Lewis stripped off the rest of her clothes, although his hands were gentle despite his urgency to see her naked. She was far too precious to him to risk hurting her by being rough so he was careful when he removed her skirt and laid it aside, even more careful as he freed her breasts from the lacy bra. Only then did he allow himself to actually touch her and he couldn’t control the gasp that escaped his lips when he felt the softness of her breasts nestling into his palms. She was exquisite, more beautiful and more desirable than any woman he had ever known—but, then, he’d never been in love before.
‘Make love to me.’
She whispered the command in his ear and he froze. There was no denying that her passion was equal to his own and for a moment he was terrified by it. What if she was disappointed by his love-making? It had been a long time since he’d slept with a woman and he might not be able to satisfy her, even though he would do everything in his power to make the experience as memorable for her as it would be for him. But would his skills as a lover be enough to give her pleasure?
‘Lewis?’ She pushed against his chest, making a little space between them, and he knew that he couldn’t lie when he saw the worry in her eyes.
‘I don’t want you to be disappointed,’ he admitted, wondering if it would diminish him in her eyes to confess his fears.
‘Of course I won’t be disappointed! How could I be?’ She kissed him on the mouth and the certainty in her eyes was all the reassurance he needed. Helen believed in him and he wouldn’t let her down!
They made love with a passion that touched his heart and his soul. Lewis knew that he’d never experienced anything like it before and that he wouldn’t experience it again unless it was with her. Despite her obvious desire for him, she was a little hesitant at first, and he was surprised until he realised that it was her lack of experience that was making her hold back. And once he understood that, he was able to overcome it.
Teaching her how to respond to him was the sweetest of pleasures, yet he also learned from her, too. She was so generous, so giving, that he realised he’d never really understood what making love meant. What he’d experienced in the past had been sex. This was different. This took the whole concept to a new level. When they finally fell asleep in each other’s arms, his last thought was that he’d just been shown a glimpse of heaven. And from this point on, heaven with Helen was all he would ever want.
Morning sunlight spilled through the window and Helen woke up. She couldn’t have had more than a couple of hours’ sleep but she felt marvellous. Rolling onto her side, she looked at Lewis lying beside her and sighed.
It was all because of him, of course. Making love with Lewis had been the most wonderful experience of her life and she didn’t regret what had happened. However, she couldn’t help feeling a little sad because it had shown her what she’d been missing before. She’d always believed that her marriage to Ian had been a happy one, and it had been in many ways. Nevertheless, she’d never felt as fulfilled as she did at that moment and she knew why.
She had loved Ian but she hadn’t been in love with him. The problem was that she’d been very young and inexperienced when she’d met Ian and, she realised now, confused about the true nature of her feelings. The fact that her parents had died a few months before she’d arrived at The Beeches had been another factor, too. Ian had offered her the comfort and security she’d needed so desperately at the time. He had been a good man and she’d respected him, but she had never been in love with him. It felt good to face the truth at last, especially when it could have a bearing on her relationship with Lewis.
Lewis’s eyes suddenly opened and she jumped. A little colour touched her cheeks when she realised that he’d caught her staring at him. It was all very well for her to speculate about the future but there was no guarantee that he was interested in having a relationship with her. Last night might have been a one-off for all she knew, and the thought made her stomach churn with apprehension.
‘Good morning, and how are you today?’ His voice was thickened with sleep but she heard the passion it held and some of her fear dissipated. And when he pulled her over onto his side of the bed and kissed her, the rest disappeared as well. She laughed, realising how foolish she had been to worry.
‘Very well, thank you. How about you?’
‘Good in parts but not so good in others,’ he replied, completely deadpan.
‘What do you mean?’ she said anxiously, propping herself up on her elbow. ‘Did you hurt yourself last night at the train crash?’
‘No, I survived that intact. It’s other bits of me that are aching this morning.’ He pulled her down to him and she gasped when she felt the hardness of his erection pressing against her. ‘Is there anything you could recommend for this complaint, Dr Daniels?’ he asked, smiling into her eyes.
