Before the Dawn

by Denise A. Agnew

  Damn it, he could blame it on those kisses last night. Thrusting his tongue into her had created at craving so fierce he could taste her even now. Her innocent kisses had grown in skill, but he wanted to tutor Mary Jane until she surrendered everything without hesitation.

  Elijah drew a deep breath and marveled at her delicate rose scent. She smelled like comfort and gentleness, home and hearth. Things he couldn’t know until he’d killed Amos. Probably not even then. For once he finished off his good-for-nothing murdering brother, he’d be on the run himself. Forever.

  A good woman couldn’t be saddled with a man like him.

  Then again, maybe holding her last night had its benefits. For the first time in a long time, the nightmares had stayed at bay. Or, it could just be his good luck that he hadn’t awakened sweating and so frightened he couldn’t see straight.

  She sighed and wiggled against him, and he stilled like a man on a frozen pond with cracks opening beneath his feet. She shifted enough to allow his cock purchase between her legs. Sure, he wore his breeches, but the heat of her thighs promised more, so much more. Her unmentionables, a camisole and pantalets, tantalized enough to allow his imagination to run wild. He imagined opening his pants, lifting her thigh, and sinking between hot, wet folds and thrusting like a madman. He almost groaned. After more than five years of abstinence it would feel beyond wonderful to sink his body into hers.

  And something else niggled in the back of his mind.

  Bare brushed against bare as she moved and one of her cold feet pushed between his. He’d never considered feet as erotic until this moment. He allowed his foot to rub over the top of hers. He groaned. By all that was holy.

  Another sigh left her, as if she dreamed about a happy event. It stirred feelings he’d fought to bury for two days. He didn’t want to care for her in any deep way. Knowing if she liked mince pies or peppermint cakes, or if she would scream when he brought her to climax, or just exhale in a breathy moan of pleasure—

  God help me.

  As if his fingers had a mind of their own, his thumb drifted across her nipple. Heat beneath his fingers renewed desire. Another soft moan. Suddenly she let out a gasp and jerked away from him. Though they were covered almost to their chests, she dragged the coverings higher and sat up.

  “What are you doing?” Her eyebrows slammed together in obvious disapproval.

  Deciding to keep things serious, he said, “Staying warm. It’s not exactly hot in this room.”

  He let the sheet fall away, and her gaze snapped to his open shirt. Her attention fixated on his chest, then slid down over his stomach. She seemed fascinated with his body, and he admitted to himself her attention felt good. He slipped from bed to escape her nearness. He caught her gaze fixating on the bulge at the front of his pants.

  “Something wrong, darlin’?”

  She jerked to startled awareness, a pretty pink coloring her cheeks. “What? No. Of course not. But you were… I thought when I woke up that you…”

  He guessed what she meant, but he stifled a smile and strode to the window. “I what?”

  Her mouth pursed in disapproval. “Your hand was wrapped around my breast.”

  Elijah crossed his arms. “Yeah. It was.”

  “Why you—” Her eyebrows knitted with disapproval, her arms crossing as well. “You said you would keep your hands to yourself.”

  “I woke up that way. Sorry if I can’t control my body while I sleep.”

  Her gaze darted to his cock again and lingered, and the tension it created in his body caused him to grit his teeth. Before he could even walk away and hide his arousal, his erection hardened more. Her eyes widened, then she jerked her gaze away.

  She slid out of bed and went to the basin of water where she washed. He couldn’t watch her do that either, so he stared out the window. Drawing back the dingy off-white curtain, Elijah took in the weather. Sun had banished most of the clouds, though wading through the waterlogged and muddy streets wouldn’t prove pleasant.

  He heard the rustling of her clothes as she dressed, and it kept his body unsettled.

  “Help me with this corset, please?” Her question sounded tentative.

  When she turned her back to Elijah, and he started to work the laces, his fingers almost trembled. His senses noted everything about her. Her floral scent teased his nose, her skin looked smooth and soft. The long, thick length of her hair begged a man to touch it, to bury his face in it.

