Flow (The Beat and the Pulse #6)

by Amity Cross

  Her words were already fading into the background and being squashed into the little place I’d pushed all the feelings that were too hard to handle. I was a shell of a man, who’d just had his entire world taken from him. I didn’t know who I was without my family. I didn’t know who I was without someone to protect. How could I stand here and let her love me when I couldn’t find it within me to love her back?

  “Right,” she said, her voice breaking. “I understand.”

  She began to back away, slowly at first like she was hoping I’d ask her to stay, then when I didn’t do anything, she turned on her heel and fled.

  I watched her as she disappeared through the cemetery, a black smear against the rows of gray, my heart numb and my body frozen.

  She just walked away, and I didn’t do a thing to stop her.

  30

  Lori

  A few weeks passed, and I settled into Pulse like it was a second home.

  Ash was a good boss and was more like a mate most days than an employer. His wife, Ren, was pretty awesome, too. Things were really beginning to work themselves out—my heart was slowly repairing itself, my bank balance was finally filling up with legit money, and I hadn’t seen Hamish once. That last part wasn’t a good thing.

  The man I’d fallen in love with had excised me from his life like a weed even after all the things I’d said to him at his mother’s funeral. Which, in hindsight, was probably as stupid as going to see her in the hospital had been.

  That miserable day at the cemetery, I’d hoped for a miracle because that’s what grand declarations were all about, but real life had let me down once again. I couldn’t make Hamish forgive me, and I definitely couldn’t make him love me back.

  Now I was a part of something good even though it was among a group of expats from The Underground. Seriously, I even ran into Steel, who was the last guy I’d expect to see in Ash Fuller’s gym considering Ash Fuller was the one who put him in hospital. I never knew him personally before, but it was like our past experiences with the place had brought us all together in its wake. Apparently, he was in training to become a police officer. Talk about a total one-eighty.

  I’d worked at The Underground, but I’d never really been a part of it. Now that I was at Pulse, I was beginning to feel a sense of belonging, and it felt real good. It was the fresh start I needed, and wherever Hamish was, I hoped he was finding his feet again, too.

  Closing down the computer at the end of another busy day, I gathered my things, slung my bag across my shoulder, and turned off all the lights. Thundering downstairs, I whistled at Ash—who was finishing up another day of training with his two protégés, Ryan and Cole—to let him know I was clearing out.

  Opening the back door, I stepped out into the cool Melbourne evening. The days were beginning to lengthen, winter finally lifting its icy touch from the city. It would be a hot summer this year, and I wasn’t looking forward to it at all. One day, I’d be able to afford a new car that had air conditioning. That would be a blast. More than a blast, it’d be bloody epic.

  Fumbling for my keys in the bottom of my bag, I cursed as my fingers kept grazing over them. I had to clean out this thing stat because I couldn’t find anything I wanted when I actually needed it. Glancing up, my gaze smashed into the last person I was expecting to see for as long as we both shall live.

  Hamish.

  He was leaning up against the side of my shitty excuse for a car, his hands wedged into the pockets of his denim jacket, looking the epitome of the bad boy who waited by his girl’s ride after school. Probably so they could pash until they both got suspended for indecent behavior by the campus security. Total teen movie cliché.

  I stopped in my tracks, not sure if I should run back into the safety of Pulse or go and face the music. Whatever tune it might be in.

  “Hey,” he said, his lips quirking. Pushing off my car, he straightened up to his full height—his full, formidable, muscled, handsome height—and sauntered toward me.

  I opened my mouth, but nothing came out. As per usual, he’d mesmerized me into a stupor.

  He looked tired. His eyes were ringed with dark circles, and it definitely wasn’t from a couple of well-aimed punches. I knew he would take his mother’s death hard, but seeing him like this six weeks after the fact… I couldn’t imagine how he felt. It was wrong of me to even try to understand the things he’d endured on his own.

  Finally, after what felt like an age, he stood before me. He was just as I remembered him. His scent, his presence, his voice, his…everything. I’d never forget him, and as I began to tremble, I knew my body wouldn’t, either.

  “Lori,” he said, my name escaping his lips as a sigh.

  A storm of emotions began to swirl inside me. I couldn’t allow hope to override all the things I’d been working toward these past weeks. If I allowed myself to believe he was here to ask me back, I wasn’t sure I could come back a second time.

  After a moment of stunned silence, I murmured, “Hey…”

  “I played out this moment so many times,” he said. “I thought about all the things I wanted to say to you, but now that I’m here…” He ran his hand over his face and scratched his jaw.

  My eyes followed his every movement, and I began to realize just how not over him I was.

  “Hamish…”

  “The worst thing I ever did was let you walk away the day of the funeral,” he blurted.

  I shook my head. “No,” I replied. “I should never have laid that on you. Not there. Not then. I made the same mistake as that day in the hospital…”

  “No,” he said firmly, making me hesitate. “You were right all along. I was the one who was wrong. About all of it.”

  I frowned, totally and utterly confused. “I… I don’t…”

  “I should have let you in, Lori. I should have told you about Ma. I should have been there to introduce you while you had the chance to know her. I should’ve fought for you.” He bowed his head and sniffed. “Am I too late?”

