‘What about your coffee?’ Amy called after him, but he didn’t answer. He couldn’t when he was trying so desperately hard not to break down.
He went back to his room and grabbed his case. He had to collect Kristy from the after-school club and he was determined to be in control of himself when he got there. Kristy was the only person who mattered now—her happiness was his sole concern. If he repeated the mantra often enough then maybe he’d forget about Helen and this agony he felt.
He unlocked the car and took a deep breath. Helen was going to build a new life for herself and there was no point wishing there was a place in it for him and Kristy.
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
HELEN felt as though she was tiptoeing over eggshells in the days following her announcement. The atmosphere in the surgery grew increasingly tense because of the uncertainty about what might happen in the future. She felt terribly guilty about letting everyone down but she didn’t have a choice.
The response to her advertisement was as good as she’d hoped it would be. There were a lot of people interested in buying the premises, as well as her share of the business. She organised the interviews and gave Lewis a list of everyone she intended to see. She had hoped that he would take her up on her offer to give him first refusal, but he remained very tight-lipped about what was happening. She could only assume that he didn’t want to take on the responsibilities of senior partner because of his commitment to Kristy, and it was painful to know that the child she was carrying would never benefit from such devotion.
On a personal level, Lewis made no secret of the fact that he didn’t want anything to do with her. If she walked into a room, he walked out. There were no more early morning cups of coffee, no picnics in the woods, no contact at all beyond the basics, and she missed him unbearably even though she understood why he was behaving that way. He was hurt and offended because she hadn’t told him what she was planning to do, and there was nothing she could do about it. She couldn’t tell him the truth about why she was leaving when she had to protect her unborn child.
Most days Lewis felt as though he was going crazy. Trying to maintain a professional front at work became increasingly difficult when every day that passed brought the day when Helen would leave that bit closer. He longed to beg her not to go but knew that she wouldn’t listen to him. Why should she? She was following her heart and he had no right to spoil things for her.
The stress of keeping his silence started to show and he became increasingly tetchy. He even found himself snapping at Kristy over breakfast one morning—something he bitterly regretted when he saw how upset she was. He tried to smooth things over as he drove her to school but she was unusually quiet—just like she’d been when he’d brought her back to England. As he kissed her goodbye, he promised himself that he would never let his feelings get the better of him again. Maybe it did feel as though the bottom had fallen out of his world, but it wasn’t fair to take his unhappiness out on his daughter.
His spirits had fallen to an all-time low by the time he arrived at the surgery, and it didn’t help that the first person he saw was Helen herself. She was sorting through the post, and she looked so sad that he was instantly alarmed. Wasn’t she as confident about this move as she tried to appear?
His heart started to pound as he hurried towards her. He knew how foolish it was to hope that she might change her mind but he couldn’t help it. If there was any doubt in her mind about what she was doing then she mustn’t go through with it: he wouldn’t let her!
‘Are you OK?’ he said softly, stopping beside her.
‘Of course.’ She gave him a smile that didn’t quite reach her eyes.
‘Are you sure?’ He touched her arm, feeling the current that shot through his fingers when his skin made contact with hers. It was such a long time since he’d touched her, held her, kissed and caressed her that he was like a starving man. Even these crumbs—the barest touch of skin on skin—tasted like heaven. It took a huge effort of will not to haul her into his arms and beg her not to leave him.
‘Of course I’m sure!’ She jerked her arm away but he could see the pain in her eyes and it worried him even more.
‘Giving up your job and your home is a big decision, Helen. You need to be absolutely certain that you aren’t going to regret it.’
‘What I choose to do is my business. It has nothing to do with you or anyone else.’
‘Is that a fact?’ he said sceptically, and she frowned.
‘Yes, it is.’
‘Really? So it doesn’t have anything to do with John Dancer, then?’
‘John,’ she repeated, as though she had no idea to who he was talking about. The thought that she was going to try and fob him off after what they’d been to one another was more than he could stand and he rounded on her.
‘Oh, come on, Helen! Everyone knows what’s going on. John is moving to Boston to take up a new post and you’re going with him.’ He laughed harshly, anger and frustration spilling over. ‘I don’t know why you’re being so secretive. You’re a free agent and you don’t owe an allegiance to anyone—least of all to me!’
‘But I’m not—’
‘Morning!’
Helen stopped abruptly when Harry appeared. When the locum came over and asked Lewis if he’d look at some test results that had arrived the previous night, she excused herself and went to her room. Dropping the bundle of letters she was holding onto her desk, she went to the window and stared out. Lewis believed that she was leaving because of John Dancer?
Hearing that had been a big enough shock, but an even bigger one had been the look on his face. He’d looked…tortured. So stricken, in fact, that it was as though his heart was being ripped apart. Was it possible that he loved her as much as she loved him?
The thought filled her with elation. She wanted to rush straight back and demand that he tell her the truth, but was it the right thing to do? If he felt that strongly about her, why hadn’t he told her so before? Had he been afraid to admit to his feelings because of the impact it could have on Kristy?
