Flow (The Beat and the Pulse #6)

by Amity Cross

  “Damn, girl,” Bel said. “You’d better figure it out because a guy like that isn’t on the market for long.”

  My expression dropped, and she raised an eyebrow. “We fought last night.”

  “Figured. What about?”

  “Us being more…” I left out the kissing part because this conversation was humiliating enough.

  “Fuck, Lori. You want him, so do something about it. You’re working tonight, right?” she asked, and I nodded. “Then shove him up against a wall in a dark corner someplace, and fuck his brains out.”

  “Oh God,” I complained.

  She rolled her eyes. “Last time I looked this wasn’t a fucking Disney movie. Have you kissed him?”

  “Uh…”

  “Fuck, then at least go suck on his tongue.”

  My nipples began to ache as thoughts of doing all those naughty things with Hamish flew through my mind, and I rubbed my palms against the hard buds.

  Hamish on top. Hamish on the bottom. Hamish from behind. Hamish against a wall. Hamish from every angle…

  Shoving to my feet, I dumped my half-finished coffee into the sink.

  “Where are you going?” Bel asked.

  “To take a cold shower.”

  That night, things didn’t feel so clean cut as I paced up and down the bar at The Underground, serving the influx of customers a good fight night always brought in.

  I knew Hamish was up tonight because his name was on the board with three to one odds. I also knew he wouldn’t come to find me, so I had to be the one to seek him out, but the thought of walking through The Underground looking for a fighter had me on edge.

  The bar was my safe area. I knew it and the players like the back of my own hand. Out there was unknown territory full of vipers and dangerous creatures who wanted to take a bite out of a woman on her own.

  I could just call or text him, but that was the pussy’s way out. I gathered a guy like Hamish would rather the direct face-to-face approach.

  What would I say, anyway? Trying to picture what Bel would do in this situation, I shuddered. She was so forthright and confident. That wasn’t me at all. My insides didn’t match my tough outsides when it came to this stuff.

  The bar was pumping tonight, so my mind was kept busy serving, but even Sandra knew something was off by the way she kept throwing me looks.

  Passing change back to the punter I’d just served, I glanced up and caught sight of Hamish through a break in the crowd. My heart leapt, and I went to raise my hand to get his attention, but as the swarm parted even more, it gave me a front row seat to the gaggle of women that were practically thrusting their tits into his face.

  My heart sank right down to my boots, and I swallowed the bitter pill of disappointment. I’d been right, hadn’t I? He’d struck out with me, so now he was going for a sure bet to satisfy his cravings.

  I took in the lines of his muscled arms, picking out the tattoos that stretched across his skin, the sharp edge of his jaw, his messy hair with the tint of ginger in it, his strong shoulders, and his overall presence. He commanded attention just by being present.

  I saw him standing there, surrounded by women who weren’t afraid to go after what they wanted, and I realized Bel was right.

  I wanted Hamish McBride. I wanted him as more than a friend. I wanted everything about him.

  He glanced over to the bar as if he sensed I was staring at him, and for a split second, I felt an overwhelming surge of euphoria. I almost leapt over the bar like fucking Wonder Woman ready to declare my feelings when his gaze crossed mine and bounced off it like he hadn’t even seen me.

  Like I was nobody.

  Nothing.

  Like the past month had meant shit all.

  Had our fight been that bad?

  He turned back to the woman in front of him, and I felt my entire body tremble like it was being ripped apart by an earthquake that was a five billion on the Richter scale. Seeing Storm wrapped up in an orgy with three women had sucked, but right now, I felt worse.

  Why did Bel have to be right?

  Turning away, I stared at the liquor bottles behind the bar and took a deep breath. I would not cry at work. I would not cry at work. I would not cry at work.

  I had to do what I did best. I had to pick myself up, forget about Hamish McBride, and keep going. I had to turn back around, put a smile on my face, and keep working. The bills didn’t wait for a stupid little girl to pick up the pieces of her broken heart…which she’d finally decided to take a chance with.

