by Diane Saxon
The atmosphere thickened as each and every one of his deputies drew in their breaths.
“Alone, Jack. I wanted to see you alone.” She shifted her gaze around to encompass everyone in the room, none of whom even made a pretense at being busy.
Bill’s hot stare burned through Jack as though she willed him to speak, but his tight throat wouldn’t allow him to. Not here, not in front of everyone could he debase himself.
He pushed away from the door and motioned her forward with his outstretched hand, a small flicker of hope burning in his chest. Maybe he could save his pride and still keep the girl.
“Should I have you frisked for a concealed kitten heel?”
Not even a flicker of a smile crossed her stiff features. “Um, no. Never mind.”
She touched her fingers to her mouth, and her soft laugh took him by surprise as she shook her head, as though she were amused with herself. Then she stared him dead in the eye and snuffed out his small flame of hope when her chin lifted to a haughty angle.
“Look, it doesn’t matter, Jack. My mistake. Here will do just fine. I only wanted to let you know I’m going home for a couple of weeks. I miss my family. I thought you might want to know.” He didn’t move, never flinched from her gaze, although the blood ran through his head so fast he wasn’t sure he would be able to hear any more of her words above the roaring sound. She was leaving him. All the way, leaving.
She shifted, broke eye contact with him as she glanced at the floor, and then looked back up again.
“I thought you might want your house key back.”
He squinted at her, clenched his jaw, unable to speak. How could he when his heart was in his throat, ready to splurge out on the floor at her feet?
She stretched out her fingers and placed the key on the balustrade of the gated entrance to the main office. She stepped back, waited for something.
He ground his teeth to stop from begging.
“Goodbye, Jack.” Her voice was a soft whisper. Final.
Kate turned, her fingers wrapped around the handle of a new suitcase he hadn’t even spotted, and walked away. Back straight and head held high.
Numb, he back-stepped into his office and closed the door. When he slumped into his seat, the pain in his chest caught him unawares. He dragged in deep breaths, which made it hurt even more. Damn, but he was going to end up in the ER and the little slip of a doctor was going to crack his chest wide open and rip out his heart. She already had.
His head was in his hands when Bill came in through his office door. “You’re an asshole.”
He didn’t have the energy to lift his face from the fingers that cupped it. “Go away.”
“No, Jack, I’ll have my say now. I love you so much, it hurts me to say this, but you are a complete and absolute asshole. You have just had the most beautiful, intelligent, compassionate woman you have ever met, apart from me of course, at your beck and call. She’s so in love with you, and you did nothing.”
With a wary blink, he eyed her from between his linked fingers as she stomped over to his desk. He wouldn’t put it past the hothead to pull her gun on him.
“She’s the one.” She poked her finger at him. “She’s the only woman you’ve ever invited into your house. She’s the only one you’ve ever listened to. She’s cared about you, tended you, loved you, and appreciated you without ever once making you feel cornered or claustrophobic, and if she walked out on you the other night, she had a damn good reason.” Bill towered over his desk, dark eyes wild as he leaned back on his chair, tipping it on its two back legs.
He was too heartsick to think straight.
“Leave it, Bill.”
“No. The woman of your dreams has just walked out of your life. What are you going to do about it?”
He needed to get rid of his cousin. She filled his head with stupid thoughts of what might be if only he could shove his pride to one side and run after the doctor before she left. If Bill would just leave his office, he could clear his mind and think things through. Form a plan.
“Look, Bill, if it makes you happy I’ll speak to her again. I’ll apologize. When she comes back in a few weeks, I’ll make sure she knows I’m sorry. Okay?”
She sat on the edge of the desk, a pitiful light in her eyes enough to freeze his blood and make the pain in his chest hitch harder.
“Now, here’s where the asshole bit comes in. What in hell’s name makes you think she’s coming back?”
Chapter Fifteen
It was a long flight. A miserable flight.
Kate had asked for a window seat and had stared out of it all of the way home. The heaviness in her heart had turned her brain to mush, and it seemed as though she couldn’t think straight.
She’d humbled herself in front of his entire staff in order to give him one more chance to just put things right between them. But he’d stared through her as though she’d never existed for him, solid as a rock, hard as stone.
She’d never loved anyone before. Oh, she’d taken the fall a couple of times and imagined herself in love, but when it really happened, the difference was immense. The pain was more than she could ever have thought.
She wished she could sleep like the person next to her, but her mind continued to ramble around in circles. Remembering small snippets of conversation, flashes of Jack disturbed her peace. Jack laughing, Jack intense, Jack playing basketball. Jack making love with her, on her sofa, in his bed, against a tree.
Like a bolt out of the blue, the one thing that had evaded her thoughts leaped out in Technicolor at her. What she’d believed a terrible situation became a complete and absolute disaster. Because the one time they had never used protection was when they’d had sex against the tree. Her memory was so clear, she gave an uncomfortable shift in her seat as the remembered heat and passion of the moment flooded back, together with the unbelievable revelation.
She was a doctor for goodness sake, how on earth had she allowed this to happen? How was it she’d let it go unnoticed? She’d been so consumed with Jack she’d forgotten to pay attention to her own body’s functions.