  Jesus, Mary and Joseph.

  He gently brushed her hair away and over her shoulder. “Wouldn’t want to get this pretty hair caught in the laces.” Unable to keep the arousal out of his voice, he continued with, “You have such white skin.”

  Elijah felt her stiffen, but he didn’t stop working the laces.

  “I do not spend much time out of doors. My mother always said too much sun is not good for the skin.”

  He nodded. “She’s probably right. No leathery, brown skin for you, darlin’.”

  God, if I could just have one night to caress her. To feel all that white softness in my hands.

  His cock didn’t care about propriety or morals. It strained against his trousers. Elijah gritted his teeth as he finished with the corset. “Need help with the buttons on your dress?”

  She turned towards him and smiled. “Would you please?”

  He didn’t think he could take another minute, but he endured as the seconds stretched and he worked on each stubborn button. “Damn, who is the monster that makes these dresses so blamed difficult to manage?”

  Amusement painted her voice. “Most of these dresses are designs originally made by a man.”

  He grunted as he finished the last button. “Dad-blamed fool.”

  He released a constricted breath and moved back to the window.

  Once more, he forced his attention to the road and saw skinny man and blond man stepping across the sodden street. They dodged debris that flooded the way, branches and old boards and piles of high mud caused by swirling water.

  What he saw next caused him to curse. “Well, I’ll be damned.”

  “I beg your pardon?”

  “Our blond friend and skinny friend are down there talking to that Dr. Woodriff.”

  Mary Jane arrived at his side. “You are thinking perhaps Dr. Woodriff is in league with them?”

  He looked down at her, all trussed up in her bodice and skirt, and mourned the lost view of lush flesh he experienced earlier. “No. They’re probably asking how I am, though. They may have heard rumors that I’m half dead.”

  “Hmm.”

  He turned away and washed up. “At the next stop we’ll find a tub and have a good soak.”

  “That would be lovely.”

  Damned if it wouldn’t. His mind wended an inevitable path to her, naked in a tub. With him. His cock jumped to attention again. Damn it all to hell. He had to stop this.

  She turned away from the window. “The time is getting late. We have to make our way to the station. But first, I have something to say.”

  She had that school marm attitude again this morning, her hair piled in a severe knot on the back of her head and scraped away from her face. Despite the harshness of the hair arrangement, her face held innocence and beauty.

  “Did you hear me, Elijah?”

  Sure, and the tone went with the school marm presentation just fine. “I’m listening.”

  She clasped her hands in front of her. “No matter what sleeping arrangements we come to in the next leg of our trip, you cannot take the liberties you did this morning.”

  Elijah wasn’t sure whether to be amused or annoyed. So he did what worked. He ambled towards her until they stood close together. That way he could enjoy her rose scent, her pretty eyes, and make his point.

  “I apologize for the liberties, but I didn’t take them. You were snuggled right up to me, your sweet little arse tucked into me. You squirmed and moaned. That leads me to think you were enjoying it, even if you were half asleep. And let me tell
you, darlin’, it was damned hard to keep my hands from roaming more than they did. Do you have any idea how beautiful you are?”

  “I—no.” She apparently hadn’t expected that rejoinder. She closed her eyes. “You are not making this easy.”

  “I don’t intend to. We’re caught in this charade to keep you safe.” God, he hated saying these next words. He kept his tone firm to convince himself. “If we want to keep you a virgin, we’ll have to back off. No more kissing, touching. No more sleeping together.”

  Mary Jane’s lips tightened. “If you recall, you were the one who kissed me first.” She patted her hair as if making sure it hadn’t loosened, then reached for her mourning hat and veil. Holding it primly in front of her, she gave him another look that screamed condescension. “For my part in this, I apologize. But I will not be lectured by you as if you were my husband.” Her mouth trembled slightly. “Not even then.”

  When she turned towards the mirror, Elijah watched her. Her face was impassive and dismissive. Now he felt like the schoolboy, and he didn’t like it one damned bit.

