FEELS LIKE THE FIRST TIME

by Scott Hildreth

  Life is interesting in many respects. I’ve spent my life trying not to become attached to anyone that I have had sex with. My initial expectations with Erik were the same. I suppose a person never knows how they are going to feel until the time comes, but I had no anticipation of this happening. Now that it has happened, I had to deal with it. Live a life without Erik, disappointed and knowing what it was like to feel whatever it is that I feel with him, or be with Erik.

  Being with Erik was impossible. He made it clear that he wasn’t interested in being in a relationship, ever. My school was scheduled to start in September, which was about six weeks away. Why, I wonder, does God remove the things from our lives that may make us live a happy, fruitful, joyous life? I never felt like it mattered so much before, but I never felt like this about someone either. I didn’t really feel this way about him, as if it were a decision I had made. I felt this way in his presence. Hell, I felt this way all the time.

  Time decides who we have in our lives, our hearts decide how we feel about them, and our actions and attitude toward them determine how long they stay. As we walked, I thought I will do my best to make Erik happy, and whatever is meant to be will happen. In that book I read, it said that you don’t give someone your love, they take it. If that, in fact, is true, Erik took it. I damned sure didn’t give it to him, he took it.

  Here I was going again with the thinking too much. My mind racing because I wasn’t busy doing something. We were walking, and no one was talking. I needed to get a conversation going with Erik to get my mind off of him. Talking with him made me forget everything. When I talked to him, I just wanted him to be happy with me for that moment. I focused on the moment and the topic of discussion.

  “So, where are we going to go on the motorcycle?” I asked.

  “We’re going east of here about twenty miles, to a small airport,” he said, turning to the left as he spoke. “It’s a small airport with a patio that you can sit and drink, eat, and just relax at. The planes fly in and out just a few feet from where you sit. There are old bi-wing planes there. It’s really quite nice and relaxing. We will have fun.”

  “Sounds fun,” I said.

  “Here we are, The Buckle,” he said, stopping in front of the store.

  I looked at the front of the store as if I was lost. I didn’t realize we had walked this far, from one end of the mall to the other. I looked up at him as if to get permission to enter. He nodded and motioned toward the store entrance.

  We walked into the store together, arm in arm. Something about having my arm around his, his claiming me in public, making it known we were together – made me feel special. It made me feel warm inside. There was no gift on this earth that this man could give me that would be greater than the way he made me feel. As we walked back to the display of women’s jeans, I smiled.

  “What’s funny, Baby Girl?” he asked as he turned toward me, smiling.

  Never. I would never get sick of him saying that. Baby Girl. I felt rubber legged when he said it. Don’t. Stop. Calling. Me. That. Ever.

  “I was just thinking. I am happy today. That’s all, no reason.”

  “I am happy as well, Kelli,” he said. “It’s a gorgeous day, and I am having a great time.”

  I wondered what he meant. Was he happy because of me? Because of what I did at the restaurant? Because I had an orgasm for him like a good girl? Or was it some other reason? I wanted to know but didn’t want to ruin anything by asking. I decided to take my father’s advice and keep my mouth shut. Being quiet was the smart move.

  “Here they are,” I said as I picked up the jeans.

  “You sure?” he asked.

  “Yes, I only wear one style from here, this is them. Do you like them?” I asked, holding them up for him to see.

  “Try them on, Baby Girl,” Erik said. I felt as if I had no choice. His tone of voice often changed, and although it was not loud, or disrespectful, he had a ‘direct’ tone. This was it.

  “Yes, sir,” I responded, walking toward the cashier.

  “Excuse me, can you unlock a dressing room?” I asked the girl behind the counter.

  “Five and six are unlocked,” she said as she twisted her hair in one finger, pointing to the rear of the store with the other.

  “Okay, thank you,” I responded in a smart-ass tone.

  I hated teens. I know that five years ago, I was a senior in high school, but it seemed so far away now. Now that I had completed college, the thought of being in high school seemed so distant

  “Do you know her?” Erik asked.

