Welcome to the World, Baby Girl!

by Fannie Flagg

  Diggers had to laugh. She usually didn’t let her patients get around her like that. But she could not help being impressed with Dena Nordstrom. She could see how Gerry could be in love with her. There was something very appealing about her, very sweet, really.

  What a shame she was so shut down.

  A Much-Needed Breather

  Selma, Alabama

  1975

  For the past six months Dena had been working at a breakneck pace and almost every night J.C. had her going from party to party, from one event to another. Lately she was having a hard time trying to keep up with what seemed to be his boundless energy. Her stomach was beginning to hurt again and she could not face the several parties that he had lined up for them this weekend. She needed a rest, but she knew she would not be able to hide from J.C. in New York. She had to get away, make up an elaborate lie about something and go somewhere far off the beaten path.

  But where? Where would be the last place on earth she could go without a chance of running into any of his crowd? Then it came to her.

  “Hello.”

  “Sookie, it’s me.”

  “Hey, how are you? What are you doing?”

  “Listen, Sookie, will you be home next Friday afternoon?”

  “Of course. Why?”

  “You’ve been asking me to come for a visit and I thought I would.”

  Sookie screamed, “Really? You mean to Selma?”

  “Yes.”

  “Oh my God, I’m about to faint. I can’t believe it. How long can you stay?”

  “I’ll fly down for the weekend. Is that all right?”

  “All right? It’s wonderful.”

  “Look, Sookie—I’ll come but you have to promise me one thing.”

  “Of course. What?”

  “You won’t tell anybody I’m coming.”

  “Why not?”

  “Sookie, I am exhausted, really. I need to rest. I need to get away from people for a few days.”

  “Oh, well, of course. Can I tell Earle?”

  “Oh, sure. I just mean the press, anybody I don’t know. I just want to visit with you.”

  “Do you want me to send the girls to Mother?”

  “No, I mean just you and Earle and the girls. I just don’t want to see anyone else.”

  Sookie was disappointed. “Wouldn’t you know? My one famous friend turns out to be a recluse. And I don’t know why, everybody just loves you. They all think you are just the nicest, friendliest, smartest person, and that you would just love to meet them. I don’t tell them the truth, naturally, that you couldn’t care a thing in the world about meeting them.”

  “You should be glad they won’t meet me. If they did, they’d find out that I’m not very nice these days.”

  “Oh, you are too nice. Now, how can everybody think that and be wrong? You were voted the most popular female on television just last month. Did it ever occur to you that you might be wrong and everybody else is right? No, it’s just silly … but I’ll do it.”

  “Thank you.”

  “But just remember, this is a small town—so you’d better fly in with a sack over your head.”

  Dena laughed.

  “I really am excited, and if you need to rest, then that’s just what you can do. I won’t let anybody bother you. I’ll even wear a muzzle.”

  As Dena stepped off the plane in Selma, a gush of hot, almost tropical heat engulfed her. The sun was blinding but she soon saw Sookie, wearing a large black hat and dark sunglasses. Sookie quickly called out, “Miss Smith, oh, Miss Smith, over here.” Dena had to laugh at Sookie’s idea of keeping a low profile. As they walked to the car Sookie went down her list. “Now, Dena, I have done everything you said. Not a soul knows you are coming, except Earle, and Toncie—she works for us—and the children have been instructed not to say a word. So I promise you, you are going to be left alone. I want you to rest. Tonight we’ll have a quiet dinner. Tomorrow I’m making Earle go down to the club and you and I will just laze around all day by the pool or you can sleep or do whatever you want to. My wish is your command.… I mean, oh, you know what I mean.”

  “Is it always this hot?”

  “Honey, this is nothing. Wait until July and August.” They got into an enormous blue Lincoln Town Car the size of a limousine. “Is this yours?” Dena asked.

  “No, it’s one of Mother’s rejects. She bought it and then hated it and gave it to the girls.”

  “But the girls are still little, aren’t they?”

  “Yes, but she said it would be nice for them when they grew up. Don’t ask. That’s Mother.”