  “There may be some flooding up the line, Mr. McKinnon. We’re waiting to find out if the canal is safe from here to Duncan’s Island and on to Hollidaysburg. If so, we hope to arrive there in fine shape. The next day you’ll be on your way across the Allegheny Portage Railroad and straight into Pittsburgh.”

  The man’s pride came through clearly, and Elijah liked the captain’s friendliness and efficiency.

  Elijah glanced at the wall clock. “At this rate we won’t make it to Hollidaysburg today.”

  “It is getting cloudy again. I surely hope it does not rain again. Things are wet enough as is.” Mary Jane’s unusually petulant complaint didn’t deter the captain.

  “Ma’am, I’m sure we’ll do our best,” the man said.

  She nodded and returned a smile, but the soft curve of her lips didn’t seem genuine. “Of course.”

  “Sure, and are you in a hurry?” a voice said, humor laced in every syllable.

  Elijah and Mary Jane glanced over at the entrance and saw one of the O’Gannon brothers there. Elijah couldn’t say which.

  “You planning on staying another night here?” Elijah asked as O’Gannon walked towards them.

  O’Gannon shook his head. “Not if I can help it. How’s the head this morning?”

  Elijah nodded. “Good.” He put his hand out. “I wanted to thank you for getting the doctor and my wife for me last night.”

  O’Gannon smiled brightly. “That was my brother Seamus who went for the doctor. I’m Robert.”

  “Thank you to both of you, just the same.”

  Robert O’Gannon hitched his thumb in the direction of the station open area. “No problem. We don’t like to see a fellow Irishman in such bad shape. How long have your people been in the United States, Mr. McKinnon?”

  “Ten years.”

  “And you’ve been in prison all that time?” Robert asked.

  Elijah sensed Mary Jane’s unease. Her gaze flickered from here to there, as if searching for escape. “I was in for five years.”

  “For murder?”

  Elijah didn’t like the man’s curiosity. “I was proven innocent of the charges. That’s why I’m out of prison.”

  Robert put one hand up. “My apologies. That was too personal a question, I can see. Well, both of you take care. Looks like the captain is coming back with news about the rest of the trip.”

  O’Gannon walked towards his brother Seamus and the captain, his swagger built of obvious confidence. Something about Seamus and Robert made Elijah nervous, and he didn’t like it.

  The skinny man and blond man arrived at the station. Tension spread throughout Elijah, but he turned his attention back to Mary Jane.

  Before he could comment about the arrival of the miscreants, she said, “You never did explain to me how you were blamed for murder.”

  “A tale for another time. Let’s go.”

  He slipped her hand through his arm so she accompanied him in an easy stride towards the platform. The look on her face said she wouldn’t be placated forever. Telling her more than she already knew about Maureen…no. Deep inside his gut twisted, screaming and aching for a release. He wanted another person to know and accept the agony he once experienced. To banish the demons clinging to him. Yet he couldn’t. He just couldn’t. Talking about his time in prison would make it real. Make him remember things he wanted desperately to forget.

  “Elijah?” Mary Jane’s soft voice forced him to stop near the platform while other patrons walked past them. She looked up at him, expression curious and worried. “Are you feeling all right?”

  “I’m fine.”

  Her other hand came up and touched his forearm, a feminine hand so white, the fingers long and the palm small. He visualized those delicate, beautiful fingers palming over his chest once more, trailing down his stomach and lower…much lower.

  Saints preserve me.

  Good luck, McKinnon. The saints don’t want a thing to do with you.

  “Your face had such an odd expression,” she said. “So sad and lost. So angry at the same time.”

  Tension locked up his throat, and he took a huge breath and moved along the platform. “I just want to get to Pittsburgh.”

  Beside him her skirts swished as she released his arm and the captain took her hand to help her into the floating carriage. “We all do, Mr. McKinnon.”

