Every Waking Moment

by Brenda Novak

  She’d like it, she decided. She wanted to live a simple, clean life, wanted to sit out on her porch with a tall glass of lemonade and let Max play in the yard with a big dog.

  “Sleepy?”

  She glanced over at Preston, who was driving with both hands for a change, and tried not to remember the conversation she’d overheard between him and his mother. She’d been trying not to think of it all morning, but it kept coming back to her.

  Just someone who’s catching a ride. It’s nothing.

  He’d been talking about her. She was nothing.

  “A little, I guess.”

  “You’ve been quiet today.”

  She didn’t have much to say. She felt foolish for the fantasies she’d entertained in the shower, for believing last night had meant anything to him. And she was more than a little surprised to discover how much that realization hurt. A week ago, she’d wanted only to start over, to be independent. But a few days in Preston’s company had shown her how starved she was for positive emotion.

  She closed her eyes and shook her head. She’d known better than to let herself care.

  “Emma?”

  “What?”

  “Is something wrong?”

  “No.”

  “What are you thinking about?”

  “The future.”

  “What do you see in your future?”

  Her eyes open now, she admired the neatly tended rows and patchwork squares of the passing farmland and wished her life could be so orderly. “A small town.”

  “And?”

  “A little yellow house with a white picket fence and flowers in front.”

  “That’s a far cry from a mansion with a pool house. Won’t you miss anything about living the way you did?”

  “Are you kidding? The mansion I lived in was a prison. I don’t want anything that reminds me of it. And—” she shrugged “—you can’t ask for too much on a teacher’s salary. I’m willing to settle for what I can afford.”

  “Is that what you plan to do for a living? Teach?”

  “If I can find a position.”

  “Where in Iowa would you like to settle down?”

  “I don’t know yet.” She was beginning to wonder if maybe she’d put enough miles between her and Manuel by now. Maybe she should have Preston drop them off at the next town. The sooner they parted, the better. Who was to say Iowa would be any safer than Nebraska?

  She unfolded the map he’d shoved onto the dashboard after they’d gassed up this morning. “Maybe somewhere around here would be okay.”

  He pulled his attention from the road. “Here? Now you’re talking about settling in Nebraska?”

  “Why not?”

  “What happened to Iowa?”

  It was another four hours to the border. And he was heading to Cedar Rapids after that, which was an additional five hours. Even though Preston had stopped periodically to play a little ball with Max, her son had spent enough time cooped up in a car. Besides, saying goodbye to Preston might be harder in Cedar Rapids, since he wouldn’t be moving on to the next state. She didn’t want him close if she was never going to see him again.

  “I just want to settle in a farming community where I can live the kind of life I’ve dreamed about for the past few years. And Nebraska looks like it has plenty of farming communities. It’s the Cornhusker State, remember?” She tried a weak smile, but he didn’t return it.

  “Why are you suddenly in such a hurry to split up?”

  She didn’t want to address that question, so she kept poring over the map. “Hazard’s not too far away. That might be a nice place. Or Rockville or Ashton—”

  “Emma.”

  She heard the serious note in his voice but kept her eyes on the map. “Looks like it might get a little hilly over by the Missouri River, so I think somewhere before that.”

  “I’m sorry for what I said on the phone this morning, if that’s what’s bugging you.”

  “You have nothing to be sorry for.” It was her misconception, right? He’d been good to her and Max, done much more for them than she could have hoped. She had no right to complain. “Go ahead and take this exit. I’ll start by checking out the job market in Kearney and go from there.”

  “I didn’t mean it.”

  She finally gave him her full attention. “Of course you meant it. We’re a burden. And now that the pressure is off, there’s really no reason for us to trouble you anymore.”

  Crossing her arms, she waited for him to pull off the freeway. But he sailed right past the exit.

  “You didn’t stop.”

  “Now spell zoo…”

  “What about Manuel?” he asked.

  “What about him?”

  “He could catch up with you.”

