Killer

by Jessica Gadziala

  At that, I got a small chuckle. "Baby, I shoot people for a living. What about that suggests I am well adjusted?"

  "That's not what I mean..."

  "What do you mean?"

  "Johnnie, your dad knocked out your baby teeth. He made your life hell for fifteen years. How do you not greet every morning with anger?"

  "Honey, what he did to me, that wasn't about me; that was about him. I ain't taking his damage on as my own."

  "But doesn't it bother you that he did that? That he took of his pain or anger or whatever on you when you were too young to defend yourself?"

  "Sure. And when I was younger, I took that shit out on the dickheads in town who dared try to tease me about it. I took it out on them; though it wasn't about them. Just like my Pops did to me. And I didn't stop doing that until I got away, until I met Break, until I saw there was more to life than the anger and resentment."

  "So you could just... magically let it go?" I scoffed.

  "Might have helped that Break employed me to help bust faces for a while. Anger creeps up, you bleed that out so it doesn't poison you."

  "You think I let it poison me?" I asked, suddenly too concerned with his opinion of me.

  "I think you want it to poison you," he countered, making me stiffen. "I think you want it raging through your veins so that if anyone tries to get under your skin, it gets on them too." He paused, his fingers squeezing me as if to soften the blow of his words. "I think you spend your life walking away first, before people... before men come to the conclusion that you aren't worth staying for. I think you learned that lesson from your father young and I think you believe it; I think you put your faith to rest in it; I think you can't imagine a world where a man could want to be with you."

  I closed my eyes tight against his words, against the truth of them, against the knowledge that he, once again, got me.

  I was in so, so much trouble.

  God, it was going to hurt when he became one of the ones I had to walk away from first.

  "Come on baby, that's enough of that for today," he said, knifing upward suddenly, taking me with him and I whimpered against the soreness the jostling caused. Johnnie winced, kissing my forehead in apology as he gently set me on my feet. "You wanna take a shower?" he asked and I nodded. "Alone?" he asked, knowing that was what I wanted, but I nodded anyway. He patted my ass a little with a nod. "Try as much as you want, honey," he said, slipping into his shorts again, "but those shields are in pieces. You ain't getting them back up."

  I felt the tears pool behind my eyes and rushed into the bathroom, slamming the door before he could see them. I brought my hands up to press the heels of my palms into my eyes as I let the first waves of emotions rush through me. I turned slightly, looking at myself in the mirror and taking a deep breath. "Pull it together," I demanded my reflection, moving to turn the water in the shower on.

  So I showered.

  And I pulled it together.

  Sort-of.

  When I got out of the shower, I wrapped the towel tight around my body and went in search of new clothes. I had just shimmied into the only other pants I brought with me: jean shorty shorts (why I even owned so many shorty shorts when I hated my thighs was beyond me, but I did) and a plain black tee, when I heard male voices. Meaning, not just Johnnie's. I finger-combed my hair and made my way to the doorway, pausing to listen for the barest of seconds, trying to make out if it was a familiar voice or not. Everything was muffled through the door so I reached for it and walked out, trying to look like I hadn't heard any voices ahead of time, like I was just innocently walking out of the bedroom.

  But I was barely a foot out of the doorway when I froze.

  Because it wasn't just two voices in the living room. No. It was five voices. One of those voices belonged to Johnnie; another voice was Cash's; yet another was Paine's; the fourth was Breaker's; the final voice belonged to a giant hulk of a man I had never seen before with a dark beard and freakishly light honey-colored eyes.

  And those eyes were on me.

  In fact, all five sets of eyes were on me.

  And five sets of lips were quirked up at the same time too.

  There were five incredibly attractive men with their whole bad-boy auras in the living room watching me with knowing gazes.

  I think my heart froze in my chest.

  Holy hot-guy overload.

