Double-Sided Witch (Covencraft Book 3)

by Margarita Gakis

  “Trust me, Jade. Trust that if something happens out there, I will help you figure it out.”

  Maybe that could be the difference. With Lily gone, Jade had been alone and everything rested on her. Even now, with Jade feeling like maybe Lily was coming back, she still felt this relentless pressure - a constant weight on her shoulders. She felt like she was carrying it alone.

  “Okay. I’ll go to the lake.”

  #

  Jade had been waiting for so long to have her car with her and now that she did, she didn’t want to drive it. Normally, having someone else drive her car would be anathema to her - her car was synonymous with her freedom, her independence. It meant she could go where she wanted, when she wanted. Today, though, she felt too tired to focus on the road or like she couldn’t be trusted to get them to the Preserve. Perhaps at the last moment, she would suddenly turn the car around and drive as far away from the lake as possible.

  Jade silently handed Paris the keys as soon as they stepped out of the little cottage. His eyebrows went up in surprise, but he took them without a word. Just as Jade was about to shut the front door, Bruce bounded out, looking a little anxious and nervous. He immediately made his way to the car and Jade opened the back door for him to hop in and stretch out. She hadn’t thought about bringing him and felt a little unsure at his presence, but if he wanted to go, she wasn’t about to leave him at home either.

  Once Jade and Paris were both in their respective seats, Paris driving and Jade the passenger, Bruce’s head came between the two of them, as if he wanted to ensure that they both knew he was there. This morning, in the closet, Jade hadn’t had a chance to take a look at his scaly patch. Seeing it now made her think twice about taking him. The cracks were pink and raw, looking like gothic spiderwebs across his neck. She swallowed thickly as she stared at red lines, careful to pet only areas far away from them. Bruce’s eyes slitted half shut at her attention for a moment and then he turned his head to Paris. Jade knew the moment Paris saw the sore spot. His eyebrows went in a bit and he looked even more serious and solemn.

  “It’s getting worse,” he said, unnecessarily. “Hourly, it seems.”

  After getting some solid head pets from Paris, Bruce pulled away, into the back seat and stretched out along the width of the car, smacking his lips as he lay down.

  “I looks like it hurts.” Jade turned in her seat to stare at Bruce.

  “I’m not sure about that. He doesn’t seem to be in pain.”

  “He keeps showing it to us.”

  “Yes, but he’s not overly careful of it when he lies down or moves. I don’t know if it does hurt him.”

  Jade turned back around in her seat, buckling her belt and then crossing her arms over her chest. It was cold in the car. Or rather, it was cold outside and the car had taken on the ambient temperature. As Paris started it and pulled away from the cottage, the vents blew frosty air, making her shiver. It was a dry winter. There hadn’t been any lingering snow yet, leaving everything in varying shades of brown. The grass, the trees, the hedges - all stark and spindly. While running in the Preserve with Daniel she watched fall turn to winter, but after skipping a few days, it was like her world changed overnight. It was kind of like that first day in fall when you noticed that suddenly, all the leaves were yellow. Only now, with winter settling in, everything was bare and barren. She sniffed, feeling her nose start to run from the dip in the temperature. She couldn’t believe she’d been outside last night in the cold without waking up. What if Paris hadn’t been there? Would she have wandered around, getting hypothermia, until she possibly stumbled by someone? Or maybe she would have made her way to the Preserve and gotten lost in there? Maybe making it all the way out to the lake?

  They stopped at Paris’ place for him to grab more appropriate clothing for going out to the Preserve. While he’d been dressed casually, it wasn’t casual enough for a hike in the woods. Jade declined to get out of the car, staying in and fiddling with the radio while he ran in and changed. Bruce poked his head up once or twice, sniffing the air and then hunkered down in the back again. Jade wished she could ignore what was happening to her and leave - turn around, go back to her cozy cottage and hide from the world. She tipped her head against the glass of the car window and sighed. The problem with that idea was wherever she went, there she was.