‘Cold showers are supposed to be very effective,’ she told him in her most professional tone.
‘Are they?’ He pulled a face. ‘I’m not a lover of cold water so maybe there’s an alternative…?’
Helen chuckled as he set about solving the problem the best way he knew—one she definitely approved of! Their love-making was both passionate and tender, showing her a whole new range of emotions as well as ways to express them. She could have stayed in his arms for ever but there was a point where life had to intrude.
Lewis groaned when they heard footsteps on the stairs. ‘It sounds as though Kristy is awake. I’d better go and see what she’s up to.’
He tossed back the quilt and stood up. Taking a pair of pyjama trousers out of a drawer, he pulled them on then handed her his robe. Helen hurriedly slipped it on and got out of bed. All of a sudden she felt very self-conscious about being there. She knew how curious children could be and she didn’t want to put him in the difficult position of having to explain her presence to Kristy, or to Amy’s mother, for that matter. Her heart sank because suddenly there seemed to be all sorts of factors to take into account.
‘You can use the en suite.’ He opened a door and showed her the bathroom leading off the bedroom. ‘It will give you a bit more privacy than the other one.’
‘Thank you,’ she responded politely, wondering if he felt as uncomfortable as she did. Obviously, he didn’t want anyone to know she was there otherwise he wouldn’t have suggested she should use his bathroom, and the thought made her feel more awkward than ever.
‘I’ll get dressed and slip away while Kristy is having her breakfast,’ she offered.
‘Would you mind? I know how it must seem, but I’d rather she didn’t know you’d stayed here last night.’
‘I understand,’ she assured him, and it was true. Last night had been a wonderful experience for both of them and she wouldn’t denigrate it by thinking it hadn’t meant anything to him. However, one night of passion didn’t constitute a commitment and she didn’t want him to get the wrong idea about her expectations.
‘I’d prefer it if nobody knew I stayed either.’ She shrugged when he looked at her. ‘I don’t want people gossiping about us. It could have a detrimental effect on the reputation of the surgery and that’s the last thing I want to happen.’
‘Of course. I understand completely.’
His tone was flat so she wasn’t sure why she felt a ripple of alarm scud through her. She tried to shrug off the feeling as she went into the bathroom and turned on the shower. There was no point looking for problems that might not exist.
It took Helen just ten minutes to shower and dress. Rolling up the overalls, she tucked them under her arm and made her way downstairs. She could hear voices coming from the kitchen but she didn’t pause as she quietly let herself out of the house. Lewis had made it clear that he didn’t want Kristy to see her and she wasn’t going to make life difficult for him. As she got into her car, she told herself that she didn’t mind, but in her heart she knew that some of the magic had faded. All she could hope was that they could find a way around the problem.
Lewis desperately wished that he
hadn’t allowed Helen to slip away. It had made it appear as though their night together had been something shameful. However, until he knew how Kristy would react to the idea of him having a relationship, he had to err on the side of caution.
And Kristy’s reaction wasn’t the only consideration, was it? Helen had seemed just as reluctant to go public. She claimed that she didn’t want people gossiping about them, but was that the only reason? Wasn’t it far more likely that she felt guilty about betraying her late husband’s memory?
The thought was very hard to accept. Lewis knew that he had to make her understand that she’d done nothing wrong. Even though he couldn’t make her any promises about the future, he couldn’t bear to think that last night had been the beginning and the end for them.
He got Kristy ready as soon as Mrs Morris left and took her to school because he didn’t want to give Helen time to brood. Amy was crossing the car park when he arrived at the surgery and she stopped to wait for him.
‘You don’t look too bad, considering the amount of sleep you had. What’s your secret?’
‘Clean living,’ he replied drolly, following her into the building.
‘I don’t think! I’d say it was down to practice. You’ve spent so many nights out on the tiles that now you thrive on very little sleep!’
