A Little Love (Reading, Writing and Romance Book 2)

by Pandora Pine

  XX

  The slamming door echoed loudly in the empty room. Dec felt hot tears scald down his face to drip onto his sweater. He wiped his fists over his eyes. Now wasn't the time to cry. There would be plenty of time for that later, once he was home in his empty apartment and there was no one to watch.

  He'd spent most of the night trying to figure out what the hell to do about Rem. His heart wanted him to shout his love for Rem from the rafters while his head told him to shut the fuck up. He'd listened to his head.

  The week at the lodge with Rem and Gemma had been picture perfect. It had actually felt like they were a real family. Dec hadn't been exaggerating when he'd told Rem how close he and Gemma had gotten during this week.

  Where the little girl used to sit as far away from Rem as she could get, now she'd been sitting next to him, or more often than not on him. She was full of laughs and gave Rem more hugs in an hour than she'd done in the three months she'd lived with him.

  Not that Gemma hadn't been just as demonstrative with Declan. She had. Usually she would insist each man sit on either side of her or that they take turns riding down the waterslide with her. They’d been the family Declan had always dreamed they could be.

  He knew it was going to hurt Gemma not to have him around anymore, but the minor pain she'd feel was tiny in comparison to how it had felt to lose her mother. Dec knew she'd be over him in a few days.

  Over the last few days, he hadn’t heard Gemma lisp once. He’d told her again and again how proud of her he was. Now that she wasn't lisping anymore, there was no need for him to see her again. It would be a nice, clean break.

  As wonderful as the week with Rem had been, his ex hadn't given any indication that he wanted to make their vacation arrangement permanent. That had been the tipping point in the discussion between his heart and his head.

  Never once had Rem told him how he felt and Declan hadn't been about to spill the beans about his own feelings without so much as a hint from Rem that they were returned. He knew it was taking the coward’s way out, but there it was.

  He'd been on tenterhooks for days waiting for Rem to say those three little words. Hell, Dec would have settled for hearing Rem say he was falling for him or even still had feelings for him. But it wasn't to be.

  He'd taken Ben and Knox's advice to be happy and had run with it. He sucked every single drop of happiness out of this week and lying in Rem's arms last night, he realized that Rem hadn't offered him anything more permanent than one last night together.

  Rem had said over and over again how they needed to take advantage of their "last night" together. That said it all, didn't it?

  If Rem had wanted them to continue on as they had been, he would have made plans for tonight or later in the week, but he hadn't.

  Dec reached into the closet and grabbed his suitcase. It didn't take him long to pile all of his clothes back into it. The last thing to pack was his purple Mighty Moose Lodge t-shirt that Rem had bought him.

  Gemma had seen other families wearing matching lodge tees and she insisted they get matching ones too. Rem had agreed and bought them all shirts in Gemma's favorite color. Bronson and Nash had liked the idea so much they'd done the same with thing with green shirts. Dec had a million pics on his phone of them all together in their matching shirts. Ben and Knox had even joined in getting matching blue shirts.

  There wouldn't be any more family bonding exercises for him now. He'd go home, cry for Rem and Gemma, and then somehow manage to start his life again.

  He was only thirty years old. There was plenty of time for him to find a man who would love and trust him unconditionally. He'd look for a man who wasn't afraid to lay his cards on the table. He'd become the kind of man who wasn't afraid to talk about his feelings.

  It would take some time, but he knew he'd get over Remington James. He'd done it once before. Declan knew he could do it again.

  Leaving the bedroom he'd shared with Rem, Dec ducked into Gemma's room. Her clothes and toys were everywhere. He bent to pick up her matching purple Mighty Moose shirt. It was stained with hot fudge from the sundae bar they'd gone to last night to celebrate their last night at the lodge.

  Gemma had cried when she realized her shirt was ruined. Rem had assured her that it would come out in the wash and would be good as new. That earned Rem a hug and a kiss on the cheek. Dec held the shirt to his face, rubbing the soft material against his day old stubble.

