“I do. I fucking love you more than I’m comfortable with, but I can’t change that now.”
“I love you, too.”
“Show me.”
His hands make their way down to the hem of my dress, and with one quick motion, it’s up and over my head. I tug at his shirt, working the buttons open with my fingers as Jackson’s kiss sears through me. God, I missed this, missed him so much, his touch breathes life back into me and takes me to the only place I’ve ever really felt at home. Even when I fought against it, when I hated myself for feeling the way I did about him. Even when I thought it was wrong, deep down I always felt like he was meant for me.
His shirt hits the ground along with my dress, and he’s on me again, hands everywhere, taking as much as they give. He slips a finger through my wet folds, circling my clit with a barely there touch. I need more; I’m desperate for it. The foreplay can wait until the next time, but for now, I just need him. It’s been too long.
“Jackson, please.”
“Please what?”
“I need you now.”
The smirk on his lips tells me that he’s not going to give me what I want. “I don’t know. I’m trying to take my time and show you how much I’ve missed you.”
“Fuck that,” I say, using all of my strength to somehow flip us so that I’m on top. Come to think of it, he didn’t put up much of a fight. Something tells me that he let me turn the tables on purpose.
His hands go behind his head. He tips his chin up and thrusts his hips, pressing his enlarged cock against my sex.
“You want it? Take it,” he goads me, confirming my initial suspicion of his relinquished control. My hands work of their own accord, unbuttoning his pants and quickly removing the rest of his clothing. The sight of him naked sends a new rush of heat throughout me. God, I love him so much, and the sight of him laying here, offering himself up to me, is almost too much for me. I honestly can’t believe that he’s chosen me, that he wants to be with me, when he could easily have the Victoria and the Cecily of the world. Why he would want me, I’ll never truly understand. In the grand scheme of it, I guess it doesn’t matter why—the heart wants what it wants, and I’ll always be grateful that his wanted mine.
Crawling over his body, I kiss and suck my way up to his lips, positioning myself so that his cock is at my entrance. He thrusts his hips up. It’s a warning that if I don’t make a move soon, he’ll take his control back. I place my hands on his chest for leverage as I slide down onto his cock, enjoying the feel of him filling me, stretching me to the max.
Jackson’s hands move to my hips, digging in and guiding my movements as I ride him. My control freak can’t just let go, and I’m fine with that. It actually brings me a strange sense of relief knowing that Jackson always holds the cards. I’m so tired of always needing to make decisions, of always struggling. It’s nice to have someone around to take charge even if only for a little while. It doesn’t take long before Jackson is thrusting from underneath me, driving me to the edge. He pulls me down into a kiss—our bodies meld together, his arms wrap tightly around me, making me practically immobile. All I can do now is take what he’s giving me and enjoy it.
“Mine,” he growls into my ear, his pace becoming unmerciful and relentless. I love it, love how crazed he is, knowing that I’m the reason.
“Yes,” I cry as I fall over the edge into my climax with one final thrust of his hips.
“I love you,” Jackson tells me, rolling us until we’re both on our sides facing each other.
“I love you, too. I missed you.”
We lay here for a while; his hand gently running along my spine feels like heaven. My eyes start to get heavier, and sleep starts to invade.
“I could try and help you get her back, you know.”
My ears perk at this. “Hmm?”
“Maddie; I know how much you love her and now that your ex has a mark on his record, I can try and get you custody. I know people.”
“You would do that?” I’m stunned that he’s offering to help me get Maddie because it would have a major effect on both of our lives.
“I would do that and more for you.”
“I didn’t think you were a kid friendly kind of guy.”
“I’m an asshole, not an ogre. I like kids plenty.”
“Good to know.” I place a kiss on his chest. “Thank you but no. As much as I would love to have her, she belongs with Billy. He was a horrible boyfriend, but he’s a good dad. He adores her, and we worked it out so that I can see her regularly now.”
His hand on my back stills. “Does that include you seeing him?”
“I don’t know. I guess.”
“Not without me.”
“Jackson.”
“I don’t want you seeing him without me there, Sage.”
“All right, fine.” I agree thinking that meetings between Billy and Jackson might not go over so well.
“Thank you.”
“I need to find a new job as soon as possible if I’m going to be able to stay in New York.” This has been weighing on my mind ever since I skipped the meeting with Victoria’s new client. I made it as far as the hotel before chickening out and going back home.
“You can come work for me.”
“I don’t think so.”
“I think it’s a great solution. It’s not like you don’t have the education to work for me.”
“It’s just all too much. I don’t want us to burn out because we have no space or time apart.” Not to mention the fact that I don’t want a handout.
“Sage, I have a lot of companies. You can choose where you want to go, and you’d never have to see my face. It wouldn’t be like what you’re thinking.”
“Really?”
“Yes, it’s the least I can do for you after ruining that one job interview you had.”
I push up off him and sit up glaring down on him. “You did what?”
“I don’t think it’s a good idea for us to get into a relationship with secrets between us.”
“I…” Does he think this is funny?