  “Will I get to see her?”

  “You want to see Mother?”

  “Sure, I like your mother, you know that. Didn’t you tell her I was coming?”

  “No! If she knew you were here an elephant gun couldn’t stop her from crashing through the door to get at you. But, all right … if you want to see her, I’ll call her and let her come over tomorrow for half an hour. But you might be sorry. She’s like being hit by a tornado. God knows she will be thrilled.”

  “Is your brother here?”

  “Buck? No, he’s over in Saudi Arabia doing some oil thing.”

  Sookie turned down a road that seemed to run right through the middle of a pecan grove. Dena said, “Are those cows out there?”

  “I told you I lived out in the suburbs, honey. We’re just old Alabama hillbillies.”

  After about five minutes of pecan groves, Dena saw a huge house at the end of the road and suddenly realized the road they had been driving on was Sookie’s driveway. Sookie pulled up and said, “Here we are.”

  Dena looked up at the rambling two-story white building with columns.

  “This is a little house out in the suburbs? Good God, Sookie, it looks like a governor’s mansion.”

  Sookie dismissed it with a wave. “Oh, honey, it’s not that big. You should see Buck’s house.”

  They got out of the car and a woman in a white uniform came out. “Dena, this is Toncie.”

  Toncie beamed from ear to ear. “I know who you are and I haven’t said a word, no, ma’am.”

  “Thank you.”

  They stepped into the vast entry hall with a grand staircase leading up to the second floor. Sookie said, “Where’s my brood? They are so excited you are coming, I almost had to sedate them.”

  Toncie took Dena’s bag. “They’re upstairs. I’m keeping them in prison till Miss Nordstrom gets a chance to catch her breath.”

  At this point three little redheaded girls all starched and pressed with big bows in their hair appeared at the top of the landing, peering through the railing at Dena.

  Sookie looked up. “Uh-oh … here they are. Too late now—you’ve been spotted.”

  Toncie said, “I told them not to come down till you called them.”

  “Well, you might as well get it over with. Dena, they’re just dying to get at you.” She called up, “All right, girls, come on down but don’t run.”

  The three wide-eyed girls were down the stairs like a shot and stood staring up at Dena in awe. Sookie said, “This is Dee Dee, this is Ce Ce, and this is the baby, Lenore … but we call her Le Le. Girls, this is your Aunt Dena.”

  Dena looked down at them. “Well, hello, girls.”

  They all looked at their mother, wide-eyed with excitement.

  “Well, go on and say hello.”

  “May I shake your hand?” Dena said.

  They all looked at their mother again, who said, “I can’t believe my children have suddenly gone shy. Go on, girls, shake hands with her.”

  The two oldest were delighted and giggled like shaking hands was the funniest thing they had ever done. The smallest walked over and hugged Dena’s leg, then all three began babbling and tugging at her. “Come on and see our room,” they said and tried to pull her up the stairs. Le Le had attached both hands to Dena’s belt.

  “All right, girls,” Sookie said, “that’s enough. She’ll go upstairs later. L
et go of her.” They disappeared with Toncie.

  Off the kitchen in the back of the house was a long, screened-in brick patio filled with white wicker furniture and floral pillows. Sookie said, “Excuse the mess but during the summer we just practically live out here. It’s so nice and cool at night.” They walked across a courtyard with what seemed like an Olympic pool to where Dena would be staying—a charming, smaller version of the main house, decorated in gentle pastels with overhead fans and filled with fresh flowers. The minute Dena walked in, Sookie started to apologize. “It’s not much but I thought it would be quieter out here.”

  “Sookie, all I ever see is the inside of hotel rooms. To me, this is great, believe me.”

  “Really?”

  “Yes.”

  Sookie brightened up a little. “Well … good. Now I’m going to go, like I promised, and drag myself away so you can take a nap or watch TV or read … or whatever.… There’s iced tea in the fridge … and I thought we’d eat around seven. Is that too early?”

  “No. That’s fine.”

  “I hope you like fried pig’s feet and hog snouts.”