  He set the shirt on her bed and headed back to Rem's bedroom. Fat teardrops dripped to land on his suitcase as he zipped it up. He wiped his sleeve against his eyes and dragged the suitcase out the door. The quiet sound of the door closing echoed loud in the quiet hallway.

  16

  It rained like Noah would need to build another ark the week after the trip to New Hampshire. Rem didn't care. The gloomy days matched his mood perfectly.

  He'd run on auto-pilot the entire week. He'd gotten himself and Gemma out the door to school on time. He picked her up from Peg and Mitch McKinnon's house and made dinner. He tried to do it with a smile so Gemma wouldn't notice his heart was broken, but to be honest, Rem knew her heart was broken too.

  Declan had hit the nail on the head when he'd said how close he and Gemma had gotten on the trip. They'd both used that newly forged bond to get them through the week.

  After dinner, they'd sat together on the couch with Blackie and silently watched television. Not even the antics of Jake and the Neverland Pirates could make Gemma laugh.

  His friends, usually so far up his ass they knew what he'd had for lunch, had been curiously absent. He and Gemma had driven back from vacation with Bronson and Nash. They'd known something was up, but with the kids in the car, hadn't said a word.

  That weird silence had continued throughout the week. Nash and Knox were always stopping into his office to chat about something or other. This week, both men had been scarce. He'd only seen them in passing in the hallway.

  Not that he could blame them, really. He'd been a sad sack for so long that he guessed his friends were just sick and tired of his sad clown act. He knew how busy Nash’s life was with Tucker and couldn’t really blame him for not being able to spare him any time.

  Life without Declan was nearly unbearable. It was odd to feel that after he’d only been seeing Declan for the last month after being without him for the last two years, but it was true.

  Dec said Rem didn’t need him now that he and Gemma were getting along better but Rem couldn’t shake the feeling there was more to it that that, but fuck him if he could figure out what it was. He just didn’t have the strength to deal with the riddle.

  He was about to shut the television off and go to bed when there was a knock at his door. It was past eleven on a school night. Who the hell would be here at this hour?

  Rem hauled himself off the couch and over to the front door. A familiar face was standing on the other side. "Rainier? What are you doing here?"

  Rainier raised a skeptical eyebrow. "Rumor has it you’re going through a rough patch. I brought brownies." He held up a plastic grocery store sack.

  "Come in." Rem led his brother to the kitchen. Over the last few months, Rainier had stopped in once a week or so to check on him and Gemma. That had stopped a few weeks ago when one of his big cases had gone to trial. Rainier was famous for going to ground when a trial was underway.

  Rem got the plastic container of brownies out of the bag and managed to crack open the lid. "I swear they make these things hard to get into on purpose."

  Rainier smiled. "Yeah, they make you work for your dessert." He grabbed a brownie and ate half of it in one huge bite. "Spill it."

  Rem sighed. He knew damn well what Rainier wanted him to spill. Needing another minute to himself, he grabbed the milk out of the fridge and poured them each a glass.

  "It's Declan,” Rem said on a sigh.

  "No shit, Sherlock. What the hell happened? The last I knew he was practically living here and you were going off on vacation together."
>
  "Who told you something happened?" He'd bet it was Nash. That man had a heart of gold, but also had a big fricken mouth.

  "You did," Rainier said with a mouthful of brownie.

  "I did?" Rem hadn’t spoken to his brother since before they’d gone to the lodge, so unless he’d done it in his sleep, Rainier was wrong.

  Rainier took a sip of milk. "You'd been texting me pictures like crazy. Christ, sometimes I'd get twenty in a day. I have to tell you, I enjoyed it. My phone would be off when I was in court all day. I loved coming home and turning my phone back on. It would beep like crazy for ten minutes while all the pics you'd sent downloaded. Then all of a sudden the pictures stopped."

  Rem nodded. It made sense. He'd sent a ton of pictures to Rainier and Peg McKinnon while they'd been gone. "I don't know how to explain what happened."

  "Use your words, Remy." Rainier flashed a smile and reached for another fudgy brownie.