  Paris was back in the car before she could pursue her mad thought of making a break for it. Although there was an entrance to the Preserve close to her cottage, where she and Daniel would go running, Paris drove them to another entrance further out. It was the same one they’d used when Paris had taken her out to work on her circle casting, the first day that Jade had passed by the lake. They had almost gone to the lake then, but as they’d gotten closer, Jade had felt sick and scared. It was hard to explain. Today as they drove through the entry gates to the area, she got the same feeling in her gut. It wasn’t quite sickness, nor was it pain, but she didn’t like it. It made her squirm in her seat.

  “Are you all right?” Paris asked. She glanced over at him. He was focused on the road as he pulled into the area, stopping the car in a makeshift parking lot.

  Jade snorted at bit. “Isn’t that a loaded question? Aren’t we here because I’m not all right?”

  “I don’t wish to force you into anything.”

  “We drove all the way out here. It would be stupid to go back now.” She had to move before she could focus on the dishonesty in her own words. She pushed open the passenger door to let Bruce out of the back seat. He stretched his legs in turn, each one of his talons coming out and digging into the dirt. She should probably take him out here more. Maybe he needed to be walked, like a dog.

  Paris moved slowly toward the trees and Jade knew he was taking his time on her account. She was reluctant to go to the lake, but she didn’t know why. What did she think would happen when she got there? Would Lily come back? Wasn’t that what she’d wanted ever since Lily left in the first place?

  They started walking and Jade turned back when she noticed Bruce wasn’t by her side. He was standing next to the car.

  “Hey. You wanted to come out here. This is us. Out here,” she said. He plunked his butt down decisively by the wheel well. Jade looked at Paris who shrugged. Jade turned back to Bruce. “So you’re just going to sit there. By yourself.”

  Bruce’s tongue flicked out and then he dropped his head down, resting his chin on the ground.

  “Seriously?” Jade asked and then sighed. “Okay. Suit yourself.” She gave one last look at Paris who gave a sort of ‘what shall you do’ gesture.

  Paris headed off into the woods and Jade followed. She stopped twice to check behind her in case Bruce changed his mind, but no such luck. They weren’t going to break any speed records, but they weren’t meandering either, making steady progress through the woods. A couple of times Paris paused and turned his head toward her, like he wanted to say something, but then he would start walking again.

  Jade was thankful for the silence. Her mind was too cluttered and busy to focus on conversation. If Lily came back, would that mean Jade would go away? Lily had been gone for years. Would she expect Jade to ‘leave’ like she had? Or would she be okay with sharing, like they had before. Only… only before Lily had gone away, they hadn’t been doing a good job of sharing - both of them jockeying for control of the body all the time, unable to stop. It wasn’t that either one of them wanted the other one not to be there, but they both wanted to be in charge. It had been a long six years alone for Jade. Would she even remember how to share? Did she want to?

  Last time, Jade had gone deeper into the Preserve before she felt the lake, but today, she felt it only minutes into their walk. It was a deep, solid tug on her brain and her chest. All her grey matter was a thick musical string that had been plucked once, decisively, by strong fingers. The vibration travelled through her body, settling deep behind her breastbone and left her vaguely nauseous. She wiped at her upper lip, feeling the chill of sweat cooling on h
er skin. Paris stopped and turned back to her.

  “I’m okay,” she said, cutting off his question before he could even ask it. “Keep going.”

  Jade focused on his shoulder blades, or what she could see of them underneath his jacket. He moved well through the woods. It was obvious he was fit, easily hiking up the sloping ground. The ground cracked beneath their feet, old, dead branches and fallen leaves crunchy from the dry winter. She swiped a hand across her forehead, feeling clammy skin.

  As she walked, she thought about Lily.

  “You know we’re not normal.”

  “Normal’s overrated,” Jade said. “No one wants to be normal. Normal is beige. Or grey. Or avocado green. You put up with it, but you don’t ask for it.”

  “Maybe I do, maybe I want to.”

  “If we were normal, we’d be alone.”

  Lily’s silence said more than Jade had ever heard from her. For a finite moment, the inside of their brain felt vast and large.

  “I know,” said Lily, knowing instantly what Jade was thinking. “You don’t mind sharing the body,” she said quietly.