  Dena looked alarmed. “Just kidding,” Sookie said, “you’re going to get ham biscuits, grits, and a nice congealed salad … and Toncie’s made a pecan pie. Hope that’s all right.”

  Dena said, “It sounds delicious,” wondering how you congealed a salad.

  Sookie left, saying, “Rest now.”

  Dena unpacked and went out on her screened-in patio and noticed that Sookie had neatly placed a stack of old Kappa Key magazines and Southern Living on the end table. She turned on the fan and laid down. She closed her eyes and before she knew it, she was in a deep sleep.

  Dena did not wake up until eleven o’clock the next morning. She stumbled into the living room and smelled fresh coffee. A note was on the coffeemaker.

  Come over when you wake up … or when you feel like it. The girls are in dancing school until one.

  Love, Sookie

  After an hour she got dressed, put her sunglasses on, and headed over to the big house. Sookie was in the kitchen. “Sookie, I’m sorry I missed dinner.”

  “Well, thank heavens you are alive. I was beginning to worry. I could see the headlines, ‘Dead Celebrity Found in the Pooles’ Pool House’!”

  “No, I’m not dead but I swear I feel drugged. Did you put dope in my iced tea?”

  “Oh, yes, you found us out. We’re doping you up good so we can keep you here with us, and sell tickets for people to come and look at you.”

  Sookie went over to the refrigerator and pulled out a small, frosty silver cup and handed it to Dena. “Earle made you a mint julep before he left. He thought you might need a drink.”

  “This early?”

  “Yes, you’ll need it. I called Mother this morning and she is making her command appearance at two. I had to threaten her with the lives of her grandchildren not to tell anyone you’re here. And of course, Earle was furious that I made him leave; he wanted to stay and hang on to your every word.”

  “I like Earle, he’s sweet.”

  “He is, bless his heart. He wanted to know if you needed any dental work done, said to tell you he’d be happy to do it.”

  “I’ll keep that in mind.”

  Lenore Simmons Krackenberry was a large, handsome woman who always wore pins and scarves and gave the impression she was wearing a cape even in summer. She had silver-white hair, impeccably styled in a winged backflip, one of the many reasons her children secretly referred to her as Winged Victory. As soon as Toncie opened the door, Lenore swept in with arms outstretched, swooping through the house, leaving a trail of expensive perfume behind her, calling out for Dena in a loud voice dripping with honey.

  “Where is that precious thang? I can’t wait to get my hands on you; where are you? You’d better get out heah this very minute before I have a fit.”

  Sookie heard her coming. “We’re here on the patio, Mother.” She warned Dena, “Prepare for attack.” But by that time Lenore was upon them, gushing at Dena, “Oh, there she is, come heah and let me give you a great, big hug!” Dena stood up and winced in pain as Lenore crushed her in her arms, pressing pearls into Dena’s chest.

  “When Sookie called and said you were heah, I just couldn’t believe it but heah you are in person.” She squeezed her again.

  “How are you, Mrs. Krackenberry?”

  “Well, honey, I’m just wonderful! Just wonderful! Oh, let me look at you, still as pretty as a picture. Look at that skin. Sookie, that’s what your skin would look like if you would have stayed out of the sun like I told you.”

  Lenore collapsed into a large chair, flipping her scarf with a flair, and calling out, “Toncie, let me have a glass of tea, will you, honey? I’m exhausted from the drive. Dena, can you believe that Sookie and Earle moved so far out in the country? It’s practically an overnight trip to get to see my grandbabies.”

  “Mother, it’s twenty minutes from town.”

  Toncie brought a glass of iced tea. “Thank you … well, you might as well be living on Tobacco Road, way out heah. I wouldn’t be surprised if my granddaughters don’t grow up and marry potato farmers. Where are the babies?”

  “Upstairs. I had to lock them up to keep them from driving Dena crazy.”

  Lenore said to Dena, “Aren’t they just the cutest things? I’m getting their portraits painted this spring.” Then she made a sad face and whispered, “Did you notice their little ears?”