  “He could catch up with me anywhere. That’s a risk I’m going to have to live with. There’s another exit coming up.”

  His eyebrows drew together. “I don’t want to drop you off here.”

  “What’s the difference?”

  He caught and held her gaze. “Stay with me for one more night, Emma.”

  He wasn’t offering her a night spent with their clothes on. She could tell. And she knew she should refuse. She’d just cursed herself for letting her relationship with Preston become so intimate, for allowing herself to care about him. But there was that hunger in his eyes again, and it so closely mirrored her own she could scarcely breathe.

  She thought of how he’d tossed them into the van and screeched out of the Gas-N-Go. She thought of the miles and miles he’d gone out of his way from Ely, his generosity with the clothes he’d bought her, everything he’d done for Max. After Manuel, how could she not fall for a man like that?

  “What do you say?” he asked.

  The question revealed his vulnerability, his fear that she might refuse. She wished she could. But “no” simply wouldn’t come.

  “Okay.”

  AS PRESTON PASSED a slow-moving pickup, Emma stared down at the cell phone she’d just borrowed from him. “Your number won’t come up on his caller ID?” she asked hesitantly.

  “Not if you press star six-seven before you dial. That’ll block it.”

  “You’re sure?”

  He checked his speed. “I’m sure.”

  Max unbuckled his seat belt and leaned over her shoulder. “Who are you calling, Mommy?”

  She didn’t want Max to know. Maybe someday in the future he’d be able to speak to his father. But not today. Emma couldn’t trust that Manuel wouldn’t say something offensive. “Put your seat belt back on, honey. It’s not safe to have it off while the car’s moving.”

  “But I have to go to the bathroom.”

  Emma doubted it. He’d just gone to the bathroom. But he was tired of being restrained. “We’ll stop as soon as we can, okay?”

  “When?”

  “Soon. Get back in your seat belt.”

  When he finally obeyed, she turned to Preston. “I’ll try Rosa first.”

  “What good will that do? She’s feeding information to the other side, remember?”

  “Only because she’s frightened. Who wouldn’t be?”

  He didn’t answer.

  “Besides, I only need to know if Juanita’s okay. I think she’ll tell me that much.”

  “I want to talk to Juanita,” Max cried. “I miss her.”

  Emma missed her, too. And hoped to heaven that she was all right. But either way, this call would be difficult to make. If her threat had worked and Juanita was home safe, Emma would know the list meant what she feared it did. Along with that knowledge came responsibilities she didn’t want to face. On the other hand, if she learned that something terrible had happened to Juanita, she’d never be able to forgive herself.

  After taking a deep breath, she dialed.

  Hola. This is Rosa. Leave your name and—

  Emma punched the End button. “No one’s there.”

  Preston shifted in his seat. “So what now?”

  “It’s
time to call…our friend.”

  “Want me to do it?”

  She remembered Manuel’s threats against him and quickly shook her head. Manuel had already met Preston twice; he’d probably recognize his voice. As much as possible, she wanted to keep Preston from becoming a target.

  “Let me,” he coaxed.

  “No.”

  He looked unhappy with her answer, but she pressed star 67 and dialed anyway.

  When Manuel said hello, the curtness of his voice led her to believe that her disappearance was driving him as crazy as she’d expected.

  “Is she home?” Emma asked bluntly.

  “It’s you.”

  “Good guess.” She twisted around to see if Max was still paying attention and found him staring at her. “Is…our mutual acquaintance home yet?”

  “Juanita?”

  “Yes.”

  “How the hell should I know?”

  “Don’t play stupid with me.”

  “You think I’m going to let you blackmail me, querida?”

  “Quit calling me that.” Emma shot an uncertain glance at Preston and was surprised when he reached for her hand.

  His support made a difference. His warmth seemed to encompass her, lending her the strength she needed.

  “I’ll call you whatever I want,” Manuel said. “You’re asking for trouble. You know that.”