‘What can I say?’ he responded, elbowing the staffroom door open. ‘Obviously, you’ve sussed me out.’
‘Too right I have!’ Amy stalked past him. ‘I have my spies, and all I can say is that the number of girlfriends you’re reputed to have had would make the average male look like a non-starter! Isn’t that right, Helen?’
Lewis’s stomach lurched when he realised that Helen was sitting at the table, listening to them. He could see the pain in her eyes before she looked away.
‘What Lewis does in his private life is his business,’ she said flatly.
Amy looked embarrassed by the reproof but it was nothing to how he felt. The last thing he wanted was Helen thinking that he had a queue of women lined up to sleep with him!
‘I’m afraid my reputation has been greatly exaggerated. I wouldn’t believe half of what you’ve heard.’
‘I was only joking anyway,’ Amy said hurriedly, taking off her coat. She hung it on the rack then scuttled out of the room.
Lewis sighed as he watched her go. ‘She didn’t mean any harm. It was just a bit of fun.’
‘I’m sure it was.’ Helen stood up and walked to the door. She barely glanced at him and it hurt unbearably to be treated with such indifference after what they’d shared.
‘I’m sorry if I’ve made life difficult for you,’ he said harshly. ‘However, I’m not sorry about what happened last night. That is something I certainly don’t regret.’
‘I think it would be best if we forgot about it, don’t you?’
‘No, I don’t. It happened, Helen, and there is no way you can erase it from your mind because you feel guilty—’
‘Why should I feel guilty?’ she demanded, glaring at him.
‘Because of Ian, of course. I understand how you feel, Helen, but there’s no need to blame yourself for being disloyal to his memory.’
‘I don’t!’
‘Then why are you so keen to avoid anyone finding out about us?’ he said sceptically.
‘Because I don’t like the thought of people gossiping about my private life! Anyway, I’m not the only one who wants to keep this quiet. You don’t seem exactly eager to shout it from the rooftops!’
He winced when he felt the sting of that comment. ‘No, I’m not, although it isn’t because I’m worried what people will say. Kristy is still very vulnerable and I don’t know how she will react to the idea of me having a relationship. I won’t risk doing anything that might upset her.’
‘Then it’s a good job that nobody will ever find out what happened, isn’t it?’
She went to open the door but he couldn’t let her leave like this. He could tell how hurt she was and the last thing he’d wanted to do was to hurt her. Reaching out, he covered her hand with his. ‘Last night meant the world to me, Helen.’
‘Did it?’
She looked up at him with eyes that were brimming with tears and he groaned as he pulled her into his arms and cradled her against him.
‘Yes. You know it did!’
‘I don’t know anything any more,’ she whispered, and his heart ached when he heard the confusion in her voice.
‘You know how much I want you,’ he said softly, dropping a kiss on her hair. ‘I’ve never wanted anyone this way before, and that’s the truth.’ He tilted her chin so he could look into her eyes, and heard her sigh.
‘And I’ve never wanted anyone this way either.’
‘Then we have to find a way to see each other. It won’t be ideal but it will be better than the alternative.’ His voice broke. ‘I don’t think I can bear not to be with you, Helen, even if it’s only for a few moments snatched out of each day.’
‘And what about Kristy? What if she finds out?’
‘She won’t—if we’re careful.’ He smiled into her eyes, wishing with his whole heart that he could offer her more. Helen deserved better than what he was suggesting, but his hands were tied. He couldn’t and wouldn’t put his own happiness above that of his daughter.
‘I don’t want to do anything that could hurt her, Lewis. She’s been through too much already.’ She paused and he could hear the ache in her voice when she continued. ‘I’d rather we stopped seeing each other than cause her any distress.’
‘Thank you.’ He held her close, loving her more than ever at that moment for being so understanding. He longed to tell her how he felt but he knew it wouldn’t be fair to do that. He couldn’t bind her to him with declarations of love when he couldn’t make her any promises about the future.