  “No, I just hate high school girls,” I said, now wondering how Erik might respond.

  “So do I, Baby Girl, so do I.”

  We walked through the aisles to the dressing rooms in the rear. As we walked past the various displays, Erik was very attentive to the clothes that they were laid out. He turned and looked at several, feeling the fabric or making a remark about something, and how it would look on me. When we got to the rear of the store, I looked at our reflection in the mirror. Erik looked great; tall, muscular, with very good posture. I looked like I had bird legs. After I confirmed the door handle was unlocked, I told Erik I would be right back out.

  I pulled off my shoes and removed my shorts, placing them on the bench. I unfolded the jeans, and struggled to get into them. After I had them on they felt like they fit well, but getting into them was difficult. I looked for a mirror, and there wasn’t one in the room. I opened the door, and stepped out to look at them, and to show Erik.

  “Do you like them?” I asked, rotating in a circle so he could see all angles of my physique.

  “Love them. Where are your shoes, Baby Girl?”

  “Oh, I left them in the dressing room,” I said pointing in the room.

  Erik walked past me and into the dressing room. He motioned to me with his hand to come into the dressing room. I looked through the store, which was almost empty, and walked into the room.

  “What are you doing?” I whispered.

  He held his index finger to his lips, giving me the symbol to be quiet, and leaned toward my face. With his finger still crossing his mouth, he brushed my hair behind my ear with his other hand. I could feel him touching the lobe of my ear, and I felt his breath on my ear and neck. His mouth moved from my ear along my neck and to my shoulder, and I felt his breath on my skin as he moved. It was as if he smelled me with his mouth.

  His mouth opened and he began placing wet kisses along my neck to my ear, licking my skin with the tip of his tongue as his mouth moved up and down my neck. His tongue, darting out and randomly licking me, caused goose bumps to rise on my arms and legs again. He positioned his head directly in front of mine and held his finger tightly to his lips. He raised his eyebrows as if to confirm that I understood. I nodded my head and smiled.

  “Don’t say one fucking word, Baby Girl. Not one fucking word,” he whispered in my ear.

  I nodded again.

  Using his index finger, he moved the neck of my shirt aside, and kissed and bit my clavicle. Chills ran down my spine all the way to my toes. His lips moved up my neck to my ear. His mouth opened and lightly encompassed my lower ear lobe, kissing it softly. He grasped my face lightly with his right hand, and turned it to meet his.

  Pressing me against the corner of the dressing room, he began to kiss me. I could feel my heart beating in my throat. His hand slid from my face to my lower neck. With his palm resting on my lower neck, his thumb and fingers stretched to my collarbones. The tips of his finger began squeezing my neck. His grip alternated between lightly squeezing and a more firm grip, as we continued to kiss.

  I focused on his hand that was squeezing my neck more than I focused on the kiss, and it was making me want him to fuck me. I wanted him inside of me, right there in the dressing room. Slowly sliding his big cock inside of me - gently, quietly, deeply…as he held his hand over my mouth. I felt as if I were fading in and out of consciousness.

  As we kissed, with his right hand o
n my throat, he reached around the lower part of my back with his left hand, grabbing my hip bone. Pulling with his left hand, he began to spin me around so that my back was facing him. He held my face and continued to kiss me as he turned me around. With his left hand he unbuttoned and unzipped the jeans.

  As the jeans fell to the floor, my heart raced. I could feel every beat of my pulse against his palm, which still rested on my throat. I felt his left hand on my butt, struggling with my panties. I reached for my panties, and when I did, I realized my hand had been stroking him through his jeans. I have no idea how long it had been there, but one hand was against the wall, attempting to hold myself steady, while the other was reaching behind me stroking him to rock-like hardness.

  I pulled the front of my panties down with my thumb, and he pulled on the rear. After they slid down my thighs, they fell to the floor. I kicked my jeans and panties to the side, and pressed my butt against him.

