by Nell Dixon
"I would like to speak to Jennifer Blake, please."
Jenni didn't recognize the voice, but that wasn't unusual. "Speaking, can I help you?"
"This is Tracey, I sent you a note the other day?"
Nate stepped to her side so he could hear the conversation, apparently alerted by the tone of her voice.
"Yes, I got it. You said things were difficult for you at the moment." Jenni shook with fear. She crossed the fingers of her free hand behind her back. It would be awful if her mother had called to say she didn't want any further contact.
"I can't see you until after Christmas. It's too difficult for me. I don't want you to have any trouble..." Tracey was almost whispering. Jenni could barely hear her. "I'll get in touch as soon as it's safe. I...he's coming back, I have to go." Before Jenni had a chance to respond, the line went dead. She stared at the receiver.
Nate took the phone from her and placed the handset back in the cradle.
"Was it Tracey?" he asked.
Jenni's mind whirled. It had sounded as if her birth mother was frightened of someone—and frightened for Jenni. What could be going on? She blinked back her tears.
"Come on, we'll talk about this upstairs." Nate slipped a gentle, yet protective arm around her shoulders, and steered her towards the lift.
"What did she say?" Nate's deep voice rumbled in her ear. Inside the privacy of his office, he stepped away from her and stood with his hands in his pockets, watching her.
She repeated the conversation to Nate word-for-word.
"What do you think?" she asked.
To her dismay, he didn't give her an immediate answer. In fact, she sensed him almost struggling with himself—as if he knew or suspected something she didn't.
"Well?" she demanded, after a couple of silent and awkward minutes had ticked by.
"I didn't want to tell you this, because I knew you wouldn't like it and would probably tell me to mind my own business." He paused, as if to weigh up how she might receive what he was about to say.
"What are you talking about?" Today had turned into a bad dream. Perhaps if she pinched herself she might wake up.
"I was worried for your safety after the note got pushed through your door, so I engaged a private investigator to do some research."
Indignation at his actions fought with fear for her mother's safety. "You did what?" she managed eventually.
"I was concerned about how she might have got hold of your home address and why the note had been left there rather than posted here. I think she's mixed up in something, Jenni, and on one point I wholly agree with her. I don't want you involved with it either."
Dumbfounded, she looked at him. The impact of his words seeped into her subconscious. Her teeth chattered as a wave of nausea washed over her and the room began to spin.
Strong arms held her tight and a man's voice murmured reassurance in her ear. A deep familiar voice. Nate.
Dazed, she opened her eyes. "I never faint," she protested.
"For someone who never faints, you make quite a habit of it," he remarked.
She pushed herself up into a sitting position, taking care not to hurry. The physical exertion made the blood rush back into her head. Nate steadied her against his chest.
"Stay still until the dizziness wears off," he advised.
"I'm okay now, really." She wasn't sure if it was the faint or Nate that made her head feel muzzy.
He pulled out his office chair and made her sit down on it.
"I just panicked. It all seemed so extraordinary. A bit like an episode from a TV drama." The scenarios she had created in her mind rushed back to her, making her stomach knot.
Nate leaned against the desk in front of her, his brow creased in thought. "I haven't had much back yet, Jenni, but what the investigator has discovered so far indicates Tracey herself doesn't seem to be involved in anything shifty."
"But..." Jenni said, confused. There had to be something more.
"The man she's living with is another kettle of fish altogether. Apparently, he has a criminal record as long as your arm, and it's not small stuff."
Jenni digested the information in silence for a moment. The whole thing sounded so incredible. "Do you think Tracey is in any danger?"
"I don't know. I presume she knows all about this man. She seems aware of the risks she's running. Why else would she ring you?"
"Why would it involve me in any kind of danger?"
Nate shrugged. "I'm not sure. All I can think is that he doesn't like Tracey contacting you. Perhaps he's afraid of you poking around asking awkward questions. It does worry me that he may know where you live."
Jenni shivered. "Should I go to the police?"
Nate scratched his chin, deep in thought. "I don't think it would do any good. We've nothing definite to go on. We'll know more in a few days' time when the investigator has finished his research."
A chill of fear ran up Jenni's spine. "What shall I do until then?" It felt frightening when she thought of being on her own in her flat. Not knowing who might be watching or waiting for her. For all she knew he could be spying on her right now...
* * * *
Nate sighed. Today was not going to plan at all. He had intended to place his friendship with Jenni back onto a more formal footing. But when she'd been so close, he had wanted to hold her tight against him and kiss her fears away. That definitely wasn't part of the plan.
He wasn't sure what Jenni should do—he didn't want to cause her unnecessary alarm. All the same, he didn't like the idea of her going home. She was too vulnerable living there already without any extra threat to her safety.
"How long do you think it'll be before the detective finds out anything more definite?"
He could see the fear in her beautiful blue eyes—eyes that trusted him to protect her.
The same look that had been in Cerys' eyes.
Nate took a deep breath, fighting to drag air into lungs which had forgotten how to breathe. His fists clenched into white-knuckled balls with the effort, and a cold trail of sweat trickled down his spine.