The thought was so bitter that he couldn’t stand it. He dropped a gentle kiss on her mouth then let her go. ‘I’d better start as I mean to continue. From now on I shall be a model of good behaviour when we’re in the surgery.’
‘Not too good, I hope. People are going to be very suspicious if you stop badgering me about the amount of work I do.’
‘I don’t badger you!’ he retorted, then sighed. ‘Well, maybe I do but it’s for your own good. I just don’t like to see you working so hard.’
‘And now I won’t have to. I have something else to think about, don’t I?’
Reaching up, she kissed him on the mouth then stepped back before he could return the favour. ‘Naughty, naughty,’ she said, wagging her finger at him. ‘Don’t forget that you promised to be a model of decorum.’
She gave him a teasing smile then whisked out of the staff-room, leaving him with some very un-decorous thoughts! Lewis sighed as he headed for his room because it wasn’t going to be easy to keep this up. He wanted Helen so much but he couldn’t do anything about it until he was sure about the effect it would have on Kristy if he introduced her into their lives. Maybe his daughter would accept her, but maybe she wouldn’t, and the thought left him teetering on the brink of despair.
He couldn’t bear to imagine a future without Helen.
CHAPTER TWELVE
THE following weeks were the happiest of Helen’s entire life. Even though she and Lewis could only snatch the odd moment together, it was worth it.
They fell into the habit of arriving a bit earlier each day so they could have coffee together before they started work. Ten minutes might not have seemed very much to some people but the time was precious to her.
One day she packed a picnic and met him at lunchtime before he set off to do the house calls. It was a perfect spring day so they found a quiet spot in the woods just outside the town. And after they’d eaten their lunch they made love under the canopy of trees. Helen knew that she was falling in love with him but she didn’t tell him that because she didn’t want to put any pressure on him. However, when he asked her if she would like to watch Kristy riding the following Saturday, she couldn�
�t help hoping that the situation would grow easier in time. She just had to be patient a little while longer.
Her happiness soon spilt over into her work and she began to make some changes to how the surgery was run. Janet and Eve were encouraged to be extra-vigilant when making appointments. There was a bit of grumbling at first but the patients soon accepted that they didn’t always need to see a doctor for minor ailments. She also advertised for a practice manager and just a few days after the woman started work, Helen was enjoying the benefits of having someone else to do all the paperwork.
She also decided to give Amy extra responsibility by appointing her as their first nurse-practitioner. Because they were seeing fewer patients each day, Amy was able to take time off for the extra training that was needed. Amy was thrilled by her promotion and Helen was sure it had been the right thing to do.
Even Harry seemed to be inspired by the new, less pressurised system. The week before his contract was due to expire, he asked if he could stay on, an offer which Helen gratefully accepted. Everyone seemed happier, in fact, and it just strengthened the feeling she had that things were going to work out in the end for her and Lewis. She seemed to float through the days on a cloud of newly discovered optimism until the bubble burst one morning when she woke up and was violently sick. As she left the bathroom, she was struck by a thought so shocking that she had to sit down on the stairs as her legs buckled. It had been six weeks since she’d last had a period so was it possible that she was pregnant?
Panic welled up inside her as she considered the idea. She wasn’t on the Pill, and she and Lewis hadn’t used any other form of contraception so she definitely couldn’t rule out the possibility and she didn’t know what she was going to do if it was true. Lewis had made it perfectly clear that he couldn’t make any sort of commitment while he had Kristy to consider, so how would he feel about her having a baby? Would he be upset about the added responsibility of another child?
Then there was the effect it might have on Kristy if she was presented with a new baby brother or sister. Her life had been turned upside down once already, and a new sibling might be too much for her to deal with. A lot of children were jealous when a new baby came onto the scene, and Kristy might resent having to share her father with another child when she had only just got to know him. The thought that it might cause untold damage to Lewis’s relationship with his daughter was more than Helen could bear. Tears streamed down her face because this should have been the happiest moment of her life and it had turned into a nightmare!
In His Loving Care Page 15