Her heart sank because she knew it was true. Lewis was desperate to protect his daughter and that was why he’d been so careful to keep their affair a secret. If she forced him to admit how he felt, it wouldn’t help. It would put him under even more pressure and that was before he found out about the baby she was carrying! How could she demand an answer when it might create the very problems he wanted to avoid?
Helen’s eyes misted with tears. She knew that she would never do anything to hurt him. She loved him far too much. It would be better to let him think that she was planning to spend her life with another man than cause him such heartache.
The day was the worst Lewis could remember. He was bitterly aware that he’d made a fool of himself by letting Helen see how he felt about her. She knew now that he loved her and there wasn’t a thing he could do about it. If she asked him how he felt, he would have to tell her the truth but, as the morning wore on, the likelihood of that happening became increasingly remote and that upset him even more. She didn’t intend to ask him because she wasn’t interested.
Thankfully, it was his afternoon off so he left as soon as surgery ended. He still hadn’t got round to changing his car so he decided he might as well do it that day instead of putting it off any longer. He’d just reached the car showroom when his mobile phone rang so he pulled into a parking bay, sighing when he saw that the call was from the surgery. He could have done with a couple of hours to himself before he had to think about work again.
‘Lewis Cole.’
‘It’s me—Helen.’
Lewis’s heart jolted when he heard her voice. He could feel the blood roaring through his veins, melting away the chill that had enveloped him since that morning. Had she phoned to tell him that she wasn’t leaving, that she couldn’t leave because she loved him?
‘I’m sorry, Lewis, but there’s no easy way to tell you this. Kristy is missing.’
‘Missing?’ he re
peated numbly.
‘Yes. The headmistress just phoned the surgery so I’m passing on the message. They’ve searched the school and there’s no sign of her. They thought maybe you’d collected her at lunchtime—’
‘No! Why would I? There’s no reason to take her out of school.’
Lewis could hear the panic in his voice but he didn’t care. His daughter was missing and nobody knew where she’d gone!
‘Then you’d better phone the school and tell the headmistress that.’ Helen’s tone was firm. ‘I’ll get on to the police. We can’t afford to delay in a situation like this.’
‘No, of course not.’ He could feel himself trembling as he tried to punch in the number for the school. He suddenly realised that he hadn’t ended this call yet. ‘I’ll have to go,’ he said, his voice grating with fear.
‘Of course. I take it that you’ll be going straight to the school?’
‘Yes.’
‘I’ll meet you there.’
She hung up before he could reply, but he was in no frame of mind to wonder why she’d offered to meet him. He phoned the school and was put straight through to the headmistress who explained that Kristy hadn’t been seen since lunchtime.
Lewis brusquely informed her that he would go straight there and cut the connection while she was explaining that nothing like this had happened before. He didn’t give a damn about the school’s safety record. He only cared about his daughter and the fact that nobody knew where she was.
He broke all records getting to the school but Helen was already there when he arrived. She jumped out of her car and hurried over to him.
‘The police are on their way. They should be here within the next ten minutes or so.’
‘Are any of the other children missing?’ he demanded as he strode into the playground.
‘The head didn’t mention that. But she was very flustered when I spoke to her.’
‘And so she should be,’ he said grimly. He went straight to the headmistress’s study once they were inside and flung open the door without bothering to knock. There wasn’t time for social niceties when his daughter was missing.
‘Dr Cole!’ the woman exclaimed, leaping to her feet.
‘Are any of the other children missing?’ he demanded. Where had Kristy gone? And had she left of her own accord or had someone taken her? The thought made him feel so ill that it was difficult to breathe.
‘No. It’s just Kristy who’s missing. I really don’t know how it happened. We keep the gates locked during the day so it isn’t as though the children can just wander out whenever they choose.’
And nobody can wander in either?’ he said shortly, and saw her blanch.
‘No, no! We have staff on duty and they’re very vigilant…Or they are normally,’ she added uncertainly.
‘Maybe we could speak to some of Kristy’s friends,’ Helen suggested, and he was grateful to her for remaining so calm when he couldn’t.
‘Of course! An excellent idea, Dr Daniels. I’ll take you straight through to her classroom so you can speak to her teacher.’
The headmistress led them out of the room, obviously relieved to be able to do something to help. Lewis followed her, trying to contain the fear that was twisting his guts. Anything could have happened to Kristy; anyone could have taken her. The thought was more than he could bear.
‘She’ll be all right, Lewis. We’ll find her.’ Helen slipped her hand into his and squeezed it.
‘I hope you’re right. I don’t know what I’ll do if anything has happened to her…’ He couldn’t go on. The lump in his throat was so enormous that the words couldn’t get past it, but she understood.
She squeezed his hand again and held onto it as they made their way to the classroom. Lewis couldn’t begin to explain what a comfort it was to have her there with him and didn’t try. All he knew was that he needed her at that moment more than he’d needed anyone in his entire life.
The headmistress knocked on the door then hurried into the room. They followed her, standing to one side while she spoke to the teacher. Lewis tried to curb his impatience as the two women conferred. Didn’t they realise how urgent the situation was and that every second wasted placed his daughter in even greater danger? Finally—when he thought he couldn’t wait any longer—the teacher beckoned to a boy sitting by the window.
