He ran over to the outhouse and opened the rickety old door, but there was no sign of his daughter. He tried one of the sheds next and drew another blank. It was the same in the next few buildings he checked. Hope was fading fast when he forced open the door to one of the warehouses so that when he spotted the little girl, curled up on a pile of old sacks, he could scarcely believe his eyes.
Lewis ran across the concrete floor and knelt down beside her, his heart welling with emotion when he realised that she was fast asleep. Reaching out, he smoothed a dark curl off her cheek, feeling the intensity of his love for her overwhelm him.
‘Daddy…’ Her eyes slowly opened and he smiled at her.
‘Hi! I’ve come to take you home, poppet. I’m sorry if I scared you this morning when I shouted at you. I didn’t mean to.’
‘I thought you didn’t love me any more,’ she whispered. ‘Joe used to shout at me when Mommy went away. He said I was a pest and that he was tired of looking after me.’ Her eyes suddenly filled with tears. ‘That’s why Mommy didn’t come back, isn’t it? Because I was naughty and she didn’t love me any more?’
‘No! That isn’t true and Joe should never have told you that.’ It was all Lewis could do to remain calm. He couldn’t believe that anyone could be so cruel as to have said that to a child. Taking hold of her hands, he held them tightly in both of his.
‘Your Mommy loved you very much, sweetheart. She didn’t care if you were naughty sometimes because she would never have stopped loving you. She didn’t want to leave you but she was hurt very badly in the accident and she died and went to heaven. That’s why she didn’t come back—not because of anything you did.’
‘And you don’t think I’m a pest, too?’ she whispered.
‘No, I don’t. You are my precious little girl and I’ll always love you no matter what happens.’
‘And you won’t go away, like Joe did?’
‘No, I shall never go away and leave you. You’re my own, special little girl and I love you very much. I’m going to take care of you until you’re all grown up, and even then I’ll still be there whenever you need me. I love you, Kristy, and nothing you do will make me stop loving you.’
He picked her up in his arms and held her close. And I shall never let anything bad happen to you ever again.’
‘I love you, too, Daddy,’ she murmured, snuggling against him.
‘And I love you, sweetheart,’ he replied thickly, overcome by emotion. He carried her outside, smiling when he spotted Helen coming out of a building close to where he was standing. ‘Look who I’ve found.’
‘Kristy!’
She came rushing over, her beautiful face alight with pleasure, and he responded instinctively. Bending down, he kissed her on the mouth and felt his heart jerk in delight when she kissed him back. He drew back and looked at her because there was no point trying to hide how he felt when his feelings must have been etched all over his face.
‘I love you, Helen. Maybe I shouldn’t say this but I need to tell you the truth. I love you and I always shall.’
Tears welled to her eyes as she put her arms around both him and Kristy. ‘I love you, too. I can’t believe how stupid we’ve been these past few weeks.’
‘Neither can I.’
One more too-brief kiss then, all of a sudden the police arrived. By the time he’d explained that Kristy was fine and the crisis was over, there was no opportunity to say anything else. He assured the officer in charge that he would call at the police station to give a statement then followed Helen to the car. She opened the back door while he strapped Kristy into the rear seat. The little girl was worn out after her ordeal and soon fell asleep. She was still asleep when they drew up in front of his house so he dug his keys out of his pocket and handed them to Helen.
‘Can you open the door while I carry her inside? I think it would be best if I took her straight up to bed, don’t you?’
‘I do. The poor little mite is exhausted.’
Helen shot a loving look at the little girl and his heart swelled with joy because there was no way that she could have feigned such feelings. Leaning over, he kissed her on the mouth, letting his lips linger in the place where they had longed to be these past weeks. The kiss wasn’t without passion but the most wonderful thing about it was its healing qualities. It felt as though all the pain that he’d stored up had melted away and he couldn’t believe how much better he felt when they drew apart.
‘I needed that,’ he said roughly.
