Dear Ava

by Madden-Mills, Ilsa

  “My bet is on the freshman girls. Amateurs,” Knox murmurs as he looks at the group who was laughing. A couple call out his name and give him little finger waves as they check him out.

  “Hey, Knox,” a pretty brunette says, giving him flirty eyes. “You should have been on our team.”

  Another one shouts, “Wanna come help us clean up, Knox?”

  They stare at me and a few whisper behind their hands, and even though most of them are younger than me, I figure everyone knows who I am.

  I give them death glares.

  Camilla steps forward, blocking them from my view. “I’ll take care of the cats, Miss Henderson. If they don’t belong to anyone, I’ll make sure they find a good home. I work at a humane shelter.”

  Nice person.

  I open the closet where we hid to grab a mop. Something darts toward the door then changes its mind and heads back inside, huddling in the corner.

  “It’s our little friend,” says Knox from behind me. He was collecting pieces of balloons and stuffing them into a trash bag Miss Henderson gave him.

  I pick it up, but she claws at me and tries to jump down.

  “Easy now,” Knox says, taking the cat from me.

  She hides her face in the bend of his muscled arm.

  I scoff. “Seriously? Why would she go to you but not me?” I pet her and realize the fluffy fur is hiding skin and bones. “She’s so tiny. Are you going to take her to the cage?”

  He glances down at the cat now lying on her back in his arms and kneading her little paws into him. “Maybe he wants to come home with me.”

  “She. It’s a she. See, no balls.”

  He smirks. “Okay, maybe she wants to come home with me.”

  “I see—you dig cats. Let me add that to the list of things in my file about Knox Grayson.”

  “You’re making a list?”

  “Big thick dossier. Plays piano, likes cats, hates kissing.”

  His jaw drops. “Hey, that is not true—”

  Camilla stops in front of us. “Those stupid freshman girls. You wanna hand her over?”

  Knox shifts, fidgeting. “What’s going to happen to her?”

  “I heard some of the girls saying they picked up the cats from a dumpster near an alley downtown. Pretty sure they don’t belong to anyone. I imagine she’ll get adopted at the shelter. She’s little and cute.”

  He mulls that over, lifts her up, and stares into her black and gray striped face. “I’m going to give her to Dane, and her name shall be Astley.”

  “I think that means he’s keeping her,” I murmur to Camilla.

  She nods, looking pleased. “I’d get her checked out at the vet, though. She’ll need meds and all that.”

  Knox says he will, and after the rest of the cats are accounted for and the hallway is sparkling clean, he follows me back to my room. Miss Henderson has left our area, probably to check on the other floors, so she doesn’t see him sneak in.

  “I really needed prank night,” I murmur as he sits on my lone wooden chair with Astley, softly rubbing her fur.

  The big football player is holding a kitten, and my fingers itch to take a picture.

  “I have some soda. Do you want a Coke or something?”

  He takes in the textbooks and laptop on my bed. A conflicted look crosses his face. “It’s late. We have school tomorrow.”

  I fiddle with the Mountain Dew I’ve pulled out of the fridge. “Ah. Dangerous to drink a soda on a school night. Noted.”

  He shrugs.

  I clear my throat. “I have a few cans of tuna. Let me get some for your new baby.”

  He rolls his eyes. “Can you get some water too? She might be thirsty.”

  I huff out a laugh, grab the tuna, and open it, setting it on the floor near the bathroom. Before I can get her some water in a mug from my desk, she’s already got her face in the can, eating delicately.

  “She’s kind of prissy,” I murmur, watching as she leans down and swishes her tail.

  “She’s perfect.”

  “You think Dane will like her?”

  He looks up at me. “Yeah. She’ll be good for him.”

  I plop down on my bed, moving the books and my laptop then adjusting my pillows at the top so I can be propped up.

  We don’t talk, and he seems on edge, alternately watching Astley and checking his phone.

  He’s antsy, like a tiger in a cage who wants out but isn’t sure how to escape.

  It’s awkward. No, scratch that—it’s weird AND awkward.

  “Why are you smiling?” he says gruffly, startling me.