  Dena said, “No, not at all.”

  “Mother!”

  “Well, darling, they do have the Poole ears! I told her that before she married Earle but you know she wouldn’t listen to me, when every boy in the state was after her.”

  Sookie sighed. “Nobody was after me, Mother.”

  “And I suppose she told you about her brother Buck, living halfway across the world with the Arabs and the camels. Poor little Darla. But enough about us, how are you? You little angel, just setting the world on fire. Sookie said she would never speak to me again if I brought this up but I am just literally breaking out in a cold sweat trying not to throw you a party while you are here.”

  “Mother.”

  Lenore raised her arm in the air. “I’m not saying a word to anybody, but it just kills me that here you are in Selma and you are not even going to be written up. Just say the word and I can have the mayor here in three minutes with the key to the city.”

  “Mother, now, stop it—you promised.”

  Lenore looked at her innocently. “I know … but I just think she needs to know how loved she is. It just seems so sad. I could have had the Magnolia Trail Maidens and a brass band out at the airport and everything.”

  Sookie looked at Dena. “You see, I told you but you insisted.”

  Lenore said, “What did you tell her?”

  “Mrs. Krackenberry,” Dena said, “that is so sweet, really, but I’m just here for a quiet visit.”

  “Oh, I know you are, darling, and I would not intrude on your incognito for anything in this world. You career girls need your rest. I just hate it that we can’t show you some of our Southern hospitality; we are all so proud of you, that’s all. I told Sookie the first time I met you, I said, now, that girl is going to go far. I think it’s just wonderful the way you young girls nowadays have such exciting careers. My daddy wouldn’t let me work … you know how men were back then, thought we were all too delicate.”

  “Mother, I don’t know how anybody ever thought you were too delicate.”

  Lenore’s eyes got big. “He did! And your father would never have let me work, and I don’t mind telling you, I regret it. If I had had a chance back then, no telling what kind of career I could have had.”

  “The one you would have wanted was already taken, Mother.”

  “What’s that?” Lenore said.

  “There was already a queen of England.”

  Lenore’s laughter was loud. “Oh, Dena, do you see how ugly she talks about me? I’ll tell yo
u, nothing hurts so much as an ungrateful child, and I have two.”

  “Yes, Mother, your poor life is hell. We just treat you so terrible.”

  Lenore leaned toward Dena. “They accuse me of being a domineering mother, can you believe that? Me, just because I care about them. I hope your children don’t turn on you when they grow up.”

  “Mother, face it, you are domineering.”

  “See how she is; once she gets it in her mind about something, she starts to believe it.”

  Dena smiled. “Oh, yes, I know.”

  “See, Sookie, Dena knows how you are.”

  Sookie looked at her mother and pointed to her watch. Lenore said innocently, “What?”

  “Mother … you promised.”

  Lenore sighed. “Oh, all right. Dena, she made me take a sacred oath that I would not stay longer than ten minutes. Can you believe it, throwing her poor mother out in the snow with the wolves.”

  “Mother, it’s one hundred and three degrees outside.”

  “Well, you know what I mean. I’m going! But, darlin’, do come back when you’re all rested up and let us go just hog wild over you. I’m just itching to roll out the red carpet.”

  They walked her to the door. “Now, if you girls need anything, call. I’ll have Morris run over and bring you anything you want.”

  She crushed Dena again and pecked Sookie on the cheek. “Good-bye, you old mean daughter. I love you anyway,” and she swept out to her car, where Morris, the driver, was waiting and had kept the air conditioner running for her.

  “Now, do you see why I talk so fast,” Sookie said, closing the door. “I have to just to get a word in.”

  “I think she’s terrific.”

  “Oh, she is, but exhausting. Now, you know how hard it was to make her keep her mouth shut. She is obsessed with making everybody feel welcome to Selma. Last year one of the Daughters of the Confederacy officers came in from Richmond and she had all the poor Magnolia Trail Maidens stand in heat hotter than this for three hours waiting for her plane. Two of them passed out with heatstroke.”