‘Me, too.’ She smiled at him, her face alight with love. ‘I’ve missed you, Lewis. Having to pretend that I didn’t care has been a nightmare.’
‘Is that why you decided to sell up and leave?’
‘Partly.’
A shadow crossed her face and he felt a chill invade him as he realised that he had overlooked one very important issue. Helen had said that she loved him, and he believed her, but where did John Dancer fit into this scenario?
‘Daddy?’
He glanced round when Kristy suddenly woke up. ‘I’m right here, darling,’ he said quickly, when he saw the panic on her face.
‘I’ll open the door for you,’ Helen said hurriedly as she got out of the car.
Lewis followed more slowly, wondering what was going on. On the one hand she claimed to love him yet on the other she’d been about to embark on a new life with another man. It didn’t make sense. He tried to put aside his fear as he lifted Kristy out of the car. The nap seemed to have done her good—she insisted on walking up the path and told him that she was hungry once they were inside. He sent her upstairs to wash her hands, although he wasn’t overly concerned about the matter of hygiene. However, he needed to speak to Helen on her own. They had to settle this issue before they could do anything else, but she forestalled him.
‘You need to look after Kristy so I’ll leave you to it. Don’t worry about surgery tonight. Harry and I will split your list between us.’ She hurried to the door but he refused to let her leave without making some attempt to sort things out.
‘We need to talk, Helen.’
‘I know. But not now.’ She summoned a smile but he could see the fear in her eyes and it scared him. Why was she so afraid? Because she was worried about hurting him? It took him all his time not to demand an answer but he could hear Kristy coming back down the stairs.
‘When, then?’
‘Tonight. After I finish work.’ Another brief smile then she was gone.
Lewis took a deep breath then smiled as his daughter came skipping into the kitchen, but it was all a front. Inside, he was filled with dread. He really didn’t know how he was going to bear it if he lost Helen now.
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
HELEN went straight back to the surgery and broke the good news. Everyone was deeply relieved that Kristy had been found, safe and well. She had a word with Harry and explained that they would have to cover for Lewis that evening then went to her room, needing some time on her own. Part of her was so elated by Lewis’s declaration of love that she wanted to rush out and tell everyone. However, the more cautious side warned her it could be a mistake. Maybe he did love her but how would he feel when he found out she was pregnant?
It was bound to have an effect on his relationship with Kristy so would he welcome the news? Or would he be so horrified at the thought of her having his child that it would affect his feelings for her? She had no idea how he would react, which made it all the more difficult to know what to do. Should she tell him tonight, or should she keep it a secret? But if she didn’t tell him, she would have to leave Summerfield because he would soon find out.
By the time surgery ended, Helen was no nearer to making a decision. She knew that she couldn’t risk going to see Lewis while she was in that state so she went home. He would wonder where she was, but eventually he would come up with an explanation, even if it wasn’t the right one. And maybe it would be easier for them both if he did—less stressful for her not to have to lie to him, and less traumat
ic for him not to have to listen. She would let him draw his own conclusions because in the end it might be the kindest thing to do.
Seven o’clock came and went and there was still no sign of Helen. Lewis phoned the surgery but hung up when his call was diverted to the answering service. Where was she? he thought as he paced the sitting-room floor. She’d said she would come back that night so why wasn’t she here? Didn’t she know how important it was that they should clear up all the misunderstandings? Or was there nothing to clear up? Maybe she’d had second thoughts and realised that she wasn’t in love with him. If that was the case then he was better off without her!
Buoyed up by indignation, he went into the kitchen and made himself something to eat, but after just one mouthful he realised he was wasting his time. He was too emotionally gutted to worry about food. He loved Helen and she’d claimed to love him, so what the hell was going on?
Leaving his plate on the table, he stormed out of the room. Kristy was fast asleep and he hated to wake her but there was no way that he was going to leave her with a sitter after what had happened that day. He wrapped her in a blanket and carried her downstairs. She was still half-asleep when he popped her into the car and fastened her seat belt.