  “No, I don’t. I don’t know why you hate it.”

  “I don’t hate it,” Lily said.

  “Yes, yes you do. At least admit it out loud, because I can feel it in here.”

  “I remember what it was like to be alone. I remember before.”

  “I don’t remember anything from before,” said Jade sharply.

  “I know.” Lily sighed. “We aren’t normal, Jade.”

  “I don’t want to be normal. I just want to share.”

  “It’s not that I want you gone. I just…” Lily trailed off.

  “Want me gone”, Jade finished.

  Jade’s breathing came faster the closer they got to the water. Bile rolled in her stomach, coming up her esophagus and sitting on back of her tongue, leaving her mouth sour and sharp. Paris stopped again and looked at her. She shook her head.

  “Keep going.”

  He pursed his lips together, but nodded.

  Jade tried never to think about the last day she saw Lily, about the way they had fought, the things they had said to each other. There were things they hadn’t said aloud but, with their brains intertwined, they both knew the words that were held back. Barbed, edged things - words more like weapons that speech. Words meant to cut, meant to bruise. Words felt in anger and hurt, meant to cause anger and hurt in return. Words that cast blame, words that caused shame, words that could never be taken back and that was the only reason they stayed unspoken.

  Only there never was such a thing as ‘unspoken’ between Jade and Lily.

  Paris and Jade were closer now to the lake. The pull of it against Jade’s insides was relentless, like meat hooks embedded in her chest, yanking and tearing at the flesh. God, and the chirping of those damn birds! She hadn’t noticed when they started, but now it was all she could hear. Shouldn’t they be gone for the season? It was winter.

  “What?” Paris asked.

  Jade hadn’t realized she’d spoken out loud. She was surprised to see Paris stopped in front of her, closer than she expected him to be.

  “Those stupid fucking birds,” she said, bent over, hands resting on her knees. She felt sick. She might lose her coffee from the morning. She could feel the cream souring in her stomach and tasted it in the back of her throat and soft palate. Her head started throbbing. “That noise is scraping against me.”

  “There are no birds, Jade.”

  She tipped her head up at him, seeing him stare down at her with concern in his solemn gaze.

  “The Sparrow Lady,” she murmured, the name coming to her lips suddenly. She’d forgotten it until now. “She must be here.”

  Paris’ eyebrows came together sharply. “Who is the Sparrow Lady?”

  “She’s the one in my dreams. She brings the birds. She holds me down. Lily warned me against her.”

  Paris looked back the way they had come and then toward the lake, and Jade knew he wondered if they should turn around. Jade looked forward, past him and she thought maybe she could see the lake through the trees.

  “I’ve been here,” she said, pushing herself upright and stepping past him. The chirping pounded against her eardrums and she squinted her eyes against the assault.

  “In your dreams?” Paris asked, following her.

  “Yes. No. Before that. I’ve been here.”

  Jade pushed through the dry winter branches and desiccated foliage. Her stomach somersaulted and she swallowed hard, feeling the burn of acid down her throat. She knew this place. Not very well, but enough that she knew what to expect as she walked through and then crossed the tree line into the lake area.

  “How can it be exactly like my dreams?” she asked, saying the words out loud, but not really expecting Paris to have an answer.

  “Maybe some kind of divination or clairvoyance.”

  Jade shook her head. “I don’t have those things.”

  “It doesn’t mean you won’t or can’t. Powers can evolve, like skills.”

  A flock of sparrows swooped down from the sky, flitting in front of her and then diving into the forest.

  “Tell me you saw those,” she said lowly, not daring to look at Paris.

  She saw him nod out of the corner of her eye. “Yes. I saw them.”

  Jade’s feet moved of their own will, one in front of the other, moving toward the lake. Her head throbbed in time with her footsteps, the same beat inside her ribcage, thick and heavy. A sharp stab of pain had her dropping her head into her hand, cradling her skull.

  “Are you all right?”

  Jade bent over and vomited up the morning’s coffee. The sight of her own sickness made her want to vomit again and she couldn’t stop, this time spitting up bile and saliva. She stumbled backward, away from the mess, feeling Paris’ hands on her, keeping her from falling over.