Well there was her next decision made for her. She’d dreaded the thought of going back after her holiday to face a town where she was an outsider, having broken up with the local boy. Their sheriff. She’d thought perhaps she could manage another few months, knowing her contract would come up for renewal or termination, and she’d already made the decision she couldn’t stay any longer than the initial term. The few months she was committed to were going to be long and painful as it was.
Now, though, she had no choice. It would be quite evident in another couple of months that she was pregnant, because by her reckoning she was already around seven weeks.
Sick to her stomach, she leaned her head back. Jack’s paranoia about being trapped had come to fruition. She couldn’t imagine his reaction when he found out he was an expectant father.
She stared out of the window at the bright blue sky and saw the vastness of Heathrow Airport as the plane came in to land. A sad smile tugged at the edges of her lips as she imagined him rubbing his hands over his unshaven face and then trailing them back through his hair in frustration. She loved it when he did that. She loved everything about him.
With a soft sob, she closed her eyes.
“Ma’am, are you okay?”
Kate stared at the flight attendant, surprised to see the aisles were almost empty.
“Fine. I’m fine. Thank you.”
She scurried from her seat and dashed to join the last of the line of passengers exiting the plane.
How could she do that to him? Put that pressure and guilt on him of a baby he never asked for, from a relationship he never wanted?
There was no question, she couldn’t. Without a doubt she would never see him again. A wave of nausea rose, and she dashed through to the ladies’ toilets. Not the baby, she was sure. She’d had no sign of nausea during the previous weeks. It was the thought of never seeing him again that clutched at her stomach and tortu
red her.
Lightheaded, she claimed her luggage and made her way through “Nothing to Declare.”
As she exited the corridor into the vastness of the airport, there in front of her was the one person she knew she could rely on without a doubt.
“Oh, Michael, I can’t believe you’re here.” She couldn’t stop the small hitching sob as she wrapped her arms around his waist and pressed her face into the familiar scent of his pullover. “I’m pregnant.”
Michael enfolded her and soothed her with slow circular motions of his hand against her back as she held back the tears that threatened.
“No worries, you’re home now, Kate. Whatever you decide to do, you know I’ll support you.”
»»•««
“Grandpa.”
“Jack.”
His grandpa turned from the horse he’d been grooming to eye Jack.
“I’ve made a mistake.”
The old boy bowed his silver-crowned head. “We all do, son, at some time in our lives it comes to us all. It’s only when you’re mature enough to realize you’ve made a mistake that you can even hope to correct it.”
Jack pressed his fingers deep into his furrowed brow until the pressure hurt. “I don’t know if I can put it right.”
“Uh-huh.”
Jack dropped his hands from his face to peer at his grandpa as the giant of a man gingerly sat on a stool in the corner of the stable. Jack wasn’t sure if the creak and groan came from his grandpa’s knees or the stool.
He’d come for advice, but he wasn’t sure he’d get it. “What do I do?” The words blurted from his mouth before he could restrain them. The quick kick of his grandpa’s lips didn’t inspire him with hope.
“I assume you’re not asking advice on a point of law.”
“No.” He gritted his teeth at his grandpa’s obvious obtuseness.
“Relationship advice?” As his grandpa squinted up at him, the heat of embarrassment and mortification flooded him. He’d insulted his grandpa somehow without realizing it. What the hell had he done?
He hunkered down at his grandpa’s side and laid a soft hand on his thigh.
“I’m sorry, Grandpa, I’ve hurt you?”
As his grandpa laid his gnarled hand on top of his, something inside Jack shifted, and a reluctant understanding started to form.
“Your grandma and I have had a long, happy marriage and every time you buck against the natural way of things, you upset your grandma.”
“I don’t mean to. What you have isn’t right for everyone. Not all of us need it.”
“True, but you run from it out of fear and ignorance.”
“No, I’ve never wanted it until now.”
“Tell me.”
“It’s Katie.”
“Your young lady.”
For the first time, he couldn’t deny it. She was his. If only he could put it right.
“I never wanted this, Grandpa. I didn’t want to be trapped.” And there was the insult he felt he had to explain. “I know I can never match what you and Grandma have.”
“You never will unless you try, son. And try hard.” The gimlet stare which so rarely came out made Jack flinch. “Do you think your grandma and I have had it easy?”
“No, but you always do as Grandma wants.”
“You think she wears the trousers?”
There was no denying it.
His grandpa tipped back his head and let loose a hoot of gruff laughter. “We’re a team, son. You don’t have a marriage last this long without being a team. When I first met your grandma, I knew she was mine, but I let her chase and chase me until I caught her.” His grandpa’s still-iron fist closed around Jack’s hand and squeezed. “I love your grandma. More than I did when I first met her, more than when we married, more than when she bore my first son. I’ll love her to my dying day.” He turned his deep brown gaze on Jack. “That isn’t a curse, son, it’s a blessing. If you have one tenth of what we’ve had, you can consider yourself lucky. But it doesn’t come without hard work. Believe me, she’s not been easy to live with, she’s challenged me every step of the way, stretched my nerves to breaking point and pushed me to the limit. But she’s never broken my heart, never damaged my soul. She’s shored me up when I needed it, stood by me in hard times, and we’ve got through every challenge together.”