‘Where are we going, Daddy?’ she murmured sleepily.
‘To see Helen, sweetheart.’
‘I like Helen,’ she whispered as her eyelids started to droop.
‘So do I,’ he muttered grimly, closing the car door. He drove straight to Helen’s house and pulled into the drive. Turning off the engine, he sat for a moment while he geared himself up for what might happen. Helen might tell him to go away, or she might welcome him with open arms and an open heart, and he had to be prepared for either eventuality. However, if there was a chance that he could sort out this mess, he wasn’t going to let anything get in his way!
He got out of the car and lifted Kristy off the passenger seat then knocked on the door. When Helen opened it, he didn’t give her time to refuse him entry. He barged past her with his daughter in his arms and determination etched all over his face. This woman meant the whole world to him and he didn’t intend to give her up without a struggle!
‘Lewis! What are you doing here?’
‘We need to talk.’ He brushed past her and nodded towards the stairs. ‘Is it all right if I put Kristy in one of the bedrooms? She’s worn out after today’s little episode and she needs to go to sleep.’
‘I…um…’ Helen took a quick breath and tried to pull herself together, but her nerves were tingling as adrenaline rushed through her veins. She had a good idea why Lewis had come, although she had no idea what she was going to say to him. ‘You can put her in Katie’s room. I’ll show you the way.’
She hurried up the stairs, using the few seconds it took to calm herself down. Lewis couldn’t force her to do anything she didn’t want to do, and if she chose not to tell him about the baby that was her decision. Opening the bedroom door, she gestured towards the bed.
‘She’ll be fine in here. If we leave the door open, we’ll be able to hear her if she wakes up.’
‘Thanks.’ Lewis laid his daughter on the bed and carefully tucked the blanket around her. ‘I’ll be downstairs if you want me, sweetheart. I’m just going to talk to Helen so you just shout out if you need me. All right?’
‘A’ right,’ Kristy repeated sleepily, snuggling into the pillows.
Helen led the way downstairs and made straight for the sitting-room. It was a room she never used because she found the old-fashioned decor overpowering. However, it seemed fitting to take Lewis in there rather than into the less formal atmosphere of the kitchen. She needed to keep a level head and there was more likelihood of her doing that in here.
He looked around as he followed her into the room. ‘This place is like a museum. It must be years since it was decorated.’
‘I don’t use it very often,’ she said shortly, sitting down on one of the straight-backed chairs.
‘I can understand why.’ He sat down on the couch and stared at her. ‘What’s going on, Helen? You promised that you would come back to see me after evening surgery so why didn’t you do so?’
‘I didn’t want to disturb Kristy—’
‘Rubbish! It had nothing whatsoever to do with Kristy.’ He leant forward and she could see the urgency in his eyes. ‘I told you how I feel about you. Did it mean nothing to you?’
‘Of course it meant something to me.’
‘Then what’s going on? Why did you run home and hide when you knew I was waiting to talk to you?’ He looked down at the floor and she could see the fear in his eyes when they returned to her face. ‘Did you realise that you’d got carried away in the heat of the moment and that it’s not me you love?’
‘There’s no point talking about it,’ she whispered, her voice breaking. It was so hard to hear him say such things and not be able to deny them, but she couldn’t risk ruining his relationship with his daughter. ‘I’m leaving Summerfield, Lewis, and you just have to accept that.’
‘I don’t have to accept anything! I want to know what’s going on, Helen. Are you in love with me or not? It’s a simple enough question so why won’t you answer it?’
‘Because I don’t want to hurt you!’ she countered, stung into replying with equal fervour.
‘Hurt me? In other words, what you said to me today was a mistake.’ He stood up abruptly and her heart turned over when she saw the bleakness in his eyes. It was as though every scrap of emotion had seeped from him and she couldn’t believe how painful it was to see him looking that way. ‘Then I’m sorry to have troubled you. I’ll just fetch Kristy and leave—’
‘No!’ Helen didn’t realise that she’d jumped up until she found herself on her feet. She gripped the back of the chair as the room started to spin. She knew that she might be making a terrible mistake, but she couldn’t let him leave believing that she didn’t love him. ‘I didn’t make a mistake. I do love you.’
