by Cassie May
I hear the others taking a collective breath and lean forward. What would he do? He surely wouldn’t leave me? I mean, he painted a target on me and would toss me to the curb? That is not the man I got to know in the last weeks. He would never do that, wouldn’t he? A slow trickle of doubt seeps in my brain before I can help it.
“You know how I would decide in such a case. The Family always came first for me and you know that…” At this point the record is cut off and Clara smirks at me.
“Long-term, huh?” She stands up and smooths her skirt down. “Well, I just wanted to give you a heads up for what is about to come. You are a liability and these men don’t keep those around for long. Don’t worry, I will find my way out on my own.” She turns around and leaves the condo while my heart is shattered on the floor.
How can he do this to me? Did they all know it? Did they only agree to the bodyguard job because they knew it wouldn’t last long? I… I need food.
Without looking at the others I make my way over to the fridge and open it. Since the only thing I could do the last few days was cooking it is well stocked and I dig in. I take a piece of everything and shovel it in my mouth.
In the background I hear Luca shouting. “I don’t fucking care what is going on between you two, but you are leaving now, Dom, before I make you leave! She doesn’t need you here right now and you can go to your best buddy and tell him he royally fucked up! He shouldn’t show his face in her vicinity for the next few weeks at least. If ever again. We have to take care of her now and then we are going to take her home. Sandro and I are totally capable of making sure Jess and Val are safe, but you are not useful here right now!”
Then I feel his arms closing around me and a whisper in my ear. “Don’t fall back in that cycle, Val. You are stronger than that fucking illness and stronger than that asshole.” It is already too late. I am falling back in the abyss of eating and barfing, but I don’t tell him that. Instead I push out of his arms and stumble over to the guest toilet heaving everything I have just eaten back out.
The cliff I was dancing on for so long betrayed me and broke and now I am sucked in in the familiar pain of a burning throat and weeping eyes. I want to die. I never thought I really would be the one for Matteo, but I never would have thought that he would end it so cruelly.
A wet washcloth in my neck makes me open my eyes and I see Jess. “Val, come on. We are leaving. Sandro and Luca said that it would be best if we leave as soon as possible. You don’t want to meet the asshole, do you? I am sure Dom is running straight to them to tell them what Clara has said.”
No! I absolutely don’t want to meet Matteo! I don’t need his apologies or shit. I don’t need him! I just need my comfort food and that’s all. With Jess’ help I manage to get up and walk on shaky legs to the door where Sandro and Luca have already packed our stuff and are ready to roll. Luca wraps his arm around my shoulder and presses an affectionate kiss on my forehead.
“We’ll get you out of that again, Val. Don’t worry.”
Chapter 26
Matteo
Thunderous banging on the door makes Rico and my heads snap up. “Open the fucking door, asshole or I swear I will kick it in! What the fuck were you thinking?” Dom sounds murderous and I look at my brother who seems as clueless as I am right now.
He stands up and rushes to the door. “I just hope you mean Matteo and not me, not that it wouldn’t be as disrespectful, but I am in the mood to kill someone today. What happened?”
Dom glares at him till he remembers who he is talking to then turns to me. With three big steps he is in front of me and balls his hands to fists. “You, you happened! How could you say something like this about Valerie and let that bitch record it? She has done so much for you and you just shattered her whole world! I really want to punch you in the face right now, but I think I’ll let Luca do the honor when you are fully healed.”
Shaking my head I try to make sense of the rubbish he is spewing. “What the fuck are you even talking about?”
“I am talking about the fact, that his fucking wife”, he points to Federico. “Just came in your condo and played a lovely record from you telling your brother that the Family would always come before Valerie and that you would totally kick her to the curb if the Family would demand it from you! You can imagine how well Valerie took that. Luca kicked me out of your condo and I believe that they are just packing their stuff to move back to the house.”
What. The. Fuck. I never said anything like this and I never ever said anything like this in front of Clara. Where did she get a record? “Wait… wait… I never would say anything like this. Yes, Rico and I talked about that topic this morning, but I never said something like this. She must have taken it completely out of the context. What I said was something along the lines of… The Family always comes first for me, but I would never abandon Valerie. If the Family would demand me to do so it would be the day I leave it.”
Domenico pales. “Well, the last part was obviously cut off and your woman had a breakdown. I don’t know what happened exactly, because Luca kicked me out shortly after Clara.”
“Wait, you said my wife has shown you that record? Where did she got it from? We were talking here in this office and I searched it for bugs a minute before Matteo came!” Federico is furious. “She went too far with that one. I won’t be spied in my own fucking house. Not from our enemies and surely not from my fucking wife! Bring her to me! And don’t let her touch her fucking phone!” He shouts at the men milling around and I sag back in the chair. This is a fucking disaster. After listening to the record Valerie will never ever listen to me. That is if Luca will ever let me get to her again. He promised me what would happen if I would hurt her and I don’t doubt that she was shattered when she heard that.
I feel a hand clamping down on my shoulder and look up in Rico’s troubled eyes. “We will make it right again, fratellino and Clara is going to finally pay for all the shit we had to endure.”