  My heart swelled, and my knees began turn to jelly. Was he too late?

  When I hesitated, Hamish grabbed my hands and sank to his knees like he was about to ask the ultimate question while I just stood there like a useless lump. I couldn’t move. I couldn’t speak. Hamish McBride had KO’d me.

  He stared up at me with such hope in his eyes, and he said, “Will you let me love you, Lori Walker?”

  This was it, the moment I’d been too afraid to hope would come true. Now that it was here, I was still teetering on the edge, afraid of the plummet into the unknown, afraid that I’d still lose, no matter what I did.

  His grip tightened on my hands, and his eyes sparkled with what looked like tears. Hamish ‘Goblin’ McBride, terror of The Underground, was crying over me? Lori Walker, a nobody?

  Tugging his hands, I urged him to his feet and pressed against his chest. My forehead came to rest against his jaw, something inside of me almost too shy to let him kiss me despite all the obliterating sex we’d already had. Our bodies fit together, our arms winding around one another, finding familiarity in the darkness.

  He moved, and his lips brushed against my forehead. I tilted my chin up, taking one final chance on the mess that was Lori and Hamish. Hamish and Lori.

  His mouth found mine, and every nerve ending inside my body came alive as he kissed me softly, his touch tentative and gentle, nothing like the night he’d first kissed me at The Underground. He kissed me like he had a million things to say, a million words to whisper, a million roads to travel. He kissed me like I was the most precious soul in the world.

  Breathing heavily, I trembled against him, wanting nothing more than to sink into his arms, grasp him tight, and never let go.

  “Yes,” I whispered against his mouth. “Love me like I love you, Hamish McBride.”

  He groaned, the sound echoing through his chest and into me. “Thank fuck.”

  We stood out the back of Pulse for what felt like a million years, just wrapped arou
nd one another, feeling all the things neither one of us had dared feel until right now. Love, longing, completeness… It was a lot to absorb in the wake of such sadness.

  “For a moment there, I thought you were going to ask me to marry you,” I said, winding my fingers around his T-shirt.

  His lips curved into a wicked smile, and he leaned his forehead against mine. “Not yet.”

  “Not yet?” I teased, totally lost in everything he was in that moment.

  He smiled, his green eyes sparkling with mischief. “For now, let’s just go with the flow.”

  Other Books in The Beat and The Pulse series…

  The Beat and The Pulse is a MMA Fighter romance series that’s full of grit, glory and love!

  Follow the men and women of Beat and Pulse as they fight for love... in and out of the cage.

  It’s time to fight for the broken hearted.

  Beat #1

  Pulse #2

  Crash #3

  Spike #4

  Rebel #4.5

  Steel #5

  Flow #6

  Surge #7

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  ABOUT THE AUTHOR

  Amity Cross isn't her real name. That's no secret.

  She is the author of wicked stories about rock stars looking for redemption, gritty romances featuring MMA fighters and dark tales of forbidden romance. She loves to write about screwed up relationships and kick ass female leads that don't take s**t lying down.

  Amity lives in a leafy country town near Melbourne, Australia and can be found chained to her desk, held at ransom by her characters.

  Don't send help. She likes it.

  Follow Amity Online:

  @amitycross

  theamitycross

  www.AmityCrossWrites.com

  theamitycross@gmail.com

  SURGE (#7 The Beat and the Pulse) is on its way…

  What happened to Dean and Josie after the wedding? Why did Josie turn up at The Underground looking for Hamish?

  SURGE is coming…

  “What do you see in her?” Josie asked.

  “I don’t know.”

  She snorted.

  I gestured to my dick. “This just works when I think about her.”

  “Then,” Josie said, pressing closer, “it’s about her body. It’s got nothing to do with her as a person.”

  “Fuck.” She was probably right.

  “What about me?” she asked, placing her hand on my thigh.

  “You?”

  Josie was a stunner, real put together. Of course I’d thought about her and felt something, but after ten years lusting after Monica Miller—a woman who almost had her half-sister Ren beaten and abused because her own unrequited love story—I couldn’t let go. Wanting Coach Miller’s daughter was a habit I couldn’t let go of, even with the blonde siren sitting beside me.

  She bit her bottom lip, and moved to straddle me. Her ass settled into my lap, while her arms circled my shoulders. She smelt real fuckin’ good.

  “She doesn’t even look at you,” she whispered, rubbing into my cock. “I’m looking. I've always looked.”

  “Josie—”

  She lowered her lips toward mine, making it perfectly clear what she wanted. She almost had me, when I jerked back. Stupid idiot.

  “I’m not asking you to marry me,” she snapped, pulling back.

  I knew what I wanted. I wanted to fuck her, but Josie wasn’t the kind of woman that deserved that shit. If I fucked her now, then it’d ruin everything.

  “She’s a vapid excuse for a human being,” she exclaimed. “She doesn’t see you, Dean. She doesn’t see what a great guy you are. Fuck, you’re so stupid.”

  SURGE (#7 The Beat and the Pulse) is coming soon…

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