‘You do? Then why are you leaving Summerfield?’
‘Because I have to!’
‘Have to?’ he repeated, frowning. ‘What do you mean by that? Has Dancer got some sort of a hold over you?’
‘It has nothing to do with John Dancer!’ she exploded.
‘But you’re going to America with him, aren’t you?’
‘No, I’m not. I’m not sure how that rumour started but the truth is that I’ve not seen John since I went out for that meal with him.’ She shrugged. ‘He did invite me out again but I refused.’
‘Why?’
‘Because it wouldn’t have been fair to let him think I was interested in him.’
‘Then if you aren’t leaving to start a new life with him, why are you going?’ He took a slow step towards her then another until all of a sudden he was standing in front of her. Helen bit her lip when she saw the entreaty in his eyes. She desperately wanted to tell him the truth but how could she?
‘Tell me, Helen. Please. Why are you leaving?’ He touched her on the cheek and she felt the tremor that ran through his fingers as they brushed her skin. That was the moment when she knew that she was lost. How could she lie to him about something so important?
‘Because I love you and I can’t bear to do anything that might hurt you,’ she whispered brokenly.
He closed his eyes for a moment and when he opened them again she could see the fire in their depths. ‘The only thing that could hurt me is if I lost you, my darling. I love you, Helen, and I want us to be together for ever and always.’
He pulled her into his arms and cradled her against him as he dropped kisses on her hair. Helen wrapped her arms around him, needing this feeling of closeness to help her through what was to come. Maybe he did love her but she wouldn’t make him choose between her and his daughter.
He kissed her softly on the mouth then let her go when she pulled back. ‘There’s something else, isn’t there? I can tell there is. Whatever it is, we can work it out, Helen, I promise you.’
‘Yes. I love you, Helen. Nothing will change that so tell me what’s wrong.’
‘I’m pregnant.’ The words rushed out before she could attempt to find a gentler way to tell him, and her heart contracted when she saw the shock on his face.
‘Pregnant?’
‘Yes. I’m sorry. I know it was stupid not to mention that I wasn’t on the Pill but…’
‘But it was the last thing on either of our minds,’ he said with a chuckle that sent ripples through the whole of her body.
Helen stared up at him, scarcely able to believe what she was seeing. He might have looked shocked in the beginning but there was no doubt at all that he looked elated now. He pulled her back into his arms and kissed her soundly.
‘It must have come as a tremendous shock to you, my love, and I’m truly sorry about that. But I’m not sorry about the baby. I can’t think of anything better than us having a child together.’
‘But I heard you telling Lucy Maguire that you didn’t want any more children…’ she began, and he groaned.
‘And that’s what started all this? I couldn’t understand why you suddenly decided to sell up and leave when we were so happy.’ He tilted her chin and looked into her eyes. ‘It was just a passing comment, darling. I’d probably had a bad night…been up with Kristy because she’d had one of her nightmares…but that’s all it was. I didn’t really mean it.’
Tears began to stream down her cheeks when she realised that he was telling her the truth. However, despite the reassurance, maybe he didn’t fully understand the problems this baby could cause.
‘I’m so glad. But what about Kristy? How is she going to feel? She might be upset when she finds out that we’re having a baby. I know how difficult it’s been for you to build a relationship with her and I don’t want anything to come between you.’
‘Nothing is going to come between us, darling. I understand now why Kristy has been so withdrawn. Tessa’s boyfriend filled her head with a load of rubbish about him not wanting to look after her because she was a nuisance, and she thought that was why her mother hadn’t come back. The poor little mite has been terrified of doing anything to upset me in case I didn’t want her either.’
In His Loving Care Page 18