FEELS LIKE THE FIRST TIME

by Scott Hildreth

  I pulled my car in the driveway, checked the address, backed up and parked in the street in front of the house. I looked at the text message again.

  724 All Hallows. We’re in the back on the deck. Gate is unlocked.

  I sat in my car looking like a murder victim who had survived and was happier than I had ever been in my life. My only regret was I didn’t hit Josh in the head with the skillet ten years prior. I opened the car door and took a deep breath. Just as well get this over with. I stepped out and started walking up the driveway toward the gate in the fence. I reached for the handle, took another deep breath, exhaled, and pulled the gate open.

  I stood at the opened gate and stared.

  “Hey babe. So what’s going on?” Shane asked from the top of the deck as he started walking in my direction. As he got closer to me, his eyes opened wide. His face filled with surprise. His lips began to quiver. He stood in front of me and slowly reached out to move my hair from my cheeks. He lowered his face toward mine and looked into my eyes.

  “What the fuck happened to you? Car wreck?” he said in a calm but stern tone.

  I stood and stared at the deck, incapable of speaking.

  Holy Mary mother of Christ himself.

  “Ripp, get over here, I think she’s in shock. She’s been in a wreck or something,” he said over his shoulder.

  “Holy fuck. I’ll call an ambulance,” the shirtless man said.

  I shook my head.

  “No,” I blurted, “It duthen’t hurt anymore. Juth lookth bad. Leth wipe it off, maybe.”

  “Babe, you’re in shock. We’ll get an ambulance,” he said softly as he pushed my hair over my ears.

  “Ambulanthe,” I muttered.

  “No!” I screamed.

  Shane jumped back.

  “Ith not bad, juth lookth bad,” I shook my head.

  “Not a wreck. Buth-ter,” I sighed.

  Frantically, I waved my hands in front of me and pointed to my mouth.

  “Babe, I can see. Your lips. And I see the tooth babe. We’ll get thiat prick, don’t worry. We got this. It will never happen again,” he assured me.

  As he looked at my face and moved my hair to the side, I heard a rumbling tone coming from his chest.

  He was growling.

  “Where’s my fucking phone, Dekk?” the shirtless man screamed.

  Please don’t come over here.

  “Fuck, I’m brain dead. Mine’s in my pocket. Here,” Shane said as he pulled his phone from his pocket and held it beside his waist. His hands were shaking.

  I reached out and slapped the phone from his hand, knocking it to the ground.

  “Babe, we need to call an ambulance, you’re in shock,” he said as he bent down to pick up the phone.

  I kicked it across the concrete patio before he touched it.

  “Thirt. Tattooth,” I whimpered helplessly as I pointed to the shirtless man.

  He scrunched his brow and looked confused. He turned and looked at the shirtless man, who was walking in our direction.

  “Dude, I can’t find it. Where’s yours?” he asked as he put his hand on Shane’s shoulder.

  I crossed my legs and waved my arms.

  Shane’s mouth slowly formed a smile. He shook his head.

  “Ripp, go put on a shirt,” Shane said as he smiled at me.

  I nodded over and over, and then I remembered.

  I reached over and tapped his shoulder once.

  “Dude, it’s a hundred and five degrees. I ain’t putting on a shirt,” he said.

  Shane took off his hoodie and handed it over his shoulder to the other man. He maintained eye contact with me the entire time, smiling.

  He’s proud of me for remembering to tap him once.

  “Don’t ask, Ripp. For me, put it on, please,” Shane said softly.

  “Alright, Dekk. Damn, my bad,” he said as he pulled the hoodie over his shoulders.

  He stood with the hoodie unzipped. It barely covered half of him. His chest and stomach were exposed. His stomach muscles rippled. Hints of tattoos on his chest were exposed.

  I pointed to the other man and shook my head. I motioned with my hands as if I were zipping the hoodie. Shane slowly turned and looked at the other man.

  “Zip it up, Ripp. Damn,” he said.

  “It’s too fucking small,” he complained.

  “It’s an extra fucking large. You’re just too god damned big. She’s fucking bleeding and can’t speak. Zip the damned thing up. Son of a bitch, Ripp. I told you she has anxiety. She can’t talk because you’re fucking distracting the shit out of her,” he started laughing as he spoke.