I nod. He can’t help me. No one will change Valerie’s mind over that topic and if I am being honest I don’t expect a second chance with her. I fucked up royally with letting myself get recorded from the bitch and I don’t know if I can explain it to Val.
A snotty voice and the click of high-heels on the floor makes me lift my head and I see the bane of our existence arriving with her head held high and her nose even higher. “Damn, Federico! I was shopping and your goons dragged me here. What do you want?”
He holds out his hand and one of the men slaps her phone in it. “I wanted to talk to you, wifey. So better sit down and shut up till I ask you a question.” He sneers at her and she shrinks back. It has been a long time since I have seen him in killer mode and I am sure that she has never seen him like this. Cold and calculating and hard pressed to do everything that needs to be done. And right now it is to find out how deep Clara’s betrayal went. He grabs her hand and unlocks the phone before searching through all of her recordings. Looking over his shoulder I see that he chooses the latest and presses play.
Our voices sound through the room and Clara pales while sneaking glances to the door. Federico has seen them as well and makes one big step to lock the door and put the key in his pockets. He chooses another recording and now we hear him talking to someone on the phone. He stops the recording and glares at Clara.
“I have only one question. Why do you betray your family like this?”
Opening her mouth she shoots him a sinister smile. “My family? La Famiglia never was my family. You did nothing for me and neither did this fucking organization. It was fun to steal from you, knowing you couldn’t do anything against it, because my daddy would never allow it.” Her father. Our father’s consigliere. One of the reasons Rico married her.
Now a cruel smile curls Rico’s lips. “Well, your daddy won’t help you now, Clara. You took this too far. Obviously you were waiting here for me to talk to me, but imagine my surprise when I come back from an afternoon at the clubs to check the books to find out that someone o
bviously broke into my condo. And that someone only found you and killed you so you can’t be a witness and recognize the thief. You can say that I was shocked and devastated when I found your dead body when I came back here. I didn’t know you would be here.”
Clara’s smile slips and now she stares at him in horror. “You wouldn’t dare! My daddy is going to kill you!”
“See, and that is where you are wrong. I am the boss and your daddy protected you long enough. I know that you stole from us. And you somehow are connected with the kidnapping of my brother. That means, you have connections to the Mexicans and even if only half of that was true, it would be enough to kill you.” With that he pulls out a knife and slits her throat with one precise cut. Stepping back he lets her fall down from the chair and we both watch with stoic calmness while the life seeps out of her.
“Call our friend at the force. We need him to take care of this before anyone else. And I need a painter to fix the mess.” Rico sounds ice cold and collected. No one would think that he has just killed his wife.
After this problem is taken care of the more important one is crushing in on me again. How do I fix this with Valerie? I look at my brother not completely registering what he has said to me. Federico shoots me a glance and shakes his head. “Forget it. I will call them myself. You make things right with your lady again, but get changed before you drive over to her!”
Looking down I see the blood splatter son my chest and shrug off my shirt. Valerie doesn’t need to see this.
***
Freshly showered and changed I drive to Val’s house. My stomach is in knots and I don’t think I have ever been so nervous and scared of the outcome of a talk. This woman has become my light and I already feel the darkness seeping in again. It closes around me and drags me under and I need nothing more than her lighting me the way. Pulling up in front of her house I get out of the car. I haven’t even made it to the door when it gets yanked open and Luca storms out. Damn he’s angry.
“You fucking asshole! I told you to be careful with her and then you just go and destroy her!” He shouts at me and I look around to make sure no one is close to watch this spectacle.
“Please, Luca it wasn’t like this. The bitch cut off the important part. But she won’t bother us again. Please let me talk to her to explain.”
He opens his mouth to answer me and decline my plea, but we hear a painful yelp from the house and then Jess storming towards me. Before I can react she slaps me hard over the face and screams: “You fucking asshole! Do you even understand how far you have pushed her? I told you she is ill and yet you go there and stomp all over her like every other bastard that exists! I hate you! You can be really glad that I have no idea how a gun works, because I would have taken Sandro’s and shot you right here!”
Recoiling from her stabbing finger on my chest I feel the blood leaving my head when I hear what she is saying. “What does Valerie have? I didn’t say it like this, I swear! She cut it off before I could finish my sentence!”
With a rude gesture Jess shuts me up. “I don’t fucking care what you meant or might have said. Valerie had a relapse and is now back with her go-to coping mechanism when life overwhelms her too much. Thank you for that! She has bulimia and is currently alternating between eating and hugging the toilet, so leave! No one wants you here!”
What? This is impossible! Val loves to eat. She has never vomited after we ate dinner and never even mentioned that. “What? But… I didn’t know that and it wasn’t like this! Please, Jess let me talk to her. Let me make it better again.” I sound desperate. I know, but with what Jess shouted at me right now I am desperate. What if she hurts herself even more? What if she decides to go a more drastic way to cope? “Please, Jess. Let me come in and talk to her. I can make it right again. I want to help her.”