  “Forget it,” she said angrily. “I’ll go ahead and send what I’ve got to the DEA. But don’t say I didn’t warn you.” She acted as though she was about to hang up and was secretly grateful when he stopped her.

  “Wait!”

  “Your memory’s improving?”

  “Maybe. But my temper isn’t. You’re going to be sorry—”

  “Here we go again. Should I hang up?”

  “No.”

  She hesitated, but he didn’t seem in any hurry to say what he wanted to say.

  “Are you sleeping with him?” he asked at last.

  “That’s none of your concern.” Preston’s hand tightened around hers.

  “Like hell!” Manuel shouted. “Tell me the truth! You’re still with that guy I saw at the Hilton, aren’t you? He was in Ely, too. I should’ve known. Instead I let him send me on another wild-goose chase. Las Vegas, the airport…”

  Emma would not allow Manuel to commandeer the conversation. “What have you done with…our friend?”

  “Where did you meet him? Have you two been sneaking around behind my back?”

  “I’m going to hang up now—”

  “Wow, you’re really mad, huh, Mommy?” Max said.

  Emma was too wrapped up in the conversation to answer him.

  “Juanita’s fine,” Manuel snapped.

  “Prove it.”

  “Come back to me and I will.”

  “Never.”

  At her response, he must’ve thrown something. Emma heard a loud crash, followed by shattering glass. But it was difficult to determine exactly what had happened with him cursing so loudly. “You can’t do this to me! Do you hear? I won’t let you!”

  The craziness in his voice chilled Emma to the bone, but she refused to succumb to the intimidation he was trying to use against her. She was taking control of her life. She couldn’t continue to live in fear.

  “You don’t have a choice,” she said, and hung up. Then she called Rosa again. She started to leave a detailed message on the answering machine, telling her she’d call at a certain time and to please be home, that they needed to talk. But Rosa picked up in the middle of it.

  “Vanessa?”

  Preston had released her hand when Emma dialed, but she reached for him again. Rosa was wailing and sobbing hysterically. “Yes?” She gulped.

  “She’s dead. Juanita’s dead. The police just found her body.”

  CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE

  MAX WATCHED Preston talking to his mommy over by the bathrooms. They’d taken him potty, tested his blood and promised him a treat if he’d be good and wait in the car for a few minutes. But they were taking so long.

  Bored with turning the steering wheel and making car sounds, he opened the console, where he found a pair of sunglasses. He knew he shouldn’t touch them, but his mommy had promised him a treat and he hated to wait. He needed something to do.

  He slipped them on, gazed at himself in the mirror and laughed. He looked silly. He was just putting them away when he saw Preston’s cell phone wedged between the seats. He loved to talk on the phone. He liked to pretend he was wearing a suit and working like his daddy. His daddy called people all the time.

  Picking up the phone, he pushed the Talk button twice.

  Suddenly a voice sounded in his ear, “Vanessa? Is it you? Listen to me—”

  Max gasped. “Daddy?”

  “Dominick?” His father sounded confused.

  “Daddy, where are you?”

  “Where are you, hijito?”

  “In the van.”

  “What van?”

  “Preston’s brown van.”

  “Preston who?”

  “Holman, silly.”

  “Preston Holman…Tell me about him.”

  Max thought his daddy sounded angry, so he searched for something Daddy might like to hear. “Preston plays baseball with me. He says I’m a good hitter.”

  His daddy made a funny noise.

  “Daddy?”

  “I’m here, hijito.”

  “He likes me to pitch for him, too.”

  “Where’s your mother?”

  Max bent his head to look through the side window. “Outside.”

  “Doing what?”

  “Hugging Preston.”

  “What do you mean she’s hugging Preston?” His daddy’s voice boomed loud again, making Max worry that he’d said the wrong thing. He didn’t like it when his daddy got mad. It scared him.

  “Mommy’s crying, and Preston’s making her feel better.” That was good, wasn’t it? Preston was being nice. But his daddy didn’t answer right away. So Max hurried to think of something that might make him happier. “Guess what? I can put my insulin in my leg.”