  Fuck, it had taken me so long to get to a point where I wanted to open myself up again, and this was how I was repaid. I should have minded my own business the night he came to the bar. I should’ve just poured his whisky and left him the fuck alone.

  Realizing I was about to have a panic attack where everyone would see, I shoved away from the bar, strode past slimy Stu, and disappeared out back. He could yell at me later because right now, I didn’t give a stuff.

  Outside, the air was cold, and the concrete was wet from the rain that had come down while I’d been inside working. The bright lights of the city around the warehouse reflected off the clouds, making the sky look muddy.

  Leaning my back against the brick wall, I curled over at the waist and placed my hands on my knees as I took some deep breaths. In through the nose…out through the mouth.

  I should’ve seen this coming. Like Bel had said, this wasn’t a fucking Disney movie.

  I took another breath and then another until I felt my heart rate begin to slow.

  Straightening up, my gaze crossed Stu, and I jumped a bloody mile. He was leaning against the wall a few meters away and had obviously been there for a while, witnessing my mini breakdown.

  “Fuck,” I cursed. “Don’t do that.”

  Alarm bells began to ring in the back of my mind as I realized Stu had finally gotten me on my own. Took him long enough.

  I’d been careful never to leave at the same time as him or go out back or on break when he wasn’t busy. He’d flirted nonstop since day dot and was always asking for some kind of sexual favor. I wasn’t a fool to think he’d try something the moment he had a chance…like right now. I had to get back inside without pissing him off, or I wasn’t sure what would happen. Actually, I had a real good idea, but I didn’t want to acknowledge it.

  “I’ve got to go back,” I said, pushing off the wall, but he stepped in front of me.

  “You’ve still got ten minutes of break left. Which you didn’t ask permission for.”

  I went to edge around him, but he’d cornered me between a stack of kegs and the wall. “Yeah, but I need to go take a piss, and you know how we women are. We take forever.”

  “So why haven’t we hooked up?” he asked, ignoring me.

  I didn’t think it was possible to feel any colder than I already was, but I turned to ice. My limbs began to seize like I was in a dream where I was running and running but couldn’t move.

  When I didn’t answer, he grabbed me around the waist and pulled me close, his breath tickling my neck to the point it felt like slime was coating my skin.

  “Stu,” I said, shoving him away. “No.”

  “C’mon,” he cooed, making another grab for me. “I know you’re fucking that fighter. Girls who fuck fighters like him like it all kinds of ways. It’s practically a fucking orgy in this place if you know where to look.”

  “I’m not fucking him,” I snapped, my skin crawling. “I’m definitely not fucking you.”

  Stu’s expression darkened, his lips twisting as anger flashed in his eyes. Before I could dart out of the way, his hand closed around my neck, and he shoved me back against the wall, my head cracking against the brick.

  “Yes, you are, you prick tease,” he snarled, pinning me in place. “You’re going to take it, and you’re going to like it.”

  Pain ebbed through my head, and I began to struggle. “Get off me!”

  “No one’s coming, Lori,” he said as he began rubbing h
is crotch against me. “Not for you.”

  The only person I could think of in that moment was Hamish, but he wasn’t coming. Stu was right. I was alone. I couldn’t count on anyone but myself, so I had to do something about it before he…

  Before he…

  So I tried to fight.

  15

  Hamish

  I couldn’t sleep after the fight with Lori.

  She’d practically doused me with cold water after her verbal smack around the face, and by the time I’d gotten home, my cock had woken up and was hard again. If I had been myself and Lori had been any other woman, I would have pushed a little harder until she snapped and we’d ended up tangled together. Me inside her until the sun came up.

  But she was Lori…whatever that meant.

  The next day, I still wasn’t over it, so I hit the gym in my apartment building instead of going to Pulse. Because avoiding Ash Fuller at a time like this was in the best interests of public safety. He liked to shake the hornet’s nest, and today, he’d get stung with my fist in his face. I knew a big fucking ‘I told you so’ would be the first thing he said.