  “You look terribly uncomfortable, and it makes me happy.”

  “You like me uncomfortable?”

  “Immensely! I love it when you aren’t sure what to say or do.”

  “Like now?”

  “Plus, you came to help out with prank night, and now you have a new pet. Fort Knox is breaking apart and getting soft, little by little.”

  He grins then. “So I’m not usually like this?”

  “Like, fun and lovable?”

  He blinks at those words, his lips parting, and he starts to say something but stops.

  “Go on, say it,” I say. “As one guy told me the first day of class, just get it all out.”

  He takes a deep breath, stands, and walks over to the bed, making my heart skip a beat. “Truth or dare, Tulip, and you can’t say dare.”

  Oh.

  The tension tightens in the room as tendrils of excitement flash through my nerve endings.

  I bite my bottom lip, anticipation rising. “Payback, I assume?”

  “You bet.”

  Shit. I can’t read him right now, not that that’s unusual, but his eyes are low and heavy.

  “Okay, I’ll play. Truth.”

  “Were you in love with Chance last year?”

  “I thought I was. I wasn’t.”

  His gaze glitters at me as if he’s trying to decide if I’m telling the truth. “Hmmm.”

  “My turn—”

  “Nope,” he says. “You had three times in the auditorium, remember? Truth or dare?”

  I stand up and face him, nervous with my heart pounding in my ears. “What do you want me to pick?”

  “Lady’s choice.” His chest rises rapidly as his eyes linger on my mouth.

  “Truth, again.”

  “Last year, did you want me as much as I wanted you?” His words are husky.

  I shiver. “Yes.”

  “Fuck…” A long sigh comes from him and he scrubs his face.

  “Don’t wimp out now, Cold and Evil. Ask the next one so I can get my turn.”

  A low grunt comes from him as if he’s not sure it’s a good idea for us to continue this game, but he sucks in a breath and finally says, “Truth or dare, Tulip?”

  “Dare.” Dare, dare, dare, baby. I don’t know what’s going to happen, but…

  The electricity in the air cranks up, the hair on my arms rising as he breathes deeply, his face open, so open and full of heat, and I don’t know what I’m doing here, but I’m in the moment, and he’s so close and…

  “Kiss me,” he growls.

  I take the two steps necessary to press my chest against his. Slowly sliding my hands up, I shudder at the feel of him, the silky quality of his practice jersey, the way his muscles spasm against me as I caress his collarbone, the hollows of his face. My fingers trace his eyebrows, marveling, amazed by how indescribably gorgeous his features are. And he wants me. I can see it by how still he is, the tense way he holds himself, as if he doesn’t want to startle me.

  My hands tangle in the hair around his neck. He puts his hands around my waist and tugs me closer, until we’re one. I slide my tongue over his parted lips and he gasps, and I don’t think I will ever get tired of the little truth that he kisses me, kisses me, when he doesn’t anyone else. Moaning, I nip at his bottom lip and pull with my teeth, and his hands clench around me, his tongue darting out and caressing mine. He groans my name
and deepens our kiss, his lips hard and insistent, his hands now pressing on my ass. A tornado twists inside me, desire ripping and tearing at the very heart of me.

  Will every kiss by him always be like this?

  When I pull away, I stroke my hand over his cheek and stare up at him. “You kiss like it’s your last.”

  His lashes flutter as he licks at my finger, sucking it into his mouth, making me breathless, the sensation sending waves of heat to my lower body.

  Hang on there, body, there’s still a game to play.

  “Truth or dare, Knox?”

  “Which one do you want?” he asks, eyes glowing

  “Truth.”

  “Ask.”

  “How did you get your scar?”

  I just need him to tell me, to open up when I know he hasn’t to anyone else except probably Dane.

  He sways on his feet. “God, Ava…”

  I cup his face. “Scars serve as medals of honor, and the strongest hearts have the most. I like your scars. Share them with me.”

  He takes a breath and his words slay me. “My mother sliced my face open.”

  I force the shock to not show on my face. It’s not what I thought he’d say. I entertained the idea that maybe he did it to himself even though he denied it the day he helped change my tire. I blink, reorienting my thoughts. “Why?”