  He zipped the hoodie up to his neck, turned and walked to the upper wooden deck.

  I exhaled.

  I closed my eyes and nodded my head slowly. I took a slow breath and exhaled. I opened my eyes and pointed to the deck. Shane turned and put his right arm over my shoulder and his left behind my legs. Swiftly, he picked me up and carried me toward the deck. As he walked, I laid my head on his shoulder.

  He lowered himself into a lounge chair on the deck, and sat me down beside him. He scooted across the lounge a little bit, and looked at my face. His lips started to quiver again.

  “Go get a shirt, Ripp, and give me my hoodie back,” he said as he pointed to the back door of the house.

  He reached up to his chest and rubbed his dog tags.

  “So, what happened? Slowly, Kace. Tell me slowly,” he almost whispered as he spoke.

  “Joth came home drunk. He wuth being an athhole. We argued about thome beer he was mithing, and he hit me. He knocked me on the floor and kicked me in the fathe. When I woke up, I got a thkillet and hit him in the head,” I paused and took a slow breath.

  “Hard,” I smiled.

  Shane shook his head from side to side.

  “That motherfucker. He’s alive, right?” he raised his eyebrows and nodded his head once.

  I thought about what Josh looked like on the couch and how hard I hit him.

  I shrugged my shoulders.

  “Probably?” I said, wondering if he might be dead.

  He laughed and patted my knee, “A skillet, huh? You did good.”

  The other man came through the back door and tossed Shane his hoodie. He was wearing a pull over hoodie that said “Gold’s Gym” on the front.

  “Ripp, this is Kace,” Shane said as he leaned back and pointed my direction.

  “Pleasure to meet you. Mike Ripton. Call me Ripp or Mike,” he said as he held his massive hand in front of me.

  I leaned forward and shook his hand.

  “You’re huge,” I said.

  “Ith he mean?” I whispered to Shane.

  Shane laughed.

  “She wants to know if you’re mean, Ripp” he laughed over his shoulder.

  “Ripp’s like a pit bull puppy. He’s a hell of a lot of fun until you piss him off.” Shane chuckled.

  Ripp slid a chair across the floor and sat in front of us with a plate of chicken and a bottle of beer.

  “Water?” he asked as he handed me a bottle of water.

  “Thank you,” I responded as I reached for the water.

  Quickly, he pulled the bottle of water close to his chest.

  Holy shit, he’s fast.

  I turned and looked at Shane, surprised.

  “I’ll give you this water if you tell us what happened, and where that piece of shit is,” he said.

  “She already did,” Shane said.

  Ripp stood up, set down the plate, and handed me the water. He licked the barbeque sauce from his fingers and popped his neck.

  “Let’s go,” he said as he wiped his hands on his shorts.

  “Sit down, Ripp,” Shane shook his head, “let her finish.”

  Ripp turned and walked back into the house.

  “He’s kind of a hot-head when he gets mad. Don’t pay any attention to him. He’s a great guy. He’s a lot like me. He hates it when men mistreat women. He’s not mad at you, okay?”<
br />
  I nodded slowly.

  “So,” he leaned forward and looked at my mouth, “You have the tooth?” he asked.

  I nodded and patted my pants pocket.

  Ripp walked back onto the deck with something in his hand. He leaned over and handed the object to me.

  “It’s an icepack. Put it on your lips. Probably too late, but it won’t hurt. It’ll make ‘em feel better,” he smiled.

  “Thanks Ripp,” Shane said.

  Ripton sat back down and grabbed his plate of chicken. I watched him as he devoured half a chicken in a matter of seconds. Being around two men who were caring, kind, and treated me with respect was different. I had never witnessed this type of care before. Not since I was sixteen, anyway. I continued to watch in amazement as Ripp ate chicken like an animal.

  “Kace, you okay?” Shane asked as he patted my knee with his hand.

  “Oh, yeah. Thorry. He eath a lot,” I said as I nodded toward Ripp.

  Shane turned and looked at Ripp. He shook his head and laughed, “Yeah. He has to feed the machine.”

  Ripp nodded, “We had a deal little girl. Tell your story.”

  I moved the icepack from my face and set it in my lap.