‘This is Danny Appleton,’ she explained as the child came over to them. ‘He’s Kristy’s best friend—isn’t that right, Danny?’
The boy didn’t reply but Lewis had seen the guilty look Danny had given them and his heart surged. If he wasn’t mistaken, Danny knew something about Kristy’s disappearance, although he sensed it wouldn’t be easy to get the information out of him.
Bending down, he looked into the little boy’s eyes. ‘Do you know where Kristy has gone, Danny?’
Danny shook his head, but Lewis was more convinced than ever that the boy knew something. He smiled at him, doing his best to project a reassuring front.
‘It’s very important that you tell me the truth, Danny. I promise you that you won’t get into trouble if you tell me where Kristy has gone.’
Once again the boy shook his head and Lewis found it hard to contain his frustration. However, before he could say anything, Helen forestalled him.
Bending down, she put her arm round the little boy’s shoulders.
‘Do you remember when Charlie, your dog, got lost and you were really upset, Danny?’
Once again the boy nodded, his eyes locked on Helen’s face, and she smiled at him. ‘He was such a silly dog, wasn’t he? He ran off when you were playing ball then couldn’t find his way home. Well, Dr Cole is afraid that Kristy won’t be able to find her way home, too, so that’s why he needs to know where she is.’
‘I promised I wouldn’t tell anyone,’ Danny muttered.
‘And it’s important to keep a promise.’ Helen nodded. ‘I understand that, Danny, because once you’ve given your word, you should stick to it. But it’s different in this case. Kristy could get hurt if she’s wandering about on her own. She doesn’t know the town like you do, and she might not be able to find her way back home. I think it would be OK if you broke your promise just this once because you’re trying to help her.’
Danny bit his lip. It was obvious that he was trying to decide what he should do. Lewis held his breath, knowing that he didn’t dare say anything in case he frightened the boy.
‘She’s gone to the old tannery,’ Danny blurted out. ‘She said that she didn’t want to go home in case her dad shouted at her again.’
Lewis felt his insides twist in agony. This was all his fault! He’d been snappy with Kristy that morning and that’s why she’d run away.
He didn’t say a word as Helen thanked the boy and quickly led the way from the classroom. He heard the headmistress say something about them waiting for the police to arrive and Helen replied that they wouldn’t wait but would drive straight to the tannery, but he didn’t utter a word. How could he? He had scared his own daughter into running away and he didn’t think he would ever forgive himself for what he’d done.
Somehow he found himself in Helen’s car. His mind was awash with pain so that he was on autopilot. Helen glanced at him as she started the engine. ‘Fasten your seat belt.’
Lewis buckled up, feeling the full weight of his misery wash over him. What kind of man was he that he could hurt the people he loved most in the world?
‘She’ll be all right, Lewis. You just need to have faith. We’ll find her. I promise you.’
The gentleness in Helen’s voice was too much. Tears sprang to his eyes and he didn’t even bother trying to hide them from her. ‘She ran away because of me, because I was snappy with her this morning and scared her.’
‘It’s not easy being a parent so don’t be too hard on yourself. You’re just a normal human being, Lewis, not a saint. You can’t be perfect all the time.’
She tried to tease him into a smile but it didn’t work. He knew what
he was and that what had happened would haunt him until his dying day.
‘I should have been more sensitive. I know how vulnerable Kristy is and I shouldn’t have been so sharp with her. She’s only a child and I should have made allowances for her!’
‘Why were you annoyed with her?’ Helen paused at the junction and glanced at him. ‘Had she done something naughty?’
‘Not really. It was me. I’ve been feeling very edgy recently and I allowed my feelings to get the better of me.’
‘Was it because of what’s been happening at work? Your edginess, I mean.’
‘Yes. It was a shock to hear that you were leaving, Helen.’
‘I was trying to do what was best. For everyone,’ she added cryptically.
Lewis wasn’t sure what she meant and before he could ask, he spotted the tannery up ahead. He leant forward as she drew up in the gateway. There was no sign of Kristy and his heart plummeted because he had no idea what he was going to do if she wasn’t here.
‘Let’s take a look inside.’ Helen opened the car door and got out. Lewis got out as well and hurried to the gate. It was padlocked and didn’t look as though it had been opened for some time, but there was a gap in the hedge through which they could squeeze.
He climbed through then helped Helen after him and looked around. There were a lot of buildings in the compound and most of them were in a very poor state of repair. ‘Let’s try over there first.’ He pointed to the smallest of the outbuildings.
‘Why don’t we split up? That way we can cover more ground.’
‘Fair enough. But be careful, won’t you? Some of that brickwork looks very unsafe.’
‘Don’t worry about me,’ she said lightly, and he knew that he couldn’t let it pass. Even though he was desperately worried about his daughter, he couldn’t keep up this pretence of indifference.
‘I’ll always worry about you, Helen. I can’t help it.’ He touched her gently on the cheek then turned away because this was neither the time nor the place to say anything else. Maybe there never would be a right time but he couldn’t worry about it now when Kristy needed him.
In His Loving Care Page 17