“I know it was wrong, okay, and I feel bad about it, but I did it because I wanted you, even back then, before I realized I was falling for you. I just knew that I wasn’t ready to let you go.”
“So, you put an end to my job interview?”
“Yes.”
“How?”
“Mac.”
I shake my head in disbelief. “I can’t believe you. I don’t even know what to think.”
“I get that you want to be mad at me, and you have every right to be, but before you make a huge deal out of this, just remember that we’ve just found each other again after weeks apart. Is it really worth it?”
“You’re lucky that we just made up.” I smile down at him. I know that I should be more mad, enraged even, but he’s right. I just got him back after what felt like forever apart, and I can’t bring myself to make him pay for something that doesn’t really matter anymore anyway.
“There’s something else.” He pulls me back down giving me another kiss.
“What now?”
“You’re moving in with me.”
“No.” I shake my head. The last thing that I want to do is move too fast with Jackson. I don’t want to ruin things between us before they’ve even begun.
“Yes, you are.”
“Jackson, it’s too soon. Are you crazy?”
“No. I’m not crazy, but no woman of mine is going to be living in a shithole in Brooklyn with no security, poor lighting, and pipes that freeze.”
“You can’t fix everything; you can’t just take control of my entire life,” I argue.
“You wanted me, baby, you got me. This is me. I’m an asshole, I’m controlling, and I’m jealous. You need to get used to it and accept it.”
“I know all this. I just didn’t think you’d throw it all at me from day one.”
“I’m all in, Sage, and that means you being where I can make sure you’re taken
care of. I’m not going anywhere; I’m never going to grow tired of you being around, so get that out of your head.”
“Okay.” I melt back into him, thinking that if I’m going down, I’m going to do it with everything I have.
“Now, are you going to move in with me?”
“Oh, whatever,” I huff, knowing that I’d never win this fight and all the while secretly loving his brand of crazy, controlling, jealous alpha male. Life with Jackson will never be boring. It may never be easy, but it’ll be worth it. Having someone who cares fiercely about you is better than having no one who cares at all. That’s all I’ve ever known—a life full of people who should care, but don’t. I finally know how it feels to be loved, and to have that love come from a man who never knew he was capable of it, makes it all the more perfect.
Sage-
~ 1 Week Later ~
I run to the living room where I left my phone. The familiar ringtone makes the butterflies in my stomach take off.
“Hi, baby.”
“Hi, sweetheart.” I can tell that he’s smiling by the tone of his voice. “Where are you?”
“I’m home,” I say, disconnecting the phone from the charger and heading back into the kitchen where I was just trying to figure out what to make for dinner.
“Which home?” The irritation in his voice is unmistakable. He’s been pushing me to move in with him since we got back from Indiana.
“My home, Jackson, in Brooklyn.”
“You were supposed to be moved into our home already.” I don’t miss the emphasis on the our part. I love him for trying to make me feel welcome, but I just can’t wrap my brain around the fact that his massive, beautiful apartment will soon be my home. There are times when I feel like I must be living someone else’s life. I feel like I might wake up from a dream at any moment.
“I’m still packing, babe. It’s not like I haven’t seen you every day, and I’ve spent every night in your bed.”
“Our bed,” he corrects, making me smile.
“Our bed.”
“Fine, when are you coming home? I’ll be there in fifteen minutes.”
“Uhh, I’m not coming tonight.” I brace for the inevitable exposition that’s about to happen. Instead, he sounds eerily calm.
“Excuse me? Why not.”
“Maddie is here,” I tell him. He shouldn’t get mad at that, he knows how much Maddie means to me.
“I must not be hearing you correctly.”
“Nope, you heard me.” I lean a hip against the counter as I sift through the stack of mail that’s been sitting here unread for days. Jackson takes up all of my time, even a simple task like reading my mail has become more difficult. I’m not complaining, though, I love every second of the time that I spend with him.
“Do you remember, not even a week ago, when you told me that you wouldn’t see your ex without me?”
“Relax, Cujo. I picked her up from daycare.”
“Hmm, and how will she be getting home.”
I don’t need to say anything. He has me there, and my silence speaks volumes. I hadn’t thought that far ahead.
“I guess Billy will pick her up tomorrow.”
“No.”
“No? Jackson, it’s not like I can keep her here forever. He has to pick her up.”
“He can pick her up here.”
“What?”
“Be ready in twenty minutes, I’m coming to get you. I’m sure Maddie will be more comfortable in our place anyway.”
“Jackson.”
“Be. Ready,” he commands before hanging the phone up. I guess we’re going to Jackson’s.
***
Billy wasn’t thrilled when I called him and told him that I was taking his daughter to spend the night at my new boyfriend’s house. I can’t say that I blame him entirely, but after reminding him that I would never do anything to hurt Maddie and that he had no reason not to trust me, he relented. I sat down with Maddie before Jackson got to my apartment and tried to explain our relationship to her. I didn’t want to confuse her because she’s used to me being with her daddy, but I think by the end, she understood that things between Billy and I had changed and now I was somehow connected to Jackson. I explained that Jackson would be a part of her life now, too. I just hope that I didn’t traumatize her with an overload of information.