  “Put both your hands against the wall, Baby Girl, and don’t say a word, understand?” he whispered in my ear.

  I nodded.

  I heard his belt unbuckle and the sound of his zipper. With both palms on the wall of the booth, I stood - naked. All I had on was my shirt. I began to shake. A chill went through my body. I desperately wanted him inside of me. I wanted to feel him become part of me. I looked between my legs, and saw his pants fall to the tops of his boots. As I was focusing on his pants, I felt the head of his hard cock press against my wetness.

  His right hand grasped my neck, and I felt his mouth by my right ear.

  “Not a word,” he whispered.

  I looked up at the wall, and braced myself, pressing hard against the wall.

  As he began to slide inside of me, I bent my knees, and pressed my butt against his hips as hard as I could, forcing him inside of me as deeply as possible. I felt his left arm on my ribs, as his hand slid slowly down to my crotch. His finger found my clit, and he began to massage it with the tip of his finger as he squeezed my neck lightly with his other hand.

  He had found a rhythm of slow, long strokes. His hips lightly slapped against my butt as he attempted to go as deep as possible. His thick long cock working its way in and out of my wetness…this was not love making, we were fucking - and I loved it. He continued to rub my clit, sending miniature electric shocks throughout my body. His breath against my ear felt like steam. As I began to tingle, I bit my lower lip with my teeth, knowing I was going to have an immediate orgasm.

  “Listen to me, Baby Girl. Listen. Cum on me. Cum all over my cock. Cum for me, Baby Girl. I want you to cum. Cum for me,” he whispered into my ear as he continued to push himself deeper inside of me.

  My legs began to shake. I removed one of my hands from the wall, and grabbed his hand, trying to hold it still. His finger on my clit was sending waves through my soul as I began to climax. I couldn’t remove his hand, and his finger continued to massage my clit as his swollen shaft slid in and out slowly. His chest pressed against my back, and his hips pressed against my butt, my eyes rolled back and my eyelids closed. Lost in the moment, I came, and I came, and I came. I heard him whispering in my ear and felt his breath, but I could not comprehend what he was saying. As I continued to have orgasm after orgasm, I felt his cock swell, growing inside of me. I could feel his heart beating through it as he held it deep, pressing against me. I wanted to capture this moment, this feeling, and keep it. There was nothing I could ever do to resurrect this feeling, to make it happen again.

  His chest released pressure from my back, and he began to groan. As he continued to groan, he erupted inside of me. My entire body shook, tingled, and felt warm at the same time. An orgasm-like experience that I had never witnessed went through my entire body as he came. I couldn’t breathe. I opened my eyes. I heard nothing but ringing in my ears.

  As he pulled himself from inside of me, I reached down and cupped my hand over my crotch. His orgasm felt massive, and I knew it would eventually be everywhere. Standing there with one hand between my legs, I turned to face him. With his hand still on my neck, he slowly slid it up to my chin and gripped my jaw with his fingers. He looked me in the eye, and his lips slowly and softly met mine. Two soft, wet kisses later, he pulled his face back.

  “You’re perfect for me. You’re human, and you’re flawed, we all are. But for me, you are perfect,” he whispered.

  I felt like my heart was in my throat. I could feel it beating in my mouth. I stood, one hand on my crotch, and stared at him. With my free hand, I reached around him and hugged him, pressing my cheek against his chest. Listening to his heartbeat, and feeling it against my face, I wondered just what he meant. Just how perfect was I, and what would that afford me? With one of his hands in my hair, and one against my back, we hugged.

  “You guys need help in there?” the irritating high school teen asked from outside the door.

  “No, just trying on jeans,” I responded.

  “Okay, well…one person to a room, please. It’s store policy,” she responded in a sharp tone.

  “I will be right out,” Erik said in a deep voice.

  As he pulled his jeans up, I admired his body structure. His back muscles through his tee shirt as he bent down. His calf and thigh muscles as he pulled his pants up. His forearm muscles, covered with tattoos, as he zipped his jeans. Talk about perfect.