"He was hoping to have something by next week." Nate forced himself to sound calm.
"What am I going to do?"
Her voice held a note of despair. Nate gritted his teeth.
"Stay at my house for tonight. You'll be fine there. Tomorrow I'll try to find out more." He swallowed hard and prayed he had done the right thing.
Jenni looked at him. He knew what few options were available to her were being considered.
"Nate, I couldn't impose on you like that. For all we know we might have the whole thing blown right out of proportion."
"Do you want to go back to your flat? Stay on your own? Unless you want me to spend the night on your couch, I suggest you stay at my house for tonight."
She nodded. "Okay, but I'll have to collect some things from home."
"We'll stop by after work and you can pack your toothbrush." At last she'd seen sense.
"Thanks for doing this, Nate." She stood up and crossed over to the office door. "I'd better go back to work."
* * * *
Jenni closed the door behind her as she left Nate's office. Why had her life become so complicated?
Nate being around her all the time for the next few days wasn't going to be simple. He would be horrified if he found out she had fallen in love with him. She could lose everything she valued most—her job, her home, and most importantly, Nate.
She forced herself to concentrate on her work until by the time she stopped for a break it was dark. Almost everyone else had gone home by the time she finished the last letter in her in-tray. She switched off her computer with a sigh of relief then got up to tap on Nate's door.
She opened it a crack and saw he was deep in conversation on the telephone. She had decided to creep out again when he noticed her, holding up his hand to indicate that she should stay. Jenni waited by the door until he finished his conversation and hung up the phone.
"That was
Sam Woods. We did it. We've won the contract." A broad smile lit up Nate's face. Jenni grinned back, delighted with their success.
"That's fantastic, Nate. You deserve it."
Nate advanced across the room. He picked her up and swung her around. "No, we deserve it," he corrected when he set her down on her feet again.
She felt a little giddy. "It was your design. I told you it was wonderful."
His hands still encircled her waist. She felt his warmth through the thin silky material of her blouse. Shakily, she took a small step away from him, her head turned away so he couldn't see her rosy face.
"We'd better go. The cleaners will be here in a minute. I need to go home and pack a bag." She hoped she sounded breezy and unconcerned. One touch from Nate reduced her to jelly. She didn't think her acting skills were up to fooling him.
He was silent as he drove her to his home. Jenni's stomach rolled with a sick nervousness as they pulled up outside Nate's house. She hoped Nate's housekeeper wouldn't be in. What would the woman think if she saw Jenni arrive with her overnight bag? She called a halt to her thoughts. It was crazy to keep comparing her life now to the one she'd lived under her parent's roof. She was a grown woman, a free agent. There was no need for her to be scared of people's opinions any more.
Fortunately, from Jenni's point of view, the only resident at home was Rufus. The dog greeted them both with equal delight. She followed Nate into the house and waited in the hall for him to tell her where she could leave her bag.
"I'll show you where everything is. Then I'll make some tea while you unpack.” Nate’s hunched shoulders indicated he was as uncomfortable as she felt. He showed her into a pretty, spacious room just off the first floor landing.
"The bathroom is through there. Make yourself at home, Jen. If you want anything, just help yourself."
She looked around at the comfortable bedroom, with its restful cream and green colour scheme. "This is lovely Nate—thank you. I don't know what I would have done if you hadn't invited me to stay here."
He looked a little irritated by her thanks. "You're welcome. I'll put the kettle on. Come down when you're ready."
Jenni took a few minutes to unpack her things and freshen up. After a few deep breaths to calm her nerves, and a touch-up of her lipstick, she made her way back to the kitchen.
"Rose has left a lamb casserole for us." Nate handed her a mug of tea.
"That's very kind of her. Can I do anything to help?"
"No, it's all ready. Have a seat and I'll dish up."
She sat down at one end of the long beech table where he had set a place. Nate slid the dish from the oven and began to ladle the rich meat casserole onto a plate. His shoulders sloped with fatigue. Her heart clenched with sympathy.
He sat down opposite her and began to eat. Jenni wondered if he'd eaten much lunch. If she hadn't gone out and fetched him a sandwich, he probably wouldn't have eaten all day.
"Are you alright, Nate? You seem to have a lot on your mind."
"Sorry, I was miles away." He picked at the casserole on his plate.
"You don't seem very hungry."
"I'm just tired, I guess."
Nate looked far too attractive sitting there at the end of the table. He had taken off his tie and loosened the collar of his shirt. A faint black shadow of beard covered his jaw.
She shifted on her seat and wondered what was on his mind. A couple of times she thought he was about to speak. It could be so nice. To come home together at the end of the day, share a meal, chat. Tension fizzed in the air. Jenni sensed the grounds of their relationship had shifted.
"I wish we knew more about what was happening with Tracey."
"We should know a little more about Tracey's situation tomorrow." Nate stood up and stacked his plate in the dishwasher. "I'm going up to take a shower. Help yourself to anything you need. If you want to go and watch television or anything, feel free."
"I will. Thank you." He looked at her for a moment as if he was about to say something else, but turned instead and left the room. After a few minutes, Jenni abandoned her pretence at eating and scraped the remnants from her plate into the bin before placing it in the dishwasher and going through to the lounge.