  “Joth and I have been together for ten yearths. He threatenth me, thlapth me, and chokth me all the time. He beat me today for the lath time. I hit him in the head with a thkillet. Heeth uncontheeouth,” I said toward Ripp.

  I wiped my palms on my jeans and smiled at Shane. I wanted him to be proud of me.

  Ripp licked the barbeque sauce from his hands and stood up from his chair. He looked at Shane and shook his head slowly.

  “I think I understood her, but with her lips swollen and she’s all busted up and missing a tooth, it’s tough. What’d she say, Dekk?” he asked as he wiped his hands on his shorts.

  “She said he beats her, chokes her, threatens her, and slaps her as a matter of normal occurrence. They’ve been together ten years. He kicked her teeth out today and it’ll, according to her, be the last time,” Shane paused, turned, and looked at me.

  I nodded.

  “She say she hit him with something?” He asked as he licked his fingers and walked closer to me.

  “Oh, yeah. She hit him in the head with a skillet. Hard. Split his head open and he was unconscious when she left,” Shane responded.

  As I sat beside Shane, Ripp walked up to the chair we were sitting on and leaned over. Slowly, he reached toward my face and placed his cupped hand under my chin. Using his hand, he raised my chin up to take a closer look at my face. I moved the ice pack away from my mouth.

  He squinted his eyes and gazed at Shane. He looked back at me and moved his hand away from my chin.

  “What do you weigh, a hundred pounds?” Ripp asked incredulously.

  “Thometimeth,” I responded.

  “Sometimes,” Shane said.

  “Dependth on what I eat,” I said.

  “Depends on what she…” Shane started to say.

  “I can fucking understand her. It just takes me a minute,” Ripp said angrily as he shook his head.

  “He’s not mad at you, babe. He’s just mad,” Shane said as he rubbed my thigh.

  Shane stood up from the lounge chair and met Ripp’s gaze.

  “I’m gonna kill him, Dekk. The dead kind,” Ripp said as pressed the knuckles of his right hand into his left palm.

  “I’ll take care of this,” Shane said.

  Ripp shook his head.

  “Sorry, brother. Can’t let that happen. I gotta leave you here with the girl. If something goes to shit, if the cops get called, I can’t risk that. She needs you. Look at her. And I don’t just mean now. Shit, Dekk. When you tell me stories about you two eating lunch…well, your fucking eyes light up. This little girl means the world to you. Let’s let what happens between you two happen. If you’re in jail, she’s alone again. Hell, that fuck nugget might come back,” he said.

  Shane pulled his hood over his head and paced back and forth across the deck.

  “I don’t know, Ripp. It’s my deal. It’s my fight. I don’t let people fight my fights for me,” Shane said as he shoved his hands in his hoodie pockets.

  “Listen to me, Dekk,” Ripp turned toward Shane.

  Shane stopped pacing and faced Ripp.

  “You got nobody. You ain’t got a dad, and you ain’t got any family that I know of. I got two sisters and a mother and father. I never had a brother – until I met you. Always wanted one. You need to take care of this girl. Let her take care of you – she needs that too. This is about minimizing risk. I got this. You’re in Texas, not Compton. This is how we do it here in the great state of Texas. We take care of our family. You’re my family,” he wrapped his arms around Shane and hugged him.

  “Let me go with ya,” Shane said as Ripp released him.

  “No can do, bro. I told ya. I got this,” Ripp responded as he wiped his hands on his shorts.

  Shane shook his head and rubbed his hood into the sides of his face.

  “Just don’t kill him,” Shane said.

  “Can’t make that promise, bro. We’ll see how it goes,” Ripp said as he walked toward the barbeque grill.

  “Damn it, Ripp,” Shane said softly, almost as if talking to himself.

  “I ain’t gonna do it right now. I need to eat,” Ripp said as he grabbed a few more pieces of chicken from the platter that sat beside the grill.

  He walked back toward his chair with a plate full of chicken. As he sat in the chair and started devouring another piece of chicken, he nudged his head toward the back door.

  “Go inside Dekk and get her a piece of paper off my desk. And a pen. I need her to write down everything about this asshole she’s willing to tell me. Everything,” he said as he dropped a bone onto the plate.