  Jade felt wetness on her hand and pulled back. Blood. She touched her nose and could feel the blood starting to drip out. Then she felt wetness trailing down the side of her neck, from her ear. Her hands shook.

  “Jade,” Paris said. He pulled her sharply back, away from the lake. “This was a mistake. I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.”

  He was pulling her back into the forest. She spun away from him and vomited again, gasping for air. She couldn’t get enough, God it was like drowning, drowning, drowning. She was drowning, the sky going dark above her. Her ears roared and all she could hear were sparrows, sparrows, sparrows.

  Jade had a sudden sense of vertigo and was confused when all she could see was sky going dark, so dark. She became aware she wasn’t standing anymore, but she wasn’t on the ground and she was still moving. It confused her until she realized she was being carried and she felt awful for Paris. She wasn’t small and even though he was strong, there was no way he was going to be able to carry her back.

  But then they were further from the lake and she blinked a few times, the sky above her blue again, the blackness bleeding away. The snapping sound of twigs and leaves under Paris’ feet rushed into her ears and she no longer heard the awful sound of chirping. She could move her hand and she reached up clutching at Paris’ lapel, leaving a bloody handprint on his jacket.

  “Stop. Stop,” Jade managed. “Put me down.”

  Paris immediately set her down and thank God her feet held under her although she needed his help to stay upright.

  “Are you going to be sick again?” he asked, helping her tip forward in case she was about to vomit.

  Jade shook her head, taking a deep breath and letting it out slowly and then doing it again. She swiped at her nose, her hand getting covered with blood again in the process. She looked down at her jacket and saw trails of wet, shiny, red blood down the front. She wiped her hand on her pants. She was a wreck, there was no sense in trying to keep her pants clean at this point.

  “I think I’m better.”

  “You hardly look better,” Paris said sharply.

  Covered in bl
ood, maybe vomit, hunched over and breathing hard? No, she probably didn’t.

  Paris was trying to hand her something, his scarf. Presumably to wipe herself off. She took one look and shook her head.

  “Are you kidding me? I think that’s cashmere.”

  “For the love of-“ He exhaled sharply, only through his nose. “I don’t care. You’re covered in… fluids.”

  Jade unzipped her coat and used the bottom of her sweater to wipe off her face. Her nose was still bleeding, so it was kind of a lost cause, as she just ended up bloody again. She leaned forward and the blood dripped on the ground instead of on her.

  The next thing she knew, she had a face full of navy blue cashmere, as Paris held his scarf to her nose.

  “You’ll never get this clean,” she said, although with the scarf in front her face, it came out pretty garbled.

  “Yes, I’m sure I’ll lie awake nights bemoaning the loss of this scarf.” She could hear the eye roll in his tone. She took the grip of the scarf from him and made to stand up. His hand on her back made her do so carefully, slowly. Her head pounded and the movement of her body made her feel tippy and twirly.

  “I can carry you back to the car.”

  Jade hoped the look her eyes gave him over top of the scarf conveyed her opinion on that. “Are you crazy? I’m almost as tall as you and we had to hike in.”

  Paris pulled a phone out of his pocket. “I can call for assistance and we’ll wait here.”

  “I can walk.”

  “You’re bleeding from the nose and the ears and you vomited. You look like you should be hospitalized.”

  Jade fidgeted, feeling the undercurrent of the lake still pulling at her body. “Can we just go? I don’t like it here.”

  Paris’ lips thinned slightly and he studied her carefully.

  “I can walk, I swear. I’ll take breaks. I just… I just really want to go.”

  He harrumphed, like a disgruntled muppet. “All right. Please stay in front of me where I can see you.”

  #

  Bruce was extraordinarily pleased to see Jade come the trees. He waddled up to her and seemed not at all surprised by the dreadful state she was in. Her nose had stopped bleeding part of the way back, but she had needed to rest twice, catching her breath along the pathway. Paris had been offered to carry her again, but she’d looked at him as though he were a lunatic. It did nothing for his ego. Yes, it was a long hike in and out, but if it had needed to be done, he could have and would have done it.