  I ran on the treadmill, upping the speed when my mind didn’t clear.

  I cycled at full tilt, upping the tension when I couldn’t focus.

  I lifted weights, but it only made my thoughts tumble.

  Finally, I belted the shit out of a punching bag until I felt like dropping.

  I was doing Lori a favor by getting out now. She’d been hurt enough. I didn’t have anything to offer except more heartache. Sickness and death was what reigned in the McBride household. Nobody wanted to deal with that, no matter what they said to the contrary. Nobody wanted to inherit a guy who might have hereditary cancer and didn’t have the chops to go get tested.

  The problem was they were all excuses to get out of doing things the hard way. Because pursuing Lori would be an uphill climb. The view would be worth it once we reached the summit, but the journey might take too much out of us before we even reached base camp.

  I had to stay the course.

  It was the only thing within my grasp in the typhoon that was my life.

  That night at The Underground, I belted the shit out of a fighter named Scorpion.

  I did my duty, made my money, and still, my mind was full of Lori. I didn’t like the fact she was angry with me. Goddammit, I was so confused. I’d never not wanted to go after a woman before. How was it okay for me to pursue Josie with all the shit going on with my ma, but not Lori? What was the difference? Whatever it was, it was the greatest mystery in the world because even I didn’t know the answer.

  The difference was Ma wasn’t dying then, and I wasn’t going through a cancer scare I wanted nothing to do with. The problem was I still would’ve tried to hang on to Josie despite all of that. Was it because I felt I could afford to lose Josie over the lie, or was it because I knew she’d understand and stick by me? Was I pushing Lori away because I cared too much for her and protecting her fragile heart meant more to me than my own happy ending?

  What a mess.

  Someone bumped their shoulder against mine, and I blinked hard, my mind coming back to the present. I was standing alone in the middle of the crowd, a target for hangers-on. If I didn’t make a move and get out of here, I’d get cornered.

  Which direction would I go? Out back where I could go on putting my head in the sand…or to the bar where a fight of another kind was brewing for round two.

  A group of women were eyeing me as I stood there, all of them the same as any other group of women in this shithouse. Clothing that barely left anything to the imagination, makeup an inch thick plastered on their faces, tits trussed up so high it was a wonder they didn’t poke their own eyes out, and each one of them looking to score with a cashed-up fighter. One-night stands were good for them, but bagging a boyfriend who liked to spend was the ultimate goal. It was a new kind of gold digger.

  I never understood men who went for all that fake shit. Women like that thought every guy was the same, that they liked over-the-top moaning and one hell of a gag reflex. Shallower than a wading pool full of toddlers, the lot of them.

  Before I could dodge the vultures, a redhead stepped forward.

  “Hey, Goblin,” she purred, sidling up next to me.

  Raising an eyebrow, I tried to think of a polite way to brush her off…but I didn’t move away.

  She didn’t seem to notice, and her hand came to rest on my arm. “Nice fight tonight.” Her teeth dragged against her bottom lip as her breasts thrust forward, but all I could think about was the fact Lori wouldn’t do something so provocative. She was attractive just the way she was. Real.

  Glancing toward the bar, I caught sight of Lori moving up and down like a whirlwind of destruction. She looked pissed as hell, and the customers were copping a serve. Probably my fault.

  When her gaze moved across the warehouse, I was stuck to the spot. Her eyes inevitably locked with mine, and I almost faltered when I saw the unmasked jealousy and desire aimed right at me. Fuck, Lori.

  I didn’t know what to do, so I let my gaze slide off hers. Turning back to the woman in front of me, I shook my head.

  “Sorry, darlin’, but I’ve got somewhere to be.”

  Ignoring her shocked expression, I stepped around her and weaved my way toward the bar. As the crowd parted, I realized Lori wasn’t there anymore.