She switched on the lamps before she crossed over to the window to draw the curtains. She hadn't been in this room yet, except to open the door when she had been looking for the cloakroom on Sunday afternoon. A large bookcase stood to one side of the fireplace. She went over to take a look, thinking a book might occupy her mind and help her to sleep.
A small photograph in a simple silver frame stood close to the edge on the far corner of the top shelf, half-turned so that it faced the wall. Jenni didn't need to be told who it was. She looked at the face of the woman she had heard so much about but had never seen. A soft sigh escaped her, Cerys had been very beautiful. The only thing Jenni could see they had in common was a faint resemblance around their eyes, and of course, Nate.
He had no pictures of Cerys in his office. Until now, Jenni hadn't seen any in his home. Absorbed in her thoughts, she didn't hear the door click open or Nate enter the room. Mortified at being caught with the photograph in her hands, she fumbled with the frame trying to stand it back up on the shelf.
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean, I was after a book..."
Nate's attention stayed fixed on the photograph, his expression grimmer and bleaker than she had ever seen. She knew the picture had brought back the past and his memories. Her breath caught in her throat.
"Nate..." Her voice came out as a husky croak.
"I'd almost forgotten that was still there." His speech slowed as though it cost a physical effort for him to force the words from his lips.
Jenni lifted her hand from the picture, her eyes still fixed on his face. Nate sank down on the nearby armchair and buried his face in his hands. To her horror his shoulders started to shake as he struggled to contain his grief.
Unable to stop herself, she moved to his side and placed a tentative hand on his shoulder as she knelt on the floor beside him.
"You need to let her go, Nate." Jenni's heart tore in two as she watched the man she loved grieve over the fiancée who had been lost to him for so long.
"It's not that easy, Jenni," he said, "you don't understand. I wanted to tell you, to explain."
She swallowed hard. "I know you loved her."
"I killed her, Jenni."
She stared at him in disbelief. "It was an accident, Nate. There was black ice on the road."
He lifted his head and met her gaze with tear filled eyes. "I was responsible. It was my fault."
Jenni was convinced he had taken leave of his senses. He rubbed his face with weary hands, as though trying to clear his head.
"I've never told anyone what happened that night."
"But the police report cleared you of any blame. The accident investigator agreed." Jenni shook her head, desperate to make sense of it all.
"I wasn't the driver that night. Cerys was the one behind the wheel."
"That's impossible." Jenni blurted the words out before she could stop herself.
He sighed, "To understand, Jenni, you have to know what Cerys was like. She tried so hard to be perfect. All her life she tried to please everyone. The perfect daughter, the perfect friend, the perfect fiancée. She spent a fortune on her clothes and her hair. She always wanted to be seen at what she thought were the right places and to be in the right social circles." His brow darkened with pain.
"She had a group of friends, ‘the crowd' she called them. I never cared for them very much. They seemed loud and superficial, but they were important to her. They had parties most weekends, and we used to go." Nate stumbled over the last few words before stopping to rub his face again.
"Cerys tried so hard to be everything to everybody, I didn't realize for a long time that she had serious problems. She hid it so well. She insisted the pills I kept finding were for headaches and it wasn't until she got careless that I started finding the empty
vodka bottles. She'd hide them in all kinds of places."
Jenni's head reeled. "No one else knew?"
Nate shook his head. "Only me. She swore she'd get help. That she'd given up. She couldn't bear the thought that anyone might find out. There were so many lies, so many broken promises." His face looked ashen in the lamplight. She could only guess at the effort sharing this terrible secret had cost him. She took his icy hand between hers as if she could physically save him from his past and revive him with the warmth of her touch.
"The night of the crash, Cerys was at the wheel. I'd discovered she'd been drinking again and threatened to leave her. She hadn't kept the appointments with her therapist." He swallowed hard. "We argued. She knew I wouldn't let her drive if she'd been drinking, so she took the keys from my jacket. I jumped in the passenger seat just as she pulled away. That's why neither of us had seatbelts on."
Jenni saw him relive the nightmare, the scene that tormented him. The stern lines of his mouth wavered and he gripped her hand as if she were the lifeline that would be his salvation.
"She hit a patch of black ice and the car started to spin. Cerys screamed. I grabbed the wheel and tried to correct it, but I couldn't make the turn in time. We hit the tree full on."
"There wasn't anything you could have done. It wasn't your fault." Jenni's heart broke afresh with pain for the man she loved.
"I should have stopped her, made her go for her treatment. If I hadn't threatened to leave her, she would never have taken the keys. When the police came to see me afterwards, they didn't know who had been driving because the crash had piled us both up in the front of the car. I felt I owed it to Cerys to protect her memory. For her sake and her parents. They were elderly and doted on her. She was all they had."
Jenni longed to hold him close and take some of the burden he had carried alone for so long. "You loved her so much," she whispered, "but you didn't kill her, Nate. She made those choices for herself. You did everything you could to protect her, to get her to go for help. You weren't to know she would try to drive that night." She stroked his cheek and tried to make him see the truth of her words.