  "Angel," Johnnie's voice reached me and my head jerked in his direction. "Come here," he said, sitting on the arm of the couch and patting his knee. I hesitated, already feeling like everyone knew a bit too much about what transpired with me and Johnnie. They didn't need to see me all perched on his lap too. "We have some stuff to tell you," he said, and there was a collective tension in the air again. And, well, I needed to hear what they had to tell me. If that meant I needed to sit on Johnnie's lap to hear that, well, that was just a perk. I mean... a necessary evil.

  Fifteen

  Shooter

  Amelia showered while I stared out at the street. Something happened back in that bedroom. It wasn't as simple as being her first time. Though as I told her, it fuckin' meant something to me that she wanted me to have that, that she trusted me to do it right. It happened sometime after I watched the last of her defenses fall away. She let me in. And, in a way that I hadn't ever felt before, I wanted to stay in. I was just about to contemplate what, exactly, that meant when I saw them form a small circle out front of my apartment: Breaker, Cash, Wolf, and Paine. I guessed the word had been spreading and they had all pitched in.

  It wasn't typical for The Henchmen to get involved with mine and Breaker's business. But that being said, we all seemed to work together when one of us had a woman that got herself into trouble. This happened frequently. Thank fuck most of the guys were shacked up now. And I think we all learned that when shit went down and we tried to handle it alone, well, shit got fucked real quick. They were there to make sure that didn't happen again.

  I turned toward the bedroom and grabbed a shirt then opened the door for them to come in.

  "Fuck man..." Breaker said, shaking his head at me.

  "Women..." Wolf, the bearded giant commented with a head shake. Wolf was never much for talking. But he was a vicious, violent fuck when he needed to be.

  Cash and Paine just gave me knowing smiles.

  "Where is she?" Paine asked, looking around.

  "Shower." Cash's smile got bigger, all boyish and knowing. "Don't tease her about it," I warned.

  "The fuck would I tease her for?" he asked, genuinely offended.

  "Just saying. She's a nice girl not..."

  "Not the usual," Paine finished on a shrug.

  "Yeah something like that. So I figure you guys all know."

  "H dealer, huh? At least it's a new one," Cash said.

  "Lex dealed H," Wolf supplied.

  "Yeah, man but Lex was into fuckin' everything," Breaker shrugged. "So why the fuck am I finding out through Alex that you got into a situation down in Ala-fucking-bama?"

  "Happened fast. I reached out to Lo 'cause of her connections. Lo suggested Alex. I called Alex..."

  "You. Call. Me," he said in his deep, gravely voice, looking angrier than I had seen him in a long time. "You don't go off saving the damsel in distress without telling your best fuckin' friend, yeah?"

  "Yeah," I agreed. "For what it's worth, I was gonna clue you in when I knew what the situation actually was."

  "Situation is you got a drug counselor with eight kilos of illicit drugs in her wall," Break went on, not giving in. "She's your girl. That makes this your problem. And I don't need to remind you, bro, your problems are my problems too."

  "I get it," I said, giving him a smile. "But you know I ain't that fifteen year old punk sleeping up against your building anymore, right?"

  "Know you'll always be like a kid brother to me, Shoot, and I'll always be worried about you getting in over your head."

  "We gonna all hug and sing k
umbaya now?" Cash asked with a grin. "Or are we gonna talk shop?"

  So then we sat down and we talked shop. In just the couple of hours, they had pulled out all the stops. Cash filled me in on what Hailstorm had found out. Wolf and Breaker filled me in on what Janie and Alex found. And Paine, well, Paine filled me in on what he found out through his connections. If you snooped, if you asked around, Paine was clean as the fresh fallen snow. But Paine had secrets and Paine had connections and those connections had proven quite useful over the years. This was another of those times.

  The door creaked and all eyes snapped in the direction of my bedroom, Amelia standing in the doorway, one foot stretched out like she froze mid-stride, wearing a plain black tee and jean shorts that put her legs on perfect display. Her hair was wet, falling in black sheets around her face. Her deep eyes were wide, her lips slightly parted, confronted with a room full of men I knew to be the most fearsome on the East coast, and they were all giving her goofy grins.