Her face softens a tiny bit and I feel hope rising in me again. A short shake of her head sends this hope back in the pits of hell. “Nope. She has endured too much already and I won’t let her suffer any more than she already does. Just leave now, Matteo. It is better for everyone.”
She turns around to walk back in the house and I hold her back, my desperation now rising higher than ever before. “Would you please tell her that I am sorry and that it wasn’t what it looked like? And please tell her that I’d like to talk to her and that I love her.”
Jess presses her lips together and nods before she disappears inside again. Looking after her I see the pale face of the woman who has stolen my heart in the kitchen window and it takes all I have to hold back from forcing entrance in the house.
Knowing when I am defeated I nod to Luca and get back in my car to drive back to my now cold and empty condo, wishing someone would wait there for me.
Chapter 27
Valerie
Four weeks after clusterfuck day I am proud to say that I am two days without an incident and I feel strong enough to actually get out of my bed and face the music. Music in form of my best friend and my very worried bodyguard who stood by me the whole time. I haven’t seen or heard from Matteo since clusterfuck day and it hurts to see that I was obviously not important enough for him to fight for me, no matter what he shouted in the air that day.
I was hoping that he meant what he said, but obviously the recording was right. The Family is always coming before me and I refuse to get tossed away one day without any warning. The way it happened now hurt like a bitch, but at least it was a clean cut and I am healing. Slowly.
Making my way downstairs I hear murmured voices in the kitchen and stop when I hear my name.
“We should tell Valerie about the deliveries. They get out of hand.” Luca’s voice sounds nervous.
“No, they will stop and she doesn’t need to know about them. It will only raise her hope when there is nothing to hope for. One day he will end it with her and then we are back on day one. She has just managed to stop the cycle again. She is not strong enough to hear about the gifts.” Jess sounds angry. What deliveries? What gifts?
I step in the kitchen and both of them turn to me with guilty expressions on their faces. “What deliveries? What gifts?” I am proud to say that my voice only shakes a little bit and when both of them come towards me I see the roses laying on the kitchen table. Red Roses. Six of them.
“Who brought the roses?” My voice is now more stable and stronger.
“Listen, Val. The last weeks were hard for you and we thought it would be better if you didn’t know about the things Matteo sent for you. We thought it would make it easier for you to get over him.” Jess sounds sincere and truly guilty and that is the only thing that keeps me from scratching up her face.
Red hot fury rises in me. “Easier? Tell me, Jess. Does it sound like I had it easy in the last few weeks when I was bent over the toilet or stuffing myself with all the things I hate, because I couldn’t control my life anymore? Because it didn’t feel easy for me! It felt more as if my life was spiraling out of control more and more each day I managed to get up it would have been easier for me if I had known that Matteo didn’t give up on me. That he was just giving me time to come to terms with what I have heard. But you two decided you know me better. Thanks for that and now show me what other things Matteo sent!” Both flinch at my accusations and manage to look even guiltier. Before they can bring me the gifts Matteo sent, the doorbell chimes. “More presents you want to hide from me?” I am only half-serious. I understand why they did what they did, but I would have preferred to make that decision on my own.
Sandro has already opened the door and guides the last person I expected to see in here. Federico Luciano. He looks at me with a somber expression in his eyes and extends his hand. “Hi Valerie. Is there anywhere we can talk in private?”
This time it sounds like an actual question, not an order and I nod in the direction of the living room. “Do you…” My voice croaks and I swallow hard before talking again. “Do you want anything to drink?”
He shakes his head. “No, I hope this won’t take long.
I just came to talk to you about my brother. He never said the shit Clara made you think he did. She cut off his sentence before he was finished, because he told me if the Family ever made him choose between you and them, he would always choose you. The Family is important for him, but you are even more important and I am here to ask you to give him a second chance. I know he sent you gifts and tried to explain that day, but you never reacted and I see him giving up. He spends his days holed up in his condo drinking himself to a drunken stupor and if I am being honest I am worried that he won’t find his way back. If you could at least react to one of his presents that would help. I think.”
“Yeah, I just found out about the presents a few minutes before. I am so sorry, but Jess and Luca thought it would be better for me not to see them. I am sure you are aware of my sickness and it was not easy in the last few weeks. I am on day three without any relapses. I think seeing Matteo’s gifts would have helped me get better, but the others didn’t think so, so they hid it from me. Yeah, not their greatest moments so far.” I chuckle sadly and then I really get what he has said. “I am so sorry that Matteo hurts so much, but that day I really wasn’t in the right mind to listen to him. It would have escalated even more and we both would probably have said things we would regret now.” I don’t even know if I can mend it this time. Matteo is a proud man and refusing his gifts may have destroyed the bond we had, even though it was not my doing.
Federico rests his head in his hands. “Would you try talking to him? I mean, I know I am asking much, even more so when you don’t love him anymore, but maybe you could give him some closure so he can move on? I know that he still loves you and he would do anything to have you back.”
Before I can second guess myself I stand up and nod. “I will talk to him. Not that he can move on, but that we can move on from this together. I have never stopped loving him. Not since the day he saved me from three bullies in my bakery. Let’s go.” Rico looks surprised, but then he collects himself and rushes me out the door.