  Rem sighed. He tried to marshal his thoughts. He had spent the last week trying to figure out what the hell had happened with Declan. He wasn't any closer to an answer now than he'd been the last day they'd been together. "You know how badly I was struggling with Gemma?"

  "Yeah, poor little thing."

  "Ben Wagner suggested I call in a speech therapist to work on her lisp. He recommended Declan."

  "Price of living in a small town. Everyone knows everyone."

  "She fell in love with him, Rainier, and would pitch a fit when it was time for him to go home. Of course Peg McKinnon took Declan in like a stray cat."

  "No surprise there. Is that why Declan started staying here?"

  “Yeah. It was just easier getting Gemma to eat dinner and take a bath and go to bed with Declan here. He slept on the couch the whole time.”

  “But you got closer.” It wasn’t a question.

  “So close that I decided I wanted to give him another chance.” Why the fuck he’d thought that was a good idea he’d never know.

  “I know how hard you must have thought about it before making that decision.”

  “You’re not upset?”

  “Nope! I always liked Declan. I’ve known all along he was the perfect man for you. Been waiting for you to see it too.”

  “What do you mean? You were as upset as any of us when Dec cheated on me two years ago.”

  Rainier shook his head. “I was upset that you were upset. I was more angry at you that you wouldn’t hear him out.”

  Rem nodded. “I was such a jerk.”

  “I’m glad you can see that now. So what happened when you told Declan you wanted to try again?”

  Rem rubbed the heel of his hand against his battered heart. “He wasn’t sure. Said he wanted to see what happened when we were on vacation. He thought I was bringing him on the trip to ease the way with Gemma.”

  “Were you?” Rainier sounded like he was cross-examining Rem.

  “No! I wanted to spend time with him.” All he’d wanted to do was spend every hour of every day with Declan.

  “Did he know that?” Rainier raised an eyebrow in question.

  Rem sighed. He was more tired that he’d ever been in his life and he wasn’t in the mood to be treated like he was on the witness stand. “I don’t know.”

  “Thanks to all the pics you sent me, I know what a great time Gemma had and how close the two of you have gotten. So maybe Declan thought his job here was done.”

  “He said something like that.” It had cut him to the bone to hear Dec say that very thing.

  “And what did you say to him?” Rainier’s voice was softer, less attorney and more big brother.

  “Nothing, I just got pissed off that he’d spent the week being so close to me and now he was dropping me like a hot rock.”

  Rainier stood up and pulled Rem in for a hug. “You’re my brother and I love you, but let’s just say strong communication skills are not your strong suit.”

  “Damn it, Rainier!” Rem struggled to free himself. He needed his brother’s love and support right now. What he didn’t need was a lecture. He’d already spent the last week beating himself up.

  “We both know I’m right. You never asked Declan to stay, right? Ditto with not telling him you loved him, yes?” Rainier sounded like he already knew the answers to his questions.

  “I didn’t do either of those things.” What a fool he’d been. If he’d spent more time listening to what Declan had really been trying to say instead of getting angry, things might have turned out differently.

  Rainier’s eyes bugged open in shock. “You let him go without a fight? Or even an explanation?”

  Rem shook his head. He could feel tears stinging the back of his eyes. He held his brother tighter and cried on his shoulder. “I’ve lost him again, Rainier.”

  “Now you’re just being dramatic. You need to see him. Talk to him. Listen to him.”

  “What if he won’t listen?” Rem wouldn’t blame Declan one bit if he didn’t.

  “It’s pretty obvious he’s still in love with you. He’ll listen.” Rainier kissed the side of Rem’s head. “And if he doesn’t, we’ll just sue him.”

  Rem started to laugh. It felt good to have a plan. He knew he couldn’t spend the rest of his life mooning over Declan. He’d do what Rainier said and would call Dec in the morning.

  XX

  Declan was startled awake by a knock on his door. No one ever came to visit him at his apartment and besides, it was a Friday. Everyone he knew was working. As he stumbled out of bed he tried to remember if he’d ordered anything online and to the best of his knowledge, he hadn’t, so it couldn’t be the UPS man.