  She moved toward me slowly, just barely hiking a hip onto my thigh until I wrapped an arm around her and hauled her up.

  "Um. Okay. So... tell me," she said, looking for a safe face in the room and settling on Cash.

  "Alright, doll," Breaker started, leaning forward and resting his elbows on his thighs. "I ain't gonna sugar coat this. You seem strong enough to handle this. Coupla years back, Shoot carried out a contract for Luis Carlos. Luis was working for a big time H dealer in Miami. He was a violent piece of shit and Shoot was happy to take him out. Shoot didn't know that Luis Carlos wasn't just trying to get free, get his life back; he was making a power play. See Shoot doesn't hang around after a job and none of us have any reason to keep their eyes on shit going down in Miami. So we didn't see Luis taking over Diaz's operation. We didn't see him expand it."

  "Expand it?" she prompted when he paused to try to let things sink in.

  "Babygirl," Paine broke in and her gaze fell to him. "Luis is a developer. Your apartment building is one of fifteen he has across Florida, Georgia, and Alabama."

  "Oh my god. How much heroin..."

  "More than you can imagine," Paine finished. "Luis hides the goods when the law is snooping around. He lets things calm down. Then he gets it back out, probably under the pretense of doing some upgrades in the apartments, and then he ships things out through his web. Up the East to smaller dealers, out into the Midwest. His operation is huge. It's... massive. Normally, that would be a good thing."

  "How could a massive drug empire be a good thing?" Amelia asked, arms crossing over her chest, her chin lifting in a haughty way.

  "You're a nobody," Wolf said on a shrug. "An ant."

  "Exactly," Paine agreed. "Problem is, you're not an ant are you?"

  Amelia's face scrunched up. "What do you mean?"

  "How many other residents in your building does Luis take out on dates, angel?" I asked and felt her shoulders slumped slightly.

  "Most of the people in the building are older or men. I'm... I'm the only single woman."

  "Honey," Cash said, giving her a smile that screamed 'you're being ridiculous'. "You own a mirror, right? You ever look in the damn thing?"

  She rolled her eyes at him and focused on Breaker instead. "So because he wants to date me, I'm screwed. That's what you're telling me."

  "We're saying that because he wants to fuck you, babe," Break went on, undeterred when she visibly flinched at his bluntness, "that you're on his radar. My guess? He doesn't even know the names of most of the people in the places he stashes his goods. But he saw you somehow and he got interested and it makes it a lot less likely that you could just... move to a new place and expect to be left alone. Might get you free of the drug problem, but doesn't get you free of the Luis problem."

  "I've turned him down plenty before. He's never seemed all that upset about it."

  Cash sighed. "Luis dated a girl back in Miami. Gorgeous. Could have been your sister, babe. She was a nice piece of arm candy for him. Dated for a while, got herself a whiff of something on him she didn't like and got shot of him. She moved clear across to California. But Luis, well, he's a man who likes to keep the pretty things he likes around. So he went back, found her with a new man, shot him dead, and dragged her back to Miami. And he kept her there for three years until she fell into the product he was pushing, overdosed. Now honey..."

  "I look like her," Amelia supplied in a small voice.

  "Yeah, you look like her."

  "And he likes to keep pretty things."

  "Yeah honey."

  "And he likes to kill men who put their hands on his pretty things..."

  "Amy," I broke in, not liking where her mind was going.

  She hopped up off my lap. "God, I'm so stupid! Why would I come here? I could have just... disappeared. I didn't need to come here. I could have gone anywhere and started over."

  "And what, babygirl?" Paine asked, sounding calm. "Let him catch you alone? Unprotected? You did right coming here."

  "And putting Johnnie at risk?" she demanded, spinning back to face us.

  All eyes went to me. Breaker look amused, Cash and Wolf confused, and Paine hurt. Because the whole "Johnnie" thing wasn't one anyone knew about. And, given that Paine was a close friend, not knowing that... it stung. But I didn't have time for that. "Darlin', I ain't at risk."

  "You don't know that. He could be..."