  “That’s fine, hijito,” he said, but he didn’t seem to care much about it until Max added that Preston was the one who’d taught him.

  “Stay away from him. Do you hear me?”

  “Why?”

  “Just do as I say.” His daddy covered the phone and spoke to someone else. Then he talked to Max again. “Look around you, hijito, outside the van.”

  “What for?”

  “I want you to tell me what you see.”

  Was this a new game? His daddy didn’t usually like games, but Max loved them. “Bathrooms.”

  “Are there any signs that have words written on them?”

  Luckily, Max spotted one right away. “Yeah…”

  “Perfect. You’re a good reader, aren’t you? Can you tell me what it says?”

  “Sure.” Max thought this seemed like fun. It pleased his daddy when he read. But before he could sound out the first word, the really hard one that started with N-E-B, he saw his mommy and Preston move toward the van.

  “Uh-oh.” He dropped the phone between the seats so he could scramble into the back. He didn’t want to get caught touching something he shouldn’t. If he got in trouble, he wouldn’t be able to have his treat.

  “Dominick?” He heard his daddy’s voice, tiny now, as if it came from a man the size of an ant.

  “Bye, Daddy!” Max called. Then Daddy must’ve hung up, because as soon as Preston opened Mommy’s door, and Mommy asked if they could stop in Omaha for dinner, Daddy said nothing more.

  SITTING IN a Salt Lake City restaurant, Manuel waved away the waitress who was approaching to take his and Hector’s dinner order. He didn’t want the noise. He heard Vanessa’s voice; he was sure of it.

  Pressing the phone more tightly to his ear, he held his breath and listened carefully. Two car doors slammed, an engine started. Then Vanessa and Preston began to talk.

  Preston…Anger m
ade Manuel’s scalp tingle. Vanessa’s lover had fooled him twice, but it wouldn’t happen again. Manuel finally understood what he’d been so reluctant to believe—she had left him for another man. The knowledge stung his pride, yet offered him hope. If not for Preston, she wouldn’t have gone. Which meant that once he got rid of Preston, she’d come back. He wouldn’t tolerate anyone taking her from him or even helping her leave. Juanita had found that out.

  The memory of his housekeeper calling him a disgrace flashed through his mind, but he shoved it away. He wouldn’t think of Juanita. Killing her had given him no satisfaction. She made him feel weak. Even in the end, she’d laughed in his face. Sometimes it felt as though she was still laughing at him.

  Hector watched him closely, but Manuel knew he wouldn’t interrupt. Hector had been around long enough to know better.

  “Are you done crying, Mommy?” Manuel heard Dominick ask.

  “For now, honey.”

  “Does that mean I can have my treat?”

  “We should probably wait until we stop for dinner,” Preston said. “It’ll be time to give him his insulin then.”

  Manuel gripped his water glass so tightly Hector took it away. “You’re gonna break the damn thing,” he muttered. But Manuel didn’t care what he broke. Preston was talking as if he was Dominick’s father. What gave him the right? A week ago, Vanessa and Dominick had belonged to Manuel. One week ago. A week didn’t change anything.

  “I’m not sure it’s fair to ask him to wait any longer,” Vanessa said. “How far is Omaha?”

  Preston answered, but his voice was too low to be heard over Dominick’s. “I want my treat now. I can’t wait any longer. P-l-e-a-s-e?”

  Manuel mentally grasped at the words he could barely hear. Omaha? They were in Nebraska?

  “Once we reach Omaha, how much farther do we have to go?” It was Vanessa again. What she said confirmed that he’d heard correctly.

  “Mom?”

  Dominick’s voice came through the clearest because of the pitch.

  Shut up, Dominick. I need to hear this.

  “Another five hours or so.”

  “I’ve never been to Iowa, have you?” Vanessa asked.

  “No, but I’m pretty sure the Cedar Rapids area has a lot of farmland,” Preston said, and Manuel sagged in relief. He had them. He had them, and they didn’t even know it.