  He opened the door just enough to exit and slipped through, closing it behind him. After he stepped out, I stood, one hand on my crotch, and one free. I looked around the room. I grabbed the jeans from the corner of the room and used the inner leg of the pants to wipe myself clean. Covered in his cum as well as mine, I wiped several times. I then neatly folded the jeans, placed them on the bench, and got dressed. With the jeans in one hand and my purse in the other, I walked out of the booth.

  “I need to go back to the jeans,” I said, motioning to the display.

  Erik followed me as I walked quickly to the jean display. I dug through them and found a similar pair in the wash and color style of the jeans that I was carrying. I checked the size, and handed the new jeans to Erik.

  “Hold those please?”

  Looking puzzled, he reached out and took the jeans. As we walked to the counter, the teen was checking someone out and popping her gum as she did. What an irritating little bitch. We stepped in line behind the boy who was paying for his clothes. As she handed him his purchases, she popped her gum again, and tilted her head to the side.

  “Thanks for shopping at The Buckle.”

  “These fit funny,” I said, handing her the dirty jeans I was holding in my hand. “So, you may want to check them for correct sizing.”

  “These are the correct size, and we’ll take these,” I said, taking the jeans from Erik and handing them to her.

  She placed the first pair of jeans on the counter.

  “I will check them later,” she assured me, popping her gum as she spoke.

  As she rang up the jeans, Erik nudged me aside and pulled money from his front pocket.

  “What are you doing?” I asked.

  “Taking care of you,” he responded.

  He handed her a hundred dollar bill and received the change. She placed the jeans in the bag and handed it to him, smiling.

  “Thanks for shopping at The Buckle. And, uhhm, you guys make a cute couple,” she said as we were turning to walk away.

  Wow. She was a perceptive dumb bitch.

  Chapter 13

  KELLI. “Say Penelope, I want to watch you say Penelope,” he asked, his hand resting on his chin, his elbows on the table.

  “Penelope,” I said slowly, focusing on the “p”s.

  “Two more,” he requested.

  “Watermelon.”

  “Watermelon,” I responded, feeling my lips come together on the “m”.

  ‘Perpendicular.”

  “Where do you come up with this stuff?” I asked.

  “Say it,” he demanded, smiling.

  “Perpen. Dick. I want your dick. I want you to fuc
k me. That motorcycle ride has me horny as fuck. I never really knew that they did that. You know, made a person horny,” I said, writhing in my seat.

  “Perpendicular,” he said again. “Say it, Kelli, don’t disappoint me.”

  I hated the thought of disappointing Erik. The notion of it crushed me and made me feel ill. Whether or not he was joking when he made reference to me disappointing him, I had no idea. All I knew was that if I ever did anything to disappoint him, I wanted to know. I really wanted to know and to never allow it to happen again.

  “Per…pen…dic…u…lar,” I drew the word out as slow as I could, syllable by syllable, and then repeated it slowly.

  “Perpendicular.”

  I felt like I was in a spelling bee, but just saying the word and not being required to actually spell it. I thought of how to spell perpendicular. I remembered that the pen part of the word was spelled with an “e” just like writing the word with a pen, and not an “i”.

  “I like watching your lips form words. Watching your mouth move and hearing the words flowing from your lips and tongue. You amaze me, Baby Girl. You amaze me,” he said from across the table.

  “Your lips are perfectly sculpted. Your mouth is perfectly proportioned. It aligns with your eyes perfectly, as if you were an art project. It’s easy to get lost in admiring you, Kelli, really easy.”

  I felt warm inside. I felt so good when he was pleased with me. My best and worst feelings were a result of Erik’s pleasure or disappointment. When he told me that he was pleased with me, I was a greater degree of happy than I have ever known. When he was disappointed with me, I felt as though if I wasn’t given an opportunity to correct it, life would not be worth living. To think…two months ago, I did not even know this man. I didn’t like thinking about life before him, nor did I like thinking about September.