For the first time, Jack’s own future cleared in his eyes.
“What should I do, Grandpa?”
“Crawl, son, through broken glass or the fiery coals of hell, but you crawl.”
His stomach quailed at the thought of getting on a plane, far worse than any challenge he could ever think of.
“Did you?”
His grandpa flung back his head and roared with laughter.
“Hell, yes.”
Chapter Sixteen
The doorstep of the quaint English cottage in the middle of the Shropshire countryside had frozen Jack’s ass off while he wondered how much longer he had to sit and wait for Kate to turn up.
It had been almost five weeks since she’d left. It had taken him longer than anticipated to make arrangements.
He’d risked everything for her. His heart, his pride, and dear Christ that flight. The plane was even bigger than he’d imagined, and how that shit even managed to get off the ground, let alone stay in the sky was beyond him.
Mac had told him it would be all right and shoved him along in the airport, a stupid grin plastered on his face. His favorite place in the world except home, he’d said. England was beautiful, he’d promised.
Beautiful it may be. He’d never seen so many shades of green and gold as the plane had descended across the countryside. But Mac hadn’t warned him about the temperatures. Summer was not a season that conjured up freeze-ass temperatures in his mind.
He gave another shudder and scrubbed his hands across his icy forearms. He’d have packed long-sleeved shirts and sweaters if he’d known, and wouldn’t be there in his black short-sleeved T-shirt about to succumb to hypothermia.
Impatient, he tipped his Stetson back on his head and rested it against the locked door. It was his own fault; she could be anywhere. Instead of ringing her, he’d decided just to come and get her. After all, what would you say over the telephone? She’d probably hang up on him, and he couldn’t risk it. He needed to see her face-to-face. It was far better for him to turn up unexpectedly. That way, when she told him she loved him with tears in her eyes and a soppy smile to curve her sweet lips, he could just sweep her off her feet.
That’s what he’d thought, but as time passed, not only was his ass numb, but doubt chipped away at his easy confidence.
What if she didn’t want to see him?
Not once had she tried to contact him. Not once had she phoned to inquire with anyone how he was. Perhaps when she arrived back in her hometown, she’d realized she didn’t love him and appreciated her narrow escape.
The uncomfortable swell of stupidity filled his gut. A bouquet of red roses sat next to him on the step beside the long oblong box he’d never found the right moment to give her. It all seemed a little obvious and over the top. Three dozen red roses. Brash. Yet it’s how he’d felt when he’d set off. Brash and confident, sure Kate would fall over herself once she saw him. But his bravado evaporated by the minute.
Knees brittle from the length of time he’d waited, their loud crick and groan filled the quiet of the little garden as he came to his feet. He leaned down and swiped up the roses and package.
Stupid, he’d made no contingency plans. He’d expected her to be there.
He’d find a hotel. Call her. Tell her he was in the UK and thought he’d visit her. Yeah, that’s what he would do. Because “just passing” was so believable.
He strolled along the hedgerow to the little wooden gate when the sound of an approaching car halted him.
It had to be Kate. He darted his gaze around, torn between excitement and panic. Trapped. He’d trapped himself in the small garden with a giant bouquet of red ros
es in his hand. What a fool.
He dragged in a deep breath of chilly English air and waited.
She sauntered through the gateway, another man’s arm around her shoulders, his head bent, hers tilted up as they laughed into each other’s faces.
The fast stab of jealousy sliced deep to whip Jack’s breath away and weaken his knees.
“Kate, you shouldn’t carry so much in your condition, let me have these.” The young blond man relieved Kate of the carrier bags she held in her arms and swung through the gateway, while the sharp pain turned to a sick churn in Jack’s stomach.
Her condition. She was pregnant.
Pale green eyes widened with surprise as the other man came to an abrupt halt in front of Jack. Kate’s bright laughter drifted from behind him.
“Hey, what did you do that for?”
As she stepped in front of the other man, her hand familiar on his arm, her brilliant blue eyes shot wide.
“Jack?”
Humiliation and shame shot heated flames through his veins as he stared at the two people in front of him. The shock and guilt on Kate’s ashen face was blatant. The curiosity on the man’s evident.
Hands full, Jack pondered the dilemma of retreating with his pride intact.
He slashed his gaze over her, stared at her flat stomach. Fear and fury churned together, but he pushed back his shoulders and cranked his spine straight. He dropped the hand holding the roses down to his side and raised his eyebrows, a deliberate smile quirking his lips as pain speared his heart.
“Well shit, I thought when you said you loved me, you meant it.” He almost choked on the words. If he didn’t get out of there soon, he’d make a complete ass of himself. “You moved quick, Kate. Not only a new man,”—he gave a curt nod in the blond’s direction—“but, you managed to get yourself knocked up too.”
Crack!!
The sharp sting of Kate’s hand almost took Jack’s cheek off. The sick horror on Kate’s face matched the shock in Jack’s mind. The woman had hit him.
He raised his hand to touch the dull throb.
It was his own fault. He shouldn’t have come.