  "Amy, I'm not at risk," I said more firmly. "Honey, no one even knows you're here except my people. You didn't tell anyone in Alabama you were coming to Jersey. They all probably think you're in Maine with your family that doesn't exist. We have the upper hand here. We just need to figure out what to do with it."

  "Are you going to kill him?" she asked bluntly, eyes on me.

  "Maybe," I answered honestly. "Thing is, we don't know how his operation works yet. Sometimes you cut off one head and two or three more grow back. And if his men start fighting for top position, you and all the people who unwittingly have drugs in their walls could be in trouble. Not because you'd be implicated in any way, but because you could be in the way. They could come charging in and..."

  "And bad things could happen," she supplied, the heaviness in her words suggesting she understood full-well what that could mean for any of them, but especially for the young, unprotected women. She sighed, sitting her ass down on the coffee table and burying her head in her hands for a minute. "Tell me again why I can't disappear? I'm sure you guys could arrange that, right?" she asked, looking right at Wolf as if sensing he was the only one who would give her a straight answer, and being completely right about that.

  "Could do that," he agreed with a nod. "But won't," he added and Amelia jumped back off the table and started pacing.

  "Well why the hell not? Girl in possible mortal danger here and are we going to get her hidden away so she can live her life? Oh no. We're the big, bad guys. We don't back down from a fight. We need to put our Neanderthal heads together and find out the most efficient way to swing our clubs," she mocked as she paced, oblivious to the shit-eating grins she was getting from all of us. "It must suck to have all that testosterone flooding through your system. 'Cause from where I'm standing, all it does is make you impulsive and dumb and..." she turned back, her cheeks taking a turn toward red as she stared at all of us.

  "Babe, think maybe all that estrogen is making you a little loopy," Cash teased right back, knowing his woman would wring his neck if that got back to her and not caring. "Be a good girl and make us some sandwiches," he went on and it was hard as fuck to keep a laugh in as Amelia's eyes got small. "Let the men handle the important stuff."

  She sucked in a breath and looked over at me. "So these guns you always have around," she started, "where might I find one of them?"

  At that, Cash finally let out a laugh, swinging out of his seat and wrapping her up in his arms for a second, whispering down by her ear. "Just trying to get you out of the doom and gloom, sweetheart."

  "By being a chau
vinistic pig?" she asked, but she was smiling a little.

  "Figured that would get a rise outta ya," he said, releasing her. "Know this seems like some heavy shit, but trust me honey, this is light as feathers compared to what we are all used to dealing with. We just need another day or two, three at the most and we will have a plan. Think you can live with that?"

  Amelia visibly deflated, letting out a breath that came out like a sigh. "Fine."

  I sat back and watched as she talked to the guys for another minute, feeling a bit too pleased at the ease in which she did it, like they weren't the scariest guys she had ever met, like she wasn't trying to keep them at a distance. In the span of ten minutes, she had let them see her vulnerable and worried, scared and mocking, angry and ranting. She hadn't even thought to try to put her shields back up. She didn't try to keep them away with her thorns. I didn't know what the change was, all I could say was I liked it. I liked seeing her smile at my friends and make fun of them. I liked the way that they found her amusing and interesting and worth going through all the trouble for.

  Fact of the matter was, I was liking having her in my life, not just in my bed. I liked realizing she would fit in with my people, regardless of her feelings about their various professions. That mattered to me. It shouldn't have because I knew she had every intention of going back to her life eventually, of leaving me, but it mattered.

  "And, furthermore," she was saying, sitting by Cash's side and, apparently, giving him a stern talking-to while I was lost in my thoughts. "Women don't just... cook for men because they demand it."

  "She's right. Just show her your empty fridge and she'll do it without you having to say anything," I added, winking at her when she rolled her eyes at me.

  "Good, huh?" Paine asked, grinning.

  "Took one bite and asked her to marry me," I agreed.

  "Johnnie..."

  "Should I tell them about dessert?" I asked and her eyes went huge. It would have been funny, but her face sort of fell at the same time. "Angel, come here."