Jackson picked us up and Maddie had recognized him from the night that he first found out about her. She was her usual curious and friendly self, and I was worried about how Jackson was going to react to her, being that he has asshole tendencies, but strangely enough, he was good with her. He took us out for dinner and hot chocolate all the while engaging with Maddie and making her feel comfortable.
When we got back to his place, Jackson set up his living room like a makeshift movie theater, complete with popcorn, dim lighting, and the latest animated film. I cuddled into Jackson’s side while Maddie enjoyed her movie night. When it was over, he let her pick which bedroom she wanted to sleep in. I always thought I would enjoy being a mother and I truly enjoyed helping Billy raise Maddie, but seeing Jackson with her had me envisioning what our future would look like. I wondered what it would be like if we had a child of our own one day. Given our childhoods and the lack of stellar parenting we both received, I don’t know if Jackson would be open to having kids, but it’s not a topic I’m going to broach yet. Right now, seeing him with Maddie is enough. The fact that he accepts her as part of my life is enough.
This morning, Jackson made us a pancake breakfast with bacon and orange juice. Maddie followed him into the kitchen and sat on the counter while he cooked. I was surprised with how easily taken with him she is. I just finish packing her overnight bag when the doorbell rings. I try my hardest to get downstairs and to the front door before Jackson does, but he’s already there by the time I make it.
“You must be Billy.”
“I am. Jackson, I assume?”
Jackson jerks his chin in confirmation and opens the door, allowing Billy entry. “Maddie is in the kitchen having hot chocolate.”
“And Sage.”
The tick in Jackson’s neck at the mention of my name is unmistakable. If I don’t intervene now, he’s going to say something totally uncalled for.
“I’m right here,” I call out, walking across the room and coming to stand by Jackson’s side. “I see you two have met.”
“Yes, we have,” confirms Billy.
“Baby.” I turn to Jackson and give him a bright smile. “Why don’t you go get Maddie?”
“No,” he states before the suggestion has fully left my mouth.
“Jackson.”
“Sage.”
I take a stand because I know that if I let him have his way all the time, he will take advantage, forever thinking that he can boss me around whenever he wants. “Jackson, it’s fine. Go.”
He looks between us with a look of undeniable possessiveness. He’s marking his territory without having to say a word.
“Fine. I’ll be right back.”
“You’ve really moved up in the world,” Billy remarks once Jackson has left the room.
“Jackson’s a great guy. He’s just really protective of me. He’ll warm up to you over time.”
“I see that me leaving didn’t affect you negatively at all.”
“Don’t go there. You have no idea what I went through.”
“Right.”
“Daddy.” I turn to see Maddie running into the foyer and Jackson striding in behind her.
“Hey, beautiful.” Billy bends down and takes hold of her, picking her up in his arms. “Did you have a good time?” he questions, peppering her face with kisses. She giggles and begins telling him about all the things we did together. “I’m glad you had a good time, baby,” he tells her with a smile. He lets Maddie say goodbye then takes her away, promising that I’ll be able to see her soon.
“Come on.” Jackson grabs me by the hand and drags me out the door moments after Billy and Maddie leave.
/> “Where are we going?”
“To pack the rest of your shit.”
“It’s going to take more than a day, Jackson.”
“You pack the most important things. The moving company will take care of the rest.”
“I didn’t hire a moving company.”
“I did. They’ll be there in two days.”
“Of course, they will.”
I know the proper reaction would be outrage, anger, maybe shock, but I can’t bring myself to feel any of that. From the outside looking in, it might seem like I’m weak and I let Jackson get away with things that he shouldn’t get away with, but to me it’s just him showing that he loves me. It’s abrasive and overbearing at times, but when you go through your life feeling completely unloved, overbearing isn’t so bad. Overbearing is actually kind of nice. So, I go to my apartment with him, pack up my most important belongings, and move in with him that very evening. And I know that I’ll never regret it.
~ One Year Later ~
I stare at my reflection in the mirror and I barely recognize myself. The sad, lonely, scared girl who used to look back at me is gone, and in her place is a woman full of light, love, and confidence. I never knew love could be like this, I never dreamed that finding love would help me heal the parts of myself that were scarred and broken, but that’s what Jackson has given me. I apply some lip-gloss, the finishing touch on my look for today.
“Oh, Sage, you look so beautiful.”
I turn to see Victoria coming through the doorway of my bedroom holding a small bouquet of white peonies.
“These were just delivered, and Mac called. He should be here in five minutes, so we should head downstairs.”
“Okay,” I breathe, taking one last look at myself in the mirror. The short white dress hits right above my knees and hugs my curves perfectly. The sleeves are long. I insisted that they be long because of the bitter cold weather we’ve been having. I grab the bouquet from Victoria and nod, letting her know that I’m ready.
“Let’s get married,” I say with a bit of a squeal. When I met Jackson a year ago, I never in my life would have imagined that I would marry him. How could I ever anticipate such a turn of events—that a cold, seemingly heartless man would end up being the biggest love of my life.
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