  Duncan’s Island to Hollidaysburg and Allegheny Portage Railroad

  When rain didn’t materialize and the canal trip finished without incident, Mary Jane could not believe their good fortune. They made it to Duncan’s Island in record time, and she marveled at the beautiful scenery. Primeval forest and hill met the rivers Susquehanna and Juniata. The canal ran along the southwest side of a mountain, separated from the Susquehanna by a huge wall. They ascended to a timber bridge resplendent with numerous arches and drew the boat across the wide river. They remained on the packet boat that would take them on the Juniata Division Canal. Time passed slowly as they navigated eighty-six locks. She had heard that in the early days of the railroad passengers had changed back and forth from railroad cars to packet boats. Thank goodness these sectional packets made it possible to stay on the same accommodations for the entire trip. They passed Millerstown, Mexico and Mifflin. Soon the towns along the route all seemed to blend one into the other. Waynesburg, Hamiltonville, Huntingdon, Petersburgh, Alexandria and Williamsburg.

  At Hollidaysburg they transferred to the Allegheny Portage Railroad tracks. She was glad they did not negotiate the roads, which swam in water until they became nothing more than muddy paths. She heard one man say this stretch of track ran at least thirty-six miles, and that it took most of one day to get from Hollidaysburg to Johnstown. Another man reported that new tracks would soon be laid around the Allegheny Mountains instead of over it. While locomotives made this trip quicker and more efficient than the previous stationary engines and horse drawn railcars, she heard it had all come too late to save this old railroad from approaching economic ruin.

  Their passenger train today had a baggage car and two coaches. While the two coaches could haul sixty or so people, today about twenty-five people filled their coach and she had no idea how many filled the one behind them. With slow progression they headed up the eastern slope of the Allegheny Mountains. One by one they traversed ten incline planes, hoisted by a locomotive. Plains and valleys were left below as they traversed bold and rugged terrain as dangerous as anything she could imagine.

  Alas, the rain caught up with them once more, and she watched with trepidation as the storm pummeled them without mercy. The windows fogged, and seeing much became almost impossible. Elijah had fallen asleep on the seat across the aisle from her. She remembered this part of the trip on the way to Philadelphia and at that time it had seemed long, too. She peered out of the window, trying to gather her bearings. The Allegheny Mountains ran from northeast to southwest, a five hundred mile stretch. She tr
ied to imagine herself roaming among them and the idea sent fear dancing inside her. She’d never seen a place so vast and intimidating. Yet she’d survived this trip intact so far. Mary Jane smiled to herself because if she’d heard one of her friends relate such a trip, she wouldn’t have believed it.

  While she watched the Alleghenies slide by, she went deep into thought and reflection. She wished she had time to write in her diary all the words she had imagined putting to paper in the days before. So she closed her eyes and thought about what else she would tell her journal when she reached Pittsburgh.

  Dear Diary,

  Since taking this trip to bring father home, I have experienced events I believed only happened to other people. Other women kiss men wantonly, allow them to stroke and touch and plunder. Other women defy an outrageous and handsome man while standing on the threshold of a hotel. How many women can say they spent the night with a man accused of murder, nursed him after a beating, been rescued from ruffians by the same man and, well…

  Dear diary, it is too much to take in, to know how to react from moment to moment.

  No, telling mother or my sisters about this amazing adventure would not do. I certainly cannot speak of it to my mother and sisters.

  I confess I am concerned. I have taken dangerous steps towards an unknown end. Unknown ends always frighten me. Always. I have not acknowledged that fact until now. Have not explored what it meant. Discovery always means peril, and that means foolish notions and possibilities. Elijah McKinnon attracts me, and although it is not at all wise, I find myself drawn to him with the fiercest of emotions. His life is downtrodden, his past uncertain. He is dangerous, and yet I know in my heart he must be different than other men…Thaddeus in particular. Especially Thaddeus. There is substance and fortitude, and reliability within Elijah that I can sense. Most would say I am gambling with my emotions like I did with Thaddeus.

  To my absolute shock, I am excited.

  Exalted in the most bizarre fashion, by those same possibilities I should find frightening. Such folly brought me into moral peril with Thaddeus. Am I truly so weak? Am I destined to make the same mistakes over and over?