  He moves to my bed and sits down, and I follow him, curling my legs up. His throat bobs, emotion stark on his face. “She went through these fugue episodes, more after the attack. I woke up one day and she was straddling me, a kitchen knife in her hands. She lashed out…she didn’t know who I was.” He stumbles over the next words. “She told me I was ugly after it happened, but she didn’t know what she was saying, so please don’t think badly of her. I don’t. I’ll love her always…she was my mom.”

  I bite my lip at the pain in his voice.

  “She killed herself a month later.”

  Tears prick at me as those images flicker in my mind, and I shove them down, pick up one of his fisted hands, and press it to my lips. I kiss each knuckle, unfurling his fingers until they’re no longer clenched.

  “I know I’m not ugly, but sometimes, sometimes, it gets in my head a little, and I…just…I don’t know…can’t stop thinking about it. I mean, if my own mom hurt me, then what the fuck is wrong with me? Then I remind myself that she had serious issues, but shit, the scar bugs me. I see it everyday in the mirror, and it’s a reminder that maybe I didn’t help her enough, that I should have seen how bad off she was that day we left her to go to school and she…she ended it.” He sucks in a breath. “It just…made me push people away. I didn’t want anyone to know what happened and I didn’t want to ever fucking kiss a girl again.”

  “I’m sorry it happened, Knox.” God, what else can I say? He’s been through so much more than I ever realized.

  He nods, sighing. “Dane has similar mental issues, I think.”

  I wince.

  “What?” he asks.

  “He was doing coke the day I was hit outside the gym.” I describe how I saw the powder on his nose. “I kinda sorta said I wouldn’t tell you, not really out loud, but with my eyes, and now I’m a snitch again and we haven’t really been talking—”

  He squeezes my hand. “Thanks for letting me know. Now, can you truth or dare me again? Because I really feel like this conversation took a nosedive.”

  I turn to face him on the bed. “Okay, truth or dare?”

  “You sound so serious,” he murmurs.

  I pop him on the arm lightly. “I am! It’s the only way to get you to talk to me.”

  “Ah, Tulip, I always want to talk to you…” He trails off. “Truth.”

  “Are you SA?”

  He pops an eyebrow. “SA?”

  I dart my eyes at him. “Don’t play innocent. You wrote me that letter and you’ve been texting me these poems, and if it isn’t you then I’m in deep shit cause I think SA is nice and I may really want to kiss him—”

  “Yes.”

  Warmth washes over me.

  “You’re smiling,” he murmurs.

  “Mmmm, I guessed it, so many clues there…how you showed up to help with my car, the mention of your brother…” I let my words drift off, thinking back to that letter. “Whose cell number do you use?”

  “One of Dane’s burner phones I took a while back.” He grimaces. “I really tried hard to not be stalkerish.”

  “Did you have anything to do with Tyler getting his scholarship?”

  His lips quirk. “That was all you, Tulip. Vicious girl. I bet you made Trask wet his pants when you waltzed in there and laid down the law.”

  I blush and scoot closer to him until our legs are touching. “Truth or dare?”

  His chest rises and he rakes a hand through his hair. “Shit. Truth?”

  “Why did you come tonight?”

  He lets out a frustrated growl, all male. Hot eyes drift over me. “I want you so bad I can’t think straight.”

  Oh, sweet Jesus. There it is. Somebody give the man a gold star.

  “Because you’re slumming?”

  “No!”

  “Because you plan to use me for some evil plan?”

  “No!”

  “Because you feel sorry for me?”

  “No!”

  “Because you just can’t help it?”

  “Yes!”

  His hand tilts my face to his and I drink him in, the scar that slices down his cheek, those eyes that burn—for me.

  I play with the V-neck of his jersey, wondering what he looks like with his shirt off.

  “What makes me so special?”

  He cocks an eyebrow. “Does that even need a response? Don’t you see how incredible you are? How fucking hot and sweet and strong? And what happened to you at the party—figuring that out doesn’t stop, you feel me? It’s not over for me. I will find him, and when I do, I’m going to make him wish he’d never been born—”

  “Shhh.” I refuse to let what happened that night ruin this moment. “One more time. Truth or dare?”