  As I watched him eat it dawned on me he was probably the biggest human being I had ever seen. I have never seen anyone, of any size, that was as muscular as he was. He was a boxer, like Shane, but he was huge. Without a doubt he would either beat Josh half to death or possibly even kill him.

  After spending ten years with Josh, I realized a small part of me should feel sorrow for what might happen. Maybe I should feel a little compassion and want to prevent it from occurring.

  I felt nothing.

  I looked at him as he ate another piece of chicken. His head was cleanly shaven and he had hair on the tip of his chin. He was very tan, almost like he was Hispanic, but he was white. As he chewed, I could see the muscles in his neck and jaw flex.

  “Is your head thmooth?” I asked.

  I have no idea why I asked that.

  He dropped the bone onto the plate and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand.

  “Is my head smooth?” he chuckled, “smooth as butter. You wanna touch it, don’t ya?”

  My head bobbed up and down as of its own will.

  “Well, get over here. And don’t be dripping that cold ice pack on me when you’re fingering my head,” he laughed.

  I stood up from my lounge chair and walked beside the chair he was sitting in. I stood and stared at his smooth head.

  “Well, I can’t put my head in your hand, Shorty. You’re just going to have to reach over here and rub it. Take that ice pack off of your lips and let me see them,” he said softly.

  I pulled the ice pack from my mouth and smiled. He shook his head and chuckled.

  “Well, I’ve seen a lot worse. You’ll heal up just fine, you hear me?” he said as he leaned my direction.

  I nodded my head. Slowly, I reached toward his head with my left hand. As I did, he raised his head closer to my hand. I touched it with my fingers. It felt soft and smooth, like my legs after I shave them. No stubble whatsoever.

  “Don’t get any wild ideas. I know it feels nice, and you look really good with that long blonde hair. Now go sit down before Dekkar comes out here and whips my ass again,” he laughed.

  “Again?” I asked.

  “Yeah, again. He didn’t tell you?”
he asked.

  I sat back down on the lounge chair and turned his direction, “Nope.”

  “Well, that’s how we met. Crazy fucker rode his bike here from Compton. Got off of it, put on a set of gloves, and stepped into the ring. I stepped in with him. Biggest god damned mistake of my career. He’s got the fastest hands I’ve ever seen. Powerful too. You wouldn’t know it. Hell, he wears that fuckin’ hoodie everywhere, covering up his body. He’s probably the meanest son-of-a-bitch I’ve ever met. Anyway, maybe thirty seconds into the fight he hit me three times before I even knew it. Knocked me out cold. First time I’ve ever been on the mat,” he picked up another piece of chicken and took a bite as he nodded his head once.

  I thought about Shane fighting him. I imagined Shane knocking him out. I remembered how big Ripp was as he stood in the yard with his shirt off. I started to get uncomfortably warm. My pussy started to ache. I wanted Shane, and I wanted him bad. Josh and I had not had sex in almost three years. I desperately needed a man. I began to imagine Shane kissing me and undressing me as he did.

  Oh God.

  I crossed my legs again.

  Bad idea.

  I looked at Ripp as he pulled the meat from a chicken bone. I uncrossed my legs. Oh God, I’m soaked. Thinking of Shane got me really excited. I needed to go to the bathroom. As I pulled the icepack from my mouth, Shane walked out onto the deck.

  “Ripp, I decided to let you do this. You’re right, I want the girl. If it comes up again, or if he shows his face a second time, he’s mine. Deal?” he asked.

  He’s talking about me!

  I felt flush.

  I want the girl.

  “Deal,” Ripp said as he dropped the last bone onto the plate.

  I stood up, set the ice pack on the lounge, and reached up toward Shane’s face with both hands. As I stood on my tip-toes, he leaned down and looked at me through his hood. I flipped the hood off of his head with my right hand. As it fell onto his shoulder, he slowly smiled.

  “Kith me,” I said as I stretched my face toward his.

  My swollen lips met his, and he reached around me and picked me up. I felt his tongue against mine. I closed my eyes. I haven’t been kissed in years, and I have never been kissed like that. Shane was right; everything he does, he does extremely well. As my feet dangled a foot above the floor of the deck, I felt warmth inside of me I had never felt. It was at that point I knew.