  He pressed the microphone button. “Who is it?”

  “Meals on Wheels!” Peg McKinnon’s cheery voice called back through the intercom.

  Hitting the button to release the door lock, Declan ran to the bathroom to run a comb through his hair and quickly brush his teeth. Peg was knocking on his door just as he ran back into the kitchen. He opened the door for her.

  “Christ, look what the cat dragged in.” Peg grabbed his chin, moving it from side to side. “Scratch that, not even the cat would drag you in, Declan. My poor baby.” Peg breezed past him and set a bag of groceries on the counter.

  “Come on in, Peg,” Declan grumped.

  Peg wheeled around. “Go take a shower. I’ll make you breakfast and then we can talk.”

  “Why are you here?” Declan figured now that Rem was out of his life, all of his friends were too. The last person, aside from Rem, he ever would expect to show up on his doorstep was Peg McKinnon.

  “Just because you and Remington are being stupid doesn’t mean I have to join in too, now does it?” Peg fisted her hands on her hips.

  Declan snorted. Peg was always a straight shooter. “No, ma’am.”

  “That’s a good boy. Now shoo.” Peg turned around and started unpacking the food. It looked to Declan like she’d brought enough to feed an army.

  “I don’t know exactly why you’re here, Peg, but thank you. I could use a hot meal.”

  “I can see that, Declan, and you’re welcome.”

  **

  When Declan stepped out of the shower fifteen minutes later, he could smell bacon cooking. Even when things at home had been good, his mother had never been the type to make a big breakfast, not like Peg was doing for him.

  He toweled himself off, shaved his scruffy week old beard and found some reasonably clean sweats and an only slightly wrinkled tee shirt to wear.

  When he walked back into the kitchen, he could see the table had been set for two. A pitcher of orange juice sat in the middle of it and was flanked by a plate of hot buttered toast.

  “Thank you for shaving. That beard was offensive.” Peg wrinkled her nose. “Do you like your eggs sunny side up or scrambled?”

  “Whatever is easiest. No, wait, sunny side up, please.” Declan found his first smile in what felt like a month. “Thanks, Peg. Not just for making me breakfast, but for getting me out of bed.”


  Peg nodded and cracked an egg into the frying pan. “When Bronson was married to Alicia, I sat by and watched while she hurt my son and grandson with her selfish ways.”

  Rem had told him the story about how Alicia felt that having Tucker ruined her chance at being a hard-hitting newswoman. Instead, what she’d ended up hitting hard was the bottle and was now in a Texas rehab getting her life back together.

  “I didn’t want to be one of those mothers who stepped in and meddled in her son’s life.”

  “I’m sure Bronson appreciated that.” Dec had no idea where Peg was going with this conversation.

  “Actually, he told me years later that he’d wished I’d stepped in to save him and Tucker from that woman.” Peg took a deep breath and slid three perfect eggs onto a plate which she set in front of Declan. “Those words haunt me to this day.”

  “Peg, I’m so sorry.” Dec reached out to set his hand on top of hers.

  “Thank you, dear boy, but the point I’m trying to make here is that the days of me standing by and watching someone else I love get hurt are over.”

  Her words pulled Declan up short. “I-I...”

  “Remington told me about your falling out with your parents.”

  “Of course he did.” Dec rolled his eyes.

  “I don’t love my son or my son-in-law-to-be one bit less because they’re gay. Same goes for you. I’m not your mother, Declan, but I’d like to be.”

  Dec’s fork clattered against his plate. “I don’t know what to say, Peg. Rem and I aren’t together. We might not ever be and Nash is his friend.”

  “Now that is about the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard. Who cares who is friends with who.” She fisted her hands on her hips and gave Dec a hard look. “As for you and Rem not being together, that’s why I’m here.”

  Dec mashed a piece of toast into the yolk of an egg. He understood where Peg was coming from, wanting the people in her life to be happy in love, but he just didn’t see a way for that to happen between him and Rem. “He walked away from me, Peg.”