  Catching the attention of another girl, I asked, “Have you seen Lori?”

  The girl eyed me suspiciously but nodded to the rear door. “Out back.”

  Altering my trajectory, I followed her direction and pushed through the door beside the bar marked exit. It led outside to where a stack of empty kegs and crates were stored, the ground wet from rain that had fallen moments before.

  That’s when I saw Lori being molested by the guy who managed the bar. She’d told me about him in passing— Slimy Stu with the wandering eyes. I didn’t like him then, but I hated him now.

  He had her pinned against the wall, clawing at her clothes while she thrashed against him pleading with him to stop. For a split second, I was frozen, shocked at what I was witnessing, but then my vision turned to red, and I snarled.

  Lunging, I grabbed the fucker’s shoulder, hauling him off her. He stumbled, and I put myself between them, my back to Lori like I was a shield.

  “What the fuck?” he cried.

  Fisting my hands into the front of his shirt, I lifted him clear off the ground and smashed him back into the opposite wall. His head smacked against the brickwork with crack. Pansy-ass bastard.

  “You know me?” I asked, practically foaming at the mouth.

  The guy nodded, his eyes wide with fear.

  “Then you know what I can do to you. If I see you so much as stand near her, talk to her, look at her, fuck…if you even so much as breathe near her, you’re fuckin’ gone.”

  He nodded wildly, and I could almost smell the piss as he wet his pants. Letting him go, he fell to his knees and scrambled away from me.

  “If I ever see you at The Underground again, I’ll put you down myself,” I roared after him as he fled.

  The door slammed, and that’s when I was suddenly aware that Lori was breathing heavily. She was barely holding it together.

  Turning, I found her curled up against the wall, her ass sitting on the wet ground. Kneeling in front of her, she was shivering…but I wasn’t sure if it was from shock or the cold. Maybe it was both. I knew I was shaking because I was a hair’s breadth away from going after that guy and ripping him a new asshole.

  “C’mon,” I said. “I’m takin’ you home.”

  “But… My shift…” she said haltingly.

  My shoulders tensed as I held out my hand. “Fuck your shift. If they have a problem with you leavin’, they can come talk to me.”

  She stared at my hand for ages before she placed hers in it. Standing, I pulled her up with me, and as she fell against my chest, her hands fisted into my T-shirt. A heady sense of relief w
ashed over me, and I wrapped my arms around her, cradling her body against mine.

  I wanted to tell her she was okay, that everything would be fine, but I couldn’t make the words come out. Instead, I guided her back inside so she could get her things, and then out the back way to avoid gossiping eyes jumping to conclusions.

  As I was bundling her into my car, I realized we hadn’t exchanged a word since I pulled Slimy Stu off her.

  That was a bad omen.

  The air was heavy between us all the way back to her place.

  When I pulled the car into a spot in front of her house, I killed the engine and waited, unsure of what to say.

  It had started to rain on the way over, and with the windscreen wipers stuck halfway up the windshield, the gentle pattering of rain on the roof of the car was the only sound in the otherwise silent interior.

  We were sitting so close…yet so far from one another. Even after what had almost happened to her less than an hour ago.

  Lori was the one to break the awkward silence.

  “No one was coming for me,” she whispered. “He said no one was coming…”

  Raindrops tapped against the windscreen, and the interior of the car felt impossibly small.

  After a moment, I said, “I came.”

  She snorted and turned her face away so I couldn’t see her expression.

  “I was angry,” I said. “I thought I was dealin’… I don’t know what I was thinkin’ last night.”

  “I need to learn how to fight,” she said, ignoring me. “I’ve been working in that place totally unprepared. I’ve been lucky. You could help me learn some self-defense. You’re a champion fighter.”

  I swallowed hard. That was a bad idea. A real fucking bad idea.

  “You could teach me.”

  “Lori…”

  Her gaze returned to mine. “Please. I don’t know who else to ask.”