a’ love. And I want her to give you that.”

  “I understand that,” I replied. “But you need to have more patience, Logan.”

  He looked into my eyes before he agreed by nodding.

  I let go of his shirt, pushed closer, and wrapped my arms around him, tipping my head way back as I erased any space between us while watching him tip his head way down to keep my eyes.

  “You only had half of what you wanted for a long time. I understand tasting the promise of getting it all and wanting that to happen now,” I said quietly.

  “Yeah,” he murmured, stroking my throat with one of his thumbs.

  “What you have to get, Snooks, is that we’re all here, all you wanted you now have, and things might not be great right now, but we’re not going anywhere.”

  He dipped his head even closer so all I could see was his eyes and I could feel the whisper of his nose.

  “Yeah,” he repeated, sweeping his thumb along my jaw.

  “Now, are you okay?” I asked, and watched his eyes smile.

  “Yeah,” he said again.

  “Good,” I whispered.

  “Be a whole lot better, you dropped to your knees and got down to business.”

  I felt my eyes widen then narrow before I rolled them to the ceiling.

  “Sex on the brain,” I said to the ceiling.

  “Babe, you haven’t blown me in three days.”

  I rolled my eyes back to him. “You’re counting?”

  “Do I have a dick to be blown?” he asked.

  “Yes,” I snapped.

  “Then fuck yeah I’m counting.”

  I unwound my arms from him so I could plant my hands on my hips, suggesting, “How about we make that thirteen days?”

  “You can keep your mouth from my cock that long, have at it.”

  “Like you’re down with that,” I scoffed.

  “Nope,” he said. “But done with this conversation seein’ as I’m about to be down on something else.”

  “Logan!” I snapped.

  He moved a hand to my chest, pushing me so I fell over the arm of the couch.

  I landed and had no chance to get my body under my control before his hands clamped on my hips and yanked them to the arm so my ass was resting there.

  Then they went to my zipper.

  “Logan,” I whispered.

  In the end, it was Logan who dropped to his knees.

  He didn’t mind.

  I didn’t either.

  I so didn’t.

  Not even a little bit.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE

  Stop It

  Millie

  LOGAN CAME.

  I swallowed.

  Then I suckled, licked, stroked, and finally left his cock to kiss my way up his chest until I could rest my weight on him and work my mouth under his ear.

  He wrapped his arms around me.

  “That’s what I’m talkin’ about,” he muttered, sounded satisfied, languid, and happy.

  Suffice it to say, I hadn’t been able to hold out thirteen days.

  Just five.

  But I made it that five.

  He rolled to take us to our sides, one of his hands sliding down my spine to my ass.

  His mouth was under my ear when he murmured, “Your turn.”

  As it always was with Logan.

  You give.

  You get.

  I grinned.

  Then I got my turn.

  * * *

  “Okay, straight up, that shit is cray-cray.”

  I was sitting in my office, Kellie across from me, and I’d just told her that part of that day’s agenda was meeting Logan and his ex-wife for lunch.

  Kellie was at my studio because Kellie was currently taking a sabbatical from work, that being, she quit her job so the sabbatical was actually from employment.

  She did this with relative frequency. I didn’t know how she did it. I just knew she did.

  She’d had a variety of jobs, everything from waitress to bartender to data entry to office manager of a thriving medical practice (her last job). She was a certified nurse’s assistant and she could type faster than anyone I’d ever seen.

  She also had a one-room condo she bought ages ago, fixed it up rock ’n’ roll (like she liked it), and left it at that. She didn’t move on up. She did trade out cars like some women traded out handbags but she did this in ways I didn’t ask about either since they were all used cars, but nice cars; she got them on the cheap and not from a lot.

  Further, she would often get a man. She’d keep that man. She’d then dump that man. After dumping, she’d have fun. Then, when she got sick of waking up alone or doing it facing some hookup she barely knew, she’d find a man and keep him awhile only to eventually dump him.

  In other words, Kellie did what Kellie wanted to do.

  And part of what Kellie wanted to do was live life and to get that, she worked to live, not the other way around.

  I’d always worried about her living her life this way. In fact, Dottie, Justine and Veronica, and I had had a variety of conversations over the years because we’d all worried about her.

  But looking at her now, off work, fresh manicure, fresh highlights in her ash blonde hair, relaxed and kicking back with her girl, I wondered if
I shouldn’t have paid more attention, quit worrying, and seen that Kellie was actually living the life I’d once had.

  Instead of living to work, working to live and then living it up.

  “Logan and Deb don’t have an acrimonious relationship,” I told her.

  “Shit like that happens, it’s rare, but it does. Lunch with the ex is still cray-cray,” she replied.

  “Logan feels that if Deb and I get along, and the girls see that, we’ll move forward with solving our problems with Zadie,” I shared, and Kellie knew all about Zadie. I kept all the girls up-to-date, including my new Chaos sisters.

  “And that’s not a bad idea,” she returned. “So meet, shake hands, commit to the cause, and adios. Not sittin’ down for a full lunch with the woman. One word: awkward.”

  “She only gets an hour for lunch and part of that will be taken up with getting to the restaurant,” I informed her. “It won’t last that long.”

  She just shook her head.

  “It’s gonna be okay,” I assured.

  “I hope you’re right,” she replied. “But this is what I know. You’re hot. You’ve always been hot. You’re sweet too. And Low is seriously hot for all that’s you. He’s into you and he doesn’t hide that. None of it. Never did. Haven’t seen him with you since he’s been back but I’m seein’ you right now and what I’m seein’ is my girl’s recently been laid so I’m thinkin’ that shit hasn’t changed.”

  She was right.

  I didn’t get the chance to confirm. She kept talking.

  “They might have split because it was just time and now it’s all good. But no woman, no matter what went on with her man, would be thrilled to sit down to lunch across from him and the woman that lights up his life. It’s just not gonna happen. So brace, sister, and be cool with her on that. Logan’s a dude so he’s not gonna have any clue about this if he thinks they’ve both moved on. So that shit’s gonna be up to you.”

  I thought this was good advice, so I nodded.

  “Now, is his girl still being a brat?” she asked.

  I shook my head. “I don’t know. I’ve only seen them once since the kitty incident. Deb let Low have them on Saturday and I met them at the Compound for lunch. It was fast food. We ate it fast; then I got outta there so he could have time with his girls. He picked them up from dance last night and took them out to dinner before he took them home. He did that last week, too, and neither time I was involved. I’ve convinced him to slow things down. Give them time with their dad. Only inject me into the scene on occasion so they can take their time to get used to me.”