  His eyes lower to half-mast. “I believe you are out of turns.”

  “Pretend I’m not,” I say softly. “And you best say dare.”

  “You’re quite the master player. Dare.”

  My heart flutters and my hands are clammy. I know what I want to ask for…

  “Take your shirt off. And the pants while you’re at it, right down to your underwear.”

  He gulps air. “Ava, wait a minute now…”

  There he goes, holding back and wanting to protect me, but doesn’t he see how I feel? He gets a weird look on his face. “Were you like this with Chance?”

  “And by like this, what do you mean?” My hand reaches out and brushes the hair from his face, and he grabs it, pressing a hot kiss to my palm.

  I like that feral gleam in his eye. Jealousy.

  “Badass. Mouthy. Sexy as fuck.” His hands cup my cheeks and he leans in, hovering over my lips. He changes direction, his nose running up my neck. He nips me on my throat then sucks hard, and I gasp.

  “Chance doesn’t know this side of me,” I say breathlessly. “Only you.”

  He tugs on my hair. “Thank God. He never could have handled you, Tulip.”

  “You haven’t completed your dare.”

  Our eyes cling for a long moment, and then he murmurs. “Technically, it was my turn. Truth or dare?”

  “Dare,” I whisper.

  “You take my clothes off.” He swallows thickly and stands up from the bed, his chest rising rapidly.

  Standing up, I lift his shirt, grazing my hand over his upper chest then dropping the jersey to the floor. He toes his shoes and socks off, kicking them aside while I work on his slick pants, pushing them down until he’s in his tight black underwear.

  My heart clutches. He’s beautiful, all hard muscles and broad shoulders and tanned skin, his legs thick and powerful.

  He bites his lip. “Tulip, please…please…I’m dy
ing to…”

  “What?”

  His lashes flutter. “Fucking devour you like I’ve imagined a million times.”

  “Please do.”

  He pounces then, like the tiger he is, his arms closing around me and pulling me in for a hard kiss, holding nothing back, his tongue dueling with mine, sucking and nipping. He’s ferocious with his mouth, his hands clutching my shoulders so tight, as if he’s hanging on to me.

  “Get…this off,” I mumble, and my camisole is pulled up, by him and me together. His fingers unsnap my bra until my skin is bare, and he groans as my flesh presses against his.

  “Tulip…so sweet,” he whispers, his mouth closing around a nipple, and I clutch his head as blazing flame burns over my body, my legs scissoring with need. His teeth graze over one peak then the other, and I shiver. It’s never been like this, never this intense, never this hot feeling on my body, the way I burn.

  He pushes at my tights, grunting when he sees the booty shorts underneath, his fingers stalling out. “Are you sure, Tulip? Are you? Because I want you, but I don’t want to scare you or make you feel like you have to be physical with me. We can cuddle. We can crawl up in your bed and watch those goofy Star Wars movies while I play with your hair.”

  “I am,” I rush out, helping him slip the shorts off. I want something good. I want to not worry about a dark night in the woods, I want to replace it with beautiful things. With him.

  And I know he’s a Shark and I’m not, but he’s kind, and I trust him, I do. He’s proven himself to me in so many ways.

  He looks at me, his irises dark with desire as they rove over my body. “So beautiful.”

  He sweeps me up in his arms, making me laugh.

  “What’s so funny?” he muses.

  “You’re just so…strong. I like it.”

  “Good.” He lies down next to me on the bed, his lips on mine. We take up the whole mattress, but I don’t even notice. I melt into him, basking in this need and want he’s kept on a leash.

  My back arches up when he kisses down my body, hands tracing over my face, my breasts, his mouth moving from one nipple to another, teasing me and sucking. He dips his tongue in my belly button, tasting my hip bones with a soft bite.

  My core tightens, and my eyes roll back in my head at the friction, at the feel of his powerful body against my soft one.

  “Tulip, I want to…” He presses little kisses to my stomach, his tongue flicking at my waistline as he toys with my panties.